My story is a bit long but I'll try to make it short. I have been dating this girl for 3 years ( which were great ) and she broke off with me because I didn't socialize with her friend, family and didn't want to go to the same place. She also kissed another guy on several occasion ( the same one ) and she has feelings for him. The problem is that he is returning in France so they cannot date.

Now I told her 2 month later, that it is enough and she has to decide between getting back together or never having contact again. By the way, I changed tremendously during these 2 month ( lost weight, socialized more, planned a trip... ) to prove her that the reasons she broke off with me doesn't exist anymore. When I told her that, she said she wanted to give us another try, but the same night she wasn't able to sleep because she was doubting the decision.

The day after she explained that she wasn't 100% sure to go back with me. I told my decision didn't change: me or nothing. After some talking she begins to kiss me and then we had the most amazing sex.

The same night I call her back and she says she is tired, and she is crying all the time, she wants to pass some time alone. Does she want to check if there is something better?
She knows I am leaving for 3 weeks to Europe soon. I really love her, but she is leaving me without answer, and I really want to move on with my life either with her or without. I want to make it work so should I leave her more time? Maybe it is a necessary step in our relation so that there is no problem in the future?

Paxe. I want you to move on. This girl does not deserve you. Let me give you a quick run down of my situation and how it relates to you're a little. I dated this girl for about 8 years. One day, I visited her at her college dorm (this was about a few months before we graduated from college) and we were about to get intimate. You know what happened? She was as dry as sand paper? I immediately knew something was wrong. I stopped and asked her what was up and she said nothing and blamed her mood on the death of her father who had passed away no so long ago. I partially believed her but I was still skeptical of her whole mood because it was so unlike her and so drastic. You know what happened after? We had the usual amazing sex that we usually have. <Thats the difference between men and women. Women are experts in concealing their feelings and other women help them along the way whereas we men are not as good and our fellow brothers do not help us out as well>. The point I am making here is that she had amazing sex with you to distract you from the essence of the choice you had given her. She is STILL IN LOVE WITH HER EX BOYFRIEND. Do I need to say it any clearer? You see, they or perhaps she has unresolved issues with him and regardless of how much you change, she will not notice it(unless you tell her or making it blatantly noticable) nor appreciate your morphosis. Do you really want to me with someone who you will have doubts about or wonder about whenever she is in this other guy's company? Do you want to say to yourself, "she's with me today but I know if that guy walked into the room I would be in trouble?" I mean, how do you personally feel about that? It will not only kill your confidence but it will also show through and in the long-run it will show through your relationship as well. Now, lets rewind a little. You know why I'm not with my ex right now? She had another man on the side who she had already started talking to and that is why she could not get turned on my me initially. Granted, I was not the best boyfriend then because of my lack of experience (jealousy, lack of trust, forcing my way of living upon her) but it still does not take from the fact that she lied and had ulterior motives. My man, cut her loose and move on. The only reason why she hasn't left you is because the ex man has not given her the green light. Do you think she would be all confused if she had a definite answr from this answer guy? Of course not! Listen, one last thing before I go. Women hate to be only. They always want to know that there is someone there for them. Right now you are there for her so she will not leave you but as soon as she gets ahold of this other guy she WILL leave you. You know what this is called? Its called getting monkey barred. Remember the monkey bar from the playground when you were young? Where you didn't let go from one bar until you caught hold of the other bar so you wouldn't fall? Well my friend, she is holding on to you until she gets hold of the ex again. DON'T GET MONKEY BARRED!! I suggest you let her fall and bump her head so she knows how dump she is for letting go of a good guy. Dump her first and you will not be heart broken. I bet the ex was the one that dumped her or ended things and that is why she is still after him in some way. One last thing. You can change for someone, but don't EVER change for someone because you fear what they may do. It is not conducive to a healthy relationship and it will take a toll on the both of you. Trust me coming from someone who tried to change someone against her will. Good luck.

I really love her, but she is leaving me without answer, and I really want to move on with my life either with her or without. I want to make it work so should I leave her more time? Maybe it is a necessary step in our relation so that there is no problem in the future?

It's a mistake to have sex with an ex. Move on. Her break up reasons are too shallow, she had enough of you. If she wants to get back to you, she'd done it w/o a second thought. Two months of thinking is enough.

Sorry thoughtiwastheman, but that was a really unpleasant answer. Firstly, it is really derogative of women and their motives, spoken from your limited experience. Secondly, it does not take into account what the OP says about himself:


she broke off with me because I didn't socialize with her friend, family and didn't want to go to the same place.

Clearly some of his actions have had a part to play in the scenario with his GF, which he freely admits.

Paxe, I gather that you are the one that wants an answer from your GF and you're the one that initiated the conversation. You figure that you're going overseas, you want to know she'll be there when you come back.

Well, life isn't that easy and sometimes the solution is not as simple as - 'it's me or nothing'. You can't force people to give you answers just because it's convenient for your overseas trip. I suspect she doesn't want to get back with you. The 'rebound' sex was great but it's only because you were both highly emotional. It's people's actions that speak loudest - she's hesitant, I'd take my cue from that.

