I'm sorry this is long, but I really need advice this is eating away at me.

so we have been dating for almost 9 months, we hit it off like wild fire. Everything went well. We near christmas time (which was 4 months in) and her mother, who is not a very nice person to being with. Went irate over us. She hates me. Why? She just does, she is very controlling and was in bad relationships in the past. She doesn't even sleep with her 2nd husband she is with. She controls my girlfriend. Demanding things. Taking things. Its her way or the highway. So then she went on a trip for a month out of the country. I broke up with her because of her moms threats to me. I didn't want to end it but I did. So she kept trying to get back with me telling me no worries we love each other. So I did. And it went well. Then one night she went out with some friends. She wanted me to go with but I was to tired. She called me drunk as can be, the next day we fought and she told me she had sex with this random guy. Then I said I was getting back with u.. She said no I was just saying that to piss u off.. so then we were together. The next day she comes clean and says yes we did have sex and I was really drunk and didn't want it or know what was going on, I woke up next to him blah blah.. it was hard to believe her but I did. I took her back she was so sorry and didn't want to talk about it. So then she accepts him on Facebook as a friend, I went nuts! She gets a lot of requests and she said she just clicked accept all, she then deleted him.

recently she told me she has never fallen so hard or fast for anyone and can't believe we made it through so much with her parents and other things. She told me she can't see herself without me and wants me for the rest of her life. She wants to be with me in college this next year and wants a promise ring at the end of summer. (we will both be freshman in collegem but going to different schools)

so then, she broke up with me a month later, she said her mom made her do it. And she can't be with me because she's not aloud to see me. Even though she is 18 and all that.. the next day she texted me and said how much she needs me and we will make it work and was so sorry but is just confused with her mom.. 2 weeks later after I do EVERYTHING to make her happy. I do all the little things for her everything. Bring her dinner to work, bring her to work. Bring flowers to her. etc. she then tells me I'm sorry but I don't have the same feelings for u as I did before. I still love u but not like before. She says she doesn't want a serious relationship anymore and just wants to be chill. She claims that I can't change how she feels.. which is true, but the week before she says HOW MUCH I MEAN TO HER AND SHE WANTS TO SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH ME! I ask why did u say then then? She said I meant it at the time. But I don't know anymore. I know her mom is playing a toll on her, she says she needs her space. But why? She said she wants to be with me and she has had some boyfriends in the past and said we have been through it all and she just knows I'm the one.. now she says she doesn't feel the same about me a week later?? WHAT DO I DO! Someone please help. What is she really thinking? Is she confused about her mom? Does she really love me? She says she does just not the same. But u don't lose feelings like that randomly... I've been losing sleep and I have been sick to my stomach, I love her so much..

if there's anymore info needed I will gladly give it.

Whoa that's a handful.
Anyway, I speak from experience because I had a girlfriend just last year that had a really controlling mother and caused us to break it off. It was on and off, just like your relationship, and she told me she loved me and all that jazz, but in the end she said she couldn't do it anymore.
My advice is this; This girl grew up with a controlling and manipulative mother, and either some of that nature has rubbed off on her daughter, or her daughter is spiteful for it.
It seems like maybe this girl is dating you as a way to passive-aggressively get back at her mother for being so controlling.
Also, this girl seems to be manipulating you and toying with your feelings. She might just be looking for someone to use for attention when she feels she needs it.
As for the sleeping with the other guy, that seems typical with a girl of her nature, and once again maybe just a cry for attention.
Your best bet is to stand up for yourself and stop giving in to her every whim. She clearly can't make up her mind about what she wants, so you know she is already constantly skeptical about your guys' relationship.
I say back away for a while and if she cares she will realize what she would be losing.
At this point its time to stop chasing her.

So stay back, what does that entail? She doesn't have many friends because she moved here last year. And every time we have problems were always there and when she broke up w me. She cme back.. so now were still "dating" yet she says she loves me but not as much as she did. She said when she wanted me forever she meant it last week, but now is confused. She says she doesn't know if she will ever feel the same about me again. But yet she wants to be with me. Why? Will it get better? By the way she's never been with anyone as long with me nor has spent so much time with any other bf;s

I don't want to lose her, and she said all those things to me.. I don't know why she's skeptical.. it makes no sense, what does space mean? She said she's not going to see any guys and just wants space

As for dating me for being able to take her pain out wit me. Why? Its been nine months and she has always chased me.

This relationship is not healthy, because one of you is not healthy. Either her mom dominates too much, or she is using that as an excuse.

You still need to let her deal with her own issues, without your influence, and that does mean leave her alone.

She is just not ready for what you want.

If you really want to be with her, the best you can do in this situation is let her deal with her personal problems on her own.
By stay away, and giving her space, I mean just chill out on the relationship thing. You say she doesn't want to be with other guys but she is indecisive about your guys' relationship.
It sounds like she is confused about what she wants, and the more you try to intervene and try to talk about it, the worse the confusion will get. You want her to come to you at this point, you've been there for her and still are, and she already knows this.
And it may suck to hear this, but I think she's so skeptical about her feelings because she knows how much you care about her and she may be trying to just make you happy, but at the same time its not what she really wants.
With such a controlling mother, you got to think that she probably has spent most of her life trying to please her mom but never got the praise that she was looking for, and she might be trying to stay with you in favor of your feelings not hers.

