I think there are similar posts, sorry for a repost, but I suppose everyone is different...

I recently got dumped (3weeks ago) by an Ex/Gf she had left 3 times in 3 yrs (twice cheating), and I have always been "There" for her when we txt messaged each other or anything, our recent break up I broke the NC rule after 2 weeks, which led me to disaster, things went well for the 4 days of back to hanging out she treated me so good for those 4 days, but day 5, slept together and she hadn't contacted me for 2 days after me trying..

She now has txt me at least once a day, but all this time I have made myself LC as not in the past, the last time she had txt me was early Thurs morning (2am), asking me if I was awake, I replied approx 8 hrs later, she called my house, that Thurs morning no message left(9:30am) I wasn't home... she then called my cell @ 10am(never answered) txt me said I need to talk to you, but about work, said I wasn't the right person to talk to for the issue, called again @ 10:05am (I never answered) she txt and asked why wasn't picking up, told her I couldn't right now, she then txt me again, about a work question, told her again I couldn't help her, so she txtd me again and told me to stop being an idiot, I haven't heard from her since that last comment she txtd me, as I never replied to her insult, as I always did in the past...

Do I message her? Or just leave it be and go back to NC or continue LC, seems like I have just added fuel to her fire about me in not replying or reacting the way I usually do/would have, what she is used to me doing... we have booked for counciling in 2 weeks so I am not sure...

Any advice or help?

TY

I recently got dumped (3weeks ago) by an Ex/Gf she had left 3 times in 3 yrs (twice cheating),


I disappear from her life and never talk to her again. I wouldn't even tell her anything, just vanish in thin air and ignore her a$$.

I'm the idiot here. Does LC mean little contact?

To answer your question, you need NC (no contact people, I'm up to here) for yourself. Right now your still somewhat confused and hurt and you need this time to sort out your feelings.

She didn't feel guilty when she dumped you. She didn't feel guilty when called you an idiot. She didn't feel guilty when she was playing her game. Do not feel bad for that. Do not feel guilty for doing what's best for you.

You guys broke up 3 times already. There are reasons you broke up. If you're not going to fix the problems that broke you up in the first place, then there's no point getting back together. If she cheated twice, then the trust is gone. When the next time there will be cheating?

It's time to stop making yourself suffer. Let her go and move on. Block her out of your life. Definitely implement NC until you stop having feelings for her.

Your other question was the same as this one, so it was deleted to avoid confusion. How about some feed back on the advice given, since I doubt it will change. No need for another duplicate question.

Your other question was the same as this one, so it was deleted to avoid confusion. How about some feed back on the advice given, since I doubt it will change. No need for another duplicate question.


Thought it was kind of the same question just newer development, as for the feedback on the advice, pretty much speaks for it's self and seems unanimous, so that's what I'm going with, the NC rule as I first implemented in the beginning, until I find myself again.

Sorry for the double post and really appreciate the feedback, I still will go for coucelling but on my and for myself...

Thanks Again

LiL

Counseling might still be good for you... there must be a reason that you have allowed her to treat you this way for 3 years. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. The reason she is reacting this way is because you are not behaving the way she is used to you behaving.

End all contact with her. Do not answer the phone. Do not reply to texts. Do not anwer emails. Unfriend her from myspace, Facebook, etc.

She is emotionally abusive and you deserve someone who treats you right.

Counseling might still be good for you... there must be a reason that you have allowed her to treat you this way for 3 years. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. The reason she is reacting this way is because you are not behaving the way she is used to you behaving.

End all contact with her. Do not answer the phone. Do not reply to texts. Do not anwer emails. Unfriend her from myspace, facebook, etc.

She is emotionally abusive and you deserve someone who treats you right.

Thanks JJ, there are 2 young children I got attached to emotionally as they got close to me, over the 3 yrs, I have and was there first stable father figure so to speak in there life since the break up of her and her Ex who is the father, but us having them every weekend really brought us closer together and them accepting me accepted me, it kills me every time she left, not sure what it does to those children (6 and 10)

TY

Unless you like this back and forth game the two of you are playing with eachother--keep in contact with her.

However, if your fed up then stop talking to her.

The choice is yours.

Do you work with her that's why you need to have at least some contact? If not no contact all the way and disappear from her life. The children are not your's so you don't have any obligations for them although, you can still be around just for them but don't get involved with the mother. Don't feel guilty, she dumped you and she has no right to expect anything from you anymore.

kills me everytime she left, not sure what it does to those children (6 and 10)



I know this sounds cruel, but they are not your concern. I think it's cool that you care about them, and I think it speaks volumes about the kind of man you are to accept two little ones that are not your own. But you didn't adopt them and agree to food and shelter them until they were 18. You dated their cheating, lying mother. She caused this pain to them and the absence you will bring. You can walk away proud that you gave something to those children that her mother is apparently not capable of giving.

