My boyfriend abuses me physically and emotionally to where I feel nothing I love him and he says he loves me yet he does this to me. I want to get to the reason of why he does this?

Because you let him, simple as that.
Get out and stop the abuse!

Sunflower is 100% correct. Sure, he's got some issues going on that started the abuse. But the bottom line for why it continues is because you allow it. Someone on here wrote this beautiful, but chilling, poem the other day. I'm going to go look for it and if I find it I'm coming back and posting it for you to read. It was about an abusive relationship and I think it would wake you up.

"paigerwaiger94
New Member

I got flowers today.
What do you think of my poem? Please, I need help on whether its good enough to send into a competition.


I got flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasnt my birthday, or any other special day.
Last night, we had our first fight.
He yelled at me, and said some cruel things,
But I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasnt our annaversary, or any other special day.
Last night, he hit me.
But I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasnt mothers day, or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me again.
It was much worse than anytime before.
He shoved me into a wall, and choked me.
I can't leave him.
What about the kids?
What about money?
I got flowers today.
Today WAS a special day.
Today was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally beat me to death.
If only I had had the strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.
-paige.


Im only fifteen. Please don't be harsh. I watched this happen with my mother. She was my inspiration."

Maybe this in an extreme case. Not every woman dies because of an abusive boyfriend or husband. But why take the risk? Why allow it? There's no reason for it. Forget love. He doesn't love you. Not if he claims to show it with his fists. I'll bet he calls you names, or puts you down telling you that you can't do this or that you can't do that? Guess what. You can leave. You can walk away from it all.

The poem says it all. Just read it and read it. Sends chills doesn't it? Well it happens.

The question shouldn't be "Why does my boyfriend abuse me?", but "Why do I let him?"

Honey, no one has the right to do anything to you against your wishes. Don't ask why he hits you, change the cycle.

Do not let him hit you.
Do not let him abuse you.
Do not let him call you names.
Put an end to this.
It is not healthy and it will not help you.

Because you allow it

Leave him and it takes away his power and control over you

You get what you put up with.

Love is an action. It's not what you say, it's what you do. If he is abusing you, he does not love you. If you are allowing it, you do not love yourself and therefore are incapable of loving another. Abusive relationships have nothing whatsoever to do with love.

Not to mention you want to know the reason why he does it? What does it matter?? There is no logical reason to it. He is abusive and your taking it and now want the reason behind it. We are telling you. The reason he is doing it is because you are letting him.

Your boyfriend abuses you because you let him, and then you protect him.
If any boyfriend of mine hit me, I'd call the police and have him arrested and then I'd file a restraining order on him. But that's just me, I grew up with older brothers and had my share of fights, some of which I won. So to protect any guy that picks a fight with me, he'd be safer in jail.

I had a boyfriend hit me once because I had the nerve to yell at him. Guess what he got it right back across his face like he did to me. Then I got out of the car threw his keys in the snow bank and walked home. He never ever did it again. I don't stand for that and that was his one time or else. Once and your done in my book. Have respect for yourself and get out.

There is no once and done. I have NEVER and will NEVER hit a woman. PERIOD. Once and done meaning you two will never be together again? True... once and done meaning he gets another chance... NO... just my opinion.

The issue you of why he is hitting you has NOTHING to do with the actions you need to take to be protecting yourself. Help yourself! Get your a$$ out of this situation NOW!

Well there are cowards out there who get there kicks beating women. Honey there isn't one person out there that's going to tell you to stay.

I do not mean to put this on you what so ever.

But the question really shouldn't be why is he doing this? it should be why do I put up with his crapola?

If you found ALL the answers to why HE (and I mean specifically he) is doing this to you... it wouldn't maytter, it doesn't change anything. You can't change his actions... but you can change and control your own.

You need to leave him. Even if he says that he loves you... does it really seem as if he does? Love doesn't hide, nor lie in the word itself... if you say it; you don't need to mean it. Love lies in the actions we do and how we act towards the people we love.


He is treating you horribly and the only way to make it stop is to leave. Take the control of yourself back and stop the pain he is putting you through: you can only save yourself!

Get out of this realationship now! This isn't love! And you deserve much, much better!

When he is striking you or pushing you or name calling are you feeling like you love him and want to run and hug and kiss him? I doubt it. Does the pain feel that good you want to make excuses for him? No. Are there children involved because if there are how does that make them feel?

