I hate myself!
I am 17 year old male and everyday is the same thing with out any change, but I am stuck at home with no friends while my dad is at work, I ride the bus to school so I can't go do anything. I moved in with my dad so I have no friends I started a new school this year and left my friends behind for some stupid reason. The only people that I talk to from my old school is my 2 ex-girl friends so I can't talk to them about anything like this (they both broke up with me because I said no to sex and took the GODLY way) . I'm shy and stick to myself alone in a corner during school. Im nothing to look at and anytime I see some one that I think is good looking I get happy then I realize that I never have a chance with anyone like that and then I automatically start cursing myself for it. I can't even get called on in class to answer a question with out having a panic attack (because I'm on the spot). And then when I get home I listen to music and get very depressed and some how I hate myself for hating myself if that makes sense? Then when I go to sleep I can't sleep it takes me literally 2 hours for me to go to sleep, but I end up crying myself to sleep because it all hits me that I'm a nobody that is left alone. My dad is the only person that actually talks to me! My mom is the reason that I moved, ever sense I was little my parents have been playing favorites she picked my other two brothers and my dad picked his girl friends son. There for every thing I have gotten is not new but used, and they take the cheap way out for me. The only thing I have that is mine is my glasses and my class ring (which they fought who would have to pay for). Plus my brothers got there drivers len. When they turned 16 and they got there cars handed to them and the bills for it tooken care of, and I have no license and I have to buy and pay all bills that have anything to do with a vehical! I have thought about suicide before (I am not crazy) but I am some what of a christian so that's not going to happen! I don't know I guess I just need some on. Anyone who could help me!

I'm not sure if this will help,
But 1st of all don't think that you have no chance. Try getting into a group of somesort like at school or something to get to know people, and start from there, are you good at any sports, because if you are you could do that, I'm not sure about the area you live in but if there is an underage night club why not go there, and get to know a couple people there, I know it might sound lame but it might work, and just letting you know scuicide solves nothing.

Fair enough brother.

I can relate, I too moved around your age to a new town but had no friends. My parents bought my brother and sister stuff a lot, but not so much me; oddly enough that was what made me stronger then them, as I'm not as dependent as them, and I'm also more appreciative of what I have, rather then what I dont.

Break out of your comfort zone, think out side of the box, then try new things so you can learn to be comfortable with them; thus expanding your comfort zone. Try to see if you can't join a club in school hours, like at lunch or what ever. You may make a friend who's parents, if they don't have a car themselves, can give you a ride for events.

This may sound lame, but try looking into different agencies around where you live, like youth programs, and such. It's not a weakness to ask for help, that is acctually a strength. It asking for help when you don't need it. But you need information and they can give that to you, mybe even a counselor. They are not what people would have you assume they are. A counselor is like a tool and you have to figure out how best to use what information that tool gives you. They can give you a great idea for direction and possibly find you rides into town or what ever is needed.

As for your hating yourself, you don't hate yourself, you hate that you are not what you feel you are supposed to be. Societal veiws are a big pile of crap! No I'm not kidding. We make all these ideals for people to live up to and when they don't we get angry with them, espcially when it's us. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and when the time comes we will learn how to over come obsticales.

I have some more info for you, I'll talk to you later, but I really need to sleep.


May peace and kindness be with you.

P.S. sorry if I don't make much sense, I'm just very tired.

I also understand where you are coming from. This year I am turning 21 and I have never had a car in my life, though by the time my sister was my age she had had probably five paid for by grandparents. Also, I have a bad relationship with my dad (who seems to choose most things above being a decent parent). As a result I have to pay for everything that I want, right down to schooling (a car is nothing compared to this).

I think Nestorian gave you some good advice about looking into local agencies or youth programs. When I was in high school I signed up for an Upward Bound program that really helped me. It gave me a lot of self confidence, I had a lot of fun, and made many life-long friends. This was a program designed to encourage first generation college seeking students, so you may not be eligible for something like that. But you can find something; talk to a guidance councilor. Join a club, even if you don't want to talk to people; someone will want to talk to you.

