So there's this guy he's 30 years old and he has a girl friend of about 4 years but he's been cheating on her for about two of those years with me. I I am 22 and I also have a boyfriend that I love but I do have feelings for this other guy. We try to spend as much time as possible but its hard considering we both have significant others. We do work together so we do spend a lot of time at work. I don't know what to do anymore though because it really bothers me that I am hurting my boy friend. I have had sex with this other guy and I do love him I just am not sure if he really loves me and if he would actually leave his girlfriend for me. I think he's just afraid of losing her I mean he does live with her, I don't think he wants to hurt her. I hope he's not using me though.. I don't think he is because we don't even do things on a regular basis he's the one telling me to wait that he doesn't want to rush into things. Don't get me wrong we do kiss and make out at work when ever we can. He calls me almost every day.. but it hurts because I see the way he is with his girlfriend and she thinks everything perfectly fine.it just bothers me I wish he would either let me go or tell me that he just wants to be with me I don't know what to do though how can I be sure that he really does love me? I'm just afraid of getting hurt :(

Are you serious? Oh where to start...

First of all, no, he doesn't love you not does he want you for anything more than he already has you. If he did, he would have left his girlfriend of FOUR years TWO years ago when he first started cheating on her with you.

And YOU... you don't want to hurt your boyfriend but you have been cheating on him with this other guy?

He is using you... he is using his girlfriend. You are using him... you are using your boyfriend. You should both get dumped from the poor significant others that you are torturing and get together... you deserve each other.

You seem to be very confused about what love is... you seem to be very confused even about what trust and honesty is... or you just don't care. Either way, you will be doomed to a rather miserable life if you continue to fumble it this way

You have a boyfriend but your cheating on your boyfriend with someone that has a girlfriend and you want to know if the cheating with love you? Then you have the nerves to say you love your boyfriend but not the other guy? Please!

You and this other guy deserve each other because your nothing but liars and have no respect for your partner.

Leave your boyfriend alone and karma will deal you.

Also, your in denial if you think he isn't using you and I don't see where your boyfriend fit into your life. I feel only feel sorry for your boyfriend and his girlfriend and you seriously need a wake-up call like yesterday.

Lady lucky you're no so lucky are you?

You've woven yourself a sticky web of lies and deceit and now you're trapped in it - tangled, confused and deceived.

In response to your question, no he doesn't love you - he's stringing you along because he wants to have his bit on the side. I'm sure it's been pretty nice for him to be screwing 2 women over 2 years. Sadly, he is using you and you've allowed yourself to be used by not having the integrity and self respect to say no.

You're afraid of being hurt. Well, there is going to be a lot more hurt in this situation that you ever anticipated because when the $hit hits the fan, and it will, there will be 4 people that will suffer - not just little old you lady lucky.

May I suggest that you need to think about others, for a change. You've behaved with dishonesty and selfishness in this situation and the consequences are going to be very challenging for you. Try thinking about how you might behave honestly, respectfully and with real interest in the wellbeing of the people that are going to be hurt by your deceit.

This is the only way that you will develop the kind of power that really counts. This is the only way that you will grow to be the kind of person that people want in their lives.

He's been cheating on her for about two of those years with me.


And will continue until you put a stop to his nonsense.

There are so many things wrong with your situation. The others have made a good list.

1) If he really loved you, he wouldn't be with his current girlfriend.

2) Both of you are too scared to leave your significant other because you don't know if it will work out. This isn't fair to your significant others.

3) Both of you are cheaters, so that's probably why you think it might work out. Reality check?!

4) You're treating your boyfriend so unfairly, you're just hanging onto him because you're to scared to be alone. Obviously you don't love him, otherwise you wouldn't cheat on him.

5) There's no way to trust the other guy, because he's a cheater. So who knows how many other girls he cheats with. How would you be able to trust him if you were to start a relationship with him.

6) You don't even feel guilty about cheating, you're more concerned about whether this other guy loves you back.

What you should do is break up with your boyfriend, so that he can have his own life and not live a lie.

Be single, so that you can sort out your cheating problem. There's no way a guy can trust you if he ever found out about your cheating habits.

I hope he's not using me though..

