Hi,

I've never done this before, so here it goes. I have been in a relationship for the past year and half. We had our ups and downs, but I thought we were happy. A little over a week ago, he sits me down and says he doesn't know if he can see us having a future together. I was devastated. I feel like it came from nowhere and I was completely blindsided. We have been fighting a little and hit a rough spot, but he feels that if its not working now it won't ever work. Instead of wanting to try and work on it, he'd rather walk away? I couldn't believe it! So I moved out last week. I went back a few days later to get the rest of my stuff and he completely avoided talking about anything. I told him that I accepted his decision and felt we shouldn't speak or see each other for a while. He didn't like that at all. He wrote me an email the next day saying it was the hardest day of his life. I didn't write him back, I felt that he was only saying that to suck me back in. It's like if he keeps in contact with me and has his cake and eat it too, he'll get over it and I'll be stuck! But there are just a lot of unanswered questions.
I feel like this is a "cop out" and he is just scared and doesn't know what to do. Since I left, has has not called nor have I called him.
Am I just in denial about this, has anyone ever been through something similar. I just don't know what I am supposed to do. It's like I don't have a choice at all!

Sadly, this is how a lot of break ups happen. You cannot change their mind, so it's not worth trying. Best thing to do, continue NC and do your best to move on. Read the stickies at the top of the forum and you will slowly feel better

Your still in shock, as this came out of no where, but the shock will wear off, and you will be left with some reality. Until then, just take care of yourself, and leave him alone.

Sorry for your loss.

Sometimes, people's feelings change and we have no control over that. I'm sorry to hear that he doesn't want to work it out with you, but it just means that he doesn't care enough about you to even TRY to work it out.

You did the right thing by not returing his email. It was just a pity email. And you are also doing the right thing by not calling him either.

You sound like a very strong girl, so keep that up.

Avoid talking to him until you are completely over the break up.

Thank you! It probably is just shock right now. And I know that I will be OK.. I guess I wish that he was able to say things before it got to this point. It's hard when you plan things out and assume that things will move to the next step. I mean he just bought a house and I literally just moved in a month before this happened. But sometimes things aren't meant to make sense. And I think about if things are bad now, and we actually were married that he wouldn't be able to take it and walk away. I guess I thought he was more ready than he actually was.. We had been really good friends for 4 years and he's always kept me at arms length. The second I tried to date someone else 2 years ago was when he "realized" that he didn't want to lose me.. So that is why I am so confused. I hope someday he will see what he has done... And by then, I will have moved on

It seems like your boyfriend is conflicted. He wanted to be with you but then he didn't because maybe he thought he was missing out on something or someone. But he can't tell you I don't see a future with us and expect for you to stay.

You never know what a person is thinking or the reasons behind their actions especially when they can't be open enough to tell you. You can only guess but even guessing won't pinpoint why a person do what they do.

The only thing you can do at this point is move on and continue on with your life. Don't stay stuck on this and don't let him back into your life because he wants to. I know your hurting but you will survive and you will grow into a stronger person because of it.

Get out and get busy. Hang out with your friends. Take up a new hobby if you have to. Don't listen to sad music or watch sad love movies. Get out and pamper yourself. Get a new hairstyle or get your nails done, etc. Do some volunteer work if needed. Volunteer work helps a lot and it makes you feel good. Exercising makes you feel good to and it is good for your health. Read a good book, etc.

Remember what don't kill you will sure enough makes you stronger.

My ex called me today to let me know I left a suitcase at his house and when he could expect me to come get it. I told him I was busy and I would let him know. He replied saying " I don't want to bother or hold you up since you are so busy all of the sudden, so you let me know when you are coming by and i will make sure that it is ready for you so i don't take up any of your time"
I couldn't believe it!

Sounds like he is having a childish atttitude and treating you like you are the one that broke up with him.
There really isn't anything you can do if he is not willing to discuss why he broke up with you.
If he keeps treating you like this remind him that he is the one that broke up with you
Or you could ask him if he expects you to sit around crying over something you have no control over.

It's better if you get a third person to go pick it up or a third person to bring it to you. So you don't have to have that confrontation. It would just make it even more fustrating to see him.