I'd have to agree, just let her go. I think she might be using her mom speak for her, like maybe she wanted to end it but was afraid to do it and used this as her excuse... or she is the kind of girl who will do whatever her parents say forever.

In either case, this is not someone you want in your life.

I couldn't imagine letting her go. She's told me so many times how much she needs me and thinking about not being her really makes me want to throw up. It hurts really bad and ahh I just don't know what to do. She says one thing then another and I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and I just feel like sitting around all day and thinking of her, it hurts to see her in this prison because we have been through so much. I don't know what to do. I want to give her space but I don't know how too

i couldnt imagine letting her go. shes told me so many times how much she needs me and thinking about not being her really makes me want to throw up. it hurts really bad and ahh i just dont know wht to do. she says one thing then another and im on an emotional rollercoaster and i just feel like sitting around all day and thinking of her, it hurts to see her in this prison because we have been thru so much. idk what to do. i want to give her space but i dont know how too
If you don't back off, you will be on this emotional rollercoaster for as long as you are involved with her. How many times has she told you she needs you? How many times has she said just the opposite?

How to back off and give her space? -- no phone calls, no texting, no PMing, no in-person conversations. Be busy with other stuff. You HAVE to do this if you want to keep your sanity.

If you don't back off, you will be on this emotional rollercoaster for as long as you are involved with her. How many times has she told you she needs you? How many times has she said just the opposite?

How to back off and give her space? -- no phone calls, no texting, no PMing, no in-person conversations. Be busy with other stuff. You HAVE to do this if you want to keep your sanity.

So nlo texting? We haven't had a day in 9 months without talking. How could this work? Would she come back to me? What if she texts me?

If she is being honest when she says she's not going for other guys, then what would it hurt to back off for a bit?
I know it's hard, and I have experience with girls like that, but I've learned that the best thing you can do is either let them get over their problems on their own or move on and find someone who will treat you better.
I know its hard and it will take time to get over it but the way things are going for you now seem to be giving you a lot of un needed stress.

If she is being honest when she says shes not going for other guys, then what would it hurt to back off for a bit?
I know it's hard, and I have experience with girls like that, but I've learned that the best thing you can do is either let them get over their problems on their own or move on and find someone who will treat you better.
I know its hard and it will take time to get over it but the way things are going for you now seem to be giving you a lot of un needed stress.

She said no more constant texting, yet she texts me.. b,c I said I won't text you unless you do me.. what do you think would happen if I just said find yourself and come back?>

I just don't get it, over and over she says I'm the one and how much she needs me and says we have been through so much I {PROMISE TO NEVER LET U GO. Then one day she says I don't feel the same and need space.

Should I say whatever makes you happy? Or do I just say you treat me horrible when I've been amazing I loved you through everything ( my goal is for her to come back to me) I want her to see how lost she is without me but I want to do it the right way.. so what do I do? Not answer her texts? Calls? Anything what?

She's confused about something in her life. You can't expect her to be able to maintain a healthy relationship if she is unable to get a grip of reality and take control of her own life. As long as she is confused like this, your relationship with her is going to continue to be unstable. There's nothing you can do except either wait for her to figure out her problems or just move on, and since you don't want to move on then that only leaves the one alternative.

She said she doesn't want a relationship right now

I meant relationship in general, like your connection with her.
If she doesn't want to date then you have to accept that. You can't force or control any part of her life.
It's just a lot of unneeded stress to have to deal with indecisiveness such as this.
I think you should give it up and just move on, because to me this just seems like more drama than any decent person should ever have to deal with

She says she wants to be by herself right now.. and she doesn't know what she wants. But she said we can be together? Just not relationship:

So what do I do

That sounds like she wants your friendship. If this must continue, it seems like you're going to have to deal with being her friend. If you care about her and want her to be happy you should respect her wishes. By saying she doesn't want a relationship but she still wants you there, that is just fancy talk for saying 'I want to stay friends and I'm not ready or willing to maintain a relationship.' She did say she's not going to go for other guys, so she probably just doesn't want a relationship with you or anyone at all. She needs time to herself. What you should do is remain there for her as a friend and make sure not to pressure her at all. It's probably confusing, but be there for her, don't just abandon her, but also don't smother her, or be there too much, if that makes sense.
Basically, do not talk to her about your guys' love life unless she brings it up unprovoked, and listen to the things she talks to you about. Do not go to her with more problems. Be consoling, not controlling. What she wants is to settle down, but she feels she needs someone to talk to and you're her closest friend right now.

Why be friends though? Will the relationship come back by being friends?

