I'm 16 and REALLY want a baby, I have since I was 14, I know there's a lot of things like; It takes a lot of money, I'll have no time to myself, it'll ruing my life and stuff like that but I have NO life anyway, I have a part time job and there's a girl down the road who had a baby last year so she could give me some stuff.
HOWEVER I haven't a second party, so I'm still without child and will do so until I'm financially ready. (my own place and job and stuff)
But I don't think this feeling will go away so I was wondering at what age would be best to have a child? I thought it would be better to hear what experienced people had to say.
My mam had me when she was 21 she got married at 20 and she had my brother when she was 24, she's had no more children and doesn't want anymore, and my Grandma gave birth to her when she was 21, so I figured 21 was a good age?

You are ready to have a child when you are emotionally and financially ready... my list of requirements are as follows:

You are Married.
One of you has a permanent full time job.
You have your own house.
You have 2 cars. (One for the worker, one in case of emergency)
Both you and your husband agree that having a child would fulfill your life.
You have enough savings for emergencies.
You have already started a schooling fund for your child.
You have been to parenting classes before you have even conceived.

I could go on and on but I'll stop there. Having a child is a big decision, it's not about whether YOU want a child it's about how well you can take CARE of the child.

Most common mistake with teens is that they think having a baby will be 'cute'.
Yeah I'm sure they are cute for a while but once you have no sleep, no social life, no money, no friends, no partner to help you. Things go downhill fast.

I know that, I don't want one because I'll think its "cute" I want one because I want to love it and look after it.
I don't think Marriage is a big factor, true its better for a child to be brought up in a stable home but you get couples who never marry but stay together till they die, and then there are married couples who split up or have affairs.

True, that is just how I personally feel about it :)
Marriage is a pretty big thing for me, if you cannot be committed to be married you shouldn't be committed to have a child.

I would love to get married, so I think I might meet that requirement =]
But for a child you need a lot of money, and to get that money you have to work long and hard so there's less time for the child, which is what I would hate to happen.

I dont want one because I'll think its "cute" I want one because I want to love it and look after it.


This speaks volumes. I would strongly suggest that you get counseling for your low self esteem issues. You don't really want a child, you want someone who you know cares about you. You want someone who will depend on you and give you things that are probably lacking in your current life. A counselor can help you sort out these feelings and help you deal with them.

As for having a baby, I agree that you should not have one until you are financially, emotionally and physically ready. I think that when you find a companion who you can share your life with, whether has husband and wife or whatever, your need for a child will not seem as strong.

Like I could see a counselor! Anyway I'm brimming with confidence =]

I suppose I do want someone that needs me, but Its more of me giving my love than receiving it.

And I did say I won't have one now, I'm not completely idiotic.

Like I could see a councellor! Anyway I'm brimming with confidence =]

I suppose I do want someone that needs me, but Its more of me giving my love than recieving it.



Why can't you see a counselor? Talk to your parents, guidance couselor at school, clergy, etc. Someone should be able to get you help.

And no you are not "brimming with confidence". Statements like; "but I have NO life anyway", give you away. You want someone to give your love to so as to bind that person to you. So that they will depend on you which raises yourself esteem. This is basic Psych 101 stuff.

I know you aren't going to have a baby any time soon Princess but I always suggest to younger people wanting children to get a puppy...
You have to do all the basic stuff with a puppy as you would with a child...
Clean it, feed it, buy it toys, give it love and attention, train it...

A lot of younger people will soon get bored with a puppy when it stops being cute and poops all over the floor, it's a wake-up call on a smaller level.

I have a puppy =] His name is Gilbert and he's awesome.

Well, I said I have No life by meaning I'm at home every night because all my friends live at least 14 miles away, and I have a part time job that steals my weekends, so I have nothing to do but work or stay home.
Also, you can't really decide whether I have low self esteem by me wanting a baby.
I have a lot of confidence in myself, I think I'm pretty, I love to make people laugh and I'll talk to anyone, If I had low self esteem I wouldn't be able to go through the process of making a baby never mind have one.
And my mam will just brush it off like always and my dad will yell at me for making stuff up, the one at school is awaly occipied with Chavs. What's a Clergy?

Also, you can't really decide whether or not I have low self esteem by me wanting a baby.

No I can't decide, but I can take an educated guess. A counselor may find I'm wrong, I would hope so.


If I had low self esteem I wouldnt be able to go through the process of making a baby never mind have one.

Not at all. There is no correlation there. In fact, having low self-esteem would make you more likely to have sex with some guy to prove you are liked.


And my mam will just brush it off like always and my dad will yell at me for making stuff up, the one at school is awaly occipied with Chavs. Whats a Clergy?

I feel sorry for you (and this reinforces the low self esteem diagnosis) if your parents are so cavalier about your feelings.

You make an appointment with the school counselor. It's their job to help you. Clergy is a priest or reverend or rabbi where you go to worship (if you do).

Is it possible to be confident and have low self esteem at the same time?
You know I could just be finding a new way to seek attention, I've been told that before too.
I don't feel sorry for myself, I would like my mam to take an interest in me every once in a while, but I'm willing to give that up if it keeps my dad away.
I'd NEVER sleep with someone just to fool myself into thinking I'm being loved, I analyse things and think of what could happen before they do, If someone came up to me and told me they loved me out of the blue I would never believe them, and if they asked for sex right after it's obvious they don't.

