I am an 18 year old, and was in a long term relationship with my girlfriend. We were together for 4 years and broke up on our anniversary. It was, I believe all my fault! The first 3 years of our relationship were great. We went out a lot, had a laugh and loved each other very much. It was only after Christmas 2008 that things started to go down hill. We started to argue a lot over stupid petty things and it was mainly me that started them off. She told me what I was doing, and it would be OK after a week and then it would be back to the same thing again, I never stuck to what I said, which I regret!

May came and we were both feeling down so she proposed that we break up. I agreed with the decision because at the time I was unhappy with the relationship. It wasn't until after we broke up that I realised what I was doing. Now I know most men say after they break up they didn't realise how much they loved their ex. It's a common thing, sometimes its because they just miss their partner and miss the routine of their everyday lives. But some really do realise it! Like me. I realised that I really love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

She has said that she doesn't know how she feels about everything. She has told me that she does have feelings for me in the fact that we had something, but doesn't know weather she has feelings for me now to get back together. She said she needs time.

We have broken up for 4 weeks now and I can't stop thinking about her! She told me that she still wants to be friends, but I'm finding it really hard to adapt to it. I know I have been a P***K to her and I realise that I have done wrong. These past 4 weeks I have worked out what I have done wrong and how to fix it. I want our relationship to be like the first 3 years and I know she does too! But I'm scared she will find someone else in the time she needs to think about us. Summer is just around the corner and uni will start soon.

It feels horrible getting a text message saying that she loves you with lots of kisses one day and then the next day with just a bye xx. I don't know what to do, I'm finding it so hard. How can I get her out of my head in the time that she needs to think? When I talk to her all I do is talk to her about us and how much I have changed and I think she is getting annoyed about it, but I can't help it. Please someone help.. .

I think you need to find something to take up your time. First if you dated 4 years, you were 14 when you started to date? Well 4 years is a long time and you grow and change a lot in your teen years. Maybe now that your split she has realized she wants different things or explore other areas. If she wants time you need to give it to her. Pestering her will only drive a bigger wedge between you. Maybe after that time you might realize your wanting something different.

Yes people grow apart and maybe as a teen everything was fine and dandy but as an adult she realize she wants to get out there and explore the world being single--this isn't uncommon.

You need to get out there and hang out, have fun. Stop sitting around dwelling on her. Your life doesn't stop because she isn't in and your going go through many relationships before you settle down.

If anything you should have learn from this relationship so you won't make the same mistakes in the future. It obivious this relationship lack communication if the two of you were agrue over silly things. The relationship didn't mature.

Gather up all the willpower in you to move on and let go.

You are headed off to university... trust me, college is an experience best left as a single dude.. :cool:

Yep don't be tied down just yet. Enjoy it while you have it. Let it go and look forward.

I hate to be cliché, but you know the saying "If you love something, let it go..."? You should let it go. It's only been 4 weeks so far, you need more time after a 4 year relationship. Go keep yourself as busy as possible and do all the fun things that make you happy. Be random and spontaneous, go on a road trip.

Once you bounce back and are happy being by yourself, she might see this "growth" and change in you and want to pursue things again. You were dating for 4 years so it's not like she doesn't have feelings for you. The thing is, you can't shove it down her throat that you've grown and changed. You need to grow and change on your own and she might see that one day.

Take the time and assess your own needs apart from this breakup and wanting to get back together. Once you re-establish yourself, then you can make the decision to pursue her again or not. The key is time first. Hope this helps!

The next girl will help you get over the last one.

The next girl will help you get over the last one.

I beg to differ... :cool:

I beg to differ....:cool:

Yea you take your frustration from the first girl out on the next one... it's called BAGGAGE. Not the best solution.

I would like to thank you for all your comments but I have one other problem. When some of you said I need to hang around with my friends more the problem with that is she is close to my friends to, we don't really have separate friends so every time I go out with them she will be there.

Make new friends. Volunteer, get a job, join a club.

Your lives are so wrapped up in each other that you will have to make a lot of changes in friends and activities to separate yourselves.

College will help, and you'll make new friends. That's what you need, leaving high school behind. Get a summer job.

Threads merged and edited,


Little did I know that the events after this changed everything.
Saturday she seemed very cheerful. She went to see Chris, a bloke she met at a bar 2 weeks before we broke up, as she did Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. When I found out about this I felt so cheated on. I had never been so upset in my life. She told me that they were just friends. Me and everyone else think differently. This friend must be very special for her to see him everyday when they hardly new each other.
She said she didn't know hoe she felt about me and needed time. I found this very hard to deal because of chris.
4 weeks later I had made a love letter for her constructed from my heart and soul. She told me that their was no chance of us getting back together and that she had feelings for chris. I was absolutely distraught! I cried all night knowing that I had an exam the next day. Knowing everything I thought would happen happened. If only I told her to delete his number when we were together perhaps this might not have happened, if only I talked to her more.
She told me this on a Tuesday. The Monday after she was going on a holiday with her mate that me and her booked before we broke up. In that time I started to get me feet sorted and I guess I started to like get a move on with things. Started to hang around with my mates more.
On the Friday she was due back and that day was our valedictory (where the whole year goes to a disco ball thing). I new it would be hard for me because I would see her there. Most of the night I didn't say anything to her. Half way through the night however I made eye contact with her and asked her if she was OK, she replied no so I went over and asked why. Chris had text her saying he doesn't feel like that about her anymore. She said she was upset and realises she still has a few feelings for me. She cried in front of everyone at the party and said I was write about him.
I know I might be getting strung around but I love her very much! We chatted the next day and she said maybe if we go out a little more together we might give it a second chance. I was really pleased. Later that day she had her arms around me when we were walking places and we cuddled up while walking.
I duno if you will agree with me but there is a difference between a friendly hug and a passionate hug isn't there. One common difference between them is that a passionate hug is when you hug tightly and have the hug for a long period. We were doing that all day. I felt so happy!
The next day everything changed! She said "dont think because of what happened yesterday will get us back together". I don't know where I stand now. She told me that yesterday didn't feel right and that she doesn't know how she feels again. I don't know why she carried on doing what she did if it didn't feel right.
She is friends again with this chris guy and said to me that they are only going to be friends.
I don't know where I stand with her! She said she wants to see me Saturday to watch a film together and talk and stuff but I don't know what to prepare for. This is really hard. I started to get over her and I just let her back in like that and the same thing is happening again as last time.