So she said no relationship. I then ended it. Then she said SEE KNEW U Didn't LOVE ME OR CARE Don't TALK TO ME AGAIN! Then on her Facebook she posted so glad its done. Out tonight :)

so she said no relationship. i then ended it. then she said SEE KNEW U DIDNT LOVE ME OR CARE DONT TALK TO ME AGAIN! then on her facebook she posted so glad its done. out tonight :)
She's playing you like an ocean fish. Don't respond in any way. Pretend you now live in a different solar system.

Can you do that?

I said I never wanted to breakup that she did. Then she said I loved you more then anytihng and now I see the real you and how big of an a$$ u are. I said I want her and love her she said don't talk to me anymore and was ignoring my calls.. what to do!

So now she says she's going out tonight to party!

Steve, get a grip!

Don't reply to her when she contacts you. Ok?

I'm trying to tell her how much she means to me.. I did what she wanted then she said I never wanted to break up just needed space, you obviously don't care.. she's like don't talk to me anymore.. I'm going to lose it

Stop texting her or whatever you are doing. You will LOSE if you continue.

She turned it all around on me.. I said I want u. she's like stop talking to me your annoying, she's like I don't want a relationship right now. And I don't wnna be w u. she's like don't text me

What do I do? What will happen?

Why would she say all this stuff? After I did what she wanted she's like SEE I KNEW U Didn't LOVE ME, now she says don't talk to me

Stop texting, Steve!!

Well what will become of this

Have you stopped? Will you stop and listen to my plan?

Yes I sotpped. Whts the [lan

Do not contact her or talk with her in ANY way for the next 24 hours.

Can you figure out why I say this?

Why? What if she texts me or calls me?

24 hours? What will it accomplish?

why? what if she texts me or calls me?
You don't respond to texts, and you don't answer calls from her. (Do you have caller ID?)

24 hours? what will it accomplish?
A lot more than the mess you've got going right now.

Will it help or hurt me if I don't answer. The relationship

will it help or hurt me if i dnt answer. the relationship
Help.

But you have to stick to the no-answering thing. Yes, it sounds wrong, but it works soooo well.

Are you a female? How does it work so well if I don't answer. What if she's like I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN BACK W U IF U WOULD ANSWER or says stuff like that. Or tries to make it a serious point to talk to me.. I'm like her only lover/friend, we haven't ever gone a day w.o talking

are u a female? how does it work so well if i dont answer. what if shes like I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN BACK W U IF U WOULD ANSWER or says stuff like that. or trys to make it a serious point to talk to me.. im like her only lover/friend, we havent ever gone a day w.o talking
Yes, I am female and am also a counselor. Don't let her pull your chain. If you are serious about her, don't reply to her at all! Totally ignore her.

When do I answer

when do i answer
After 9 p.m. Tuesday evening.

Why 24 hrs though?

Why not? Can you make it a longer time?

Wouldn't she be like, see you don't care your not answaring.

OK, so the shorter the time I wait to text her, or answer her then what? And the longest I take. Like till the weeknd then what?

Isn't she saying that now, even if you answer right away?

ok, so the shorter the time i wait to text her, or answer her then what? and the longest i take. like till the weeknd then what?
You would never be able to hold out until the weekend.

I figure 24 hrs is a good time span.

She has all the power now. From what u have heard from my story. Do u think she will be back? Do u think she will continue to play mind games with me? Constinatly saying she doesn't know? Whatwould u do?

I want YOU to get some power. I want you to take off that leash. I want you to not buy into her drama.

She will play mind games if you allow her to do so. YOU have that power.

Will she come back? How do I restore the power

She pushed me around, I then listened to her. She then shut me out.. so do u think she will try to contact me? After she said Don't TALK TO ME ANYMORE

Should I delete her from my Facebook? Should I do something like that? What do I do.. I keep looking at her fbook

will she come back? how do i restore the power
Of course she will come back. You will restore your power by taking control of communication between you two.

But one day will let me have it back? Why do uthink she is so confused and changed her mind all the time!

She needs you to take control. She otherwise is like a feather spinning around in the breeze.

I don't get how last week she loved me to death.. now this week didn't. Then today after I did what she wanted she says she knew I didn't love her and she won't take me back because I just broke up with her? Even though that's what she said she wants?

Her parents have manipulated and controlled her all her life. She needs someone strong in her life to be her anchor.

WhT do u mean needs me to take control?

i dont get how last week she loved me to death.. now this week didnt. then today after i did what she wanted she says she knew i didnt love her and she wont take me back because i just broke up with her? even tho thats what she said she wants?
You don't see through all that?

So how do I be strong?

What do u mean see through all that??

whT do u mean needs me to take control?
She depended on her parents to be in charge and to be strong, but they failed her. Now she needs you to be the steady, strong person who will help her through life.

so how do i be strong?
Think about it. What does that say about her thinking processes?

She depended on her parents to be in charge and to be strong, but they failed her. Now she needs you to be the steady, strong person who will help her through life.

If that was the case.. why would she say don't talk to me anymore. And close the door like that,, and say I don't want a relationship right now.. I want to be the person for her. She has no one else. I want to so bad and I try to make her see it

Think about it. What does that say about her thinking processes?

