So here we go, now before I start I am one of those guys who has lived a life where if I had given up I would not be here to write this question or even be breathing the air I am today. So my life has made me a very determined, and persistent man that doesn't give up especially when it comes to being screwed by bad luck and bad circumstances; I don't believe in fate or anything ruling my life... its mine and mine to live.

So with that said... I'm not a creep, nor am I a stalker... trust me I've had plenty time to think it threw. I know my impatience/inexperience has screw'd me and now I'm trying to make it up.

So lets begin. Ill try to make it short, but give you enough info to make your suggestion. Get comfortable and enjoy.

So I met this girl in a college class; at first I didn't think much of her, until I got asked a question about her presentation paper, whatever I said made her smile and from there I was hooked... "a smile to die fighting for" is what I called it.

Now I only knew her for about 8 weeks or 8 days( 1 day out of the week)... yea I know... lame

But in those 8 weeks, we have spent countless times in hallways just staring into each other, like she would lose herself in my eyes. There would be times we would just stare at each other for 10 minutes without talking, and she would even talk to me differently then any other guy, even her boy friend (soon to be a dumped boy friend). Now sure there were times I know I creeped her out just me being a dumb romantic, but I never pushed it. I was weird, but I know that is what got her interested in me in the long run.

Ive saved her from old horny guys hitting on her; kept her form falling off her chair in pure exhaustion, and kept her from having a heart attack when she almost didn't graduate. I saw myself as this girls knight in shining armor.

The best time I had with her was a time ( the time she almost fell off her chair) I saved her from making a fool of her self, she was tired so I made her play a game with me to keep her awake; it was tick tack toe at first. But later it switched to Hang-Man we sent messages to each other like " i love your smile" she giggled and smiled at me... I melted from that smile. I later then asked her out in that very game of hang man.

Now it wasn't a "date" because she had all ready told me the "i need a break from relationships" which really means I just need to wait, and have patience, and just stick with her as a friend till she was ready for someone to be in her life again; trust me I would have waited a long time. I would have been that guy to drive 2 hours everyday just to see her for 5 minutes.

Yes I was that dedicated kind of guy; that guy that would go to hell and back, and back again for this girl.

So I asked her to hang out with me. It was a "Ice breaker" to let her know she could trust me and continue to hang out with me. So she gave me her number and I went to class.

Now here is where I go down hill... hard... I don't have patience when bad luck kills me. So if you're a chick reading this... don't hate yet! >.<
The number didn't go into my phone... what's worse is my phone died 2 days later, OH and she was graduating. I was screwed from the beginning, and no one was helping me.
Now I did meet her best friend at the school. She gave me her email address, and I did have her MySpace at the time. Why I didn't have patience and wait I will never know.

But for some reason that wasn't enough so I talked to a bunch of her friends on her MySpace, even her sister... but in a week I wasn't getting any responses... I was going crazy >.<.

Now when all hope seemed lost, my friend (without me knowing at the time) went on "PeopleFinder" and found her number. It creeped me out too, but they convinced me to call and try it out. It was there house number... the mom picked up I APOLOGIZED and told her everything, even after the mom still said "its ok" and gave me the girls number.

But here's where it goes even worse, I got the "attack dog"... you know, that friend that's over protective and can munipulate anyone and lies to no end to keep her safe. Well she got me, and she made me say things that put me in more deep trouble.

Any ways after a bunch of nonsense I finally call her up. Basically I apologized about the situation she said " its ok" but she told me she had been avoiding the problem all together; she didn't know if she was flattered or freaked.

Now about an half hour of trying to get myself out of this problem we got to the point where she said "ok... well message me, and if I'm not busy maybe we will hang out." she's a busy girl so I understood, but Im a hard core guy you don't need to be nice to me, so I said "waite, just tell me to off, its not hard; i can take it" but she said "now wait... like i said; message me and if I'm not busy we will hang out" she left out the maybe that time.

So I gave her a week, and called her. She was in San Fransisco. So I gave her 2 weeks... and called again this time if she wanted to catch a lunch;

She said " i just ate with my mom" so now I said "ok now its all or nothing" so I call her and say:

"would you like to catch a drink?

Her: "now! "
ME: "no I still go 2 hours till I get to you"
HER: "I have plans, I cant"
ME: "how about a early lunch after school?
HER:"ok but we have to make it early I'm meeting up with my ex boyfriend, you can meet us then, so call me in the morning."