And making an appointment with the one at school is literally impossible, people just go in whenever, so it's most likely I won't be able to talk or listen to anything because of all the chavs wanting a free lesson so they'll make something up to loiter in the counseling room place >=[

Having a baby is TOUGH. I have a 17 month old and am due in July as well. I am 26, married own a house, I am a nurse but left my job to be a stay at home mom, which I swear is harder than being a nurse some days. I love being a mom but think that if I would have done it younger I would not have been able to handle the responsibility of them. Your life is no longer about you at all, I think that 21 is still to young to have a child. Live it up. I know when I was 21 I was still trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted from my life. You said you already have a puppy, that's good, now just imagine your puppy waking up every two hours at night, or having the stomach flu for 3 days straight, or being ready in a nice dress for a night out and your puppy vomiting all over you. Having kids is fun, but along with all good things comes a lot of work and responsibiliy. Work on getting through school/college, find yourself a nice boy, get a job, get married, buy a house, and then if you still have the feelings that you do... try for a child. I am sure that you would want the baby to have the best life you can give it, so get your life together first.

Princess, you are no where near ready to have a baby.

As others have pointed out there are financial responsibilities, and as Scott pointed out, you just want someone to love who will love you back unconditionally.

Now, as a nurse in labor & delivery, I am going to point out the medical reasons you are not physically ready to have a baby.

1) You run a very high risk of gestational diabetes, which can lead to permanent diabetes in your older years;
2) You run a very high risk of pre-eclapmpsia (high blood pressure caused by pregnancy) that could lead to eclampsia (seizures) that would require immediate delivery of the baby no matter how far along you are.
3) You run a very high risk of preterm labor, which means that the earlier you have the baby the longer it will stay in the hospital and the more permanent damage that the baby will suffer.

Princess, whether you believe it or not, whether you SEE it or not, your body is still growing. It doesn't have the energy necessary to grow a healthy baby. Your hormones are still adjusting. You are still in puberty.

If you have eclampsia and the baby has to be delivered immediately, it will be by ceserean section. This means they will have to cut your belly open to get the baby out. You will then have every baby this way and a vaginal delivery will be very dangerous if not impossible.

If you have a preemie, it will remain in the hospital for weeks if not months. This hospital bill could run into the millions of dollars. I just shipped a preemie out last night by helicopter. This helicopter trip was to the tune of $60,000, and that does not include the medical treatment in the neonatal intensive care unit.

Preemies run the risk of permanent brain damage, cerebral palsy, and a whole host of other very serious and permanent complications. Thus, costing you more money.

Babies grow out of their clothes every couple of months, if not sooner. This costs money, and you can't count on hand-me-downs. Formula is expensive. Sure you may say you will breast feed, but you can't be sure of that until you try. I have yet to see a teen mother breast feed successfully for more than 48 hours before she gives it up for the bottle and formula.

Don't forget the pediatrician. Babies need vaccinations, they are expensive too. The list goes on and on.

I know what many will say... they have seen teen mom's give birth to very healthy babies. Yes, they do. But this doesn't always happen and there is no way to insure that you will be one of these mothers.

Please, don't have a baby to fill a void (your mother and father). It seems as though you have a rough relationship with them. Having a baby will not make this relationship better, nor will it make you feel any better when you have to stay up for 3 days with NO sleep because you have a sick baby and no way to get to the hospital or doctor and no money to pay for over-the-counter medications.

Please get your education first, then think about when a baby will be right for you.

Ok OK, you're all reading FAR too much into what I'm saying.
I have already said I WILL NOT HAVE A BABY ANYTIME SOON!
I am NOT a complete moron as to suddenly decided "Hey! feel like having a baby!" Of course I want one, I hear a lot of girls my age want one, but that 'want' doesn't push the logic, reality and reason out of my head, having a baby now would probably be the worst thing to do, but I wanted to know at what age people thought best and why, not a whole analization of my mental well being. I don't need convincing, because I'm smarter than that.
You're giving me no credit at all and are treating me like someone who doesn't know anything, you know a "stereotypical teen", it's pissing me off because I've missed the whole "teen life" thing. So I don't need people to go on at me for reasons I already thought about.

Hello Princess

I can appreciate what you are saying. You say you know not to have a baby now, but you WANT one really badly?

The right age to get pregnant? Depends! I'm pregnant now with our first child. I'm 30, my husband is 36. For us, it was right because we both got through college, been married a few years, and have a home. Oh, and I'm scared to death! Excited too though. ;) For us, it was great having so many years of "freedom" to travel, etc. without a baby to care for. On the other hand, my friend is my age and just had her 4th child. The first was born when she was 19... so even though she's married, they struggled since the beginning being such young parents. Age isn't as important as your lifestyle. Babies need a certain lifestyle to thrive, regardless how old mom and dad are.

I think one important thing to remember is its one thing to want to be a mother someday--its another to be obsessed with it at your age. If you don't feel obsessive (it is the focus of most of your thoughts) then you're probably okay... lots of girls your age think about it a lot.

Maybe taking on some new activities will help you keep your mind off it. You could even volunteer at a women's shelter, day care center, or animal shelter! You sound like you have a lot of love you want to give, so I bet those places could use someone like you!