I'm really stumped.. please help me.. I need this girl. What is she thinking? Because these last couple weeks she's been messing w my head

if that was the case.. why would she say dont talk to me anymore. and close the door like that,,, and say i dont want a relationship right now.. i want to be the person for her. she has no one else. i want to so bad and i try to make her see it
Did she really close the door??

You know she doesn't mean what she says. She keeps changing her mind.

You can be the person for her IF you keep your cool and don't let her suck you into her drama.

Did she really close the door?????

You know she doesn't mean what she says. She keeps changing her mind.

You can be the person for her IF you keep your cool and don't let her suck you into her drama.

But the thing is she said she's sick of the drama?yet she creates it? I just want to be her everything. I want to be her hero. I want to take her away from that horrible situation and just be happy. Because when were together the way she holds me and kisses me I can tell she never wants to leave.. she said the other day when I held her she never wanted me to let go.. but now she says don't talk to me

How do I keep my cool?

im really stumped.. please help me.. i need this girl. what is she thinking? because these last couple weeks shes been messing w my head
Like I said, her parents did a number on her, totally confusing her security. Now it's up to you, to give her that security and safety and stability that she missed out on.

how do i keep my cool?
By not getting into her drama.

I try to give her security. How can I do it if she won't talk to me? How do I not get into the drama>

but the thing is she said shes sick of the drama?yet she creates it? I just want to be her everything. i want to be her hero. i want to take her away from that horrible situation and just be happy. because when were together the way she holds me and kisses me i can tell she never wants to leave.. she said the other day when i held her she never wanted me to let go.. but now she says dont talk to me
Yes, she hates the drama but then creates it because that is all she knows in life, DRAMA, CHAOS, INSTABILITY, INSECURITY, FEARFULNESS. She creates it for herself and, by extension, for you.

i try to give her security. how can i do it if she wont talk to me? how do i not get into the drama>
She can't stay away from you, sounds like.

Has she been texting you during the past hour?

That is true that is all she knows.. but how can I show her differently? I have been so good to her these past 3 weeks. Going out of my way to make her feel good, and doing whatever

She can't stay away from you, sounds like.

Has she been texting you during the past hour?

No she hasn't said anything to me

no she hasnt said anything to me
Ok, good. You don't text her either, or phone or PM or meet with her.

Will you see her Tues?

Ok, I missed most of what you said after I signed off earlier, but from what I've read, this girl sounds like bad news. I know girls like this, and I'm dealing with a pretty harsh break up right now, and I know it sucks, but I'm going to give you the same advice I was given and it's really helping.
Just forget about her, don't talk to her, approach her, contact her, etc.. Just live your own life, if she ever contacts you, be polite and short and sweet, be the better person and she will know she has nothing to play off anymore. She's toying with your feelings because she knows she can.
If you ever want to feel better you need to get away from this girl and move on. I have no idea why you suddenly chose to break things off with her, as posted earlier, because it's not enough to just say it, if you really want to break it off with her now, you have to really break it off. Get away with her, hang out with friends, stay busy, and try not to think about her.
Right now it seems like she's found a nice spot in your head where she can pull the strings and I can honestly say that from what I've read she doesn't care about you at all.
Have some spine and stand up to her.
The biggest frustration for her will be thinking that you don't care anymore and then she will stop manipulating you, but seriously. I highly doubt there's anything there, nor is there a good chance that you guys will get together and be happy.

Ok, good. You don't text her either, or phone or PM or meet with her.

Will you see her Tues?
No I won't be able to see her.. how do I show that I'm the one like she said last week? I don't know why she would do this if I was the one.. say she doesn't want me right now and doesn't want to talk to me and I'm annoying

She just texted me and said hey boy! What to do!

no i wont be able to see her.. how do i show that im the one like she said last week? idk why she would do this if i was the one.. say she doesnt want me right now and doesnt wanna talk to me and im annoying
Stop working yourself up into a panic. Take some long, slow breaths. Relax.

She said do u want to talk or no?

Don't answer.

Omg I want to so bad.. please help

omg i want to so bad.. please help
Nope. 24 hours you said to me, you agreed.

But what if she wants to work it out? Ahhh 24 hours what will it accomplish help

She said helllllllooo??

but what if she wants to work it out? ahhh 24 hours what will it accomplish help
It's not time to work it out yet. If you answer, you will buy into more of her drama and I am history.

Ahh god, I want to answer so bad.. what will she think if I don't answer? She knows I always do and I never go to bed at this hour

Originally Posted by Steve1010 https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/love-shes-getting-manipulated-her-parents-she-doesnt-know-anymore-357731-post1756910.html#post1756910)
but what if she wants to work it out? ahhh 24 hours what will it accomplish help
It may keep you from acting like an immature lovesick idiot, who has no dignity or self respect!

It may give you time to get under control, and not do something really stupid.

She just said whatever then.. F it

It may keep you from acting like an immature lovesick idiot, who has no dignity or self respect!!

It may give you time to get under control, and not do something really stupid.

