View Full Version : Don't know where to turn
tituba68
May 16, 2009, 04:00 PM
I let my estranged husband take our daughter for a 2 week visit. He refused to bring her back. There is no custody order or anything at this time. I have contact child services, the police, the domestic violence shelter and lawyers. I can't find anyone to help me. There was abuse in our relationship. They keep telling me that without proof no one will even listen to me. I even had a lawyer tell me to try and find a lawyer in another state. Who is out there to protect my little girl. My husband won't take my calls or let me talk to her. She has no idea what is going on or what happened to her mommy. I am terribly worried about what he has said and or done to her but no one will listen. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I live in liberty county, Georgia if that helps
tickle
May 16, 2009, 04:21 PM
Titbuba, you need to call Child Services in your area and explain to them. They will help you. I hate to say this, but this is only your side of the story. We don't know his side. Just contact Child Services and go from there.
ms. tickle
tituba68
May 16, 2009, 04:31 PM
I have contacted child services. This is just another way for him to hurt and control me. My teenager is terrified to tell anyone what he did to her because she is afraid he will come down here and hurt her. I know when people post on here it is only their side but I think maybe there should be a little more sympathy to peoples predicaments. My only concern is the health welfare and protection of our 3 year old daughter.
stevetcg
May 16, 2009, 04:42 PM
i have contacted child services. this is just another way for him to hurt and control me. my teenager is terrified to tell anyone what he did to her because she is afraid he will come down here and hurt her. i know when people post on here it is only their side but i think maybe there should be a little more sympathy to peoples predicaments. my only concern is the health welfare and protection of our 3 year old daughter.
This is a legal board, not a support board. We are not (sorry) particularly concerned with emotions... just the law.
Have you been to court to file for custody? Have you filed domestic abuse charges against him? Do you have a protective order against him? These are all things you NEED to do, immediately.
As of right now, it seems that he is as entitled to the children as you are. However, if he is hiding the children, he might also be guilty of parental abduction. Do you have a lawyer?
Fr_Chuck
May 16, 2009, 04:44 PM
*** First you are posting on the legal board, not the relationship board so here you will hear the plain truth, sometimes hard, sometimes not what you want to hear,
Let me see you let your separated husband, who you are no so scared that he will hurt the child that the police has to be called for the child's safety, but before he was safe enough to have the child for two weeks.
Sorry if you really was scared about the child's safety you would not have let the hubby ever take him.
I will guess you are mad and upset that he did not return the child and now want to make him sound like a bigger danger,
If he really is that large of danger then your choices should also be investigated allowing him to take the child.
** sorry this is the legal board, not the we feel sorry for you board ( relationship board)
Assuming this is his child and he is on the birth certificate he has as much legal right to keep the child as you do, if there is no custody order in place.
So he is not breaking a single law and has as much right to the child as you do.
So now you have to hire an attorney, file for custody and fight this out in court.
tituba68
May 16, 2009, 07:12 PM
First off I am not looking for relationship advice. Second of all there is documented issues surrounding my estranged husband that had to do with several altercations, drugs, fighting, going awol and others. 3rd of all I was advised at the time that it would be a good thing for me to let him visit with her. That it would show good faith on my part. I am not one of those women who are down on men and don't think that fathers are important because that is not me at all. My older daughter has a great relationship with her father that I support whole heartily. The only thing I was saying is that you can give the advice without being crappy and mean.
ScottGem
May 17, 2009, 05:34 AM
Well you are going to add me to the "crappy and mean" group, even though I don't think anyone was, because I'm afraid that some of this doesn't ring true. Lets look at some of the contradictory statements you have made:
"there was abuse in our relationship. they keep telling me that without proof no one will even listen to me."
"there is documented issues surrounding my estranged husband that had to do with several altercations, drugs, fighting, going awol and others"
So which is it? If you have documented issues, then people should be listening.
"my teenager is terrified to tell anyone what he did to her because she is afraid he will come down here and hurt her."
"my older daughter has a great relationship with her father "
Are these the same daughters?