:)

Thank you for understanding; I'm not obsessed, It's a thought that just drifts into my mind once in a while.
I have no spare time for anything, it's GCSE exams for the next month and a half. (another reason why I know not to have one now)
But I would like to have one before the age of 25, I'd hate to be an 'old' grandmother, haha, I suppose that links to my fear of aging xD

Well, being an "old" grandmother is better than being a "young" grandmother! ;)
My aunt was only 35 when she became a grandmother for the first time!

Don't worry hun... only time will tell where life can take you. The best is yet to come :)

My grandma was only 45 when I was born (I think)
But I'd like to be young enough to live long enough to see great-grand children =]

My grandma was only 45 when I was born (I think)
But I'd like to be young enough to live long enough to see great-grand children =]

Oh, boy! Don't think about great-grandchildren now! Lol... that's nothing you can plan. What if you have 6 kids, 4 grandkids and none of them want children. You see my point... its just nothing to worry about.

Or you could be like my great great aunt and live to be 104. You just never know ;)

Ok, living to 104 is my new target ;) 96 was my frist.

Well if I don't have any grandchildren at least I'll see someone else's, hehe

I just have to say that its incredibly hard to be a mother. Especially a single mother. My sister has a 9 month old and doing it alone. Luckily she has my family to help her but would definitely do things differently if she had the choice. I got pregnant when I was 20. It was not planned but I knew I was going to marry him far before I got pregnant. Its FAR from being easy and there is NO way you will ever know just how hard it is until you are actually a mother. You can try to imagine all day long but will never know until it happens. PLUS!! It takes a HUGE toll on your body! Stretch marks, saggy skin, hormone problems etc. Your 16! You have plenty of time to have a baby. Have fun, I would love to be 16 again!! Enjoy it while you can because once you're a mother, you're a mother forever!

You should babysit and then you will get a chance to be around babies without actually having one! ;)

I can't enjoy being 16 =/
I can only see my friends at school and on days my parents are feeling generous enough to drive me to the train station, I'm in the middle of exams, I'm single (sucks) and constantly lonely even though I have so many friends. I can't wait until I'm older and at least have a family to keep me company.

I used to babysit, but she got too old to be baby sat =( I loved it. And there are better options of who to choose to babysit in my village, I'm like the 5th option, everyone else is older and more "responsible" than me (people immediately assume I'm irresponsible because I have ditzy moments and am particularly strange when I'm happy.)

I just have to say at 16 you have NO CARES in the world! No bills, no worry about your job or how your going to put food on the table. NOTHING. Lol Seriously its great being 16. I am a stay at home mommy to a 2 year old and I take care of all the bills and the house and my son and its SOOO much work. What I wouldn't give to be 16 again!

You should talk to your mom or dad or someone your close with and tell him how you are feeling. If your were my daughter I would love to know.

Haha, I suppose you're right; but I always have a fear of everyone at work suddenly turning on me and hating me D= it's not going to happen but it's still scary.

I don't relate to my mam very well and I try to avoid my dad at all costs. They love me but they aren't really the "parent" type, most teenagers would love to have them because they stay out of my business but sometimes it feels like they don't care. But I know they do =] When they're drunk dad tells me he loves me and say's he'd kill for me and mam always goes on about how similar we are. Hehe

Well do you have a aunt or family friend you can talk to? I am SURE your parents love you. Some just have a harder time telling there kids. I still think you should try and talk to them. They would want to hear how your feeling. I AM SURE of it! Better now, then after! ;)

Yeah its great being a mother but it will be ONLY greater when you have your life together. You want to make your life as easy as possible when you have your children because you want to provide them with the best life you can. Do you honesly feel you would want to bring a baby into the life you have now? Or would you rather be able to provide a loving home and the proper lifestyle to your baby.

Trust me hun you want to wait!

Just imagine NEVER SLEEPING! Lol seriously my son still wakes in the night!

Haa, I don't want one now... maybe I can convince my mam to get another kitten... or a lizard...
I tell my grandma all this stuff, she listens and isn't biased about anything so she shows me what's right =]
She isn't happy how dad keeps telling me to get a life even though I have lived in the same village for 16 and all my friends live over 14 miles away and I can't drive yet.

Do you have plans for after your exams? Ever consider working as a nursery nurse or something similar? Are there opportunities to work, or at least volunteer, in a church crèche or local nursery?

Well there you go talk to your grandma!

OH I GOT IT! Get a puppy! Omg they are probably as close as having a baby! Lol We have a 6 month old puppy and he is like having another kid! Lol

Anyway good luck hun, I am hoping you make the right decision about this... oh and by the way I never even kissed a boy until I was your age! Lol Never even thought about sex until I was 19! And I am from SD so its not as thought I was in a small city. I was a good girl! ;)

Aha no, looking after a lot of children at once makes me panick, I found that out at my work experience in a primary school (I loved it)
I don't really want to 'work' with children.
I don't even have a career in mind yet, all I have is my job as a part time waitress for a hotel my mam is the manager of.