What do u mean? I didn't answer and by me not doing so she said whatver F it

ahh god, i want to answer so bad.. what will she think if i dont answer? she knows i always do and i never go to bed at this hour
Do you want to take control, or do you want to always do her dance? If you answer, you are back to doing her dance. That will be the end of the plan to improve your relationship with her.

But she just said F it. Because I didn't answer and she knows I'm here looking at what she said

but she just said F it. because i didnt answer and she knows im here looking at what she said
Be patient. You could be dead for all she knows.

Be patient. You could be dead for all she knows.

She will be like you didn't answer so I'm done.. what will she do if I don't answer?

she will be like u didnt answer so im done..what will she do if i dont answer?
She'll be back. And you won't answer again.

She'll be back. And you won't answer again.

What will happen if I answer? Could we work it out? If I don't do you think it will be in her mind ALL night as why I didn't answer? Do you think she's really done because I didn't?

She is punking you out! And your letting her do it?? Do you really think a real guy would allow that? Me, I would vanish from her life, and never look back.

Now she said " wow ur a joke"

what will happen if i answer? could we work it out? if i dont do u think it will be in her mind ALL night as why i didnt answer? do u think shes really done because i didnt?
If you answer, you will totally mess up the plan. Now is not yet the time to work it out. No, she's not done with you.

OK I won't.. but its so hard not too. Because she is saying all these things because I've never not answered her

ok i wont.. but its so hard not too. because she is saying all these things because ive never not answered her
Put your phone away and don't read what she writes.

She said I'm trying to talk to u I have time for once and u pull this crap? Cya

Turn the phone off! If you act like a man, you will be treated like one. No man with dignity, and self respect would allow any female to control, manipulate, use, or abuse them.

she said im trying to talk to u i have time for once and u pull this crap? cya
Put the phone away and do something useful, like take a shower or homework or watch TV.

I accidentally called her when I clicked the text! I clicked end. She just texted me and said ah hello? Why you call?

Put the phone away.

Now she said " r u kidding me? what the F ever"

i accidently called her when i clicked the text!
You expect me to believe it was an accident??

What will she do if I don't answer! I never have not answered! She knows I'm here!

OK it wasn't... aahhhh jeez do I talk to her or no

Yeah, she knows for sure now that you clicked her. Put the phone away on Mute or whatever.

If I don't answer now.. what will happen. What will she think. She's getting really pissed

if i dont answer now.. what will happen. what will she think. shes getting really pissed
She will start thinking you are a man and not her puppet. She will recover from being po'ed.

Why would she think I'm a man if I don't answer? It will just fire her right up even more..

why would she think im a man if i dont answer? it will just fire her right up even more..
Because it takes a man to be strong enough not to dance to every tune she plays.

why would she think im a man if i dont answer? it will just fire her right up even more..

She'll think you're a man because you're no longer putting up with her crap. Men don't lie down and let someone walk all over them.

I don't know how shed think I'm a man, because when I do answer she will flip tomorrow. I put up w her crap because she's going through a lot and I love her to death and will do whatever it takes

Now she said.. "hello, what are you doing"

idk how shed think im a man, because when i do answer she will flip tommorrow. i put up w her crap because shes going thru alot and i love her to death and will do whatever it takes
You are trying to HELP her get past that crap. Remember, you won't communicate with her until 9 p.m. Tuesday -- or at least 12 hrs from when we started these posts.

Where do you live, by the way?

O god, I left my Facebook on. She just messaged me on there

Wi

now she said.. "hello, what are you doing"

Why are you still looking at the phone? Turn it off, put it away, go take a bath or a shower, read a book, whatever it takes.

Stop looking at her messages, obviously you can't handle it.

o god, i left my facebook on. she just messaged me on there
Don't reply.

She's messaging me 2 ways now.. tell me the good that will come if I don't. Because I want to so bad. I think that if I don't she will leave me for good

i think that if i dont she will leave me for good
She will not! I guarantee it!!

Now she says

"hello why do u hate me and wont talk to me?"

Don't answer. Ignore her.

Now she said

"god ur such a D*ck right now"

Should I update my status on Facebook? So she knows I'm there? And didn't like fall asleep

should i update my status on facebook? so she knows im there? and didnt like fall asleep
No. We don't want her to know where you are.

O god, she said I can forget about "us" if I don't answer. She said I'm dead serious

O god quick help do I answer? I don't want her to be done!!

o god, she said i can forget about "us" if i dont answer. she said im dead serious
No, she's not. She's pulling your strings.

It will show I don't care if were done if I don't answer! That's what she will say!

She said she's EFFIN DEAD SERIOUS

O god, she said were officially done forever, good bye u a*s

it will show i dont care if were done if i dont answer! thats what she will say!
Don't answer.

Wow... that is a lot to read...

Steve... I've been there... more than once... if she is playing these games with u, and flipping around from day to day, can you imagine how a future with her in your life will be? Do you think it will be good?

Think about it. If she stops behaving like this, there may be a chance, but she needs to work this out for herself, get herself right.

You have to be strong. If she is not acting right now, don't go crawling back to her if she tells you she is seriously breaking pu with you if you don't reply to her. That's so wrong.