Go overseas and have a good time. Leave her alone and forget about her. Learn from this experience that you need to be more flexible in relationships.

Maybe it's better that you don't have an answer. Sounds like you should ask her for a break too. Maybe after this trip to Europe you will see things differently too. There's no point to rush her to get an answer.

Take some time apart to reflect on your relationship. This trip to Europe is your perfect opportunity. To see how much you guys will miss each other (assuming that you're not going to contact her while you are in Europe, which you shouldn't to test your feelings for each other).

Her actions are telling you what her answers is. It is good that you changed for the better but the change should be for you whether than for her.

Am I reading right because I could have sworn you say your ex kissed another guy that she untlimately left you for while the two of you was together. And the only reason she isn't with him is due to his moving. Cheating is never the a soluation but communication is.

I think it is time to let go because after all she is your ex. Don't dwell on who she is trying to find or the two of getting back together in the future.

The only thing you can do is learn from this relationship and apply what you learned to your next relationship. There are plenty of girls out them and your going have many relationships before you the find a right match for you.

Leave this girl alone and stop begging someone to be with you. Never beg someone to be with you.

Well, actually one of the other main reason was that she wanted to return to live in France and I didn't want to, but come to think of it I don't care at all living there. Actually we WERE back together for 2 days (2nd day was when we had sex) but after that she said she was too emotional and needed some time alone. I told her that I am leaving soon so she'll call me before I leave.

I don't want to answer actually and I won't and I won't have any contact with her while I am in Europe. I need some closure from her part ( either being that I should go back with her or we are finished ) and I can't bring myself to make the decision for her yet. I did tell her that if she is still not sure I will end all communications and any chances of getting back together. I really like her, she was my first love.

When I told her I didn't want to have any contact she returned to me, it showed how much she cared. But is she doubting because of that other guy or she wants to try and find something else? It may be selfish to say so, but I doubt she will find someone as good as me ( I treated her like a queen probably too much though, and it's because of me she is pursuing her studies and is happy with her life ).

She told me that since she came here, the only time she was happy was the 3 years we were together.

Wow, your situation has a lot of parallels to the one I was in a few months ago. I saw a girl for three years, she broke it off cause I wasn't social, she sees someone else immediately afterward, and she isn't sure if she wanted to be with me again.

Because that uncertainty existed, and the fact that she had feelings for someone else, when we did get back together there was no chance for it to ever be the same again.

The fact that she is still hesitating shows that she is not 100% sure, and won't be. And if you do get her back, you will probably find that it's not quite how you envisioned it to be.

Thank you guys for your answers. I really appreciate it. Well actually we WERE back together for 2 days (we had sex on the second day) but then she said she was too emotional and needed some time alone.

When I asked her is she wanted to return with me, her answer was always "I'm not sure". When I told her I wanted to break all contact ever if she doesn't make a decision she returned to me. It did show that she really care for me.

Breaking up with a person is a selfish reason but not having any contact with my ex is also selfish and it is for my own good. I want to have 1 month of no contact with my ex (I'll be in Europe during that time). I really love her ( she was my first love ) and I don't want to lose her but I also want to continue in life.

I know I can get other girls but I really want to know if it is really finished ( this is why I am giving her 1 month which won't be too hard for me ) and then I'll completely break it off if she doesn't know still or if she doesn't want to come back. I know my social value and I'm trying to date my neighbour. She is busy with school but she left me an open option for when I come back to ask her out. Should I break it off completely now or should I wait until I come back from Europe? Will I see things more clearly?

Wow, your situation has a lot of parallels to the one I was in a few months ago. I saw a girl for three years, she broke it off cause I wasn't social, she sees someone else immediately afterward, and she isn't sure if she wanted to be with me again.

Because that uncertainty existed, and the fact that she had feelings for someone else, when we did get back together there was no chance for it to ever be the same again.

The fact that she is still hesitating shows that she is not 100% sure, and won't be. And if you do get her back, you will probably find that it's not quite how you envisioned it to be.

Did you try to work it out together? I guess if you do come back with your ex it's not going to be the same but should we work on it? Give them another chance and try to forgive? I still believe everybody needs a second chance whatever they did. What is going on now with your ex?

I tried. She continued her dishonesty and indifference.

The fact that she returned to you when you gave her an ultimatum shows that she cares, but the fact that it required an ultimatum shows that she doesn't care enough. Some uncertainty is to be expected in any situation, but it's not fair for her to keep dragging you along.

I really feel for you, as I know how tough a situation like this can be. My suggestion is to break things off with her for good. Realize that the things you did to improve yourself since the two of you were apart are good for your sake and not just to satisfy her (I did the same thing.) Enjoy your trip to Europe without having to worry about her.

Quoting someone else that posted earlier: "Sorry thoughtiwastheman, but that was a really unpleasant answer. Firstly, it is really derogative of women and their motives, spoken from your limited experience. Secondly, it does not take into account what the OP says about himself"


PAXE, take heed. If I was unpleasant in my answer it is only because I do not bullsh!t anyone. My answers are straight forward and to the point because I HAVE THE EXPERIENCE unlike this other person who claims they have more beause they have more posts on yeah. First off I do not just post just to post. I only post when I see a genuine reason to. The quote goes on to say that it is derogative to women and their "motives." What you should ask PAXE is, what are these motives that Gemini54 is talking about? In any case, I feel you are desperate and trying to hold on to a person that is being selfish and is not as interested as you are. Don't take it personal. You should be happy that you have learned something from this relationship.