Thanks JJ, there are 2 young children I got attached to emotionally as they got close to me, over the 3 yrs, I have and was there first stable father figure so to speak in there life since the break up of her and her Ex who is the father, but us having them every weekend really brought us closer together and them accepting me accepted me, it kills me everytime she left, not sure what it does to those children (6 and 10)

TY

I know the kids make it hard - but it's not fair to them either. If you continue to come and go from their lives, you will do them a great disservice. They have a father, it is not you. For the sake of ALL involved, be strong in your decision.

I know the kids make it hard - but it's not fair to them either. If you continue to come and go from their lives, you will do them a great disservice. They have a father, it is not you. For the sake of ALL involved, be strong in your decision.

Thanks JJ I never saw it that way, n will continue on with NC. I won't even text her to say I'm letting go, as I once had planned, it will be hard but I think harder on me if I do, not to mention a possible ego boost for her if I did text her.

Ty LiL

I know this sounds cruel, but they are not your concern. I think it's cool that you care about them, and I think it speaks volumes about the kind of man you are to accept two little ones that are not your own. But you didn't adopt them and agree to food and shelter them until they were 18. You dated their cheating, lying mother. She caused this pain to them and the absence you will bring. You can walk away proud that you gave something to those children that her mother is apparently not capable of giving.

Thanks Chuff doesn't sound cruel, you just narrowed the facts for me.

Ty LiL

I have posted a few times and was told about the NC Rule, I did follow it for 2 weeks, and broke it, unfortunately, if you have read my posts you would see why, but however after reposting, regained the NC Rule

Today a friend of 20yrs came by, and told me that he had talk to my EX twice , he is engaged, (lots to risk, not thinking he is doing anything with her) He has disconnected ties with her because of what I will be explaining...

I found out from him tonight, that my Ex during the first 2 week period (Now Week 4) and me having NC with her for the first 2 weeks, that she had told him I said "He says you want to sleep with me" so once hearing this, from her he had only talked to her once since then and felt it wasn't right and disconnected all ties with her, as he didn't want anything to come between our friendship, anyway its now week 4 as mentioned, and back to NC, as I had broke it after the first 2 weeks (Regret it)

I so badly want to Text her and ask why she would say such a thing when I never said that at all, I figured it was said during my NC with her, to get a reaction from me and to message her, causing me to break the NC she's not use to by me, but its now 4 weeks after the fact, is it worth speaking of? Or shall I not even bother and continue NC? Keep in mind, this is her 3rd time she has left me, and I have always welcomed her back with open arms, be it texting her back all the time, good or bad...

TY

What upsets me even more was we had set an appointment for the counciller sometime ago, as posted recently,

What I haven't posted yet, was 2 days ago, (Sorry lot of Txtd Msg quotes here) she txtd me several times, "Good Nite", out of the blue, still NC, bumped into at work, she txtd and said "nice pants" (one she bought me) then txtd again saying "why am I so cold towards her" and "I am not reacting the way I usually do" (which is why I truly believe was said to my friend was to get me to react to her, as I was NC with her then, something she is not use too by me), then txtd saying "I wanna to tell you something important" (course she never did tell me), then txtd me back and said "its ok, I don't want to bother you", then another txtd saying "I really Miss You" another saying "do you even want me at this Councilling session with you?" and "Do you even want to work this out?" still not breaking the NC and her last one "Just know I miss you and I will see you there in a week"

As mentioned, I am not really expecting her to be there, but I am still 100% going for myself and because its been long waited, as the list is long, I feel as though its coming fast... but If she does show, should I bring that incident up? Between what was said to my friend?

This all just happening Monday night (have heard nothing from her since), this is why I am so confused and I realize maybe I shouldn't be.

It's a confusing time I grant you that but its in your best interest to ignore here and keep No Contact, until she leaves you alone and you can get UNCONFUSED.

As a side note, stay with this thread and please don't just start another question. Thats really confusing to other readers here.

She said what she said to your friend because she knew it would get back to you and she thought she would get a reaction out of you. It is a game. Don't give her the satisfaction of reacting to her childish behavior.

I know it is difficult - especially working together - but keep ignoring her texts.