I also struggle with depression. Again I agree with Nostorian about not hating yourself. Although I must admit that I went through a period of hating myself when I started college. It only leads to mistakes, seriously.

Don't think that you don't have a chance. My boyfriend was a virgin into his twenties when we met and fell in love. He used to be very shallow about women because he thought that no real woman would ever love him; they (the women he wanted) didn't pay attention to him, probably because he is sweet and has a bit of dorky side. He has told me since that I boosted his self esteem so much, that I changed his ideas about women; he says that what is inside is now more important to him than what is outside.

You are young and I'm sure you will find a girl someday. Let's face it anyway, a lasting high school relationship is rare and usually not as pretty as people tend to think.

Just as a final note, I realize that the last few things I said make it sound like I'm saying "Nice guys finish last." First of all, I don't believe that at all. But one thing that I would like to say (if you are afraid of that) is that nice guys (and people like us who don't get everything handed to us) are more like the tortoise racing against the hare. Although the tortoise is slower and the hare gets a quicker start, the tortoise still wins.

Hang in there kid. You have a long life ahead of you and many surprises in your future. One thing that helps me is prayer (which can just be some form of meditation) and reflection. Like HarvSavag3r said, things like this will make you stronger in the long run. I have faith in you, and will be thinking about you so don't give up. Be a Duck, and let it roll off your back like a drop of water.

Good luck, and I hope that I could be of some help darlin'.

hi chick,
I have bin in the same place of u I joined Facebook so I had people to talk to and it worked I had about 3 friends then I just clicked on random people n now I have over 400 friends to talk to and it really did make that diffence and there are chatrooms that I use were u can tell them everything and they talk back to u with great ideas just Google them it really did help me hun xx

try getting into a group of somesort like at school or something to get to know people, and start from there, are you good at any sports, cos if you are you could do that, im not sure about the area you live in but if there is an underage night club why not go there, and get to know a couple people there, i know it might sound lame but it might work

I live in the country away from town

I hate to keep pushing this, when I don't even know if you are interested or eligible, but I know that the Upward Bound program I was in provided transportation to students. I have always lived out in the country and my mother couldn't be home until past 7 in those days. We would just stay after school and then the bus would pick us up and drop us back off later. I'm sure there are other youth programs that will provide transportation. You just need to find out which ones will. There are many after school programs you could join and I am sure that you may be able to find a teacher or staff member willing to bring you too and fro, minimal embarrassment (I know, because I was one VERY proud, VERY poor kid). Not to mention, once you start meeting people I am sure you will have friends willing to help you with a ride. Once again, I suggest that you speak with a guidance counselor.

Avenged_11, Why do you hate yourself, other than for hating yourself?

There is always a reason, and until you discover this reason, you won't beable to face it, accept responsibility for it and eventually over come it. As Yoda says, "Named must your fear be, before banish it you can."

“If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?” ~John Lancaster Spalding

One thing you may consider, if you are some what christian, find some local christians, and see if you can't pal around with them, maybe you just need to really discover whether you are christian (religious or not.). Youth group and such, I'm sure they'd give you a hand and give you a ride now and again. That's what they are there for. Heck, I'm not christian (really, I was s'posed to be baptised but it just never happened.), but I went to a christian youth group quite a few times with a couple of different friends. It was actually pretty cool, we played drumbs at one of the other youth guys house, played guitar and him and a few of them just jammed. (I had never played anything before then but they showed me some stuff, it was really cool.) We also used the church as like a big play ground that was awsome, no lights, just messing around. Laser tag, swimming, road hockey, video games, Mmmm food, just chillin watching movies. It can be pretty cool.

Take care but I do have som stuff on how not to hate yourself but I'm not sure why you hate yourself, or what you are really trying to achieve.

Peace and kindness.

Hi, avenged_11!

Have you spoken with a counselor at school about the way that you're thinking and feeling?

If you would like to, there is an activity that I like to do with people on this site to help them to gain some self-confidence and feel better about themselves.