So I call her around 10:30 and she messaged me " can't talk now my uncle just had a heart-attack, i said "wow! Really? Is he OK? I just wanted to tell you I couldn't come"... i don't know why i said that last part...

i messaged her 4 hours later "is he OK?" i didn't get a response... so i stopped trying.

now people always say " give it time" its been 2 months now and my only chance i can think about is going to the Graduation ceremony and talking to her there. now i have to go in a way that doesn't make me look like I'm there for her, or she might say "great he's here for me... " and it might come off as "he's stalking me". (which im not... i just want to try one last time.)

so i have to go with the-- i walk past her and "wave" hoping she says "woah! What's he doing here? He looks good! Ill talk to him to see what happened" (thats a scenario I played out in my head) I plan on fixing myself up real good.. the works. Haircut, highlights, colone the whole shabang!

But I have no idea what to say, other then that she pussied out on me, and that she needs to not avoid problems and take a chance, (once again another scenario)


SO HERE IS THE QUESTION!

Should I even bother? Do I even have a chance at pulling this off? What should I say? And of course does she even like me in the first place.

But really... can I pull this off?

OK it took me a while but let me get this strait OK?

You were mates in class for more than a few weeks

You both had awkward moment ( been there)

Now you wanted to see her and she was busy

She's now Graddurating and possibly thinks you're a stalker or a romantic

And your wondering if you can pull it off to win her back

Oh and its been 2 months

If this is right the and as a girl I say

Either

take a chance and see her AFTER her graduration (dont do the works just be you!)
if she sees you and wants to be there go for it
but if she doesn't fish at you local pool
good luck may FATE be on your side lol:)
[/LIST]

but Im a hard core guy you don't need to be nice to me, so i said "waite, just tell me to off, its not hard; i can take it"

That right there is where you would have lost me. That's just plain rude.

I saw a lot of red flags within the post, one of the major ones being that she has/had a boyfriend. It doesn't state anywhere in the post that she had ACTUALLY dumped him.

Lose the attack dog.
Ask her if you can take her out to explain better and make it up to her.
THEN tell her that you are leaving it up to HER to contact you if she is willing to see you again.

yea, to clear it up, she did dump him. He was a "Chick with a " she was in the process of getting rid of him when she met me.

and what I originally said was "if you don't like someone, you have to tell them to off" now I brought that up because we had that conversation practically every day; one thing I knew is that she's one of those chicks that are too nice to say no and yes it does come off as cowardly.

I was trying to make her a more "truthful" girl and it was working until the part I screwed up. Because I knew if she didn't she would fail at a life of relationships, if I lose her at least I can make an impact in that part of her life.

thank you for your ideas and comments, means the world to me, hopefully I can get more. The more ideas/encouragement I can get the better.

=).

OK that is down right rude you were trying to change her into a more truthful girl I mean she was fine to start with buddy and its not up to you to change her I say you leave her alone and begin a new chaper in the book without picking on the net girl I mean enjoy being single cause your only younge finding a spouse is a extra in life

Just be honest, games will get you nowhere and waste time. Tell her how you feel about her and see what happens. Oh, one other thing, stop looking for hidden meanings in everything she tells you, you will only drive yourself nuts doing that! Good luck man!
"Better to loved and lost than never to loved at all!"

After reading all that I can truthfully say and it is amazing you haven't realized it yourself but I'll put that down to "blind" love that the girl... and I repeat the girl, "Is Not Interested In You"

... a blind, deaf, mute monkey could see that... sorry.

It's been two months, I say leave the girl be. I don't think she is interested anyway. Not everything is something to be conquered, let this one go.

well everyone thank you for the insight.

I originally had a change of mind, and I wasn't going to do this in the first place, but there were still things hanging on in my mind. Like things you wouldn't do if you didn't like someone so I had to get more opinions on this subject.

I guess I've been trying to fight this crap; whatever u call it, may it be bad luck, circumstance, signs from god, or plane old fate, because in the end this girl is the only girl to make me truly happy in such a long time, the only girl that sex wasn't even part of the equation; that's how I knew I liked (loved?) this woman, because I just wanted to be with her and not screw her pants off.

but in the end, I'm going into the marines (for good reasons, trust me), and I was probably not going to go into the marines if I stayed with her, which would have been bad. Anyway, this chick was my chance at a normal life, but now I think that I have to go to that ceremony anyway.

because years from now I don't want to think back on this and say "i should have tried anyways" I'm going for no regrets, ill just apologize and see if she just wants to hang out and just be friends, and maybe... just maybe ill let her know how I feel, and that I would have waited for her to be ready.

but hey! Who knows! I also have to say it in a way that she her self isn't put in any weird mind set I don't want her to feel bad,

any suggestions how I pull this off? Ladies, guys? I'm going... that is dead set on my mind, but I don't want her to feel bad or even set her on some weird mind guilt trip.