Hi paxe,

I think because the guy is returning to France, she knows this is impossible for any relationship, unless she moves to France.

Her second option is you, who she still cannot give a clear commitment to.

I think you should leave her well alone, give her space,which is what she wants.

Go to Europe and see how things feel when you get back.

By that time she should have had all the space she needed, to give you a clear answer... if in fact you still want her...

Thank you guys for your answers. I really appreciate it. Well actually we WERE back together for 2 days (we had sex on the second day) but then she said she was too emotional and needed some time alone.

When I asked her is she wanted to return with me, her answer was always "I'm not sure". When I told her I wanted to break all contact ever if she doesn't make a decision she returned to me. It did show that she really care for me.

Breaking up with a person is a selfish reason but not having any contact with my ex is also selfish and it is for my own good. I want to have 1 month of no contact with my ex (I'll be in Europe during that time). I really love her ( she was my first love ) and I don't want to lose her but I also want to continue in life.

I know I can get other girls but I really want to know if it is really finished ( this is why I am giving her 1 month which won't be too hard for me ) and then I'll completely break it off if she doesn't know still or if she doesn't want to come back. I know my social value and I'm trying to date my neighbour. She is busy with school but she left me an open option for when I come back to ask her out. Should I break it off completely now or should I wait until I come back from Europe? Will I see things more clearly?

Go overseas, have a good time. Things will be much clearer when you return.

Its unrealistic, and selfish to expect someone to sit waiting for you to comeback from your trip.

Its even more selfish, and controlling to give someone an ultimatum, you or the highway.

Love doesn't have to be blackmailed or coerced for such selfish reasons.

Live your life, and let her live hers. That's the fair way to do it. You can't make someone have feelings for you no matter how great the sex is.

Yes but then again, I don't have any closure and she isn't sure about her decision. I understand it may look selfish that I'm telling her me or the highway but I do need to get better and she is only leaving me wondering. The act of breaking up is selfish in itself so I cannot think of her well being.

I am not blackmailing her like that though anymore I am going to wait until I come back to Europe to talk to her and if she is not sure I will end things.

I think you should focus on the fact that she is your ex and leave it at that. As much as we want closure sometimes, we can't always get it. I would cut all contact and start moving on. You might think it's selfish of her to break up with you, but if she's kissing another guy, she did what was right. What's to say she doesn't start kissing this guy again if you got back together. And also, if your need to lose weight was really one of the reasons she broke up with you, I don't know why you'd want her back. That's shallow on her part.

No, well I understand what you are saying. I am not hurt by the fact that she broke up with me ( well a bit ) or that she kissed another guy. I tried the no contact but every time she calls me back or send me an email saying she wants to talk or she wants to see me and that she still have feeling for me and is thinking about me every day.

She is still unsure about what she wants. Breaking up in general is selfish but in life we HAVE to do selfish things. The reason she broke up with me are complex; I didn't socialise with her friend and family, I didn't want to live with her in France ( I changed my mind ), our relationship was getting boring... The thing is there is a major part of her that wants to go back with me and I also want to go back, but I am sure now that I can live without her. I cannot heal if she contacts me all the time and puts doubt in my mind telling me she has feeling and doubts.

Now the problem is trust. Even if I go back with her, I will have to learn to trust her again and it may take some time, but I am ready to work on this relationship or leave it be. I know it is selfish to force her to make a decision like that, but I need to heal and think about my own life since she has broke out with me.

By the way all you guys, thank you so much for your input, it was wonderful, you are all great!

I tried the no contact but every time she calls me back or send me an email saying she wants to talk or she wants to see me and that she still have feeling for me and is thinking about me every day.

Lets be clear, this is not No Contact. It doesn't matter what she wants or wants to talk about, you allowed her to do it, instead of ignoring her and not listening to whatever she has to say. Just want you to be clear on that point so you can recognize the part you play in this drama. You had a choice, you blew it, as No contact cannot work if you don't work it. That's why your at the point your at now.

She is still unsure about what she wants. Breaking up in general is selfish but in life we HAVE to do selfish things.
This forum is full of people with false hope who are so confused by a confused partner, because the stayed in contact instead of doing what they knew they had to, stop talking to a confused person, then there is no confusion.

I cannot heal if she contacts me all the time and puts doubt in my mind telling me she has feeling and doubts.

At least you know that. Now do the No Contact the right way and stop making excuses why you can't. The solution to your problem is that simple.

This is where the... "but, but" comes from you..!

Also you said.. I gave her the ultimatum, me or the highway.

In reality, you should give yourself the ultimatum. Stop leaving a binary choice in the hands of someone who is confunsed. You say to yourself. If she does this to me, then I am leaving. Then when she does it, you leave. Its not selfish, its self respect.

