Something happened a few years ago and it's still bothering me . I will try to keep it brief

Nearly 3 years ago I was working away with a girl, I am married and she has a boyfriend who works for the same company, on the Friday night we decided to go out for some drinks , we had loads we where both very drunk . When we went back to the hotel we said goodnight, I coudntt sleep , I had a huge room with a 3 piece suite , I called her room and asked if she wanted to come and watch TV -she said yes,10 minutes later no show I called again -she said she would be right there-10 minutes later no show, called again no answer, I passed out ! When I woke up in the morning there was a message on my phone from my boss asking what has been going on up there!I thought o dear what have I done 1 I ran downstairs found her she smiled and said good morning I told her about the message from our boss-she told me she had called him, I then apologized for calling her, and asked her if she felt that the invites to my room where of a sexual nature, she said no, but you did call many times, I apologized again and asked if I could call her boyfriend to apologize -she said no. I didn't know at the time but her boyfriend had called the police the evening before I didn't find this out until the next night when a member of staff had told me!The next evening we went out for dinner and had a OK kind of evening even though I could feel she didn't like me. Every time I tried to apologize for what had happened she told me shut up.I went to work on Monday morning expecting to be in trouble but nothing was said ,over the next few weeks I had a couple of sarcastic comments from other members of staff, but nothing else ,I heard she had been bad mouthing me behind my back, which was to be expected and her boyfriend ignored me . A few months later we had to go away again there where 2 othermembers of staff, there was no problem I could feel that she didn't like me but besides that it was OK , I also went away with her boyfriend and we ended up getting on quit well.


My point is I can't forgive myself for making this girl feel uncomfortable!

I am a very sensitive person , and I was very drunk that evening in question and didn't realise what I was doing! I only invited her back to my room, but I feel like some kind of sexual deviant , which I am not

3 years on and I still fell bad about the whole event , I hate people thinking badly of me.

I know this might seem very silly to some people but I am finding it hard to forgive myself for making this mistake.

I haven't had the guts to tell my wife as she would go mental

Any advise would be welcome

When your feelings of guilt come up remind yourself that nothing happened, you're not a perv, she forgives you, etc.
Could some of your guilt be do to the fact that you haven't told your wife about it? Maybe if you explain it to her and get her forgiveness you will feel better.
I really don't see it as a huge deal. You were drunk, you didn't touch her, I would hope that your wife would understand.
Don't be so hard on yourself!

I personally don't think this is such a bad situation. Does anyone actully realise that she agreed to go to your room, and when she didn't you phoned her to see where she was. BECAUSE SHE AGREED?? If it was such a problem for this lady then she should have said no!

Please don't stress about this problem. Remember you intentions was good.the past is the past. Don't let one little misunderstanding bother you so much.

Agreed. You didn't do anything wrong and if my partner told me something like that I would be more understanding than it seems this girl was.

As for her, I agree with MiSSsy. Your intentions were good and she did agree to come to your room. If it made her feel that uncomfortable she should have told you... over the phone when you called.

The fact that she called her boyfriend and that they contacted the police and then talked about you to coworkers tells me that these two people are not of very high standing morals. They obviously don't realize the weight of their accusations or assumptions (whatever they are).

Bottom line, these sound like the type of people who are quick to make judgments and they aren't afraid to use them. It is a very sad situation and I hope you will stop beating yourself up over the ignorance of such negative people.

You didn't do anything wrong. I watch TV all the time with people, drunk, late at night, alone, and without sex. Good luck dear, and if it helps you tell your wife. I'm sure she will be understanding.

The first thing to say is - YOU HAVE TO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!

Sorry, I didn't mean to shout, but honestly you need to forgive yourself.

OK, you may have acted like an idiot, and yes, they thought badly of you.

But, you can't change that. You've apologised - in all honesty and to the best of your ability you've tried to make amends.

Let it go. The longer you stew, the bigger it will become in your own mind. Others have probably forgotten and got on with their lives.

Give yourself a break - you're only human - get on with yours.

She said yes two times.She could have just as easily said NO!

You didn't do anything wrong.Maybe your intentions were not honorable but bottom line all you did was ask and she said yes.

Its not like you went pounding on her door ,demanding she come to your room.

Maybe she is just trying to cover her own back by talking behind yours.

Let it go pal,she sounds fruity,making up drama where there was none.

Hi everybody,

Thanks' for everyone's input. I agree I must put this situation to rest and move on, it was a very long time ago now .

It has really helped getting of my chest

Thank you all

All this was was office politics.

When you called her, and she agreed to come to your room, she had instant regret and had to cover her own derrierre.

Why? Because she needed a trum card in case you decided to say something to somebody that she had agreed to come to your room. Her boyfriend would have been really angry with her, had you told him that she had agreed to come to your room. Why do you think she didn't want you to apologize to her boyfriend? Because she didn't want him to know of her acceptance of your offer.

It would have been something she would have worried about, because at the time you asked, and the time she agreed, both of you had made a mistake.

By turning the tables on you and going waaayyyyeeee overboard, she put all the attention on you, and took none of the accountability herself. Very clever. She looks good, you look bad.

Telling your wife is a bad idea. Nothing happened, except you were duped.

Stupid idea to call her in the first place? Absolutely. Is she entirely innocent? Not a chance.

Her colours will show soon enough. You don't need to say a word. Just let it go.