OH that's a good job! I became a waitress at 16 also and made bank! Make sure you go to College though, you don't want to be a waitress forever! Lol but it's a great way to pay for your schooling!
Aha no, looking after a lot of children at once makes me panick, I found that out at my work experience in a primary school (I loved it)
I don't really want to 'work' with children.
I don't even have a career in mind yet, all I have is my job as a part time waitress for a hotel my mam is the manager of.

I'm a good girl too! (kinda; first kiss at age six, bleck I was forced into it!)

I have a puppy, his name is Gilbert, He is very much like a baby, only very hyper and a lot quieter.

Im staying on for 6th form and then going to uni (hopefully) however I don't know what to study because I don't know what to choose as a career.

I can say that when I was in middle school I wanted to have a baby and the reason is because I wanted to be responsible and show my parents that I am very responsible. Now I'm graduated from high school and my boyfrien has a kid and sometimes our dates he has to bring his kid along, which told me I made a good decision with not going through it cause I'm free, I don't have to worry about feeding a kid or having to work harder cause I have a baby at home or at school waiting... jus wait honey and take your time buy a dog and cherish it, I have one and I love her to death. She's my baby and this is from someone that wanted a baby that I know now that I wasn't ready for. Good luck to you

i'm 16 and really want a baby, i have since i was 14, i know theres a lot of things like; it takes a lot of money, i'll have no time to myself, it'll ruing my life and stuff like that but i have no life anyway, i have a part time job and theres a girl down the road who had a baby last year so she could give me some stuff.
However i haven't a second party, so i'm still without child and will do so until i'm financially ready. (my own place and job and stuff)
but i don't think this feeling will go away so i was wondering at what age would be best to have a child? I thought it would be better to hear what experienced people had to say.
My mam had me when she was 21 she got married at 20 and she had my brother when she was 24, she's had no more children and doesnt want anymore, and my grandma gave birth to her when she was 21, so i figured 21 was a good age?

Wait at least till you are 24, you might want to party at 21.

I don't like parties much.
Alcohol isn't all that nice either.
I'd rather stay home or go shopping than go to a club; I'm rather repulsed by the Idea of going to a club where everyone is too drunk to stand and stoned out of their mind.

You previously said something about how you never get to see your friends and you are pretty much forced into staying at home. You have a job that takes up all your time on the weekend.

Imagine how much of your time a baby would take up. Then you really could never see your friends. And imagine if you had a baby and still couldn't get to that train station when it was sick.

I understand that you don't want to have one now. And I don't think you really want one anyway. I think you want to have something in your life that makes you feel important. You said your mother doesn't pay a lot of attention to you. Maybe, subconsciously it's like "I'm going to be such a better mom...I'll show her." Without even knowing it you could be thinking that.

You can't see your friends because you have no way to get to their homes or wherever they are. You feel cooped up and along you said. A baby is going to make you feel even more cooped up because you won't be able to go ANYWHERE for quite a while. And if you can, you'll have a baby with you and can't have too much fun with your friends. Not to mention that you're so cooped up all the time with a screaming, pooping, crying baby that you'll probably go insane and be asking yourself "what was i thinking?"

You work on the weekends so you feel like you have adult responsibility. Imagine how much responsibility it would be with a baby added.

I know you said you don't want to have one now. I'm not trying to convince you not to or anything. I'm just saying that I think you need to look into the reasons behind WHY you think about this. Maybe once you figure out what's making you feel so... I guess empty... you'll understand why you were having these feelings and can get on the road to amending yourself and finding ways to have normal teenage thoughts.

But yeah, I'm 23 and aching to have a baby. I know I am not ready. I am happily married. That's about the only criteria I meet. We don't have any money or savings. We live paycheck to paycheck. We rent our house from my dad and we have 2 roommates to make the rent. We only have one car so I have to take carpool to work. We're in debt and trying to pay our way out. My husband is still a big kid and wants us to wait. I resepct that and understand it's not in the cards right now. No matter your age, you need to be prepared in these other ways before you even start to think about it. With the mentality, the physical duration and the financial stabilization it's going to be a disaster. I'm still not ready at 23 and my husband at 24.

I hope my advice helped you to understand things.

I don't see my job as 'adult responsibility' I see it as a way of getting good money.
I want a baby to fill up the time I have that's so far being filled with "not having a life", I'd rather help someone have a life than not have a life of my own. (if that makes sense) I'd love to teach it things, coo over it and change its nappies and be worried when it gets ill. (I'm abnormally strange like that, you should have seen me when I first stared my P, I was over the moon about everything, even the pain)
I know a pet or a kitten fills these but you can't teach those how to walk or talk, they can't call you "mammy" or tell you about their fist day of school, you can't help them with social problems or give them advice or help with homework. :(
Can't I just want to be a mam without it meaning anything seriously deeper than that?

Sure you can. I think most girls/women want to be mothers, if we didn't then I really do not think we would survive as a species. I think that everyone on here has given you good suggestion to fill your time, or the void that you have. If you want to help someone... be a caregiver to an elderly person who is ill. They need you, sometimes they even wear diapers you can change ;) I think that you are right in knowing that now is not the right time for you to have children, and agree that most women do have a desire for children or else no one would have them.

What I'm saying is simply this. You say you have no life now. Well, having a baby doesn't magically give you a life. A baby is not 'something to do'. Babies are MAJOR work and I just feel that you are letting your hormones and normal womanly urges run over you. Do teenage things while you can.