If you give her the option then you are leaving it up to her and yes it comes off selfish.

So you had this ultimatum. Next time you make one, do it for you. Keep it to yourself, and then stick with it.

You don't make a ultimatum to not contact her, and then contact her telling her about it? You just do it.

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I posted 1 month before explaining that my ex broke off with me after a 3 year relationship. Basically she cheated on me by kissing another guy while we were together and she went with him. There was some on and off moment where I wanted to break all contact and she wanted us to stay in contact and she was stringing me along ( "I don't know what I want" ).

2 month after the break up I decided to go to Europe with some friends and I had a talk with my ex. She was saying she wanted to go back with me but she wasn't sure at 100&#37; so this time apart would be good. I basically said I was going to wait.

I went to a weeding and meet this wonderful girl with whom I passed a lot of time with and we are living in the same city. We are not dating yet but it is very close ( hopefully ), she is super sweet and super fun. She is coming back in 1 month and a half and we said we are going to call each other and see how it goes.

My problem was that I wasn't sure how to tell my ex and if I had the energy to keep to my opinion. As it turned out, she is dating the first guy she kissed ( who by the way is returning to live in Europe so there is no future relationship between them). I am happy for her but I am a bit surprised and shocked. I mean some part of me feel that it is a betrayal even though I didn't want to go back to my ex. I am feeling quite confused about that but I am sure about my decision for not returning with her and wanting to date the woman I meet in Europe. Why do I have those feelings? Are they normal? What do they mean?

Your ex is history get over her. You met someone special start something new. Your ex sounds like she could very easily get back with you for old times sake and then meet someone else and dump you to move on with them. Don't waste your time. You said she was probably stringing you along and that is probably all that getting back with her will lead to again.

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My ex broke off with me about 3 month ago, but she stringed me along and the breakup itself was horrible. She told me she wasn't 100&#37; sure and she asked for time. During that time, I learned afterward she was hocking up with a guy that was due to return in France in a couple of month. Anyhow, there was some pleading from both sides and she hurt me a lot.

I went to Europe for holidays and we told each other that we were going to wait each other, which neither of us did, I meet a wonderful girl who lives in the same city as me and she hocked up with the same guy. Now we agreed initially that we were going to be friends after a while, but a couple of days later I sent her an email telling her I don't want to be friends.

Here's the catch, we have both the same friends. Every time I see her, it pisses me off. I don't have any "love feeling" toward her, it just makes me quite angry to see her there with all my friends. And I know every time there is going to be a party or a get together, she is going to be there and it's going to piss me off. I am just trying to get excuses to yell at her but I control myself. I don't look at her and I don't talk to her.

Should I try to be friends with her knowing that we are bound to see each other? How do I keep the No Contact rule in this case? I don't want to lose friends for her and I don't want to not come to the parties because of her.

And by the way, one of my friend told me that my ex also was having a hard time with the group get together.

Let them know you appreciate it if you don't involve both of you the same time.

I had this problem once. There were some places my ex didn't go that my other friends did, which was a way around this. I also started spending a lot more time with my friends that she wasn't too close to, or those that didn't care for her too much. After a while though it just stopped bothering me and I didn't worry about her being anywhere near me.

The problem is, I don't want to limit the number of time I go out with my friends for her. I don't want to make any sacrifice for her. Maybe I'll try to be friendly with her without being friends but even then I am not sure how to do it...

I don't think that's a good idea since the break up is still fresh, but if you feel like you can do that, than go ahead.

But at the same time you need to know, if you're friends can't keep both you're lives separately and involve you with their hanging out time without her, than they aren't much a friend to begin with.

I dont think thats a good idea since the break up is still fresh, but if you feel like you can do that, than go ahead.

But at the same time you need to know, if you're friends can't keep both you're lives separately and involve you with their hanging out time without her, than they arent much a friend to begin with.

Well it's not their fault really, as we are all a group of friends that goes a long way, she is very close to them and so am I. The only good part is that it is also hard on her... at least. I feel that everything went against me, the breakup, now we are forced to be friends...

Well it's not their fault really, as we are all a group of friends that goes a long way, she is very close to them and so am I. The only good part is that it is also hard on her... at least. I feel that everything went against me, the breakup, now we are forced to be friends...

If you can't understand what I was trying to tell you, there's not much more I can say. Im not saying it's their fault, of course its not. But you and her are two different individuals and are not forced to be around each other. There is always a choice. And if your friends are real friends, they would understand that and still be there for you. If they don't, its probably not worth keeping.

Just like in a workplace, the same rules apply. Polite, friendly, but brief, and unavailable. No Contact is not rudeness, just don't be drawn into a deep personal conversation.

Basically hi, and bye. Another life lesson to learn about coping with ones feelings in different situations.

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The problem is that we have "mutual" friends. When I say mutual, it's because they were my friend initially and she came along, as my girlfriend to my friend's party. There is one person she is truly a friend too, the rest doesn't really like her or despise her for that matter. My ex told me that we can be civil, and she needs this, because she is passing through a tough time with her current boyfriend ( she is starting a minimum 2 year long distance relationship with this guy, talking about dysfunctional, she only jumped from guy to guy, too afraid to be alone ).

