faerieclaire
May 17, 2009, 09:49 AM
8 years ago I met a wonderful guy whom I had utmost respect and admiration for, we dated in 2001 for 6 months (in SA) he returned to the UK in 2001 and I in 2002. We remained friends and met up on 4 occasions. These were purely to have a catch up and yes sex was involved but we were both single! In 2004 one of these occasions happened and I thought nothing more of it, but the following week he told me he wanted to have a relationship with me and we needed to discuss how this would work as I have 2 children, I live in the Midlands and he lives down South. He came up we had the discussion and it was agreed that we would move closer together, alas a week after this he told me that before we got together he had a met a girl who was from the Ukraine and she was coming over for a week on holiday to stay with him. I was not happy about it but I accepted it and trusted him. I never heard from him that week, the following week I contacted him asking him how his week had been and if she had enjoyed herself and what happens from here - I get an email telling me that he has decided that he doesn't actually want a relationship but wants to remain single!
We met again in 2005 for a catch up! During the years I had obviously moved on and dated other guys and he other girls too and it seemed as though every time I split with someone I would send him a text and we would arrange to meet up for a catch up.
April 2008, was one of these occasions whereby I text him a joke and he responded asking what I had been up to blah blah, once it was established we were both single, I went down to see him. We had a lovely weekend and as usual walked away thinking nothing more would come of it! BUT he contacted me that week and we arranged to see each other again, and it carried on. With the distance we only saw each other every other weekend which was fine as we both still had our own space to do what we wanted to do. He had told me at the very beginning he did not want a serious relationship so I was just going with the flow!
As time went by and he was still making plans to see me and my children I started to think that maybe there was something there but did not want to force the issue, on 4 occasions we spoke about things and discussed whether we were still happy and wanted to continue with the way things were and both of us agreed.
He shared Christmas and New year with us, which was a very special occasion for me as my dad had come over from SA to be with us (I had not seen him for 20 years), he bought me a laptop for christmas, Valentines day he bought me a beautiful aquamarine and diamond ring, for my birthday he bought me the matching necklace and earrings. He took me and my children to the Norfolk broads for a weekend, we were always out and about when he came up, we went for meals, went to Ireland, we went to Wales, he took my eldest to Universities and even planned for us to go to York and the seaside over the last bank holiday, plus he was buying an old car that he wanted to put on my driveway to fix up and sell. He promised to take my youngest daughter to an RAF base and also sky diving when she was 15. We had arranged to go camping in September and I bought tickets for us to go to T4 in July.
The last conversation we had about if we wanted to continue things was the weekend before we went to Wales (Easter weekend), and again we both agreed that all was okay and we wanted to continue. We went to Wales and had a great time we went gorge walking, powerboating and sailing. The following weekend was not one where we saw each other, but we spoke and he discussed buying a 4 seater table and chairs for when me and the girls went down, he told me to speak to the guy with the car and buy it. Following week he asked if he could see me that weekend but I said no so we arranged for the following weekend (last bank holiday weekend) he asked me to think of things to do which we agreed to go to York and the seaside.
All very good you would say!
Well I sent him a text message on Tuesday evening to say have a good evening and got no response, so Wednesday morning I sent one asking if there was any reason why I was being ignored. OMG... the response was "because I am a little confused at the moment. I think I want to start seeing someone else. Can you talk later? I am in Cheshire in a meeting and my phone will be off but can call around 6pm". I couldn't believe it I was sick, I was shaking and I was absolutely beside myself... how the hell did this happen??
6pm he rang, he has known this girl for a few years, the did a course together, whilst doing this course they had spoken about dating and if ever they were BOTH single they would give it a go. This girl had a boyfriend. The went out for a drink on Tuesday evening and she told him that she and her boyfriend had split up and wanted to know if he would like to see where things would go if they started dated... ummm hello - he was seeing someone!! I asked him how he could even consider this when he was with me, and that we had a good time together, I told him to think about what he would be losing and if he is really prepared to through our relationship away for someone who is obviously on the rebound and who didn't respect he was in a relationship. Wouldn't a normal girl say "Oh okay best of luck if things dont work give me a call", but instead she said she was still keen if he was! He said he needed time to think about things and was going to see his family for the weekend and would give me an answer on the Tuesday evening... I could not believe he was expecting me to wait 6 days for his answer!
Thursday I rang him and told him that I could not wait until Tuesday for an answer and if he could let me know by Sunday.