I just want to see her smile one last time =)

Then send her a letter and apoloize for your behavior and then leave it alone.

After reading all that i can truthfully say and it is amazing u havent realized it yourself but i'll put that down to "blind" love that the girl....and i repeat the girl, "Is Not Interested In You"

.....a blind, deaf, mute monkey could see that.....sorry.

Its to bad most people can't just be honest in the beginning and say there not interested! :mad:

The girl has not contacted him, she has not spoken to him in two months, has not done anything to lead him to think she is interested.
He is the one making all the moves.

The girl has not contacted him, she has not spoken to him in two months, has not done anything to lead him to think she is interested.
He is the one making all the moves.

She should have just told him she wasn't interested, is that really so hard to do?? :confused:

She did not lead him on. He read more into it than he should have. Conquering her was like a game to him, he does not give up, he said that himself.
You can be nice to a person that does not mean you're leading them on. If you don't speak to someone in two months, you don't return a call, you tell someone you're going out with your ex, that should give a person a clue you are not interested. And this guy is still talking about "pulling something off" It's not her, he needs to get a clue.
And why give me a reddie because I disagree with you, I was not giving him the advice, I was talking to you. I did not give you one. That's not how this works. But that's OK.

NO NO NO WHY MAN WHY!! Even if you go you are wasting. YES WASTING YOUR OPPURTUNITY!!
Tell her everything!! EVERYTHING maybe give her a copy of the page if you have to but ou have to tell her what I JUST READ! Don't Don't! Let her go !

You can do it! :)

The above statement seems to be contradictory. The situation is very critical and need an experienced campaigner to resolve it.:rolleyes:

parking sensor (http://www.backup-sensor.com)

If the next time you are going to see her is at graduation, why not buy her a nice card.

Inside the card, just write that you're joining the army, and if she'd like to keep in touch, give her your email, Facebook etc.

Congratulate her, wish her well.

I think you'll probably see that smile again, and at the same time, know that you took the high road, did a nice simple gesture of friendship, and then just leave it at that.

Bittersweet I know, but who knows what door that could open in the future.

Best of luck to you.

I have a suggestion for you, Sol. Focus more on your own life right now. You seem like you have good intentions, but I am seeing some very clear signs of almost crippling insecurity right now.

I'm sure this girl was amazing in your eyes, but I think you have a very unrealistic opinion of her. You talk about this girl like you spent your entire life with her, and yet you have only interacted for two months? And even then, you were never dating, or even hanging out. Just sitting in a hallway staring?

Also, I want to address the comments about being led on (by the other posters). Does that mean if I smile at a customer where I work, that I am hitting on them? If a girl smiles at me in class, she wants to date me? There was no leading on here; this girl was being friendly, and unfortunately, Sol, you read far too much into this.

I really think you need to take a better look at yourself. If you latch on this quickly and easily to another person, that probably means that you are refusing to identify yourself. Face your insecurities and find happiness in your own life. And when you do this, don't be let your motivation be driven by another person; build your confidence in yourself, and only for yourself.

Once you can honestly say that you are happy with your life, then, and only then, should you allow someone else to share it with you.

You need to break off all ties with this person. I'm surprised she hasn't somehow blocked you, considering your actions earlier. Do not resent her for trying to protect herself. You did come on way too strong, you read a lot into the situation that obviously wasn't there, and that's fine; it's a learning experience. Just don't let it happen again.

~ Tee

She did not lead him on. He read more into it than he should have. Conquering her was like a game to him, he does not give up, he said that himself.
You can be nice to a person that does not mean you're leading them on. If you don't speak to someone in two months, you don't return a call, you tell someone you're going out with your ex, that should give a person a clue you are not interested. And this guy is still talking about "pulling something off" It's not her, he needs to get a clue.
And why give me a reddie because I disagree with you, I was not giving him the advice, I was talking to you. I did not give you one. That's not how this works. But that's OK.

Did not lead him on huh?

"ok... well message me, and if I'm not busy maybe we will hang out."
"now wait... like i said; message me and if I'm not busy we will hang out"
"would you like to catch a drink?