Hi, omg I have just read the few responses and I am amazed. Babies are nothing like puppies. I am sorry and mean no ill to anyone's advice, but that is a ridiculous thing to say to a child that wants a child. But who is to say princess is a child. She may be mature beyond her years and more capable than many of the moronic idiots that are having babies these days.
Also the list of what you should have before having a baby has just amazed me. I am 37 years old, married and have twin two year olds. To society I am the epitome of motherhood, by waiting until I had everything set up perfect before jumping in to have babies. Well this is what happened to me in this order... my mum and I were sharing a house, I met my husband, a month later got pregnant (with twins), we bought a house, got married (yes I had a shotgun wedding and it was not the way that I ever thought my wedding day would be), then 3 weeks later had the babies and all of this occurred within a one year time frame. So who is to say to anyone that you have to be prepared financially, mentally, physically etc. I was 35 when we had our babies and it rocked my world and pushed my marriage, which is amazing to its limits. All this is from someone who waited a long time to start a family. Also this parenting classes thing?? Babies and kids DO NOT COME WITH A MANUAL. If I had a dollar for every time people said that to me I would be a rich woman and I would already have my kids college fund set up!! no one can tell you princess what is right or wrong FOR YOU, but listen to your own advice
My husband and I knew we wanted and were ready for babies the minute we laid eyes on each other, but that is another story. When it came to the crunch it was and is bloody hard work for ANYONE regardless of age, sex, social statis, marital statis, home ownership, etc etc etc.
You will know princess when the time is right for you and only you alone will know this :o)

[QUOTE=harleymaxx;1759751] (yes I had a shotgun wedding and it was not the way that I ever thought my wedding day would be), then 3 weeks later had the babies and all of this occurred within a so who is to say to anyone that you have to be prepared financially, mentally, physically etc. I was 35 when we had our babies and it rocked my world and pushed my marriage, which is amazing to its limits. All this is from someone who waited a long time to start a family. Also this parenting classes thing?? Babies and kids DO NOT COME WITH A MANUAL. QUOTE]


I'm not quite sure why you are so amazed at some of the responses given what you have just said. Would you not have liked to have had the wedding you pictured instead of a shotgun wedding? Sure it may not matter to you at this stage, but it obviously was not what you had thought it would be like.

Do you not think it would be wise for someone to be more financially prepared to support their child well if they could knowing how much it can cost? What about unforeseen medical costs? Yes, people often do seem to find a way to manage, but why wouldn't it be better if they are in a position where they may not have to struggle too much? Do you not think it would be wise for someone to be emotionally ready to deal with the trials and stresses of raising a child? Do you not think it would be wise for a teen to wait until she is older so that she decreases the chances of having physical difficulties for herself, her pregnancy, and her baby if she is able to? Why would these suggestions not make sense if the option is there?

You said at 35 having your babies pushed your marriage to its limits... what do you think it might do for someone much younger or who might not be as prepared as you were?

Yes, babies do not come with manuals, but there are many good parenting classes and books out there that will help people find answers to the many questions they might have. Having some knowledge of infant/child development, as well as expectations in early parenting, will only be an advantage when raising ones own child.

The op has already said she isn't planning to have a child soon, she only wanted to know the best age to have a baby. Opinions were given that there is not an exact age... nothing magic happens when you turn 21, 25, or 30, but we do know that people are in a better position to deal with all that is involved in having and raising a child when they are in a better place financially, emotionally, and physically.

hi, omg i have just read the few responses and i am amazed. babies are nothing like puppies. i am sorry and mean no ill to anyones advice, but that is a ridiculous thing to say to a child that wants a child.

No babies are nothing like puppies. But for someone too young to have a baby, but who wants something to care for, love and love back a puppy is a viable substitute.


but who is to say princess is a child. she may be mature beyond her years and more capable than many of the moronic idiots that are having babies these days.

She could be. But then again she may not. The odds are she isn't. So to play safe the best advice was to wait.


also the list of what you should have before having a baby has just amazed me. i am 37 years old, married and have twin two year olds. to society i am the epitome of motherhood, by waiting until i had everything set up perfect before jumping in to have babies. well this is what happened to me in this order...my mum and i were sharing a house, i met my husband, a month later got pregnant (with twins), we bought a house, got married (yes i had a shotgun wedding and it was not the way that i ever thought my wedding day would be), then 3 weeks later had the babies and all of this occurred within a one year time frame. so who is to say to anyone that you have to be prepared financially, mentally, physically etc. i was 35 when we had our babies and it rocked my world and pushed my marriage, which is amazing to its limits. all this is from someone who waited a long time to start a family.

Your own experience supports the advice you put down. If you got married, bought a house and had the kids all within in a year, then you were obviously financially ready. At 35 you were clearly physically ready. Emotionally is something only you know.


also this parenting classes thing???? babies and kids DO NOT COME WITH A MANUAL. if i had a dollar for every time people said that to me i would be a rich woman and i would already have my kids college fund set up!!!no one can tell you princess what is right or wrong FOR YOU, but listen to your own advice

No kids don't come with a manual, but parenting classes DO help. The more prepared one is, the better they will manage. You spoke earlier of the "moronic idiots having babies these days", don't you think they might be less moronic is they did more to prepare themselves?


my husband and i knew we wnated and were ready for babies the minute we laid eyes on each other, but that is another story. when it came to the crunch it was and is bloody hard work for ANYONE regardless of age, sex, social statis, marital statis, home ownership, etc etc etc.