If you're interested in knowing what it is and then participating in it, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

Many kids have a hard time getting through their teen years. I know I hated it. My parents didn't allow me to do anything or go anywhere and so I didn't have any friends.
You are 17. Start dreaming of your future goals and striving for them.
Find a good church and pray for God to send the right girl. Count it a blessing that you aren't with your ex girlfriends because they have different values than you and more than likely weren't the right girls for you.

Hang in there it will get better.

Hi, avenged_11!

Have you spoken with a counselor at school about the way that you're thinking and feeling?

If you would like to, there is an activity that I like to do with people on this site to help them to gain some self-confidence and feel better about themselves.

If you're interested in knowing what it is and then participating in it, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

I would love to try it!

That would be great!

What it is, is writing songs. If you've never done that previously, I can show you how.

What do you think?

Thanks!

That would be great!

What it is, is writing songs. If you've never done that previously, I can show you how.

What do you think?

Thanks!

Well I actually have been trying to I can come up with the lines but I can't get a pitch for it. (I have a guitar I play around with some times). Last night I tried but I didn't get a song but a poem is all I got

If you saw that last post by me, it was because I was wondering if you were still here.

I deleted it once I saw that you had responded to my previous post.

I can definitely help you with writing a song - lyrics and the music.

What I would suggest doing is starting a new thread in the Writing forum topic area about that. It's one of the areas that I moderate, and if something goes "oops", I can fix it.

Possible titles might be:

I Need Help Composing a Song
Writing Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How to Write the Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How Do I Write the Lyrics and Music for a Song
Etc.

Your choice, or you can make up your own title. I'm just trying to think of one that's different than the ones that have already been started concerning writing a song so that yours will be unique.

Okay?

If you saw that last post by me, it was because I was wondering if you were still here.

I deleted it once I saw that you had responded to my previous post.

I can definitely help you with writing a song - lyrics and the music.

What I would suggest doing is starting a new thread in the Writing forum topic area about that. It's one of the areas that I moderate, and if something goes "oops", I can fix it.

Possible titles might be:

I Need Help Composing a Song
Writing Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How to Write the Lyrics to a Song and Adding the Music
How Do I Write the Lyrics and Music for a Song
Etc.

Your choice, or you can make up your own title. I'm just trying to think of one that's different than the ones that have already been started concerning writing a song so that yours will be unique.

Okay?


OK

Its getting real late for me, I don't have school 2marrow so ill take it easy and see what I come up with, and when I come up with something ill talk more with you? (THX)

No problem, that's fine! Please let me know on this thread when you've started the new thread.

When you start the thread, it doesn't have to be really fancy or any lyrics developed at all. Just something simple like, maybe, would someone please help me to write a song? That could be in the body of the post.

Do you mean that you're going to be going to sleep now?

Thanks!

No problem, that's fine! Please let me know on this thread when you've started the new thread.

When you start the thread, it doesn't have to be really fancy or any lyrics developed at all. Just something simple like, maybe, would someone please help me to write a song? That could be in the body of the post.

Do you mean that you're going to be going to sleep now?

Thanks!

Yes it 1:03 in the morning for me lol :)

Okay, that's fine! I will be back on here tomorrow night. I wish for you sweet and happy dreams!

Are you in the Central Time Zone? I am.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, okay? :)

Thanks!

When I was in h.s. I too lived out in the country, dairy farms, didn't have a driver's license or a car (not until I was 28! ), and couldn't hang out after school with friends or go to after-school clubs that I was eligible for. I rode home every day after school on one of those long, yellow school buses.

Why not do what I did to kill time -- I taught myself how to cook and bake. I started with simple stuff like chocolate chip cookies and brownies. In the spring I planted a garden and made stew with some of the vegetables I grew. Now, in my old age, I have a wonderful recipe collection and have been a very desirable and valuable spouse and mother :D. Good food is the fastest way to anyone's heart.