Saturday I finally got out of bed in the afternoon, logged onto my computer and there it was... the email... telling me that the reality was he still didn't know what he wanted out of life or indeed a relationship, but that our relationship was over. He said the whole wish you the best of luck and want to stay friends.. That his phone would be off over the weekend as he was going to hide in a cave. Well I rang him and his phone was ON! I left a voicemail saying that after a year together I felt that we needed an explanation not just an email saying it was over especially my youngest daughter (who is very vulnerable, has been through a hell of a lot and looked to him as a father figure). He rang, how arrogant I couldn't believe the way he was speaking to me like I was a piece of cr@p which I told him I didn't deserve as I had done nothing wrong to which he burst out laughing. He said he didn't want me and there was nothing to explain he hadn't been happy for a while and has had enough, he has covered it up for a long time and its now over!! I never knew anything was wrong at all... in fact I thought things were going fine. He gave me no indication whatsoever that anything was amiss. He agreed to call in on Monday on his way home.
Monday I have never been so nervous in my life before. Eventually at around 13.20 he arrived, he walked in with the same arrogance he had on the phone! He did not want to get into a long drawn out discussion and I said the things I wanted to say and asked him why he didn't talk to me about how he was feeling so that we could have either worked at it or walked away, he said he was too soft and just kept putting his feeling aside. Suddenly I thought if this girl had not come along what would have happened so I asked him and he said he would probably have carried it on! He went on to tell me that as a friend I could be a best friend but I was cr@p as a girlfriend. How I had a bad temper and unpredictable mood swings! He said that he is offering friendship but said he would not be going to T4 with us?! Which is 2 months away... he said he doesn't know what parameters this new girl has!!
Well I have been absolutely beside myself, I suffer from depression (which I have been off ad's for 11 months), I haven't eaten for 10 days, all I want to do is sleep, I have 2 children who are looking after themselves as I cannot cope!
Since this has all happened, I have sent him a few emails asking where I went wrong so that I can better myself for my next relationship (if I ever learn to trust again), I have spoken to him and text him, all being me initiating contact! I have found out that they are now together and that although he wants to take it slow they were together for 3 days in a row and she slept at his on Friday evening.. that is not going slow to me!
He was adamant that he was going to make an effort and be friends, but now I feel as though he isn't bothered. 8 years is a long time to lose and part of me wants to be his friend so badly.
What hurts the most is that I feel as though this man is a fraud and I don't really know who he is! Why does he have to say things that he doesn't mean - why offer friendship if you don't really want it!
I have a lot to deal with I know that and I do suffer from insecurity etc BUT I don't know how to do this!
I need to love myself again - how? What do I do? Do I ask myself questions?
I am really really lost... I sent him a very heartfelt email telling him exactly how I felt and that he has potentially ruined a very good friendship. I have text him and got no response again so last night sent the final one saying that it is up to him now.
:(
We met again in 2005 for a catch up! During the years I had obviously moved on and dated other guys and he other girls too and it seemed as though every time I split with someone I would send him a text and we would arrange to meet up for a catch up.
April 2008, was one of these occasions whereby I text him a joke and he responded asking what I had been up to blah blah, once it was established we were both single, I went down to see him. We had a lovely weekend and as usual walked away thinking nothing more would come of it! BUT he contacted me that week and we arranged to see each other again, and it carried on. With the distance we only saw each other every other weekend which was fine as we both still had our own space to do what we wanted to do. He had told me at the very beginning he did not want a serious relationship so I was just going with the flow!
As time went by and he was still making plans to see me and my children I started to think that maybe there was something there but did not want to force the issue, on 4 occasions we spoke about things and discussed whether we were still happy and wanted to continue with the way things were and both of us agreed.
He shared Christmas and New year with us, which was a very special occasion for me as my dad had come over from SA to be with us (I had not seen him for 20 years), he bought me a laptop for christmas, Valentines day he bought me a beautiful aquamarine and diamond ring, for my birthday he bought me the matching necklace and earrings. He took me and my children to the Norfolk broads for a weekend, we were always out and about when he came up, we went for meals, went to Ireland, we went to Wales, he took my eldest to Universities and even planned for us to go to York and the seaside over the last bank holiday, plus he was buying an old car that he wanted to put on my driveway to fix up and sell. He promised to take my youngest daughter to an RAF base and also sky diving when she was 15. We had arranged to go camping in September and I bought tickets for us to go to T4 in July.