The problem is that she doesn't have actual contacts with almost everybody in the group and they are actually MY group of friends. But everybody just nods along and tell me to be the noble one. After a couple of meeting, I'm getting a bit bored and pissed about this situation, because I don't want to be friends with my ex and I don't really want contact with her but every time she is here! Nobody understands except when I tell them I want to bring all their exes back and see what they think. Only now they are understanding.

I want her out of the group and I know she criticizes a lot all the people in this group. I want to use those bad critics to turn her against herself so that she will slowly fade out of the group. I don't really despise any other people, except her and I see quite a lot of ugly facet that I didn't to see before. How do I get her out? Am I morally wrong to do that?

I don't think you are morally wrong for wanting her to go away. It would be morally wrong to rally people against her, however. Ex's are always hard work. I recently asked a question on this forum myself so anyone who reads it will see that I've had a hard time with an ex myself!

My advice may be surprising, but it would be to talk to her. Explain, as friends, that you're finding it difficult to be around her after everything that happened. Try and appeal to any maturity in her and get her to see sense. If it blows in to an argument, immediately stop the conversation as you wouldn't be there to do that. It may also be worth explaining to your friends that you do not want to be around her and you will not hang out with them if she's around because it makes you uncomfortable.

If they really do not like her as you say, they will hopefully stop inviting her to things and you can get on with your life.

Well actually I had a talk with her about 1 week ago about that, and she said she was sorry ( only when I asked her to say it ), but that she needed those "friends of her" to get better. It's kind of ironic, because I am part of that group of friends that will make her feel better about her current boyfriend. On top of that, she is able to see me, and that does piss me off also.

I'm not sure I can make another contact with her, she is leaving for 2 weeks soon so that will make me feel better. But I don't trust her if I want to invite other girls (especially one which I think it may work) also. I hope sooner than later that they stop inviting her, but I am still thinking of rallying everyone slowly against her.

Don't, leave it alone, and deal with her presence as a man, and not a vindictive ex.

Its so wrong to poison her image with others, because she dumped you, and its hard getting over her. You can work harder at your healing, but she will eventually fade away, or better yet, you cope with your own feelings better.

I feel for your situation, but know people who date co workers also have that same situation, seeing there ex more than they want to.

You can take the low road, or you can take the high road. Whatever choice you make will define your character, and you will get the blessings of dealing with this in a good manner, or pay the consequences of not so great, vindictive behavior.

If you want to take another girl around your friends, why not?? Hmm, that would be repeating history though, wouldn't it? Naw, But I suspect that your jealous of her having another guy though, or you wouldn't be looking at things in such a negative light.

Don't, leave it alone, and deal with her presence as a man, and not a vindictive ex.

Its so wrong to poison her image with others, because she dumped you, and its hard getting over her. You can work harder at your healing, but she will eventually fade away, or better yet, you cope with your own feelings better.

I feel for your situation, but know people who date co workers also have that same situation, seeing there ex more than they want to.

You can take the low road, or you can take the high road. Whatever choice you make will define your character, and you will get the blessings of dealing with this in a good manner, or pay the consequences of not so great, vindictive behavior.

If you want to take another girl around your friends, why not??? Hmm, that would be repeating history though, wouldn't it?? Naw, But I suspect that your jealous of her having another guy though, or you wouldn't be looking at things in such a negative light.

I understand your reasoning and it makes sense. But then again, they are my friend and not hers, and it makes no sense for her to come to my group. I asked gently one of my friend ( the only real one she has in the group ), if she could stop inviting her and she told me yes. But you are right I am going to try to deal with her presence, but it is not easy.

Knowing my ex, she may try to be overemotional and try to break us apart if I bring another girl in the group. I'm not trying to repeat history though lol and I'm not jealous of my ex at all actually (I'm not rushing into anything I'm just taking my time). It's just that she hurt me so much and lied so much, that I cannot see this person, as a friend or someone that I would like. It's like I can see who she really is right now. I feel great when she is not there, I don't think about her, but when she is there physically, it just reminds me of everything she's done.

This is a learning experience as to how best to cope with your own feelings, and the downside of introducing your g/f's to your own group, is they make friends. Been there, done that. I found the way to best handle that, is never say anything negative, as that reflect poorly on you, and have a more broad based, balanced life so you don't depend on the just "the group" for fun, or support.

If you have nothing good to say about the ex, say nothing publicly

I wouldn't have continued this thread because I'm doing great after 3 month of break up but here goes:
I received a text message from my ex: "I love you like crasy, I am going to miss you, love" and then a message like the metro is closed.
Either the text message was directed to me or to her boyfriend ( our names aren't even close to each other ). I'm just feeling anger and I'm waiting for her to come back home so that I can call her. It's the first time that I'm breaking No Contact for 3 months and I want to let her know what I feel because this is never heard of (sending a love text message to her boyfriend but inadvertently sending it to her ex) and to tell her to stop doing that.

The worst thing is that I have to see her on Friday (mutual friends) which didn't bother me before that text. I was doing so great, I went to a party and got a lot of attention with girls and I was on a date the day before (which didn't go too well but it seems the girl has some issues with her ex).