Oh man, you are working together. This is never fun. Having said that, you have to ignore, ignore, ignore. She's going to try and tempt you into her game. If she starts talking to you, say "that's awesome, I'll catch the rest of the story later" and get out of there. Always... ALWAYS smile and never let her think you are having a bad day even if you are and even if it is unrelated to her. Like what you described, she's proably going to start some rumors about you at work. If confronted with them, laugh them off and say, "I'd consider the source" and leave it that. In the example above, once you hear about it do not approach her with it, because that will tell her you are bothered by it. Be bigger then her game.

Oh man, you are working together. This is never fun. Having said that, you have to ignore, ignore, ignore. She's going to try and tempt you into her game. If she starts talking to you, say "that's awesome, I'll catch the rest of the story later" and get out of there. Always.....ALWAYS smile and never let her think you are having a bad day even if you are and even if it is unrelated to her. Like what you described, she's proably going to start some rumors about you at work. If confronted with them, laugh them off and say, "I'd consider the source" and leave it that. In the example above, once you hear about it do not approach her with it, because that will tell her you are bothered by it. Be bigger then her game.

Thanks everyone, I am glad I found this site and it's always been great advice, although at times very hard to follow but I have been doing my best and it's been great help towards what I have been able to follow.

Thanks All, I'm sure I will be having more questions, your Patience would so much be appreciated, as I know I can be a frustrating poster.

TY
LiL

I'm the idiot here. Does LC mean little contact?

To answer your question, you need NC (no contact people, I'm up to here) for yourself. Right now your still somewhat confused and hurt and you need this time to sort out your feelings.

She didn't feel guilty when she dumped you. She didn't feel guilty when called you an idiot. She didn't feel guilty when she was playing her game. Do not feel bad for that. Do not feel guilty for doing what's best for you.

I agree with this.^

Go NC, don't reply and even give her a chance at feeling less guilty, that's what she's after.

Thanks everyone, I am glad I found this site and it's always been great advice, although at times very hard to follow but I have been doing my best and it's been great help towards what I have been able to follow.


Sometimes the advice is hard to follow. When you get to that point when your emotions take over and you want to react to her in some way start asking yourself questions like, "is the advice to do NC best for me in the long run?" and "who has my best interest in mind, the people giving me the advice or my ex?"


Thanks All, I'm sure I will be having more questions, your Patience would so much be appreciated, as I know I can be a frustrating poster.



Actually, you are one of the best, you follow the advice. Some people have written 100's of pages ignoring everything that you tell them for months and still wonder why she's playing games with him. Those are frustrating posters. Use this site, learn from it and become a better man for you next girl.

Sometimes the advice is hard to follow. When you get to that point when your emotions take over and you want to react to her in some way start asking yourself questions like, "is the advice to do NC best for me in the long run?" and "who has my best interest in mind, the people giving me the advice or my ex?"



Actually, you are one of the best, you follow the advice. Some people have written 100's of pages ignoring everything that you tell them for months and still wonder why she's playing games with him. Those are frustrating posters. Use this site, learn from it and become a better man for you next girl.

Thanks All, the last text from her I rec'd was from her was "N when u know what you want, let me know" which was Friday Night, Istill have urges at times to text her, but what I have been doing all this time is sending the text message urges to my female friend, as to help me stop sending them to the Ex.

The problem I ran into, was I messed up, I ended up sending a text saying "Thats what the councellor is for" (which was explained I'm my previous posts we were suppose to see together for the first time after our breakup, that's in a week)to the Ex by accident, because they both have very similar numbers (2 last digits reversed order) and no names attached to them on my contact list, so I guess I messed up huh? my Ex only replied "Good Morning", guess my biggest fault was not erasing her number, which I did right after that, and now feel its best to keep my Cell off.

Told I maybe frustrating, now I have that feeling like all the advice I have followed was for nothing because it looks to her like I just showed weakness... I am back on the NC for what that's worth, after this fiascal ::(

TY
LiL

Threads merged


I know I may get blasted for this, meaning going against some advice, when it came to councilling I had one last chance to TRY and possibly save anything that was left, so I did it... BAD MOVE, so I know its my fault...


Well here goes, I have been away for a bit, my last post pretty much said my Ex and I were going to councilling, that lasted 1 session, next one was due in a week, I had also written her a letter pouring my soul to her, boy what an I was...

A day before coucilling was awesome (Even councilling went well, we were suggested a book to read, so we did, she took it to read it, will never see that again), and 7 days later still awesome, what happened is beyond me, because day 10 after councilling, I was ignored in my text messages, till I finally called as she had askedme to do that night prior (Saturday), she was short on the phone, asked her to go out, she said no, I don't get this, the night prior she asked me to sleep over (I didn't) felt weird at her parents, but couple days that lead up to it felt weird.