This is true, but again, the more prepared one is the better it will be for the entire family.


you will know princess when the time is right for you and only you alone will know this :o)

Excuse my french, but that is crap. This whole thing about magically knowing when the time is right is mostly myth. Children don't have the experience to judge the feelings they encounter. They can easily mistake and usually do, the feelings they have going through puberty, adolescence etc for something that its not.

Princess got a lot of good advice in this thread, I'm sorry, but your post isn't part of that.

she may be mature beyond her years and more capable than many of the moronic idiots that are having babies these days.

Mentally and emotionally maybe, but I doubt it reading her other posts. But PHYSICALLY she is not ready. There are some severe consequences that go along with having a baby when one is still a "baby." Some of these consequences are life threatening for both mother and child.

I didn't think I was giving advice I was merely stating my opinion as I was rather taken aback by the list of credentials I read that we all should have before embarking on parenthood. I had none of those things when I got pregnant apart from the age thing, and no we were not financially secure and we still aren't especially in this day and age of recession, but my kids never go without and making do might mean that my husband and I forgo our weekly romantic dinner and eat at home instead.
Risks are involved for ANY woman when they carry babies regardless of age. Carrying twins was torturous on my body down to the fact I had a blood transfusion after they were born so if girls are too young to have babies then who is to say that I am too old as we are having another set of twins next year. The debate is endless. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's a very passionate topic.
I don't condone kids having kids definitely not, but I also don't believe that there should be a "credentials list" to say when a couple is ready. There is no manual like I said, but there is also no checklist or perfect time or perfect age. But kids having kids.. no they are not emotionally developed enough. What woman is when it comes to being a mum?

i didn't think i was giving advice i was merely stating my opinion as i was rather taken aback by the list of credentials i read that we all should have before embarking on parenthood. i had none of those things when i got pregnant apart from the age thing, and no we were not financially secure and we still arent especially in this day and age of recession, but my kids never go without and making do might mean that my husband and i forgo our weekly romantic dinner and eat at home instead.
risks are involved for ANY woman when they carry babies regardless of age. carrying twins was torturous on my body down to the fact i had a blood transfusion after they were born so if girls are too young to have babies then who is to say that i am too old as we are having another set of twins next year. the debate is endless. everyone is entitled to an opinion, its a very passionate topic.
i dont condone kids having kids definately not, but i also dont beleive that there should be a "credentials list" to say when a couple is ready. there is no manual like i said, but there is also no checklist or perfect time or perfect age. but kids having kids....? no they are not emotionally developed enough. what woman is when it comes to being a mum?

It seems you completely misunderstood what people were saying. No when said "financially secure", they said financially READY. This means having a source of income so that your kids don't go hungry or uncared for. There is a difference.

And what is wrong with preparedness? What people said here were guidelines to consider. They were not hard and fast rules or a checklist where each item must be checked before you take action. That most people, consciously or unconsciously go through that checklist before having a child. Most people wait until they are married where the spouse has a decent job and they have a home with room for the child. This is a perfectly natural thing.

If you viewed the advice here as telling anyone that they must make sure they have all "credentials" before having a baby, then you read it very wrong.

Well!
This is a bit insulting.
Calling me a child I mean, you can't really decide if I'm mature for my age through my posts, so don't go calling me "mature for my age" or "Immature" it makes me vexed.
I like to think I'm mature for my age, I have to be, I stopped being child-like long ago so I could be more responsible for my brother.
Just so you know.
I know a puppy is nothing like a baby, I'm not an imbecile, but I know what people mean by the loving thing however it isn't what I want, I can't explain what I want properly so I won't.

hi, omg I have just read the few responses and I am amazed. Babies are nothing like puppies. I am sorry and mean no ill to anyone's advice, but that is a ridiculous thing to say to a child that wants a child.

Brilliant deduction... that's right puppies have 4 legs not two.

:: slaps forehead ::

Silly me.

There were reasons this an other things were suggested so I'd say you haven't read the entire thread.

Also I think that last part says it all really
"A child, who wants a child"

Again, calling me a child...

Well!
This is a bit insulting.
Calling me a child I mean, you can't really decide if I'm mature for my age through my posts, so don't go calling me "mature for my age" or "Immature" it makes me vexed.
I like to think I'm mature for my age, I have to be, I stopped being child-like long ago so I could be more responsible for my brother.
Just so you know.
I know a puppy is nothing like a baby, I'm not an imbecile, but I know what people mean by the loving thing however it isnt what I want, I can't explain what I want properly so I won't.

Princess, I haven't piped in because frankly, I think this whole thread is "I'm bored and want attention", but in case it isn't, I'll add my two cents.

You are a child, like it or not. Your brain isn't even finished developing, you're a teen, not an adult, therefore, yup, child. You don't have to like being called that anymore then I like being called middle aged, but it is what it is.

You can have all the maturity in the world, but that doesn't mean you're ready to be a parent. Unless you can support yourself and a baby without any help from anyone, then you aren't ready.

