Threads merged for the whole story

I have been dating this amazing guy for about four months now, but he has just graduated from high school, and I have a year left of school to go. I have told him that if he needs his space, I will give it to him, meaning that since we will not be seeing each other as much anymore, I am not trying to keep him tied down. I am in love with him, though. Deeply. We have a very intimate relationship. I know that I can stay in love with him through this last year of high school even if I don't see him everyday, but I'm not sure if his love will remain as strong. He tells me he'll love me always, but does that mean he plans on marrying me eventually? That he can accept the distance between us this coming school year? I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to hold him back.

It's really nice that you don't want to hold him back, but don't you think that's his choice to make? He's a big boy now, he can make up his own mind.

Don't worry so much and enjoy the summer together since you're still in the same city. Don't worry about future problems that may or may not exist.

Love is a funny thing he most likely believes he loves you but real love takes time to grow and strengthen. Give it time.

Just enjoy it - whatever it is. Why do you need to analyse it?

You like him he likes you - what more do you want?

As N0help4u says, take it easy, take your time and have a good time.

I want to be with him forever, I don't want to believe he is in love with me and find out later that I meant nothing to him.

I think if he is really expressing his feelings like this, he must really believe that this is true, and it might seem weird but from experience, it could be that he keeps saying it and expressing his feelings because he's afraid of losing you and this is the only way he can set up 'barriers' to keep the two of you together. Either way, the result is that he really wants to be with you and stay with you, so try not to stress about it unless you don't feel the same way about him, in such a case you should talk to him about it.

First off there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships. It will even work or it not.

A relationship will work and last as long as the two people involved wants it to work and last because after all a relationship takes two to work not one.

In a relationship going have your ups and downs, sad and happy moments but as long as the two of you work as a team you can overcome anything together.

As long as you have strong comunication, honesty, trust, respect, and can compromise it can work and last.

Now he can say over and over he loves you but actions speak louder than spoken words. So right now have fun with each other and let the relationship grow. I am should this is your first serious relationship so don't put too much pressure on it because only he knows how he really feels about you and you should know at this point.

I want to be with him forever, I don't want to believe he is in love with me and find out later that I meant nothing to him.

Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but life is not like that. Difficult to see at your age I know. Nothing is forever - all things change - this is not a bad thing.

Try to live in the present and enjoy what is happening today. To live for what might or might not happen in the future will only create disappointment. You are very fortunate to have someone in your life that loves you. He is in love with you at this moment, today - why don't you just see that for the gift that it is and accept it?

Again, why do you need to analyse something that should bring you joy and happiness - the unconditional love of another person? Try and return this love, unconditionally without expectation. You will be much happier in your relationship and within yourself if you do.

Most likely he does have strong feelings that you can build a relationship on, but as gemini54 said you have to go with what you understand now and see where it leads.
Even many relationships that look like the perfect couple often end up broken up but they would have never known if they didn't try and that doesn't even mean he never had feelings for you.

Just keep enjoying yourselves, and see how you feel in 30 years.

Threads merged for the whole story

I am seventeen years old. I have reached my breaking point; I no longer feel as though I can live the way I do. I want to committ suicide. The only thing I have to look forward to is being with my boyfriend once I turn 18, but that is 5 months from now.Is there any POSSIBLE way I can be with him, marriage or just to live with him, without the consent of my mother? That is the only thing that will give me the will to live, someone please help me with this. I cannot go on this way.

I just read your other questions.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/im-seventeen-want-emancipated-how-393113.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/can-marry-seventeen-if-pregnant-385433.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/womens-health/implanon-still-get-pregnant-396875.html

I have some questions:

How does your mother treat you? Are her "rages" a mental/emotional/physical problem or an over-protective parent? When did her "rages" begin?

Are there any other family members/friends who could help you?

Have you talked to anyone other than your boyfriend's parents? Like a school counselor or clergy?

Would they be willing to foster you until you turned 18 even without being married/engaged to their son if your mother was willing to allow you to live with them? Do they know about the suicidal thoughts?

Have you looked at any other options than marriage or emancipation?

I am worried that you are planning to jump from one bad situation into another. You talk about suicidal thoughts and only he makes you happy. That won't get better when reality hits that the stresses of living day-to-day and making a living put strains on your relationship.

I just read your other questions.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/im-seventeen-want-emancipated-how-393113.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/can-marry-seventeen-if-pregnant-385433.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/womens-health/implanon-still-get-pregnant-396875.html

I have some questions:

How does your mother treat you? Are her "rages" a mental/emotional/physical problem or an over-protective parent? When did her "rages" begin?

