I am a 28 year old mother of 3 kids. I love my kids more than life. I have been married for going on 9 years and I am struggling... I feel like I am not keeping my head above water when it comes to my relationship with my husband. I would have never thought of posting my probs out here for the world to see, but feel that I am at a loss and not sure what else to do. So I'll just start by trying to explain...

We come from a very traditional families with the expectations to "save your self" for your spouse. We are christians.

I met my husband when I was 19 we dated for 2 weeks were engaged and married 3 months later... NO I was not pregnant, we didn't become intaimate until days before our wedding, though we were trying to wait. Our relationship took flight and I knew I had feelings for him! But I wonder if he did for me or if I was a rebound/felt guilty for me type thing. On our first date I told him that I had been raped and if he could not deal with this that there was no need to see each other again. He said that he though that it was horrible what happened to me and said he could deal with this minor detail of my life. HE HAD dated a girl before me and had proposed to her and she turned him down. We have been through a lot together and have seemed to work it out... We had our first son just a year after we were married and my Husband was in school. I found out that he was watching porn and masterbating with magazines and everything. I felt a horrible betrail! Like I am not good enough to full fill his needs. I am adventurous when it comes to our sex life. We survived, though I still think he does this, but can't prove it. I now my body changed after having kids, I have worked to change it, but I haven't been successful. But I don't feel lik ehe is attracted to me that way any more. He f***s me, but I feel like I am his whore, not like he is making love to me... I am not sure if that even makes since... I don't feel like he loves me. I wonder if he ever did... He has just been promoted to GM at his company. I know that there is a lot of stress with that job, but shouldn't I matter... Shouldn't I feel like he loves me. He use to write love letters and give me flowers. Now the only time he does is when I begg him to. I feel like I am begging him to love me. I know I have nothing to give him... I am not pretty, my body is discusting after kids and he has said he feel obligated to me because of the kids. So here is where I am... We had a fight this morning. I am just feeling like giving up. Who would want me though. I have no education to support myself and my kids, but there is no way I will give up my kids. Am I over reacting... Or should I give up and leave. I don't want him to be obligated and that is the only reason he is staying...

PLEASE HELP

I strongly suggest counseling for you!

These problems are not problems with the marriage, they are problems caused by your inherant low self esteem. You are consistently questioning your own value in the marriage, not because he is devaluing you, but because you are devaluing you.

Porn does not mean that he would rather be with someone else. The concerns you are raising with porn have so much to do with your insecurities in the marriage. Your feelings are probably also effecting your sex life in the bedroom, where as you are no longer feeling attractive (which I think you found difficult prior to the children) you have probably stopped interacting in the bedroom feeling more like a sperm receptacle than the wife, female and mother that you are.

Please seek out some counseling to handle all of your emotional situations including probably some unresolved issues with the rape.

Many over weight even ugly women are truly loved by their husband. Is he just criticising or is he offering constructive things like, ''here honey, I bought you a Curves membership."?

I have a feeling he may have other issues and using your weight as an excuse. You need more self esteem and not allow him to make you feel bad for yourself so counseling should help. I would also discuss separating or divorce with him to see how serious he is about not being happy with you because ''staying together for the sake of the kids'' is another cop out.

i am a 28 year old mother of 3 kids. I love my kids more than life. I have been married for going on 9 years and i am struggling.... I feel like i am not keeping my head above water when it comes to my relationship with my husband. I would have never thought of posting my probs out here for the world to see, but feel that i am at a loss and not sure what else to do. So i;ll just start by trying to explain...

We come from a very traditional families with the expectations to "save your self" for your spouse. We are christians.

I met my husband when i was 19 we dated for 2 weeks were engaged and married 3 months later... No i was not pregnant, we didn't become intaimate until days before our wedding, though we were trying to wait. Our relationship took flight and i knew i had feelings for him! But i wonder if he did for me or if i was a rebound/felt guilty for me type thing. On our first date i told him that i had been raped and if he could not deal with this that there was no need to see each other again. He said that he though that it was horrible what happened to me and said he could deal with this minor detail of my life. He had dated a girl before me and had proposed to her and she turned him down. We have been through alot together and have seemed to work it out... We had our first son just a year after we were married and my husband was in school. I found out that he was watching porn and masterbating with magazines and everything. I felt a horrible betrail! Like i am not good enough to full fill his needs. I am adventurous when it comes to our sex life. We survived, though i still think he does this, but can't prove it. I now my body changed after having kids, i have worked to change it, but i haven't been sucessfull. But i don't feel lik ehe is attracted to me that way any more. He f***s me, but i feel like i am his whore, not like he is making love to me... I am not sure if that even makes since... I don't feel like he loves me. I wonder if he ever did... He has just been promoted to gm at his company. I know that there is alot of stress with that job, but shouldn't i matter... Shouldn't i feel like he loves me. He use to write love letters and give me flowers. Now the only time he does is when i begg him to. I feel like i am begging him to love me. I know i have nothing to give him... I am not pretty, my body is discusting after kids and he has said he feel obligated to me because of the kids. So here is where i am... We had a fight this morning. I am just feeling like giving up. Who would want me though. I have no education to support myself and my kids, but there is no way i will give up my kids. Am i over reacting... Or should i give up and leave. I don't want him to be obligated and that is the only reason he is staying...

Please help

Wow! Leave if you are not happy. Your life will be a lot better and your mind will be clear if you just leave and strt new life with you and your 3 kids, and kids know when parents aren't happy. Get away , and make you feel happy. If you feel you are over weight or not sexy as you used to be start walking and the only way you will look better is if you feel better, you are a queen, treat yourself like one. Don't worry about how he feels about you, its all about you and after he see that you are happy with you he will come around and you will feel better respected, go out and treat yourself! Go get your toes and nails done and do what makes you happy! Mami and update me... good luck to you