Her: "now! "
ME: "no I still go 2 hours till I get to you"
HER: "I have plans, I cant"
ME: "how about a early lunch after school?
HER:"ok but we have to make it early I'm meeting up with my ex boyfriend, you can meet us then, so call me in the morning."

Like I said before, she should have just told him not interested instead of playing games!

Did not lead him on huh?

"ok... well message me, and if I'm not busy maybe we will hang out."
"now wait... like i said; message me and if I'm not busy we will hang out"
"would you like to catch a drink?

Her: "now!?"
ME: "no i still go 2 hours till i get to you"
HER: "i have plans, i cant"
ME: "how about a early lunch after school?
HER:"ok but we have to make it early I'm meeting up with my ex boyfriend, you can meet us then, so call me in the morning."

Like I said before, she should have just told him not interested instead of playing games!

Hate to break it to you, but this is not "playing games." She was being friendly. That's it.

So a person is basically supposed to say either yes or no to hanging out, right away? That's a bit presumptuous.

Also, he was the one who asked if she wanted to catch a drink, not the other way around.

She really did not lead him on here. Anyone who thinks otherwise... well, we'll just have to agree to disagree ;)

~ Tee

So many or some of you may remember my post about how "I Creeping out the girl of my dreams" and my ludicrously long post on what I should have done to fix the problem, some of you said go for it, some of you said stop... here is episode 2 of that story.

Well today I went to her graduation; I'm a pro artist when it comes to making things look good so I made her a card, pick'd a little pink flower, and went up behind her ,and said "you look good in black" she turns around and lights up her face as if her Sailor had finally come home, gives me the most painful bear hug I've ever felt, sais things like " i can't believe your here!" "I'm happy you finally came" almost as if she was waiting for me...

Even her family wanted to meet me, they wanted to meet "Mr. Persistent" like "is that the guy? whoa! is that him? its that guy? dad seems happy to meet me, said i had guts to be so persistent, mom was chill, brother was neutral we didn't say much just one man handshake to the other. she asked me to follow her as she read my card told me to join them for some food at the buffet at the grad place. she went off got pics of ppl she liked, and talked to a bunch of ppl. i sat off to the side i didn't want to follow her all day that would have been weird. so i sat off the side and a bunch of ppl i knew came up to me to talk to me, so it was pretty chill.

now her sister HATES me and i mean... hates me, i tried to go up to her and try to make things better i was trying to make a "we got off on the wrong foot handshake" but she just brushed my hand off like she threw it away in disgust...

so anyways she went to leave and before she did she came up to me and said "OK I have to leave now" " I'm so glad you came" i said "good, at least someone is happy" she laughed and said " Hush hush" in a happy tone. knowing i knew her sister hated me.

she said "good luck with the marines", and i said "it will be some time before then" she gave me this confused interested look, i can't quit describe it.

anyways i said "ill yea around, she turnd away and left, and right as she turned away her sister said "leave her alone" I was surprised she didn't hear her sister. But they kept walking.

SOO here is the million dollar question, what now?

I thought of letting the card soke in for about 2 weeks and then calling her and saying "we never did catch that game of lazer-tag, are you still interested? or like "do you want to hang out before I go into the marines? (which isn't for another 8months)

And question number 2.

Is she *still* interested in me? At all... I mean normally I can tell but this girl is just unreadable... (almost wonder if that is why I'm so into her... she unpredictable.)

(darn it!. another long post!)

Whoa did someone move this? What the heck? Hmmm ill try moving it on my own.

Leave the girl alone.
She was glad to see you, told you "good luck in the Marines", not "Oh, I really would like to see you again"
Give it up dude.

All right homegirl50... tell me this then, why was she so ecstatic to see me if she doesn't want to see me again?


And don't say she's was just being nice, this went beyond that.

Dig deep and give me a real answer.


And once again, thank you for responding.

I'm thinking she was probably more surprised than anything. Maybe she was glad to see you, but once again she did not hang by your side or say she wanted to see you again.
You are reading more in to this than is there.
I am a very open person. I hug people I have not seem in a while, it does not mean that I'm in love with them, it's just how I am.
Leave the girl alone. She does not want to have a relationship with you.
Your persistence is starting to border on creepy.

She is unreadable because there is nothing to read. She is not in to you. You are looking to see what you want to see. Leave her alone!

Threads merged and let it be noted that MrPerisinent is Sol Badguy!!



Now before you go!. No I don't follow her, I don't try to find her randomly, or anything weird. Though when I did loose her number I did go on People finder to get it back (otherwise I would have never been able to talk to her again.) I have a life and I live it...