I no imight be repeating myself but if u have a farm land or something get a motor bike. They entertain for HOURS :D trust me :P and ask around if people have motor bikes and those that do invite them to go for a ride.(providing u have enough money or something like that )

Hi :) I have a friend who feels a lot like you do. Except she has fights with her mum, isn't allowed to liive with her dad, and barely talks to her brother or mother in fact. Like you, she takes ages to get to sleep, and she wakes up at 4ish nearly every morning too. I just tell her that she can always talk to me about anything, and yh, I've offered to go with her to a group or soemthing, but she doesn't want to. Like many other viewers. I suggest trying to find some sort of sporting team or youth centre around. You can't give up cause you live in the country - that's not a good enough reason. There would deff. Have to be a church around. Maybe see if they have a youth group. That's a great way to meet new people, and they will most likely have some similar views to you. Its not only good little christian kids that go to youth groups, its average and under priveledged kids too. The good thing is that everyone gets along and gets into talking with each other and worshiping and all that jaz. You might not like singing and such, but it is a good way to meet people. The group might even go for hikes, play games, go to see concerts, anything. Some might even go skateboarding etc. things that you might be interested in.
Also, I'd suggest not listening to the music you listen to before bed. If its making you upset and depressed then its not good music. Listen to songs that have good endings or calmer relaxing songs. Maybe have a nice hot bath before bed or something. Think about nicer things too. Try not to focus on all the bad things in life. Sometimes when I find myself heading towards bad thoughts, I stop myself and just think about all I really have. A warm bed at night, food, clothes, a house, etc.
You're NOT a nobody.. no-one is. Everyone has their own purpose, we just have to find it. If you go around the school smiling and saying hi to a few people that pass you, then other people will want to go up and talk to you. Maybe sit next to someone who sems nice in class. Talk to them. Go up to a nice looking group at lunch and say hi. Don't sit in the back of the classroom where no one can see you. Its pointless. Get in there, be active, you CAN do anything if you believe in yourself.
Sorry this was long, but I hope it helped a bit :)

Hi, avenged_11!

I do hope that you return and respond here!

Thanks!

Hi, avenged_11!

I do hope that you return and respond here!

Thanks!


Sorry Guys but I have Finals Starting Friday plus trying to get a job and fix my truck, plus I still don't know what I want to be after high school therefore I can't pick a college!

(sorry)

Hi, avenged_11!

I'm sure that everyone here understands! Many of us have gone through the same things that you're going through, not only with life, but with education.

No problem! We can just continue things at a later date, if you're still interested.

Thanks!

hi :) i have a friend who feels a lot like you do. Except she has fights with her mum, isn't allowed to liive with her dad, and barely talks to her brother or mother in fact. like you, she takes ages to get to sleep, and she wakes up at 4ish nearly every morning too. I just tell her that she can always talk to me abotu anything, and yh, ive offered to go with her to a group or soemthing, but she doesnt want to. Like many other viewers. i suggest trying to find some sort of sporting team or youth centre around. you can't give up cause you live in the country - thats not a good enough reason. there would deff. have to be a church around. maybe see if they have a youth group. thats a great way to meet new people, and they will most likely have some similar views to you. Its not only good little christian kids that go to youth groups, its average and under priveledged kids too. the good thing is that everyone gets along and gets into talking with each other and worshiping and all that jaz. you might not like singing and such, but it is a good way to meet people. the group might even go for hikes, play games, go to see concerts, anything. some might even go skateboarding etc. things that you might be interested in.
Also, i'd suggest not listening to the music you listen to before bed. if its making you upset and depressed then its not good music. listen to songs that have good endings or calmer relaxing songs. maybe have a nice hot bath before bed or something. think about nicer things too. try not to focus on all the bad things in life. sometimes when i find myself heading towards bad thoughts, i stop myself and just think abotu all i really have. a warm bed at night, food, clothes, a house, etc.
you're NOT a nobody.. no-one is. everyone has their own purpose, we just have to find it. if you go around the school smiling and saying hi to a few people that pass you, then other people will want to go up and talk to you. maybe sit next to someone who sems nice in class. talk to them. go up to a nice looking group at lunch and say hi. dont sit in the back of the classroom where no one can see you. its pointless. get in there, be active, you CAN do anything if you believe in yourself.
sorry this was long, but i hope it helped a bit :)



