Should I move out?
My Problem is this:

When I was in primary school I fell in love with a boy called Skye

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired... as I really did love him.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.

I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake::eek:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school I went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I received no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.

However this is my problem:

I am now 18... it has got to the point where I can't do nothing anymore.. I HAVE to do something with my life.
I now want? /need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him&but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? Hes going to think I am a bad person .

But the thing is he's studying 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I... will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)

He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it... my dream... dead... finished

Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that I'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can't believe that I Didn't THINK ABOUT THIS years ago&.I just wasn't thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested I him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.

Also, one of the reasons I couldn't cope with school was because of the neglect/emotional abuse that I suffered at home. I thought that if I moved out into the local Foyer/hostel then it would offer Skye a bit of validation that I couldn't cope with/was having a bad time at home and he might believe me then when I told him about the neglect. But... if I stay where I am (living at home with my parents) and go to college then he's going to wonder why it is that I can cope with education/school/college now... but not back then... in short he's going to think I'm making it up about the neglect.What should I do about this?
Should I move out of home? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME MOVING OUT? If I moved out then I thought it would offer Skye a bit of proof/validation that what I told him abou the neglect/me having difficulties at home was true... so he'd believe what I told him. Do you think I should move out of home and into the local hostel/Foyer? It's just... if I don't move out then he'll wonder why it is that I couldn't cope with living at home and education back then... but can now. In short he'll think I'm a liar and I'll lose him.

Also sometimes I don't think I can bear to face Skye at all... and so...
I HAVE DEEPLY CONSIDERED going to Wales and living in a Foyer/hostel there... so that I never have to face Skye ever again (because it's inevitable that we'll meet) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS IDEA? I live in England you see... in the North West of England.
Or could I move out to Wales for a few years... then after a few years in Wales once I've sorted my life out (away from Skye) then come back home/to England again... and try to find Skye then? Or do you think this is a stupid idea? Would I even be allowed to do this? :confused: :confused: :confused:

PLEASE HELP!!

How long has it been since you have seen him?

Do you know whether he is in a relationship right now?

He's not in a relationship currently. Was last in contact 5 years ago
Clemence

In my opinion, I think right now at this point in your life you shouldn't be worrying about relationships with someone you haven't seen in years and should be more focusing and figuring out yourself. Figuring out what your going to do with your life, getting some independence and mainly getting to know who you are. You've been through a lot of emotional trauma and turmoil throughout high school, which is a critical time because at that time of your life your impressionable and naïve and still trying to figure out your place in this world. Dealing with depression while you go through the emotional rollercoaster of being a teenager is difficult. But everyone pulls out of it, I went through the same thing myself and managed to pull through, slowly and still have some bad days but you learn how to deal.

What you need right now is to go do things for yourself like start a career or get a job, meet some new people and make some new friends and go to college. Make yourself happy, learn to rely on yourself and know yourself. Because you cannot get into a relationship without knowing who you are because you'll find if you don't you'll lose yourself in that person and you'll find yourself depending on that person to make you happy, and as well as depending on that person to define who you are.

So I think right now, focus on yourself and in time all the other things will slowly come together for you.

It is very important for you to go to college, make a life for you and do what is best for you. Where you go depends on where the easiest place will be for you accomplish that goal. Planning your life around what you "think" another person may think or feel about you is very unhealthy for you in every way. 5 years is a very long time and people change so much, look at yourself now and 5 years ago. Right now, look forward to the next 5 years and see yourself as a successful college graduate. Never give your power to another person. Keep it, you will need it to get through life.

Moving out might not be a bad idea. Not so much because you have to prove yourself to Skye but because you've suffered so much abuse and neglect at home. As for Skye, I wouldn't worry about whether he'll like you anymore. Don't be down on yourself and don't be so quick to make assumptions. You may find that he will in fact still like you or he may not. I wouldn't build my life around the prospect of avoiding him. Attend the college of your choice, even if it means being near Skye. Keep in mind that Skye has no doubt acquired some emotional baggage over the years as well. I think you're putting him up on a pedestal and casting him in an unrealistic light. That's not good. Remember, he's only human too and that's how you should regard him. He's no more and no less of a person than you are.

You've had a lot of great advice here and I hope you can see that getting your own act together is a lot more important than a 5 yr old relationship that no longer exists. Is there someone a doctor, minister, teacher, coach, or conselor you can confide in, as guidance would help you get direction and focus on the right things.