I have become very close friends with someone who is a married man. His wife works quite a lot and he spends many hours at the pool - which I also do - and that is where we met. We have a lot of similarities - in particular, our religion and spiritual beliefs and our attitude about life. We're both really up-beat and it is very refreshing to spend time with him because he is so positive like myself. I am also a single mom to a four year old boy. My married friend has no children - it's just one of those things where he and his wife agreed not to have kids - I think it may be more of her preference, which is fine.

Here is my problem - I have developed feelings for this this man. I have tried to STOP them and ignore and push them down. I think I've done a good job of hiding and masking them and trying to always be in groups of people - not flirt with him. I am also doing some work for his business and so it is a reason that we have been spending some alone time - to work on that stuff. I even asked him if it was OK that he was spending time with me - because his wife may not appreciate it. He said it was fine, as she is constantly out with so many guy friends, and they trust each other. Now, as weeks pass, nothing has changed. Feelings grow. I know that one thing that means a lot to him is his faith in God and he cannot talk about that with his wife as she has no beliefs on the subject. I know - especially because of the fact that we have that faith - we need to be smart and do the right thing and stop this before it escalates to anything.

He is very physical with most people and hugs everyone but I have kept a distance to not hug him goodbye or anything but I gave him a hug last night and he didn't want to let go - he said a few things about how I mean the world to him. I feel the same - he admitted that he thinks about me a lot - too much. He said also that he is disciplined and is just happy we are friends.I know we are on a fine line here. Our feelings our genuine. I am not a homewrecker type - as I have been very hurt in the past by getting cheated on. I would never want to do anything like that.I wouldn't even want him to ever get divorced if I were to blame myself and then who knows if it would work with us anyway. I am a christian - I feel so much guilt about just having these feelings and being so drawn to him.

I know I sound like a bad person and he may also - I just don't know what to think or do. Thank you for any advice you have. Also, I wanted to mention that I am not the typical needy single mom (no offense to anyone but there are some people like that). I am incredibly stable and independent with my own business and life. I enjoy being single and never expected to meet someone and be so drawn to who he is. I really care for him.

It's time for an upheavel in your life.

You need to move the temptation out before you pass a line you can't return from.

You know the best answer for everyone involved is to not have any contact with this man any longer. You know that and yet you are looking for other options that are not there.

You know what you need to do already.

It's time for an upheavel in your life.

You need to move the temptation out before you pass a line you can't return from.

You know the best answer for everyone involved is to not have any contact with this man any longer. You know that and yet you are looking for other options that are not there.

You know what you need to do already.


Thank you. I know you are correct.

I think you knew you were getting too close back in the beginning but you continued on. MArried guy spending time at the pool and you working for him, almost out of a story it's so scripted.

As for him, I'm sure he'd tell you anything at this point. He can't tell his wife this or that, his wife goes out with men all the time, etc.etc. He knows the situation based on your actions and willingness to spend time with him. He see's the possibility of something and your playing along and will eventually make a move when the time is right.

I think you are falling for what almost every women who has these types of encounter's falls for, the whole "special bond" thing. Remember, you're a single woman searching for a partner, he's a married man with an agenda, your most likely on the wrong page. I'm guessing his view of the future is a lot more nearsighted than what I'd imagine your's would be should you take this any further.

Wow, took me a long time to tell you that I think you should distance yourself post-haste.

Forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter.

If you are listening to your heart and thinking of starting something with him, there are a few things you need to think about

(If you read the questions I have posted, you will see that I am "the other woman")

*He may neer leave his wife. Can you handle playing second best to her?

*Is he on the same page as you? Does he have feelings? Or does he see you as a sexual distraction? Is he simply just "flirting"?

*Will you be happy with a part-time partner? If he is married then he won't be able to see you everyday. He won't be there with you and your family at christmas.

Are these the kind of things you would be happy to have in your relationship? Or do you want more than that?

The answers are within you x x x

I also have a question - a lot of people think that the man's intentions are bad and he wants sex. How do you know if it is not the case and his feelings are genuine - even though he shouldn't have feelings for another person.. . I know it may not matter.. just wondering..

I thought his feelings appeared genuine. I doubt he is the type out looking to cheat on his wife, which is all the more reason to make yourself uninvolved.

Thank you so much!

Good intentions, and strong feelings, will get you in trouble every time. Your playing with fire as its so natural for humans to be attracted to one another. Nothing wrong in that. What's bad is when you cross the lines of good behavior, and don't know how to cope with those feelings.

Don't test yourself, just back off a bit and have something healthier to focus on besides him.

Christians cheat too, and get caught up in things that are beyond them.

This is a really sad and difficult situation for you because there is only one answer to your dilemma.

He's a married man, and he's not available - even for an emotional friendship.

BMI makes an excellent point:


I think you are falling for what almost every women who has these types of encounter's falls for, the whole "special bond" thing. Remember, you're a single woman searching for a partner, he's a married man with an agenda, your most likely on the wrong page. I'm guessing his view of the future is a lot more nearsighted than what I'd imagine your's would be should you take this any further.

I would gently extricate myself from the work that you are doing in his business and try to visit the pool at different times to him.

Just ask yourself - if you were married, how would you want your husband to react should he be faced with a similar situation?