Sorry it took me a while to reply to you but,

If you have ever heard the song, More than a Memory by Garth Brooks that is why I can't sleep at night. Its not that I don't want to go to sleep but its hard for me to and when I do all I can dream about is my ex girl friends and it just drives me insane. There is a church near by but they do not have a youth group it is more of a Elderly Church if you catch my drift. Plus I am some what of a christian means to me that I do go sometimes with my brother but I hate church, I believe that god is just a way to make humans take there mind off death. (I know that's stupid and not at all true but hey.) and here is a Quote for you to look up, Matthew 27:46 (thats how I feel about god!)

Sorry it took me a while to reply to you but,

If you have ever heard the song, More than a Memory by Garth Brooks that is why i can't sleep at night. its not that i don't want to goto sleep but its hard for me to and when i do all i can dream about is my ex girl friends and it just drives me insane. There is a church near by but they do not have a youth group it is more of a Elderly Church if ya catch my drift. Plus i am some what of a christian means to me that i do go sometimes with my brother but i hate church, i believe that god is just a way to make humans take there mind off death. (i know thats stupid and not at all true but hey.) and here is a Quote for you to look up, Matthew 27:46 (thats how i feel about god!)

We must be careful with how we think, for everything we experience, do, feel is all lead by mind, in essence; what we think we become.

If you allow yourself to consiously go back over your exs reminding yourself that what's done is done, and accept what has happened; you may find some small measure of peace there. I too dream about my ex, and the girls I've bin with since, but I find that only happens if I allow myself to slide into a stooper and become lost in past regret/pain.
You may even put of college until you get a solid foundation to hold you up. Why would you go out to some college if you aren't happy where you are? You can't run from these issues, they will go with you where ever you take them. Talking to a counselor or at least talking to some one with an idea of how these things work would be your first and most important step, regaudless your goals. You sound unhappy/unsaticefied/confused about what is really going on. We can't clime when we don't have a grip.

People may think that GOD will save them from death, but really what is death any way? Some say you simply stop exsisting, others say you have a spirit that is reborn as something else, others believe that your soul goes to heaven or hell, but no one really knows. Personally, I think we transform into something else, but I don't know for sure.

Perhaps you have been looking too hard for the answers and not listening for them. Your situation has many possible out comes, what one comes to pass is for you to decide. If you choose poorly, remember "there is always time to change the road your on."- Led Zeppelin.

Take care brother.

I am certainly sorry to hear of your trouble and pain. Have you ever thought about going out and getting a job, that would be a good way to meet friends, that's were I met my boyfriend, plus I was able to talk with my other coworkers about different things. That way at least you'd have your own money, then you could go and apply for the drivers license on your own. You don't have to wait for your parents to decide whose going to do what for you. At some point you just have to do it for yourself, don't wait on others to help. Do it yourself and you will be happier. In life as you get older you will see that the only person you can count on is yourself. What about going in to the armed services. There's plenty of people to meet places to go, and definitely lost of girls/women. Goodluck to you.

Going to church sometimes doesn't mean you're somewhat a christian, especially if you hate church. But that could just be cause there's no youth group. If you really feel how its written in that song, then you really need to get over her. Or them. They're not worth it if they dumped you for not wanting sex. I think they have a steriotypical view of guys.
You know what? If I lived where you do, I'd be your friend :) you sound nice. Just a little confused and upset. I agree with jojomo. Go out and get your license yourself. It feels better that way :) and getting a job helps too. It a bit of independence, and you get to meet new people. Just try to be more confident, you'll be 18 soon anyway. If you get a job, you can rent something when your 18 and then you won't have to worry about your dad. Try to smile :D

Your life sounds a lot like mine, to be honest I'm moving in with my dad this summer because my mom is driving me insane, also she has favourites for my 2 sisters. My boyfriend broke up with me as well because I wouldn't have sex with him. And I listen to music and cry myself to sleep at night.

To be honest things that help me a lot are things that get my mind off, all the things that bother me... like I run a lot, and swim and try to get invovled with things at school.