Please help!!

Dude your going to have to let this go, as she is not only getting over you, but the rebound she jumped into. High school life is coming to an end, and unless you start looking forward, and not back, you will not make that transition into adult life very well. Its really hard, but prolonging the agony and torturing yourself, will hurt a lot more. Stay away from her, as your both going no where, and she ain't coming back as your girlfriend, and your not ready to just be friends, by a long shot.

Sorry to have to tell you this, but your just dragging yourself through false hope, and not accepting the changes that have happened in your life. I get that its not easy, but for your own good you have to let each other go. Its going to take a while, a long while.

You are headed off to university...trust me, college is an experience best left as a single dude..:cool:

Yea... except if you are in electrical engineering... 147 guys for 3 ugly girls... doesn't fit the "experience" part lol

Threads merged again

I was with my girlfriend for 4 years, until we broke up in May on our anniversary. The first 3 and half years were awsome! But we both decided it was for the best to break up because the last 4-5 months I treated her like rubbish. I never respected her and always had ago at her. It only took me till the next day to realise what I had lost. I tried my hardest to get her back for 2 months. In those two months I started to think about myself and how I used to act around her.
I was in utter pieces. She found this other guy the day after we broke up and got with him. That killed me because I was madly in love with her and it felt like 4 years meant nothing. She said to me that she wants me in her life always, but I can't do that because I will always want more. So I decided to try and delete her from my life.
A month after I deleted her she sent me an email saying that she still loved me, I believed this at first until I found out that they boy she was with finished her. I went on holiday with some of my mates that week and I met this girl. We got close but all I could think about was my ex and then thinking you have no chance. Half way through the week I had a text asking if I met any girls, and one thing I learned from being single is to always tell the truth no mater what, so I said I met this one girl. Me and this girl ended up having sex. To be honest to myself and all you people, I don't regret it because it helped me get over her, for like 2 weeks, until she came back into my life.
When I got back she went nuts on me saying that she loved me and that she felt cheated on. I felt really bad because I still had some feelings for her, and I knew if I spent time with her they would grow.
After about 2 weeks me and her got back together. Its deffierent getting back with an ex in some ways because you don't have to go through the phase of actually getting to know the person. I treated her with a lot more respect than I gave her last time because I know that she means the world to me. We only had one or two little bickers about the past. I bought her necklesses and rings because I new I had to change and I was changing. We had some really good days together and things were proggresing further than last time we went out. One of her close mates came up to me and said mike she is really happy with you.
That was until she came to me yesterday and said look I love you millions and I really really care about you but I'm not happy atm. Im finding it hard to drop the past. As you can guess I felt a mixture of confusion and pain. We had a chat and she said that she wants me to sleep over her house tonight so that we can talk things through to see if we can rekindle our relationship. She said to write some questions down but I don't know what to ask her or how to show that I love her so much. Please help...

What are you unhappy about?

What can we do about it?

Listen and pay attention, and ask more questions, according to what she says and be calm no matter what she says.

This is the time to find out what's on her mind and what she feels, not give your opinion, or any quick fix.

PAY ATTENTION, as you can't talk and listen at the same time.

Ask her questions that will allow her to express her feelings. Ask open-ended qusetions so that she has more flexibility in her answers. Then you listen and pay attention to what she has to say.

She asked for time and space, so respect her wishes.

Find someone else to do to keep you busy. Don't sit at home and dwell on the situation. Go out with friends. Go play sports. Do actitivities. Hobbies. See family. Etc.

She said that she was happy two weeks ago but we had a little argument and that changed everything :(. She said she really does love me and care for me and she wants to give it a week to see if her feelings change.
She keeps asking me to cheer up but its really hard. I know being down isn't helping but it is really hard not to be when you can see it is coming to an end and you don't want it too :( I love her so much!

I am so sorry to be direct but I think you are beginning to become somewhat of a pushover. She is playing with the fact that you care very deeply for her - and while you continue to allow her to do this, believe me, she will. You are clutching at every scrap of hope that she will get back with you and setting yourself up for a definite fall every time. Seems to be like this young lady is a bit of a ''player'' - move on and strive for good academic results, so that you will have the opportunity to be a fulfilling life for yourself, and whomever may cross your path in the future ;) - take care