Now I know this girl does, or at some point did have a huge interest in me, but after a few complications, I weirded out her friends and her. Even though when I did talk to her she said "its happens" and "its ok". Even though when she told me to call her later I did; she always had an excuse, really good ones but honestly she wouldn't let me know if they are or not, so I stopped. Now a few months later I let things die off a bit, then made her the greatest gift she's ever gotten, said hi and she threw her arms around me and told me to join her for some food at the school celebration buffet we were at. Anyway when she left, she told me good luck in the marines and left. While her sister said "leave her alone"

I'm going to call her in 2 weeks, and see what's up, I mean if you don't like someone you don't give them encouragement right?? I mean if she tells me to stop, I will stop. But she hasn't told me anything yet.. am I just overreacting?

I know people say "persistence is key" but this is ridiculous.

am I just persistent or a stalker?? I'm to headstrong and determined to figure out on my own... someone help me..


ps
(for those who might remember my last post, I'm not trying to change names... I just forgot my password and recovery isn't working. (sol badguy))

It sounds as though she is not interested but does not want to hurt your feelings. I'd just leave her alone. Let her call you if she wants contact. Don't act needy and clingy, if she comes to you she is interested, if she doesn't... well move on.

Moved to this thread, from another one.


You've pointed to the answer within your own question:

...what if the person you're going after is the first girl in your whole life that has actually made you happy?

"First" means you subconsciously realize this is absolutely not your only path to happiness. I dated many women in my 7 years of dating, I love 4 very dearly, but it was the last and final love that persevered, because it was reciprocal and not fleeting.

Meanwhile, live in the now, not the yesterday. You are pining after how she USED to make you feel, not how she makes you feel now. This is critical.

Learning to love, experience, then move on is a must. Happiness comes from growing through experiences, not despairing them when they end.

ALL of your relationships will come to an end... all of them. Except the last one. And you must know that you haven't even come close to learning all you need to know about making a permanent commitment to someone. Right now, it is all about how you feel. That means you're not ready. When you say "first", it's clear you actually know this.

Dating is about feelings. Dating is about ebb and flow. Dating is emotional and informative. Dating is truly about focusing on yourself and how you are with someone else.

Marriage and commitment is about perseverance and steadfastness, it's about living a life putting someone else ahead of yourself. No way you can do that alone... the person you "commit" to has to be of the same mind. You cannot, CANNOT, ***CANNOT*** pursue commitment with someone who ain't that into you anymore, regardless of what they said last month.

OK?

So many people are saying "just go for it, your last try" and some are just saying leave her alone".

what the hell do i do.. i want to just called her and ask "do you want me to keep chasing you or leave you alone?

The graduation was a good note to leave on, but the face she gave me and all of the reactions say I should at least try one more time, but I'm wondering what to say...


How to you not think of someone that has truly made you happy?

The graduation was a good note to leave on, but the face she gave me and all of the reactions say i should at least try one more time, but I'm wondering what to say...


Since your not going to believe any one that tells you your mind is playing tricks on you, at least wear a helmet when you run head first into a brick wall. I shook my head reading this post as obviously you are a guy who refuses to deal with the reality of your situation. Such a shame as she sounds really nice and you are so... stubborn, which won't help you at all in this situation.

Leave this poor female alone and take the hints she has nicely, but plainly given you.

Dude she was playing head games with you.. when girls do like that just say it man I know its hard but just stay away get her off your mind. Best thing you can do and just look forward to things. There's so many other chicks out there man. You just got to go places.

Girls can get really uneasy if they're not sure they feel a certain way about a guy. And when a girl is uncertain, and the guy seems to come on too stron, she tends to recede. Do what you think is best. It's really nice that you have such strong feelings for her, but don't forget that you still have an entire life ahead of you if this one doesn't happen to work out.

I think you should leave her alone. I don't think she's interested in you. (I would guess she thought you had a nice smile but that's all and is too nice to know how to give you the brush off, but that's about it.) It is not necessary to say goodbye to her. It sounds like you barely know her. You might want to see her again, but sometimes it's time to move on.

I think the encounter you are imagining will just make her uncomfortable, not go the way you hope, and end up making you want to try once more to explain yourself--hoping she'll finally be interested.

Although it's hard to imagine right now, you will meet other women. Right now, I really think you should learn to read people a bit better and control your impulses somewhat.

What made you decide to join the marines?