I don't think you did anything to deserve this, so she needs to sort herself out and come to you. If she doesn't, then its for the best, because trust me, you don't want to be with someone like this. You deserve better. No matter how much you think you love someone, this just is not right.

Thanks man, she hasn't replied since she said were done and over forever if you don't answer. I'm really worried that she's serious :(

thanks man, she hasnt replied since she said were done and over forever if u dont answer. im really worried that shes serious :(
She's not serious. In fact, she's worried, and that's good.

She's not serious. In fact, she's worried, and that's good.

How do you know she's not serious? Why would she say that then? Its going to bug me all night now. I don't know how or what I will say to her tommorro night

Why is she calling me names then because I don't asnwer? Now she said...

"hun can't believe ur ending it like this"

Excuse me, not HUN... she said HUH

how do u know shes not serious? why would she say tht then? its gonna bug me all night now. idk how or what i will say to her tommorro night
She said that because it is what a puppet master / manipulator says.

Can you not reply to her all day on Tues?

why is she calling me names then because i dont asnwer? now she said...

"hun can't believe ur ending it like this"
I thought she said it was over. Why is she still texting you?

She said I can't believe your ending it like this..

But now it really is over that's what she said

but now it really is over thats what she said
Yeah, right.

Don't answer her.

See? She said "Its over, goodbye" and stuff, then she comes back to you and asked you why you are doing this

She needs to take some time out and see what you are doing and why you are doing it.

She needs to see that you are not replying to her because you are hurt and she has been hurting you, that she is not right and she needs to work herself out. Then maybe you will talk to her and be with her again, if you choose

So talking to her now and replying to her is not going to give her to chance to see and think about what she is doing wrong.

What is she thinking right now? Ahh god.

She's calling me now!!

what is she thinking right now? ahh god.

Hopefully she is thinking:

"Oh no, I've gone too far and now he won't talk to me again. What have I done? Am I that bad to him? Maybe I am. What can I do to make him talk to me again?"

what is she thinking right now? ahh god.
She is right where we want her.

How will she realize what's she's doing wrong? She will just be like UR THE BIGGEST A*hole IN THE WORLD WOW HOW COULD U DO THIS

how will she realize whats shes doing wrong? she will just be like UR THE BIGGEST A*hole IN THE WORLD WOW HOW COULD U DO THIS
You don't get it, do you.

how will she realize whats shes doing wrong? she will just be like UR THE BIGGEST A*hole IN THE WORLD WOW HOW COULD U DO THIS

Dude... she will blame you as much as she can, as much as she wants, but eventually, in her own mind, she will question why you did this to her because you were never as A**hole to her, so why now? What happened, maybe its her fault...

You don't get it, do you.

I kind of do. Tell me what your thinking

Now she said all right if this is what u want kid..

i kinda do. tell me what ur thinking
I did already. Now you tell me what this is doing FOR her.

I don't know, she's probably really mad and wondering if that since I'm not answering I don't care anymore

Now she texted me again...

"what the F*&("

Calling me again...

2 things are likely to happen,

Either she will go crazy insane and do some pretty bad stuff

OR

She will stop and think "What have I done?"

Don't answer.

She's like freaking out I'm not answering her

shes like freaking out im not answering her

Exactly... that is what you want...

Now she says

So your basically actling like a bg f*er yr ending this.so all those messages were a lie huh? This whole relationship was a big EFIING joke huh? I hate u, your ruined it

SHE is the one who sent messages to you that weren't true...

SHE is the one who treated your relationship like a joke...

SHE ruined it by being the way she is...


Don't worry man, be strong, and do not reply to her...

I don't wnt her to be done... I'm scared now, I won't know what to say tomorrow when I reply

Just ride this Tuesday out... don't reply to her... and don't say anything tomorrow either, UNTIL she contacts you first

Hopefully by tomorrow she will realize you ain't taking her cr*p anymore and she will be scared...

Because earler today I left her messages about how much I loved her.. as she was saying don't talk to me

She will contact me tomorrow first though.. she will and do I answer? What do I say? She will question me about tonight

She's calling me again..

Now she said...

Answer your G*dam* phone

Its getting harder and harder not to answer.. I need support

Don't answer it, leave the phone alone and don't even look at it for the rest of tonight.

It depends on what she says tomrrow. If she says "Hey, Im really sorry about everything"... then you can respond positively and tell her its OK, but tell her how u feel about everything that is going on.

If she responds like " is wrong wit you? How can you do this to me?"... just ignore it.

You will only talk to her when she has calmed down and treats you better. She has to know she can't keep treating you this way

Dude... like people said, go have a shower, do some fun stuff on the computer, play a game, watch TV, do anything other than look at your phone and stuff. You need to ignore her for the rest of the night, no matter what.

What if she just says like, Hey

And doesn't apologize?

So why is she saying "i hate u u ruined it all those messages u left were a lie huh"

No contact until 24 hrs have passed.

That's not good enough... she needs to know she did something wrong and can't treat you like this anymore...