Are there any other family members/friends who could help you?

Have you talked to anyone other than your boyfriend's parents? Like a school counselor or clergy?

Would they be willing to foster you until you turned 18 even without being married/engaged to their son if your mother was willing to allow you to live with them? Do they know about the suicidal thoughts?

Have you looked at any other options than marriage or emancipation?

I am worried that you are planning to jump from one bad situation into another. You talk about suicidal thoughts and only he makes you happy. That won't get better when reality hits that the stresses of living day-to-day and making a living put strains on your relationship.

My mother takes out all of her frustrations on me, sometimes in a violent manner. She has thrown me against a wall before in anger. Her rages began after the death of my father. I believe she is hostile towards me because I resemble him. I honestly believe she has a psychological problem; she has been to counseling before, but I have noticed no change in her behavior.

I am not close to any other family members.

I was not sure who else to talk to other than my boyfriend's parents.

They would be willing to let me live with them, however, my mother would NEVER agree to it. My boyfriend knows about the suicidal thoughts; we have both dealt with depression since my miscarriage a few weeks ago, so we really need each other.

I was not sure of the other options beside marriage or emancipation, that's why I am so desperate. I am just looking for options that won't require parental consent.

My boyfriend and I are prepared, don't worry. We will also be supported by his parents all the way. I understand how this could seem like a bad situation, but I assure you, I will be much better off.

Let me play devils advocate here... being I've known underage girls who have it in their head that they SHOULD move in with their boyfriends... have babies and have no idea what freedom and responsibility costs... it ain't free, let me tell you. And without a College degree much less a high school diploma you aren't going to make much money. Not nearly enough. I've know too many who with ZERO real life experience think they have it ALL figured out. When they don't have the first clue that your fantasy is never what reality is.

Listening to what you have said here, and how you have said it. I'm willing to bet no small part of your mothers anger is a result of your own behaviour. Take a step back... you aren't even talking reasionible here. First its suicide, then its marriage, then its emancipation... exactly how do you plan to pay for rent, pay for utilities, pay for food, pay for insurance and any other incidentals life requires when you haven't even finished high school.

And you won't be earning anywhere near enough working in the food court at the Mall, even if boyfriend does too.

Besides offering you a place to live, have the parent's talked about going to the police for the abuse or to a school counselor?

It may be difficult, but I think you need to at least tell them about the suicidal thoughts. They sound like they are very supportive and will help you work through the problems. That and they need to have all the information you can give them to help the both of you make good decisions.

One reason I suggest going to a school counselor is that they should have the information on where to go, who to talk to, and what your choices are.

Threads merged for the whole story

I have just turned 18, and I want to marry my boyfriend of one year. We truly love each other, and his family accepts me. My mother treats me horribly, and has done so for too long. My boyfriend has always been the one I lean on for support when my mother puts me down. I can only be happy if I marry my boyfriend (18 as well) and live with him. However, he is not convinced that we should marry so soon, just because he is still in college. I think that if we both work, we can both still go to school even after we marry. How do I convince him to marry me??
*please do not tell me I'm not ready... I only want advice as to convincing him to marry me, not q sermon about how "i don't know what i'm doing". Thank you,

Your boyfriend said he is not ready to be married yet, why not respect his wishes?

You say you love him, then don't try to trick/convince him into doing something he is not ready for. He will end up resenting you.

If your 18 and think you can manage,why not try living on your own first.

if your 18 and think you can manage,why not try living on your own first.

Great point Red, and to add to it- marriage shouldn't be seen as a way to escape your family situation.

Why can't you enjoy what you have until he is ready?

Are you pregnant? That's the only thing I can think of that would make you so desperate. (you do sound desperate)

Help me understand why you can't wait until he is ready on his own, to be married to you, so you don't get the lecture that you will hate.

So my boyfriend (of a year and a half) and I had this horrible breakup which resulted in us spending a couple months apart before we got back together. During our separation, I had sex with another guy whom I had been talking to for months. Now that my boyfriend and I are back together, I am still sleeping with the other guy from time to time. I know I should feel bad but I don't.. I guess I feel like my boyfriend deserves it for hurting me so much in the past. Anyway, my boyfriend has bought me a ring and wants to marry me. I am in love with him but I can't give up the sex with my other guy. Any advice?

Say no, since anyone that is still having sex with another person is not in "love" with the other.

In fact you are trying to excuse your immoral behavior by blaming him, What happened during break up time is one thing,
Merely tell boyfriend you are sleeping with sommeone else, and the issue will solve itself

It's a requirement for marriage that you tell the one you're going to marry if there is any other guy in your life. Once you tell him there is, the problem will be resolved.