Is it wrong that I feel this anger and that I just want to say everything that passes trough my mind? I just want to tell her she cheated on me, she is a liar and a deceitful creature and I don't trust her answer and to stop sending me those text.

I think I needed more venting than anything else.

She is probably playing cat and mouse just to get a reaction out of you. Don't play into it.
If you ignore her and don't act curious or hurt or anything that will accomplish more than confronting her.
If you go asking her why, try to figure out motives and give her a bunch of attention then it is going to reinforce her feelings of why she left you.
If she wanted you back she would have came right out and asked you to take her back.
When you go out let her bring anything up otherwise ignore her.

I don't think that forcing her hand is a good idea in this situation. And it really doesn't sound like the two of you are very compatible. The things you mentioned (socializing with friends, family, going to the same places) tend to be of fundamental importance to most women. And trying to change yourself to "prove" something to her isn't going to cut it either. She'll sense that it's all an act and you'll eventually end up resentful for feeling like your were forced to change in order to please her. The fact that she's shown some interest in another guy is a red flag as well. I think that you both need to accept the fact that this isn't meant to be and move on.

She is probably playing cat and mouse just to get a reaction out of you. Don't play into it.
If you ignore her and don't act curious or hurt or anything that will accomplish more than confronting her.
If you go asking her why, try to figure out motives and give her a bunch of attention then it is going to reinforce her feelings of why she left you.
If she wanted you back she would have came right out and asked you to take her back.
When you go out let her bring anything up otherwise ignore her.

I think she sent the text message to her boyfriend... but for some reason it came into my cell. I don't want her back, I'd rather be alone in life than be with her and I strongly feel that I need to tell her not to send me text message anymore.

I don't want her to play with me anymore again and I want to make that very clear with her. Am I wrong to do that? I feel really strongly about it.

Then that is all you say
''Please do not send me texts to me or whoever you meant to send them to. Don't bother wasting your time''.

Can't you see that she is pushing your buttons for a relpy? Ignore her, and her texts, simply delete, and do not react.

Just a bit of an update:
So I did call my ex up to ask her why she sent me those texts and she said that the cell wasn't even with her. She was a bit stressed then started to ask me how my summer was, I was cold and kept it short.

I'm feeling a bit weird and down, nothing I can get back from though. But I do have my doubt about finding a future girlfriend. I know I shouldn't be concentrating on that right now but my mind keeps coming back to thinking about girls. I also had a "failed" date last week, it didn't end up too great (it seemed she was annoyed).

Why was she annoyed?

I think she was annoyed because I didn't continue the conversation. She thought that I wanted to become friends with her, this is why she was initially happy to hear me, until I was cold and distant. I think she is doing fine now without me but it's very probably that we will both fall in love with each other if I get in contact again with her. I don't want to get back with her and I don't want any feelings.

My main problem is to stop thinking about girls and wanting a girlfriend. I feel I'm just trying to prove myself. I've been doing lots of sports, some activities and uni is going to start again soon but for some reason when I have some free time walking or something else, my mind keeps thinking about girls. Any advice on how NOT to think about them?

You will do fine. Keep being strong.

Thanks, I know I will. You're right I just need to keep positive thoughts!

Any advice on how NOT to think about them?
You will have those thoughts until you get one to give attention to, and get attention from.

Darn girls, they know we like 'em so much, and that's all we think about sometimes. Especially after a break up, but moving from the last one, to the next one is tricky, because the healing process has to be complete, or you accept anything, just to have a female. That's where more problems start. Thank God for sports.

You will have those thoughts until you get one to give attention to, and get attention from.

Darn girls, they know we like 'em so much, and thats all we think about sometimes. Especially after a break up, but moving from the last one, to the next one is tricky, because the healing process has to be complete, or you accept anything, just to have a female. Thats where more problems start. Thank God for sports.

You're so right talaniman! But I do believe that I can limit the amount of time I want to be thinking about girls. The good news, as the day passes I'm not stressing as much about girls. Damm girls, we can't live with them, we can't live without them. At 22 I'm stressing about not finding a girl and afraid of being alone the rest of my life. I really need to be working on myself lol.

It's been a while since I've posted here. Anyhow I've been doing pretty good, sport, school, I've joined a human rights group which I'm really active and I'm in charge of a huge fundraising. I'm also much more social than before and meet a lof of people.

I have quite a number of girls interested in me, but I don't want to date now. I've been doing NC for 3 month right now and it's been doing wonders. Everybody says I'm much better now then when I was with my ex.

Well with all that, I'm thinking more and more about my ex. I think about our good time passed together, our bad times and how the break up happened. I'm starting to miss more and more my ex, though I'm trying not to think too much of my ex.

I was wondering if it's normal that I'm thinking more and more about my ex and getting more and more feelings. I don't want to have anything to do with her but I can't control my thoughts. She cheated on me and they took a picture of it (they kept the picture) and it hurts if I think about it until know. She left quite a scar in me.

