Hello, I've been having to deal with my one sided love for about a month now, let me explain my situation. Sorry if it's a bit lengthy

I've been best friends with my guy friend for 3 yrs and never had feelings for him. He had been dating this one girl for about 4 yrs and they broke up last July. He has been going through a lot lately like family problems, money issues etc and Ive been taking care of him the whole time. I myself have been going through a lot and have needed his company so I had been staying over his apt for the last couple of months. We have been sleeping in the same bed and everything was just strictly platonic. I started becoming physically attracted to him after staying over his place, and he told me the same thing, but besides that we didn't have any feelings for one another. We started to become intimate but nothing serious because we are both still virgins. It was nothing but pleasure and he told me that if one of us started liking the other we should say something.

I the whole time was certain I had no feelings for him. He wasn't my type and we were just best friends. Even before I realized I loved him I would drop everything if he needed something, and was always there for him no questions asked and vice versa. All of our friends say that we will get married in the future or his friends ask why doesn't he go out with me cause it seems like it. I started noticing I would get a little jealous but nothing intense when he would joke and hang out with his ex (who he was over), or if he made some comment about a attractive girl. I then assumed I was just really attached since we got so used to sleeping in the same bed, and the intimacy. Last month we went to a party together and the girl who was the host got really drunk and started kissing every guy at the party including my friend (which was a long kiss). He told me he didn't want to but he didn't want to embarrass her. At first I felt numb and it was like I was paralyzed. Afterwards every time I thought about them kissing I would start crying and I realized I had deep feelings for him. I don't know what to do. I told him at the beginning that if I ever liked him I would never tell him because I would feel embarrassed afterwards and sad knowing that he knew and depressed because he didn't feel that way too. I would also feel uncomfortable being around him and start to distance myself. Though he wanted me to tell he told me he couldn't bear to have me distance myself and never talk to him. Right now his family is having a lot of problems and he has been very depressed lately. I can't leave him because one, Ive become so attached with being with him everyday and pretty much living with him I couldn't deal with it, and if I distanced myself he would never forgive me and would be alone (he's had friends who hurt him and I don't want him to think I left him). I've been crying a lot and he keeps wondering why and I have to keep lying to him even though I never do. Its hard for me to see him look at girls or make comments and Ive tried to tell him not to, but he is a guy. I want to tell him, but I know things will change and he will watch how he acts with me and what he says and I can't bear it,but I don't want to tell him either because Im afraid that I will resent him and not want to be around him. Please help.

What you do in this situation is ultimately up to you. Although I can tell you from personal experience that if you don't tell him exactly how you feel, that you spend the rest of your life regretting the fact that you didn't. I know how you feel, as far as not wanting anything to change between the two of you. You don't want it to make things weird or put your friendship at risk. But you also never know, maybe by telling him how you feel you might find out that he feels the same way. Don't know if I was any help but good luck!

Thanks for your comment. Yeah I'm kind of having hope that maybe he does feel the same way but it hasn't hit him yet. I may just need more to time to decide what to do about the situation. Thanks

The first thing that jumps out is the agreement between you to be honest with each other about your feelings.

he told me that if one of us started liking the other we should say something.


Next The intimate nature this friendship has taken

I started becoming physically attracted to him after staying over his place, and he told me the same thing, but besides that we didn't have any feelings for one another. We started to become intimate but nothing serious because we are both still virgins.

Honor your agreement to be truthful about your feelings, and maybe set some boundaries as to the physical part of the relationship. (sleeping in the same bed, and what ever your doing short of intercourse) as these are what couples do, not platonic friends.

I must say you sound like a committed couple, and more than just friends. I can understand your fear of losing that. That's why its so important to honestly express yourselves, and get some clarity, and definition, to this fuzzy relationship.

Thanks for your advice. I told him that if I ever did get feelings for him, I wouldn't be able to tell him due to the many reasons above. He said that we should have a strong enough relationship as friends to deal with it. I know, I'm struggling with the decision whether to tell him or not. I need more time. We've decided not to do anymore of the intimate stuff. I have a hope that he will one day see that he may have feelings for me, but then I feel like I need to get over him so I don't wind up getting more hurt.

Again just sitting waiting for him to "maybe" tell you he feels the same way isn't helping anything. You absolutely should tell him. You told him you would be truthful with him so do it. The risk you never take, is the reward you will never get!