Standing there and taking this kind of behavior is the same and watching a crazy person shooting a gun at people... "Why is that man shooting at people?" Who the hell cares, get out of that situation!

He has brought you down and beaten you up so emotionally that you think you deserve this mess!

I think the truth hurts because she hasn't been back to us here.

OMG, why do you stay with an abuser? ::shakes head::

Btw, this isn't love. He loves to abuse you and I bet he tells you it your fault.

Run to the nearest exit before you end up dead.

I wish she would just come back!!

Me too. I'd feel better knowing she was OK.

Maybe she expected us to find all the reasons it was OK to happen.

We can sit here and poke fun at the lack of reality the OP is living in, but the fact is that most people who have been abused show this same type of emotional behavior. The man strips them of any dignity or sense of self respect enough for the woman to truly believe this is love, this is the best it gets, and no one else would take me, so why leave?. she should not be on this board with this problem, she should be seeking help from a professional.

Its OK all these people telling you to go and leave him.. but I no how you feel.. I understand that you want the reason behind his actions towards you but its more than likely he isn't got any its proberly just the type of man he is.when you love someone it is hard to pitvure yourself without them but it can be done I left my husband 10weeks ago and I've got a 20month old son to him and I'm also expecting our 2nd son in just 3weeks and I found the strength to leave.I was also living 220 miles away from all my family and friends so I did it all on my own and I'm a very weak person but now I'm back with my friends and family and they are now supporting me.you need to figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life living like this or not but I just want to say 1 thing if you have kids then you have got to leave as it affects them and it isn't fair for them or yourself to live like that.I hope you get your answers quick before he destroys you if you stay you will end up with nothing and you will only have him to rely on and I think he makes you feel the way you do because he knows if he does it long enough you will think your worthless and no one else will want anything to do with you but trust me that isn't true.goodluck... :):)

Sometimes it takes the help of others for people to see the reality things. Abusers have a way of taking the person their abusing and lower their self- esteem. Maybe it is a good thing the OP came on here because maybe, just maybe someone can open her eyes so she can see she needs to get out.

If your afraid to post on here you can always call 1-800-799-safe. They are open 24/7 and can help you leave this situation. At least give them a call.

maggie09, my aunt left her first husband with 2 kids and one on the way. He was abusive too. You and her, every woman that has the courage to leave, I admire you guys so much. My mother stayed with my father until the abuse turned to me and my siblings. She finally left but blamed me for "making her leave"! And a while after I left to live with my aunt she ended up back with my father and I worry all the time about the rest of my little siblings still with them. I'm so glad you were able to leave.

One of my friends was getting abused and we never knew it. We kept telling her to leave but she was scare. It took me and 3 of friends to make her leave. We literally dragged her out of the house her and her abuser shared.

She went into a DV shelter and got all the help she needed. She thank us afterwards.

I look up to woman like you too liz. Sometimes people feel its none of their business. Or look the other way because they don't want to get involved. But friends like you are what a lot of people need.

Thanks you! I just hate to see people in bad situations and wish females wouldn't tolerate it but abusers seems to have some sort of mind control over their victims.

We reflected on the situation after it was all said and done and were lucky none of her neighbors saw what we did. If they would have the cops would have been called because it look like we were kidnapping her but we were for her own good.

The guy is now in jail for another crime he committed.

Also, recently my cousin got blinded in my eye because her so called man hit her in the eye with a bat. All the males in my family went looking for him and beat him up then left in front of the police station. If it wasn't for that situation nobody would have knew she was getting abused. There are a lot of silent victims out there.

P.S. I think all victims of abuse need to watch the movie "Enough" because Jennifer Lopez played a good role in that movie and kicks his a$$ in the end. Go Jenny!

That's one of my favorite movies!

You know I have a friend with an alcoholic husband. Although he is so smart and has a great money making job its still just a cover. He comes home to see her and he gets drunk and beats the crap out of her. I remember talking to her around Valentines and I was crying because it was the heat of my marital problems. I was crying for having a crappy V-day. She calmly talked about being thrown to the floor and having her face shoved in the hard wood while her 4 and 6 year old girls watched. He beat her up on Valentines. I just simply asked her why. Why do you stay. Well she has dealt with it for years and her calm reply was "I love him. I just get used to it and its not all the time, I dont feel it any more" Hmmm not the reply I expected and she refuses to leave because she loves him. Isn't that nice?