The last conversation we had about if we wanted to continue things was the weekend before we went to Wales (Easter weekend), and again we both agreed that all was okay and we wanted to continue. We went to Wales and had a great time we went gorge walking, powerboating and sailing. The following weekend was not one where we saw each other, but we spoke and he discussed buying a 4 seater table and chairs for when me and the girls went down, he told me to speak to the guy with the car and buy it. Following week he asked if he could see me that weekend but I said no so we arranged for the following weekend (last bank holiday weekend) he asked me to think of things to do which we agreed to go to York and the seaside.
All very good you would say!
Well I sent him a text message on Tuesday evening to say have a good evening and got no response, so Wednesday morning I sent one asking if there was any reason why I was being ignored. OMG... the response was "because I am a little confused at the moment. I think I want to start seeing someone else. Can you talk later? I am in Cheshire in a meeting and my phone will be off but can call around 6pm". I couldn't believe it I was sick, I was shaking and I was absolutely beside myself... how the hell did this happen??
6pm he rang, he has known this girl for a few years, the did a course together, whilst doing this course they had spoken about dating and if ever they were BOTH single they would give it a go. This girl had a boyfriend. The went out for a drink on Tuesday evening and she told him that she and her boyfriend had split up and wanted to know if he would like to see where things would go if they started dated... ummm hello - he was seeing someone!! I asked him how he could even consider this when he was with me, and that we had a good time together, I told him to think about what he would be losing and if he is really prepared to through our relationship away for someone who is obviously on the rebound and who didn't respect he was in a relationship. Wouldn't a normal girl say "Oh okay best of luck if things dont work give me a call", but instead she said she was still keen if he was! He said he needed time to think about things and was going to see his family for the weekend and would give me an answer on the Tuesday evening... I could not believe he was expecting me to wait 6 days for his answer!
Thursday I rang him and told him that I could not wait until Tuesday for an answer and if he could let me know by Sunday.
Saturday I finally got out of bed in the afternoon, logged onto my computer and there it was... the email... telling me that the reality was he still didn't know what he wanted out of life or indeed a relationship, but that our relationship was over. He said the whole wish you the best of luck and want to stay friends.. That his phone would be off over the weekend as he was going to hide in a cave. Well I rang him and his phone was ON! I left a voicemail saying that after a year together I felt that we needed an explanation not just an email saying it was over especially my youngest daughter (who is very vulnerable, has been through a hell of a lot and looked to him as a father figure). He rang, how arrogant I couldn't believe the way he was speaking to me like I was a piece of cr@p which I told him I didn't deserve as I had done nothing wrong to which he burst out laughing. He said he didn't want me and there was nothing to explain he hadn't been happy for a while and has had enough, he has covered it up for a long time and its now over!! I never knew anything was wrong at all... in fact I thought things were going fine. He gave me no indication whatsoever that anything was amiss. He agreed to call in on Monday on his way home.
Monday I have never been so nervous in my life before. Eventually at around 13.20 he arrived, he walked in with the same arrogance he had on the phone! He did not want to get into a long drawn out discussion and I said the things I wanted to say and asked him why he didn't talk to me about how he was feeling so that we could have either worked at it or walked away, he said he was too soft and just kept putting his feeling aside. Suddenly I thought if this girl had not come along what would have happened so I asked him and he said he would probably have carried it on! He went on to tell me that as a friend I could be a best friend but I was cr@p as a girlfriend. How I had a bad temper and unpredictable mood swings! He said that he is offering friendship but said he would not be going to T4 with us?! Which is 2 months away... he said he doesn't know what parameters this new girl has!!
Well I have been absolutely beside myself, I suffer from depression (which I have been off ad's for 11 months), I haven't eaten for 10 days, all I want to do is sleep, I have 2 children who are looking after themselves as I cannot cope!
Since this has all happened, I have sent him a few emails asking where I went wrong so that I can better myself for my next relationship (if I ever learn to trust again), I have spoken to him and text him, all being me initiating contact! I have found out that they are now together and that although he wants to take it slow they were together for 3 days in a row and she slept at his on Friday evening.. that is not going slow to me!
He was adamant that he was going to make an effort and be friends, but now I feel as though he isn't bothered. 8 years is a long time to lose and part of me wants to be his friend so badly.
What hurts the most is that I feel as though this man is a fraud and I don't really know who he is! Why does he have to say things that he doesn't mean - why offer friendship if you don't really want it!
I have a lot to deal with I know that and I do suffer from insecurity etc BUT I don't know how to do this!
I need to love myself again - how? What do I do? Do I ask myself questions?
I am really really lost... I sent him a very heartfelt email telling him exactly how I felt and that he has potentially ruined a very good friendship. I have text him and got no response again so last night sent the final one saying that it is up to him now.
:(