Ever hear the expression "its always darkest before the dawn"? That's where you are, you have come far, and the light will soon shine, so keep doing what got you through the dark times, and don't give up just yet... no matter how much, your mind tries to trick your feelings.

A bit of update:
A couple of weeks ago, I got a message from gmail asking me to change my email. The only other person in this world who knows my password is my ex (I haven't changed it).
Then not so long ago, I see some settings changed in Facebook (my chat went from online to offline, other stuff). My ex is the only one who has my passwords.

Now I have nothing to hide and I don't care if she found out stuff about me, but I want to call her to stop doing that. Knowing her, it's very possible she's still hang up on me ( there is no chance I want anything to do with her ).
The logical thing would be to change my passwords, but I have too many accounts to change and it seems easier to just tell her to stop doing it.

On my part, I'm doing extremely well. I'm overly busy with work, volunteering, friend, and sport. I don't have too much time for girls, but I do have some feeling of loneliness from time to time. I know it's much much harder to meet girls because I'm extremely busy with school (I'm in the hardest degree on campus) and there is only guys in my bachelor :s. I'm just rationalizing reason NOT to go out with girls but... it's really hard to fight nature's urges :).

I know your doing very well as its reflected in your other posts, but it may be better to follow your logic and do the work involved in changing your password, than try to confront someone to change their behavior.

Having said that though, I trust your judgment about which way to handle this.

Thanks Tal,
It's always good to have your opinion on board. I'll take into account what you said. My getting better is all thanks to you and this board actually. It feels great to go from utter shock and loss, to complete control on my life and complete happiness. I'm so happy these things doesn't affect me anymore :D. I'll buy a drink sometime if we do meet each other one day.

Paxe, I 'd just change the passwords if I were you,logic always makes sense.

You guys are right. It does seem that changing passwords is better, but part of me wants to tell her to **** off, kind of a personal revenge. Though the sweetest revenge is living a happy life.

Now coming to happy life, I feel kind of down. I think this may apply to other people. I am pretty charismatic, slightly shy but with a hint of confidence, good looking. The thing is I'm in a degree there is only guys and insane amount of work (electrical engineering). I just feel down where almost all my friends are partying and meeting new people, and I have to stay home and study...

I mean my social life is taking a big hit with that.

Even though you have this heavy workload can't you take time out to just socialize a couple of times a week?
We all need time off sometimes.

Ah! I'm in the hardest degree on campus in an Ivy league school (top 12th university in the world). For 4 years I have done only that, and it's getting hard on me know, especially without fallback (gf). During the summer I am in internship and the people are old and unsociable.

Mind you I still have my old friends and I meet people but I have to say no to everybody who asks me to go out. During free time, my brothers come and visit me and I pass time with them. I mean time... is an extreme luxury in my case. I'm graduating in 1 year... but it is such a long time.

Stay focused Paxe, but by planning and collaborating with your family, you can have some fun before you return to bury your nose back in your books. You'll be glad you made the sacrifice of a good time to get that degree, and open up the many options, and opportunities, that come with the hard work you have done... and completed. The world will be at your feet then buddies. Hang in there, its ONLY a year, as compared to the lifetime it sets you up for.

You guys are right! I guess I needed a little push. Everybody looks up to me so it's a bit hard to keep my way. You are right for the future though, better work for the future than enjoying only the present.

Gosh I'm pissed off!
My Facebook account settings changes for some reason, my gmail is hacked and I need to change the password, and then someone change my gmail password to put it back after that. This is too much coincidence and my ex knows my passwords (I followed you guys advice but it seems my ex also knows my other passwords).

Let me be clear, I feel perfectly fine. I love my friends, I'm very close to my family, I do volunteering which I love, I socialize a lot, I flirt a lot and I get a lot of attention and I'm concentrating on my future. There is nothing (coming from my ex) that could affect me, but I'm going to have to call her to... ask her to stop looking at my accounts (in a hard pissed off tone). It's not an excuse to break NC, but I won't have any peace of mind knowing that someone can access my accounts even if I change my passwords, even if it is new one, I have extremely important info in my emails.

I guess I came to vent here a bit and to ask if I'm doing the right thing here. How would you guys handle the situation? Bear in mind that I'm really not at ease losing my info and I don't know how many passwords she has from me.

Paxe,I can only tell you what I would do,which would be to write the ex a letter stating what had happened and that if it continues you'll talk to your legal advisor. I wouldn't make any phonecalls just keep it formal. I'm not trying to be a drama queen but it sounds like a kind of stalking to me.

This harassment, and invasion of your privacy has to stop, by whatever means you have at your disposal. Its no longer breaking NC, but self defense

Gosh I'm pissed off!!
My facebook account settings changes for some reason, my gmail is hacked and I need to change the password, and then someone change my gmail password to put it back after that. This is too much coincidence and my ex knows my passwords (I followed you guys advice but it seems my ex also knows my other passwords).

Let me be clear, I feel perfectly fine. I love my friends, I'm very close to my family, I do volunteering which I love, I socialize a lot, I flirt a lot and I get a lot of attention and I'm concentrating on my future. There is nothing (coming from my ex) that could affect me, but I'm going to have to call her to... ask her to stop looking at my accounts (in a hard pissed off tone). It's not an excuse to break NC, but I won't have any peace of mind knowing that someone can access my accounts even if I change my passwords, even if it is new one, I have extremely important info in my emails.