As mentioned things were awesome for that week, until Saturday night hit we went out, things were great or so they appeared, she got really grumpy with me that night as she went to bed and said it wasn't anything I did, I kissed her and said I love you and I know I put pressure on you sometimes (said that because I had asked if she told her parents she was moving back in), as she said it back I love you and yes you do put pressure on me, come Sunday Morning no Return Messages, called, she had to get of the phone she was babysitting, I just finally laid it on the line and text her if you don't want this, tell me and if it makes it easier for you, then tell me VIA Text, she replied VIA text, "OK Were Done", I don't know Happened, up until that point she was talking moving back in, making plans with the kids and I... just sounded normal again, until that Txt message and followed by another Txt that said, "I don't want to be with anyone", in which I replied, "it had been nice you told me earlier", she said "I thought it would work out"..

I AM LOST, but yet know to stay away all together... I don't get it, my last text to her was "I won't text you, as I see it confuses you more and seems to have pushed you away"... but no reply...

Guess I am Back... and pissed this time, not hurt...

Well, it's done now. Let it all go. It's all in the past. Focus on moving on and learning from your mistakes.

I didn't read you other thread but from this thread it seems you push a little but deep down she knew she didn't want to be in this relationship.

So since the two of you are done let go and accept it is over. You tried 2 times already and it wouldn't make sense to try again. Some things are better left broken.

Threads merged again

Back After awhile
Its been awhile since I was on last, can't even remember when, reason being I took my own advice and went back, after being left 3 times... so now its like this, it's a 4th time (in 4 yrs).. back to the same old thing... it all happened again in mid January when she left through a text message, she was living here, but that's that and I have been dealing with it, just seems different this time around... although the pattern is still the same, she leaves, does what she has to do then comes back, leave, does what she has to do, then comes back... and on and on...

She (31) would always use to contact me here and there, and even the last time when she left being the 3rd time, say do you not want to see my kids? (because I was NC with her) then the kids started to text me, which kind of brought me (40) back, even though she doesn't have custody of her kids and feel she didn't want it, I developed a great bond with them (ages 11 and 6) when she did have them... although it's been a couple of months since she left, I have heard nothing from her in a few weeks, which is out of character for her (but which is good for me)

I have changed my game plan this time around, by seeking counseling, to help guide me in letting go, although I shouldn't have to think about it, I still do.. and chances are she won't be txting me again, will help in my recovery.

I felt I had over come an important piece, by keeping NC, even when she txtd me 3 weeks ago, as I never responded, but the big piece I felt I have overcome was no contact on her Birthday, which was Saturday, although I thought I would feel guilty, I didn't and felt that, that was important, especially in my my world, when I have taken her back every time, after being cheated on, lied to and verbally abused... but always seems to be my fault...

I pretty much want to say, that NC is the best thing, if you want to let go and heal as well, want to thank everyone for whom gave me advice before getting tossed a 4th time, I should have listened... as my counselor says, You live and learn, now move forward... Although its hard the 4th time being kicked to the curb as it was the 1st, I have set goals for myself, to help my healing and feel I am very close to that...


LiL

Good luck with your goals and stay NC forever,it works.

Therapy is a good thing and you seem to be on the right path now.

Let the past be the past,live in the present and look forward to the future.

You have to strictly stick to the NC rules. No email, no text, no phone calls, no Facebook. You should just change your cell number, then it'd be impossible for her to text you at all.

Believe me - you are better off without her. :)

She used you.

People like that don't require your time.

Sorry for the kids, they have a cheater for a mother.

Not your problem. YOU are the important one here.

Only yourself now. Do some soul searching with some therapy if possible. May shed some light on your mistakes (who you are & what you want), recovery & how to spot the together ones out there, including yourself.

I just wonder how far along in your progress you would be right now if you had just moved on back in June. The point of NC is to heal yourself. Make no mistake, it sucks at first and it's hard. It's very easy to go back to someone because that's the way your "comfortable" with even if you know it's wrong. But if you had started and stayed with NC back in June you would have had some initial pain and then the pain of the loss but you'd be recovered somewhat or completely at this point.

So what's the you of 10 months from now demanding you do right now?

Hey Chuff... first one to agree with you, made the error of breaking NC, I know its hard, gets harder when kids call you, but I know, I messed up and led with my heart, not my emotions.

I think the txting from her is all finished now, which will allow me even better to go on with my life, hence why I have started counseling..

As mentioned, I am not sure why there is that little piece of me holding on, but it's a crucial piece that I need to find why and destroy, and I felt I overcame a BIG hurdle by staying no contact and not txting her on the Saturday for her Birthday..

I can't change my past, but can control my present and future and that's what Iplan on doing...

Thanks Chuff

LiL