You need to man up and show her you ain't taking her abuse anymore. She can either stop being this way or she can just go.

You don't need to be treated badly by a girl you love.

so why is she saying "i hate u u ruined it all those messages u left were a lie huh"
She is just pushing your buttons.

so why is she saying "i hate u u ruined it all those messages u left were a lie huh"

She is trying to get a response from you. Any response.

If you say yes or no, she won't care, just hearing you say anything will give the power back to her, that's why NO CONTACT at all...

Do you understand yet, Steve?

She's going to be drilling me tomorrow.. saying horrible things.. so then come what 9 pm. What do I say?

If she is drilling you and saying bad things,

Then you say NOTHING

Kind of :) I just need to know what to say tomorrow night after I have 394349 texts on my phone... or what if she doesn't text me at all??
What do you think her emotion is right now?

Calling me again

shes gonna be drilling me tommorrow.. saying horrible things.. so then come what 9 pm. what do i say??
Ignore her. Don't answer.

Pretend you are me and I am you. What would you tell me about after 9 p.m.

Now she said


Wow thought u were different.. clearly not

Either way, only reply to something positive, apologetic and nice. If she is still giving you attitude and saying bad things, then she hasn't realized or learned anything yet and she needs more time...

She is currently going crazy, very angry at you right now, thinking you are horrible, but if she doesn't see that she is and has been in the wrong, then there is no hope for her..

Ahh I don't know? I'm sorry?

But it could be to late by then.

now she said


wow thought u were different.. clearly not
She's a little button pusher.

now she said


wow thought u were different.. clearly not

Haha... still trying to get a response from you... to get anything from you...

This is typical... she is saying things she thinks will get a reply from you... Don't give her the satisfaction...

If it was really over and if she really hated you, do you think she would be sending you all these messages right now? Would you keep abusing someone you don't want to be with anymore?

ahh i dont know? im sorry?

but it could be to late by then.

Why would you say you are sorry? You last message to her was "I love you"... don't be sorry for anything...

SHE is the one who should be sorry...

I'm not sure what is going on.. I'm scared she won't say anything to me tomorrow.. or she will FLIP when I answer that night

I don't know why this whole night, all those texts I didn't answer.. she never said I LOVE U, or sorry

She hasn't said anything in 15 minutes, last text was

Wow thought u were different. Clearly not

im not sure what is going on.. im scared she wont say anything to me tommorrow.. or she will FLIP when i answer tht night
Let's talk about Tues night when you talk with her.

You will NOT apologize and you will talk in short answers, like Yes and No. If she gets weird again and acts like tonight, hang up or stop texting. Just say Good Night.

Let her do what she wants to do..

All you need to do is the right thing...

She has gone off the handle, said all these things to you, treated you badly, and you didn't deserve it.

Don't contact her, that's all... if she talks to you nicely tomorrow, and asks why you didn't talk to her, say you aren't going to be spoken to badly anymore, that you are standing up for yourself and that she needs to sort herself out, because you meant everything you said to her, and you love her, but if she wants to have a future with you, she needs to sort herself out properly

idk why this whole night, all those texts i didnt answer.. she never said I LOVE U, or sorry
Ah, interesting. Glad you noticed that without me having to point it out.

Thanks a lot guys, I work from 7am-330 I'm sure I will have tons of texts. So I don't know if I say anything if she says sorry or wait till the night, I don't know if I can wait till the night..

Why do you think she's not talking anymore?

Ah, interesting. Glad you noticed that without me having to point it out.

Why wouldn't she though? Is she trying to see if I crack so she has the power again? Will she surrender to me tomorrow?

You must be strong and not give into the urge to talk to her.

Be a man, be strong and don't let her push you around.

She is probably tired of saying all this hurtful stuff, and hopefully she is going to stop and think now...

thanks a lot guys, i work from 7am-330 im sure i will have tons of texts. so idk if i say anything if she says sorry or wait till the night, idk if i can wait till the night..

why do u think shes not talking anymore?
She's probably exhausted. You haven't heard the end of her. Don't give in before 9 p.m.

why wouldnt she tho? is she trying to see if i crack so she has the power again? will she surrender to me tommorrow?

Its not really about who has the power. It has to be balanced, but if she treats you badly and stuff and you still come after her, you are like a love sick puppy and she knows she has control over you because she has your heart.

You need to show her that yes you love her, but she can't treat you like this anymore. You will only respond to her love and respect.

What if she's like " why didnt u tell me that last night then when i was trying to talk to u!!"

why wouldnt she tho? is she trying to see if i crack so she has the power again? will she surrender to me tommorrow?
She won't change her ways by tomorrow. You still have work ahead of you.

If she says sorry before 9pm. I don't know how I can wait to talk to her

what if shes like " why didnt u tell me that last night then when i was trying to talk to u!!"
"Wud u have lissened?"

O god what else do I have to do?

Tell her you were not going to talk to her when she is not respecting you.

If she wants love, she has to respect you as a man, and as a person.

When she is calling you names and saying bad stuff, that's not respectful and therefore you will not respond.