I guess I came to vent here a bit and to ask if I'm doing the right thing here. How would you guys handle the situation? Bear in mind that I'm really not at ease losing my info and I don't know how many passwords she has from me.

Can't you change everything, so that there are all new passwords and no-one but you has access? I'd be setting up completely new accounts.

Problem is, are you SURE it's your ex?

Can't you change everything, so that there are all new passwords and no-one but you has access? I'd be setting up completely new accounts.

Problem is, are you SURE it's your ex?

Well I only have a couple of passwords that I always use and I think she may have all of them.

I'm not 100% sure that it's my ex, but the coincidence are really strange. I mean Facebook, gmail, password change in gmail, then back on... The only persons who would know all my passwords would be my brother (but I trust him with my life and he has no reason to look in my stuff, I tell him everything) and her.

I may be paranoid but I'm an IT student and I know a bit about password hacking, it's far from easy.

Also it does seem like her. She knows she can't contact me, but I doubt she is over me. Actually I think she is doubting her decision of having broken up with me (no way I'm going back to her), and she would really do anything to get any info out of me. The reason why I doubt she is over me is because she jumped into a rebound after breaking up with me without knowing the guy and she is way too afraid to be single (she haven't been single in 6 years). Am I being paranoid?

Whether its your ex, or the president, you still have to handle your business. There is plenty of time for paranoia, or any other feeling later.

I may be paranoid but I'm an IT student and I know a bit about password hacking, it's far from easy.

Change them then! I wouldn't hesitate. Who care it if it's her - and it may not be. Just get new ones.

I did! That's the worst thing. I think she is hacking her way in for some reason, AND changing my passwords. I mean even if I changed my password, what makes you certain she won't hack in again. I do need to straighten this out as soon as possible. I'll let you guys know how it went.

It's been a while here so I guess a little update is necessary.
Today was my ex birthday and her best friend invited me (it was actually 3 birthdays that were celebrated at once). My best friend begged me to come, so to make him feel good I decided to go, but I would join late at night.

I had a very long and productive day (demonstration, meetings, night show and then birthday's), so I was really tired and not in the mood of seeing my ex.

Well it seems I was a bit wrong, my ex seemed lovely and there was no more tension between me and her. She really seemed enjoyable as a person and as a friend. I didn't feel any resentment or feelings toward her at all, it was as if she was a long time friend I haven't seen. I guess that's the beauty of NC.

Anyhow to make things short, I think SHE has feelings for me but I don't care, I know I don't want to get back with her. I talked to a wonderful and beautiful girl in the party and we clicked right away. I think it may lead to somewhere. In the dating department I have a couple of girls chasing me, but I'm not too interested especially since I have so much work.

Now my question is: Is it possible to become friends with my ex again? I mean I can take it slowly but I think I'll never have feelings for her again. I want to experience something different and she doesn't seem attractive to me at all.

I know that most of you guys would ask not to be friends with them, but NC and taking care of myself had made wonders for me, and I'm feeling great right now.

Do you really need to be friends with her?
And if you think she still has feelings for you, a friendship might turn messy.

I'm still friends with one ex-but that's because it was a very amicable split and he's not a close friend.

Mostly I believe the exes are exes for various reasons, and I see no point in attempting friendships with them.

One thing I'm sure is that I will never go back with her, and she has a boyfriend. Do I need to be friends with her? That's a good question. I was more thinking of increasing my social circle and we were good friends before that.

Yea... breaking NC is not a good thing. I just called my ex just to see what's up... and we talked for an hour or so. I don't feel too great, but it's not a major setback. I guess people do change and being friends with the ex is not such a good idea. I guess seeing her socially with other people is acceptable, but it's way too awkward to be friends.

I guess that's a good lesson learned today not to break NC.

Stay strong. These girls quit on us and don't deserve a thing from us. Though I do hope they find what they are looking for, we must focus on ourselves. I go through hard times and even so much that people on my thread are tired of me already but I take their insults and mean things because it's better than going through the pain of contacting an ex so I'll go through the pain of coming her till I'm over it. Hang in there and don't contact the ex. You will be fine!

I hope you've bounced back by now.
Stick to good old NC from now on.

Hand in there emopunk, you're doing great. Yea you're right guys, good old NC is forever. I don't feel too bad though, I just have so many things to do and think about that I almost forgot the phone call.

I guess a little update is needed right now.
I've been really busy with school and life has been good to me. I feel like everything went back to normal. I'm with a girl now, though I'm not sure if I see myself in the future so everybody told me wait and see what you decide. I flirt with girls and girls flirt with me, so my confidence is 100% again. I see my ex from time to time (friend's party) but it doesn't do anything to me at all.

I guess the moral of the story is this: NC works, but you need to actively work on yourself. One perfect love doesn't exist you just need to work hard on relationships. We grow stronger and wiser to every problem we encounter.

Do what you want. And if she is making this comlicated, then it's not worth it. THERE is more people in this world