As hard ad it may seem, focus on the good things about yorself rather than all the chaos happening around you.

It may seem like a very dark time for you, but there IS hope.
When all else fails God is there to help us in our times of need.

Also, find someone close to you who can understand how you truly feel, and can sympathise with you.

Hope this helps <3

Hey there,
So let me start by saying I kept typing soooooooooo many things and erasing them all cause I don't know what to say to help you feel better.. ugh I have so many things I just can't organize them! I just want to reach through my computer and hug you and let you lean on my shoulder and cry if you want! Man. I feel the same way a lot though. I just transferred schools too and don't have many friends ither. And its catholic so everyone's from a different town. I went from the largest hs in NJ to one of I'm sure the smallest lol. You shouldn't hate yourself though. Don't let others opinions effect you! That's a hard thing to do-easier said then done I'm sure. I went to counsling to help me with everything I was going through though. Just talking helps. My older brothers also don't have half the responsibilities I do at 16 & there 22 & 21. They didn't have jobs this young ither! I know how you feel cause I have to pay for a lot. My moms actually probably the toughest on me. Let me just say though your not alone! Your never alone! And don't put yourself down just because you don't think you have a chance with a goodlooking person. They might even have self confidence issues to and not even think there good looking! I am sure a lot more people at school feel like you and you don't even realize it. I still can't even organize everything I want to say I just want to hug you and sit with you and let you talk all you want and be there for you :/ I hope something I said makes you feel better! If it doesn't u can yell at me. I am willing to always listen too ! :) everything will get better soon!

Hey there,
so let me start by saying i kept typing soooooooooo many things and erasing them all cause idk what to say to help you feel better.. ugh i have so many things i just can't organize them! i just want to reach through my computer and hug you and let you lean on my shoulder and cry if you want! man. i feel the same way alot though. i just transferred schools too and dont have many friends ither. and its catholic so everyones from a different town. i went from teh largest hs in NJ to one of im sure the smallest lol. you shouldnt hate yourself though. dont let others opinions effect you! thats a hard thing to do-easier sed then done im sure. i went to counsling to help me with everything i was going through though. just talking helps. my older brothers also dont have half the responsiblities i do at 16 & there 22 & 21. they didnt have jobs this young ither! i kno how you feel cause i have to pay for alot. my moms actually prolly the toughest on me. let me just say though your not alone! your never alone! and dont put urself down just because u dont think you have a chance with a goodlooking person. they might even have self confidence issues to and not even think there good looking! i am sure alot more people at school feel like you and you dont even realize it. i still can't even organize everything i wanna say i just wanna hug you and sit with you and let you talk all you want and be there for you :/ i hope something i sed makes you feel better! if it doesnt u can yell at me. i am willing to always listen too ! :) everything will get better soon!


(I reformatted my comp and lost the link sorry!) Well guys I felt better until now, my friends just came over and kept asking me about my "Personal Life" and it made me fell so bad. Plus I walked down the road with them to talk to some girls that we know at 1:30 in the morning and they left me high and dry... I don't know guys I want to Change leave this life... and move... but there is no where to turn... I want to talk to some one... I have been with my 19 year old brother but all he does is hang out with his girlfriend and it hits me like a low blow every time... I wrote a poem... its how I feel inside...


P.S. I went to a school of Max 300 to a school of 3-4 thousand...

Alone

In the dark alone, Alone waiting for you,
Waiting for you to notice me, to notice me for who I am,
The lonely witted person I have always been,
I walk alone into the world of darkness,
Ive been waiting for you so long but you never came,
Until the end but you never showed,
Even as I now burn in hell I am alone in the fiery pits,
You abandoned me and left me to strive by myself,
Maybe some day you might realize,
Realize what you personally have done to me,
The things that no one should have to live with,
The pain no one should have to live with,
The loneliness that no one should have to live with,
And then you might open your eyes one day,
And see that there is nothing but you,
As I saw there is nothing but me,
Nothing but a barren wasteland,
Like your trapped in a never ending desert,
And then as you are dying only one thought will be in your mind,
Me!