You have two' men' in your life, one of whom loves you so much he wants to marry you.

The other is an occasional booty call, with which you happily comply, not willing to give up.

Your boyfriend wants to marry you someday, despite the fact that you lie, and cheat, and have the moral fortitude of an ant.

I don't know what kind of answer you are expecting- are you looking to justify your behaviour somehow?

If you are a teenager, you are learning the hard way that a solid, loving relationship does not include three people. That would be one person too many depending upon your math skills.

Give your head a shake, try being honest, and try being strong enough to admit when you are stringing along a person who loves you- let him go.

When some one cannot manage their own affairs or feed themselves or are healthy enough to know they have issues to overcome, then I doubt seriously if they are ready to be a partner in life.

You think getting married will fix all the confusion? It will NOT! It makes things much worse, especially if your looking for someone to make you happy, or make all your problems go away.

Doesn't work that way, sorry.

I had been talking to this guy for about 6 months. We would text all day long sometimes, and nearly every day. I was dating someone for most of that time, but I was seriously crushing on this guy. So once I ended my relationship, I decided to go for it.the guy invited me over to his house where we ended up having sex. Afterwards, things were very awkward. He and I can barely keep a conversation going in person but we continue to have sex. We also don't text anymore. I know that the obvious interpretation is that he's using me but its hard for me to believe that after all the time he has invested in me. Any thoughts?

I'm not really here to judge...

But honestly, the reason that so many guys (and girls) come on this website to ask questions is because of girls like yourself. You had a boyfriend, yet to continued to talk to a guy and began "crushing" on him... then you moved on very quickly to a new guy, had sex with him, and now you're thinking, "Jeez, what's wrong with this?"

... I have a feeling your ex boyfriend is on this site asking, "My girlfriend dumped me and moved on with this other guy...what do I do?"

But again, I'm here to offer advice, not judge. Yes. He used you.

There was too much texting and not enough actual in person conversation. Then you two just had sex. So the mystery and excitement was over very fast. This is why it was very awkward. You two moved way to fast and there's nothing left now.

I think the time he invested in you was to serve a purpose and that purpose has been served. You spent so much time texting, and you also got into something with this person too soon after you ended a relationship.

Do you and he do anything apart from having sex? I mean does he take you out, do you talk, or anything else, like one would do in a usual m/f relationship? Any interactions between 2 people is deemed a relationship.

I agree with previous poster we aren't here to judge, but as you mentioned your thoughts of being used, then I agree you probably are being used. With that said, you now need to ask yourself, is this what you want, or not. If not then you need to consider stopping contact with this person.

Texting is not much of an investment. I am a man and have had texting relationships with women, and it is easy to NOT put a lot of heart into what you are writing. Plus, it's so impersonal -- there is no face to the words, just a fantasy. You said that you can barely keep a conversation in person and no longer text... so it seems like all there is is the sex part. If you keep coming around, of course he will keep having sex with you. Are you using him?? What is it you want from the guy? You might want to talk to the guy about it.

You are totally out of control, and a long way from reality. Leave the guys alone and find yourself. You need a counselor really bad and not a sex buddy, or an ex who wants to marry you, so you can get away from a dysfunctional household.

You are looking for love in all the wrong places. Get the help you need by talking to someone you really trust, who wants nothing from you.

Has anyone been following this? Here are the high points:

May 14 – wants to be with boyfriend who may or may not want to be with her;

May 7 - birth control removed, unprotected sex, thinks she’s pregnant (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregnancy-new-motherhood/early-pregnancy-symptoms-not-469410.html)

April 24 - birth control removed, unprotected sex, thinks she’s pregnant (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregnancy-new-motherhood/pregnant-466665.html)

April 21 - birth control removed, unprotected sex, thinks she’s pregnant (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregnancy-new-motherhood/pregnant-466665.html)

April 9 - trying to have a baby but has “situational issues;” can his sperm be frozen for later use (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/womens-health/semen-injection-get-pregnant-463677.html#post2308485)

Oct 24, 2009 - on antiobiotics; can she get pregnant (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-health-wellness/implanon-macrobid-409186.html#post2049335)

Feb 10, 2009 - she’s 17, he’s 18, is it rape (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-health-wellness/implanon-macrobid-409186.html#post2049335)

OP needs a lot more knowledge if she intends to continue to engage in sex.

... ouchies.

...ouchies.

I third and fourth that. :D

Trying to keep this on topic and not have threads serious issues taken away, so thread cleaned up slightly.

Glad you set it up in the correct time frame.