This isn't a doll, you can't have it and then decide you don't want to play anymore. This is 24/7 for the rest of your life. At your age you aren't ready to think long term, you're just thinking of now, not later. Another reason you're a child.

You can't explain what you want? Do you know what I hear when I read that sentence? I want, I want, I want. What about the baby and what it wants and needs?

It's not all about you, that's something you'll learn when you're older.

Lord, I did say I know I'm not ready for one right?
I was bored and wanted to know range age that people found it acceptable to have a baby, since my mam's friend came over with her son.
I know I'm not devoloped properly, and you're probably right about the maturity thing. I'm just pondering why people are still getting at me when I have already said I will NOT be having one any time soon.

Again, calling me a child...

Umm excuse me?
If you will notice I had not quoted you, I quoted somebody else...
You will find I was nice to you at the start of this thread or have you forgotten that already.

I was referring to the person who said the quote, sorry for the misunderstanding and I'm sorry I may have insulted you, I didn't mean it that way, I am grateful for your contribution to this thread. :)

Because you started this thread and made it sound like you wanted a child now. Read what you wrote Princess, if it was someone else what would you think?

What you have to realize is that we see this every day. Teens coming here because they want to have a baby, some of them willing to do anything it takes, including tricking their boyfriends, just to get what they want.

If you had just wanted opinions you wouldn't have started this thread with "I'm 16 and really want a baby". That was an alarm that you set off and we responded accordingly.

Think about it, read what you wrote, how would you have responded?

You know me, we've talked before. I don't sugar coat things, I call them as I see them, and all I see here is trouble with a capital T.

Finish school, get a good job, your own place to live, someone that you care about and that cares about you in return. Wait until you're older, then have a child. There is no "perfect" age, it depends on the couple.

Trust me, having a child is not all gits and shiggles. They don't stay babies forever, they have minds of their own and at times they will drive you insane. How can a teen hope to deal with all of that when most adults can't, and yes, you are a teen, to us you're still a child, heck, I'm old enough to be your mom, of course you're a child to me. ;)

Think about what I said. I'm not against you, none of us are, we're just trying to shed some light on this before you end up in the dark. Understand?

Oh no I know what you're saying, also you've come up with some of the best answers to my threads :) I realize what messages it could send, but I did correct it (somewhat) by saying over and over that I wasn't going to have one now, however most seemed to have missed that message.
I want to finish school and go to university so I can get a well paid job so I can give my child the best I can give (Without spoiling it.)
I read parenting books when I see them; I LOVE to be prepared for things, anything, a baby isn't going to change that, but I know it'll be harder.
I guess I also thought it was weird that I wanted a baby now because anyone else my age that I ask all say "Urgh I hate babies, I'm never having them"

Oh no I know what you're saying, also you've come up with some of the best answers to my threads :) I realize what messages it could send, but I did correct it (somewhat) by saying over and over that I wasn't going to have one now, however most seemed to have missed that message.
I want to finish school and go to university so I can get a well payed job so I can give my child the best I can give (Without spoiling it.)
I read parenting books when I see them; I LOVE to be prepared for things, anything, a baby isn't going to change that, but I know it'll be harder.
I guess I also thought it was weird that I wanted a baby now because anyone else my age that I ask all say "Urgh I hate babies, I'm never having them"

It's not weird that you want a baby, not at all. I was the same way, couldn't wait to have kids. I was 27 when I got pregnant with my son. He was planned in every way. Both hubby and I had good jobs, we had our own house, two cars, a dog (he was my test baby) everything.

We tried for 7 months with him, then hubby lost his job and we put it on hold, too late, I was already pregnant. Less then a month after I found out I was pregnant the company I worked for bought out another company and 1000's of employess were laid off, I was one of them. I had my job until the end of that year but took maternity leave in late August. It was rough.

We did everything right, planned it all out and still...

There's no perfect time to have a child. My mother-in-law used to tell us to wait until we were debt free and had a huge savings account. If I had waited for that I still wouldn't have kids. ;)

What I'm trying to say is, it's never easy, but there are times when it's easier. When you're a teen, no matter how mature you are, you really aren't ready to be a mom. Can it work, yes, but you and the baby will suffer, that's just a fact.

I'm glad you're waiting, because that does show maturity. One day, many, many years from now (hinting) you will have the child you want so much, and you'll be really happy that you waited, trust me. :)

risks are involved for ANY woman when they carry babies regardless of age.

I take it you are a nurse in obstetrics as I am? Yes, risks are inherent for any age, they are just greater for teens. The teen body is not physically nor chemically ready to carry a child.


Oh no I know what you're saying, also you've come up with some of the best answers to my threads :) I realize what messages it could send, but I did correct it (somewhat) by saying over and over that I wasn't going to have one now, however most seemed to have missed that message.
I want to finish school and go to university so I can get a well payed job so I can give my child the best I can give (Without spoiling it.)
I read parenting books when I see them; I LOVE to be prepared for things, anything, a baby isn't going to change that, but I know it'll be harder.
I guess I also thought it was weird that I wanted a baby now because anyone else my age that I ask all say "Urgh I hate babies, I'm never having them"

I certainly haven't missed your message. Basically you were asking what age one is physically ready to have a child.

While others responded with the finances and whatnot, I responded with the physical/medical reasons one should not have a child.