Basically, if she wants you, she has to treat you right.

If she doesn't realize this, if she doesn't treat you right, then you shouldn't be with her

God its still bothering me when she said thought u were different. Clearly not

if she says sorry before 9pm. idk how i can wait to talk to her
You really enjoy being a puppet, don't you.

god its still bothering me when she said thought u were different. clearly not
And I'm lmao... it's sooooooooooo lame!!

So what do I expect tomorrow? Like what do u think she will say?

No.. I just don't want to lose her by not talking to her

so what do i expect tommorrow? like what do u think she will say?
Are you in the Central Time Zone?

do u think she is saying IM DONE, to get me to answer? Lol she said she was done like 3 hours ago?> then randomly texted me saying " hey boy" like >?

Yes I am, I have to get up at 630

do u think she is saying IM DONE, to get me to answer?? lol she said she was done like 3 hours ago?> then randomly texted me saying " hey boy" like >?
Like my grandfather would say, she is full of applesauce.

So no matter how long it takes for me to answer do u think she truly needs me and wants to be w me? And its driving her crazy I'm not answering

so no matter how long it takes for me to answer do u think she truly needs me and wants to be w me? and its driving her crazy im not answering
Yes to all questions. And if you screw this up, you will lose her.

How can I screw up?

so no matter how long it takes for me to answer do u think she truly needs me and wants to be w me? and its driving her crazy im not answering

Its driving you crazy not answering, and its driving her crazy now getting a reply. Lol!

If she really loves you and needs you, you will know from what you are doing now.

She needs to sort herself out...

After 9 tomorrow night, whatever she says, listen (or read) and don't answer right away. Think about it. Is she being respectful to you or not. Is she being loving or not. Answer nicely if she is, and, if she isn't, tell her you won't reply until she is respectful and loving.

But what does it matter answering at noon compared to 9 at night?

Then give very simple and short answers.

but what does it matter answering at noon compared to 9 at night?

Time... she needs time... and so do you...

If I answer short answers. She will be like WHY Didn't U ANSWER LAST NIGHT WHY! OMG WHY UR SUCH A JERK

if i answer short answers. she will be like WHY DIDNT U ANSWER LAST NIGHT WHY! OMG WHY UR SUCH A JERK
Then say Goodbye and stop communication.

Then say Goodbye and stop communication.

Exactly... if she doesn't respect you and treat you well, then you don't to her... she has to learn...

Exactly... if she doesn't respect you and treat you well, then you don't to her... she has to learn...
No extra words, no apologies, no explanations, no blubbering -- just Goodbye.

OK guys, I have to go to bed now.. thank you all SO much for your help. I will do what you said and be back tomorrow so check the thread.. thanks so much I really mean that thank u

ok guys, i have to go to bed now.. thank u all SO much for your help. i will do what u said and be back tommorrow so check the thread.. thanks so much i really mean that thank u
I'll pray for you to have courage. You can do this. And it will be so wonderful in the end!

So what do I say to her when she says why didn't u answer me last night?

so what do i say to her when she says why didnt u answer me last night?
You don't have to answer every question. Ignore that one and wait for one you want to answer.

Good luck man... Be strong...

OK thanks good night

For when you wake up-

Have the balls to tell this female your sick and tired of her BS!

Tal, perfect response. Eventually he will get the idea and use our advice.

Tal, perfect response. Eventually he will get the idea and use our advice.
Yeah, I was trying to be uplifting, but I see disaster looming around the bend. And the NC for 24 hrs is more for him to rethink this and to regroup than for the relationship.

Steve, I hope you're still hanging in there and taking the good advice that was given to you on this thread. She needs to know that she can't control you. When you do have contact, like Wondergirl says, only respond to respectful questions. If she calls you a jerk, you must tell her that you want to be treated with respect. Tell her that you won't respond to any disrespectful comments, and tell her goodbye. You are not chasing her away... look at how many times she continued texting and calling last night after she saw that she couldn't control you into answering her!

She used every trick in the book last night... she is not about to let go of you. You must get some power in this relationship, or it will always be her pushing you away, and then pulling you back... only to push you away again.

Please come back tonight and give us an update!

Take care...

OK so here's what happened, she called this morning on my break so I answered.( to see if shed be nice) she was and I told her I want a relationship and she can't treat me crappy anymore. So after that we were texting. She then said that she didn't want to end the relationship.. she said I did. Even though she told me she didn't want one anymore. So I end it. And she flips, she's like "i never was gonna do that, u ruined it" she started telling me we can be together and she need her space, ******THEN I asked I can be the only guy, she then says I can do whatever I want. If I want to see other guys I can, I'm not yours anymore were not dating.. she then said she doesn't intend to see other guys, just telling me that she can if she wants. So I said NO WAY. She then said fine, were done.. so sadly I fought about it with her, she then says o jordan you were the best boyfriend I've ever had I want you to know that. Our relationship has just taken its course. But I still want to be more than friends.
So I said no. and now I said rethink it and she said OK I need time and space... so I don't know what happens next she hasn't texted me in an hour