My girlfriend's (3 years) mom is dying, in the hospital a few days left. I never knew her mom/family that well and my girlfriend told me that I shouldn't come.

I feel like I should be there for her. Should I be more forceful? And show up? :S

-eeep

my girlfriend told me that I shouldnt come.



There's your answer.

Just ask her if she is absolutely sure she doesn't want you there, and let her know that you are there for her if she needs you.

Take care

... how will you being there help? You show up...

You: um... hi.
Her: what... are you doing here?
You: uh... umm... uhhhh...

She doesn't want you to go. Don't go.

My boyfriend went through this not to long ago with his father, and as much as I wanted to be there with him through it he told me it would be best for me to stay here. So since that was what he wanted I stayed here and I talked to him as much as I could because he told me that talking helped a lot. So I would say that if your girlfriend doesn't want you there then don't go, but ask her what you can do to help her out, even if it is just talking to her when she needs somebody to talk to.

My girlfriend's (3 years) mom is dying, in the hospital a few days left. I never knew her mom/family that well and my girlfriend told me that I shouldnt come.

So be a good boyfriend do what she asks.


I feel like i should be there for her.

Then do what she asks, and give her space to deal with this loss.



Should I be more forceful? and show up? :S

-eeep

That question is so insulting. Your girlfriend told you to back off at one of the most difficult times in her life. If you really can't listen to her now, when will you listen to her? If she needs you, she'll come to you. If she needs time alone, you give it to her.

Your girlfriend has her reasons for telling you not to be there.
If she needs you to be there, she'll ask for your support.
I think your girlfriend is just looking out for her family.

My boyfriend's father recently passed away from cancer. I too, didn't know him that well before he got sick, I only knew him while he was sick. My boyfriend indirectly hinted that he needed space to deal with this.

When the family received the news that there was no more treatment available, and sent his father home to live out his remaining days in comfort, we were living in another state, and I made the trip to California with my boyfriend to be that support without actually being there.

He asked me to stay at his parents house, but didn't want me there during the day. So I stayed away from the house. I rented a car and visited my own family, went shopping, read books at the park, etc. But I was always within a phone call and a 20 minute car ride away.

When I came back to his house, I went upstairs, and he would come to bed and I would hold him and let him talk about anything he needed to.

The night his father passed away, I was at a friend's house. He called me, sobbing, and asked me to come to the house because he needed me. I waited with him and his family for the morgue to come pick up his father, and even went out and ran some errands so no one had to leave the house.

Trust me. When she needs you, she'll let you know. Just make yourself available.

I'm sorry to hear that!

But if she doesn't want you to come, don't go, don't show up!

There are so many other things you can do! I don't know her reasons for not wanting you there, but it is most likely a very hard situation for her and her family. So let them have these last few days with your GF's mom to themselves.

TYou can show support when she is with you and you can be there for her in the aftermath.

I don't know your GF (obviously) so I don't know what she is going through... but just let her know (if you haven't already)

1. You are there for her
2. If she needs to talk. About this or about her pain/feelings etc. you are there
3. If she doesn't want to talk about it. That's okay to.
4. If she wants you to get her mind of it... well be there. Be supportive. Do things to take her mind of it.

And like raenie star said: just make yourself available... I think that's the most important thing you can do in this situation.

Respect her wishes, assure her that you are there for her if she needs you but understand this is a difficult time for her and you will do what she wants to make it easier on her.