My most recent response was not directed at you, it was directed at another poster, and I apologize if you misunderstood.

I heard that having a baby younger reduces risks though? And that the older you are the more likely something goes wrong.

It actually goes both ways kind of princess. Both older (over 40s) and teens run the same types of risks.

So 20-30 area is best? (theoretically)

Theoretically speaking yes. There can be complications at any age for a variety of reasons, but the risks are highest for gals under 21.

Right, so my mam and grandma just scraped it. Thanks =]

Princess, I know that you are asking what age is a good age to have a child and I just wanted to tell you about myself. I got pregnant at 18 and had my daughter at 19. I didn't have any complications with my pregnancy, thankfully. I didn't, however, realize how hard it would be to raise a child.

I work two jobs and go to school full-time now and have been for the past three years. It is Extremely hard. I was not emotionally, mentally, or physically ready to have a child, but I did anyway.

When I had my daughter, I didn't have a diploma, a job, a stable relationship, or any family support. I have now started working towards my goals and have been supporting my daughter, by myself, while trying to reach my goals and it has been very rough for the past four years and it will continue to be rough until I complete my degree.

So, my advice is to wait until you have found the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with, wait until you have a good job and you don't have to live paycheck to paycheck, wait until you have finished college, or are close to finishing. Don't rush this, I know that you want someone to love you and it is the greatest feeling in the world to have the love of a child, but it is very hard raising a child.

I wish that I would have waited a few more years before I had my daughter. (not that I regret having my daughter at ALL) I wish that I would have been financially stable and that I would have a father figure for my daughter, but I didn't wait. It has made me into the person that I am today, but sometimes it isn't fair to my daughter when she wants to go to Chucky Cheese and I can't take her because I don't have the money or when she asks me where her daddy is and I have to tell her that he is sick and he can't see her until he gets better. (I chose to have a child with a deat beat drug addict and I chose to have a child without a stable job, she didn't choose this life, it was given to her) It sucks that I am not financially stable and I live from paycheck to paycheck. I do support my daughter, but like I said I have to have two jobs in order to do it. It is not easy at ALL. I never have money left over at the end of the month to put into a savings account.

You sound like you are mature for your age and that is great, but don't rush into anything. You have so much life ahead of you. You don't want to have to struggle in life if you don't have to. Good luck.

I have read the entire thread and do have to admit I jumped the gun when I posted my first thread. I do apologise for any misgivings I just took a few things a little badly :o. before I put my huffy post in there were some awesome replies, I am very new in here so the moral of the story, which I have learned is "read the whole thread before you jump in too quick".
In response to j_9 no I am not a nurse, I just know first hand what pregnancy can do to a woman's body, as mine was torturous, I was 35 and now 37 and about to do it again :)

You are ready to have a child when you are emotionally and financially ready... my list of requirements are as follows:

You are Married.
One of you has a permanant full time job.
You have your own house.
You have 2 cars. (One for the worker, one incase of emergency)
Both you and your husband agree that having a child would fulfill your life.
You have enough savings for emergencies.
You have already started a schooling fund for your child.
You have been to parenting classes before you have even conceived.

I could go on and on but I'll stop there. Having a child is a big decision, it's not about whether or not YOU want a child it's about how well you can take CARE of the child.

Most common mistake with teens is that they think having a baby will be 'cute'.
Yeah I'm sure they are cute for a while but once you have no sleep, no social life, no money, no friends, no partner to help you. Things go downhill fast.

You don't need to be pregnant there are a lot of solo mothers out there an partners that have a family that anit married I don't no where you come from but here you don't need to be

you dont need to be pregnant there are alot of solo mothers out there an partners that have a family that anit married i dnt no where u come from but here you dont need to be

Did you read the list Shaz wrote? Don't you think those things are important if you're considering bringing a child into this world? I do.

A lot of people do without those things, but only one person suffers, the child.

Did you read the list Shaz wrote? Don't you think those things are important if you're considering bringing a child into this world? I do.

Alot of people do without those things, but only one person suffers, the child.

Well I think to bring a child into this world all you need to provide is a stable home an invroment finance to provide for the child and supporting family and friends and love for the child you don't need to be married an still be in a loving relationship with your partner an raise the child the same way

well i think to bring a child into this world all u need to provide is a stable home an invroment finance to provide for the child and supporting family n friends and love for the child u dnt need to be married an still b in a loving relationship with ur partner an raise the child the same way

First off, chat speak is not allowed on this site and there is a spell check tool available.

Second of all, it does effect the child if there is only one person raising them. It effected me growing up (with a single mother) and it is effecting my child growing up without her father. Yes, there are some people that can raise a child successfully with just themselves (which I am doing), but a child needs both it's mother and father in it's life. Bottom line.

well i think to bring a child into this world all u need to provide is a stable home an invroment finance to provide for the child and supporting family n friends and love for the child u dnt need to be married an still b in a loving relationship with ur partner an raise the child the same way

As I said before, if you cannot commit to marriage then you cannot commit to a child.

A marriage can be ended, a child cannot so I see a child as a much bigger commitment than marriage and there are people out there who refuse to get married but will happily pop out a kid!

i dnt no where u come from but here you dont need to be

I think you got that the wrong way around sweetie :)