Yeah, and I hope I win the lottery... HE IS USING YOU



Don't think he is because we don't even do things on a regular basis he's the one telling me to wait that he doesn't want to rush into things.

No kidding? He doesn't want to rush out of his home and into an honest relationship with you? I can't believe it.



Don't get me wrong we do kiss and make out at work when ever we can.

I'm sure you do. Makes work fun, does it?



I'm just afraid of getting hurt :(

But who cares about your boyfriend and the other woman's feelings, right?


I'm no expert on figuring out love and the meaning of life, etc. but I darn sure know this ain't it!!

If he is not using you, he would have left his girlfriend for you. You hope he isn't using you but you are using your boyfriend, I find that a little hypocritical don't you think?

What to do? Stop seeing this guy when you have a boyfriend, he deserves to know you are cheating on him. If there is any part of you that "claim" you love him no matter how much it might be, tell him the truth because he deserves to know.

Hey, Unlucky Lady, I was a bit harsh, I know, but you do need a wake up call.

You have a lot to learn about love and relationships. Being by yourself is where you start. You need to get to know yourself, love yourself, enjoy being alone with yourself.

If you care for your boyfriend, set him free to find someone who really does love him and wouldn't cheat on him.

As for the loser you work with, stop fooling around with him. He's not going to leave his girlfriend and even if he did, he's a cheater. You don't want him. He's older than you... you are 22. There's still time to change your evil ways...

Sounds to me like you need to be single for a while. Obviously this other guy doesn't love you because if he did he would have already left his girlfriend for you. The two of you would never be happy together anyway because it is the forbidden that draws you to each other anyway. If it were true love there would be no confusion. Its not all him messing your head up though.. You don't really love your boyfriend either because if you did there wouldn't be a soul on the planet that would really catch your interest least of all if it were some secretive office fling. True love wants to make itself known. True love does not leave room even the thought of someone else. If your boyfriend really was the one for you then you would know it without a doubt and without any desire of any other possibilities. There would be no other possibility to your heart.

Neither one of these men are right for you. Its OK though you are young. Take your time and love yourself enough to leave this mess you've made behind. Allow yourself time to heal and grow into your own person. Then after you've learned to make yourself happy you can find someone that will completely keep your interest instead of you having to stress yourself out and keep a double life. Also by finding that kind of person you will open your own heart up to be able to love someone else the way they deserve to be treated and loved instead of crapping on them. You know you don't feel good about yourself right now so take a step back and a deep breath and do the right thing.. Let it go.

You have got to be the most selfish person I have met on the boards in quite awhile. You don't want to get hurt, yet you hurt your boyfriend who thinks he is with a girl who is being true to him. You hurt your hump buddy's girlfriend because she didn't expect for her dirtbag of a boyfriend to cheat on her. You hurt yourself because you are showing you have no self respect and are easily being used..

Does it love you? Nope, but he sure does love knowing he can call you up for a piece of booty whenever he wants.

Why should he leave his girlfriend when you give it up to him without even dating you? I sure wouldn't, then again I wouldn't do this.

You don't know how to love anyone else, you don't even lose yourself.

Get rid of both of them, your boyfriend deserves better and you need to be alone and figure out what the heck is wrong with your own self

You're perfect for each other. Party till you puke.

Okay, not only does this guy sound like scum, but come on girl. You're cheating on your guy, he's cheating on his girl. And technically you're cheating on one another in the process. Neither of you are faithful lovers, so how could you ever trust each other. If either of you had any class, or any real sense of what love is, you'd have broken it off with your significant others when you realized your attraction to each other. Or at least after you realized the first time wasn't going to be the last. I feel sorry for the people you are with because you are treating them like . And by the way: if he hasn't broken up with her for you, he's not going to. Same goes for you. You're too selfish to really give yourselves to any one person completely. You want to have everything to yourself.

Oh, and the part about you getting hurt: I only hope you get hurt bad enough to learn not to be such a piece of anymore.

Sad sad sad!! No he doesn't love you silly! You and him both should be ashame as women we should never and I do mean never play second we are queens and that is how we should be treated!! Queens always come first(duh)!! End the relationship admitt to your partner and just pray that he can forgive you and that the trust still remains!! (which it won't but its worth a try)!! Good luck :)))