When my ex-boyfriend made it clear he moved on from our relationship and was searching for a new relationship only a few weeks after we had last been together, I was devastated. He literally jumped on a dating site and made himself sound like the most eligible bachelor on the planet... and happy to be that way. To keep myself from being totally overwhelmed with grief at the thought of him sweeping another woman off her feet and loving her the way he couldn't love me, which he has already most likely done, I created my own profile on a dating site. The only difference is that I've made it clear to everyone that I only just got out of a relationship and am seeking friendship rather than to get seriously involved just now.

What has surprised me is that two men who I find attractive and who are both safe and sincere, have let me know they would like more than friendship. It's wonderful to be recognised that way again, and I'm enjoying the attention. However, I'm not sure how to go forward right at this moment. The one who is most keen would like to develop our friendship at a pace that both makes me feel good, and unsettles me. What I think actually bothers me is that it reminds me of how my ex-boyfriend is likely to be behaving with other woman... the way he might pursue a woman he is interested in right now.. so it actually brings back the emotional pain of having been abandoned. Does that make emotional sense to anyone?

I know that my ex-boyfriend couldn't care less if I jumped into another relationship or not... he is cynical that way, and would argue reasons it should be okay for anyone to move on with their life exactly how they please. He would laugh at the thought of people like me being precious about it, since he wouldn't waste his time being unnecessarily sentimental. I think he attributes his financial success to being that way... it's a side of his personality that always left me feeling empty and alone - bereft of a moral compass.

I know I'm not ready to be seriously involved with anyone just yet and won't be taking any major steps in that direction for a while... even so, is it okay to be getting to know two or possibly three men at the same time? By that I mean having coffee together, chatting online and possibly meeting again knowing they're interested in more than friendship. I've read that women should date several men when they first get back into dating and enjoy the attention they get. However, I'm not sure it's actually fair on the men, as I know they can take these things to heart and feel played with by woman who do that. Any thoughts?

Obviously there's the option of sitting home and just enjoying my own company for a while... not something I felt strong enough to do these past few weeks and I'm not sure I want to do that, as I like to be with other people occasionally and have something to look forward to other than watching my teenage kids, going to the gym and doing housework. Ending a relationship leaves a vacuum that needs to be filled somehow.

I think if you want to date around or just start up a friendship with a few guys it is perfectly OK. Start with a friendship and see where it goes from. Sometimes the ones you never look for a relationship in you start with a friendship that can grow into a relationship. I had gotten out of a relation a month ago or so and had started a friendship with a girl and told her from the begginning that I wanted nothing more than a friendship. Well after awhile of being friends, our feelings toward each other and we are now dating and I have never been happier. I think you should just be upforward and tell these guys you want to be friends and go from there. You never know where it might end up. I hope you have good luck with everything and you get the best.

Nice of you to say all that, Adam... I didn't feel judged and can probably feel okay about how I'm going about things at the moment... and I liked hearing how your new relationship came about.

I think I'm still in shock and I don't really know what I want at the moment, so it's probably worth waiting just to get clearer on that alone. Still, you've given me the sort of encouragement I need right now. Ta for that.

I am glad I gave you the encouragement that you need. I think there is no reason to be judged for anything you are doing. It isn't wrong of you.

Look what your ex did. You need to feel good about yourself and not be down over it. If you just take your own pace and not someone else's, you should be just fine. I think you will be just fine and not have to worry about a thing.