Its best you get out of this abusive relationship. The longer you put up with it, he'll get more and more abusive until oneday you can't run from him. Abusive people tend to start with the name calling and occasionally hitting you and then eventually they end up getting a lot worse. You may love him but truly what's more important the love or saving your life.

He abuses you because he knows he can and it is in him to do it. You need to realize that putting up with abuse is not love and love isn't about putting up with somebody that abuses you.

Write a list of all the things you love about him
And one about how he abuses you.
Then be determined to get out and find TRUE love that loves back.

The reason he abuses you is because it gives him power and control.

He may think that this is acceptable and 'normal' behavior and he may also believe that he does it because he loves you.

Neither of these things are true.

You are caught up in a cycle of violence and the only way to stop this, for both of you, is to refuse to accept it any more. This most likely means that you will have to leave the relationship.

Think of it this way, would you want any future children you have to observe or be subjected to this behavior? Would you want your children to continue this behavior with their future partners? (as often happens)

You need to stop this cycle of violence and abuse now. Please also get some assistance for yourself so that you won't attract the same type of guy and repeat this pattern again.

my boyfriend abuses me physically and emotionally to where i feel nothing i love him and he says he loves me yet he does this to me. I want to get to the reason of why he does this?

He does this because he is a coward and unhappy in his own skin.

I just want to say I came to your posting looking for answers for myself. I was abused so badly that I have blacked out before, been unconscious, and had more bruises that I can count. The reason I stayed for all of this was the shame. The feeling that it was my fault because he told me that it was. If the laundry wasn't done fast enough or dinner wasn't made correctly then I got it. As if I could magically make the dryer dry the clothes. It was so hard because he would go through the I'm sorry and want to be nice and hang out- but obviously if we were hanging out then I wasn't doing laundry- so then he was like... why isn't it done? And beat me and choke me. I know how hard it is to walk away because you think he will change... and sweetie he might, but not with you right there. If you don't break up at least take space. Time for him to solve the issues deep down that cause him to be this way to you.
Reach out for help and pray for an angel to help you. So many times we would be driving down the street and he would be smacking me in the face or punching my nose and I know that the other cars saw, but they just turned their heads and kept driving. So everyone reading this- if you know someone being abused help them, because whether they admit it or not, they need help.

Be strong and if you need support feel free to ask

A word of caution about the whole taking space thing, my mother separated from my father when I was in kindergarten. When I was in first grade they got back together. For a few years thing were all right. Then when I was in middle school the abuse extended to me and my siblings. And became even worse for my mother. So when you think about going back to these abusive guys, imagine your future with them. Imagine having kids with them. And if you don't love yourself enough to stay away, imagine the scars the abuse leaves on the children involved. And I'm not just talking physically. My father tried to run our mother over in the middle of the street while I held my baby siblings back trying to get them in the house. Remembering the way the screamed as we watched still makes me cry. (and even though he tried to kill her, my mother blamed me for their second separation/divorce... )

Maybe some abusive men can change. But I have yet to see it happen.

I am still praying for an update to this post... :(



justcurious55, its horrible when a parent blames their child for something like this... my mother abused me when I was small up till I was a teenager, and my father blamed me for her behavior the WHOLE time... now as an adult, my relationship with my mother has healed and we are the best of friends, however my relationship with my FATHER is still very strained. Its amazing how its easier to forgive the abuser, than it is to forgive the ENABLER... he could have stepped in at ANYTIME... and refused...

Okay so everyone on here has just said "because you let him" that's crap. Yeah you could stop it but its not your fault! He's a jerk that you should dump I don't care if you love him he is not worth it! Just don't think its you. Its only you if you don't do anything to stop it. Brake up with him in public so he can't hurt you more. And if he says he wants to talk again don't! Just get away and don't go with him privitely or it could get bad.

Okay so everyone on here has just said "because you let him" thats crap. yeah you could stop it but its not your fault! hes a jerk that you should dump i dont care if you love him he is not worth it! just dont think its you. its only you if you dont do anything to stop it. brake up with him in public so he can't hurt you more. and if he says he wants to talk again dont! just get away and dont go with him privitely or it could get bad.

I think that's the real point everyone was making. You don't cause people to abuse you, but when you make the choice to stay, you do allow it to continue. This is an old post, hopefully she's gotten away from this jerk and all of this is irrelevant now.