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CJ381
May 29, 2009, 07:07 AM
Um, hi. I just want this to end. I am sorry. I have been depressed now for the past few months. I was on track, even writing down Road to Recovery diary.I couldn't get into my doctor do I talked to a close friend who suffers depression and she cleared quite a bit up. Now, again, I am over it. I don't have a job, not through lack of trying. I haven't seen my family for over a year and a half as they live interstate.my partner is always working, then sleeping, then visiting family. Then sleeping and doesn't want to hear my problems. I had come so far then over the last year and half, lost my job, went drinking etc.. Then I got on track.. now because of this one friggin thing.. a job, I feel I have no worth in this lifetime. I hate leaving home now because I see everyone in a job ! I have applied for heaps of jobs . No-one gets back. I have contacted agencies but they use me. I hate it ! I am read to blow! I have saved enough pills to take, when I do blow! I am friggin over this life. Why is so friggin easy for some people and others hard? I am a good person and people seem to on me !

nitelight198073
May 29, 2009, 07:43 AM
Life sucks life is hard but it is no reason to kill yourself... I haven't had a job for over a year.. I have had a stroke and problems in my marriage.. and also suffering from depression.. are you being medicated if you are then it may be time for an increase or change killing yourself is selfish think of your family friends they will miss you

CLuvsSoccer
May 29, 2009, 10:08 AM
Life isn't fair, never has and never will. I completely understand about how some people have it so easy yet others are forgotten. Please, whatever you do, don't kill yourself! Just think about people who will miss you (whether you know it or not, people will miss you) and how much pain it would cause them. Keep looking on the positive and think about the smaller things in life, like how nice the weather is or . Every day look in the mirror and think of something nice to say about yourself, like how good blue looks on you or how pretty your eyes are in this lighting! Yes, life freakin sucks and everyone knows it but it WILL get better. Don't cut a wonderful and valuable life short because things are looking down. I don't know what religion you are, but maybe going to church might help at least a little. Maybe volunteering at a local school or zoo can make you feel better. I hope all goes well for you and things start to look up! If you'd like to talk, message me anytime! I hoped I helped and may God bless you.

simoneaugie
May 30, 2009, 12:02 AM
You reminded me of what I need to do. Make a gratitude list. There are so many good things in our lives. When depression digs in, we forget that plenty of stuff is okay. When everything feels awful, we forget.

Don't compare activities, like having a job, or not. Don't compare how you look compared to someone else. Screw it if someone has more or less money or cool stuff than you do. What matters is what you do. Do one little thing to make the world a better place, like a random act of kindness. It gets you out of yourself and into the spirit of life.

Fr_Chuck
May 30, 2009, 05:13 AM
Sorry no, everyone does not have a job, some areas have as high as 20 plus percent unemployed, I believe it is well over 10 percent nationally ( in the US)

You have a home to live in, a partner who is helping, food to eat.

Guess what I work with people every day who only get one meal a day ( some days) and that is at a food kitchen

They sleep under the interstate highways or behind industrial buildings because they don't have the 5 or 7 dollars that many of the shelters now have to charge for a place to sleep.

Too many people, ( esp men in the US) somehow compare their worth to a job they do, how sad, a job is just something to do, that keeps us busy till we can retire and not have to work.

Can you try to mow yards for a while, go down to a day labor place for day work if you can.

It sounds like you have a lot going on, the people I work with would look at you and go, God I wish I had what he does

0rphan
May 31, 2009, 12:36 PM
Sadly lots of people are in exactly the same position as yourself... it is very difficult.

I think you need to go back to your doctor, tell him how desperate you are feeling, if necessary, write everything down on paper and give it to him, that way you leave nothing out ,plus if your mind goes blank in the surgery, you have it all down on paper... lots of people do it.

You must make it clear to your partner , that you desperately need to talk, even if you have to repeat the writing on paper bit... you must put aside some time just for both of you.

There has to be things around the house that need doing, especially if your partner is always working, I am sure she would love you to clean the house, maybe cook a meal for when she arrives home, washing, ironing and of course the garden/garage etc...

Whilst you still remain searching for work like many others, you would just take on the role of... house husband... many men do and actually quite enjoy it.

The wife/ partner can then come home and relax giving you both more time to relax together.
It's a way of earning your living but on a role reversal... and a valuable role at that.

You could even extend to doing a bit of decorating.

1. make an appointment with your doctor.

2. speak to your partner... even if you have to write it in a letter.

3. role reversal... job... whilst looking for work.

4.THINK POSITIVE