"i was advised at the time that it would be a good thing for me to let him visit with her. that it would show good faith on my part"
Who advised you to do this? Good faith for what? If there were documented issues like you say, then there would be no way I would let him take a 3 yr old for 2 weeks.
The bottom line here is that until there is a court order investing custody in you, he has as much right to her as you do. He can not let you be alone with her, but he can't hide her from you.
So you need to go to court for an emergency custody hearing. Have a summons served on him to bring the child into court for the hearing. If he does not show, then the court will swear at a warrant for him. You really need an attorney to help you through this.
tituba68
May 17, 2009, 06:24 AM
Well you are going to add me to the "crappy and mean" group, even though I don't think anyone was, because I'm afraid that some of this doesn't ring true. Lets look at some of the contradictory statements you have made:
"there was abuse in our relationship. they keep telling me that without proof no one will even listen to me."
"there is documented issues surrounding my estranged husband that had to do with several altercations, drugs, fighting, going awol and others"
So which is it? If you have documented issues, then people should be listening.
"my teenager is terrified to tell anyone what he did to her because she is afraid he will come down here and hurt her."
"my older daughter has a great relationship with her father "
Are these the same daughters?
"i was advised at the time that it would be a good thing for me to let him visit with her. that it would show good faith on my part"
Who advised you to do this? Good faith for what? If there were documented issues like you say, then there would be no way I would let him take a 3 yr old for 2 weeks.
The bottom line here is that until there is a court order investing custody in you, he has as much right to her as you do. He can not let you be alone with her, but he can't hide her from you.
So you need to go to court for an emergency custody hearing. Have a summons served on him to bring the child into court for the hearing. If he does not show, then the court will swear at a warrant for him. You really need an attorney to help you through this.
I do not add you to the list of crappy and mean. Your questions and answers are very straight forward. And I appreciate it.
No I have 2 girls. One is three and the other is 17.
There is documentation supporting the claims but I do not have those in my possession yet. He was in the army and it has been a struggle to get the paperwork.
I am working on getting the custody order. Can I get it on my own because I am having trouble getting a lawyer.
There is a whole lot going on with this. I have had my daughter for the three years with very little help or interaction from him. He is keeping her from me. I haven't seen or been able to speak with her in almost 2 months. Can I file directly with the courts
ScottGem
May 17, 2009, 08:03 AM
I appreciate that you accepted my response in the spirit it was offered. But you didn't deal with all the points I raised. In fact the only issue you responded to was the one about proof. You didn't explain how you can say your older daughter has a great relationship yet is afraid he will hurt her. Nor did you say who advised you to let the younger daughter spend 2 weeks with the father.
I think you would be better off with a lawyer. And if he gets one, then you almost have to have one. But you can try setting the ball rolling on your own. Go to the local Family Court and ask what you need to do. They may have support groups that they can refer you to for legal advice.
tituba68
May 17, 2009, 10:40 AM
I appreciate that you accepted my response in the spirit it was offered. But you didn't deal with all the points I raised. In fact the only issue you responded to was the one about proof. You didn't explain how you can say your older daughter has a great relationship yet is afraid he will hurt her. Nor did you say who advised you to let the younger daughter spend 2 weeks with the father.
I think you would be better off with a lawyer. And if he gets one, then you almost have to have one. But you can try setting the ball rolling on your own. Go to the local Family Court and ask what you need to do. They may have support groups that they can refer you to for legal advice.
My older daughter has a different father. She has a good relationship with her father. She is terrified of her step father who is the father of my 3 year old.
The advice was ill given by child services. I was in the process of moving and they toldd me that letting him visit with her would look good on me in family court. I should have stayed with my instincts because I told them this would happen and they didn't believe me.
ScottGem
May 17, 2009, 11:29 AM
my older daughter has a different father. she has a good relationship with her father. she is terrified of her step father who is the father of my 3 year old.
Ahh, now it makes sense, you can see where it was confusing before.
the advice was ill given by child services. i was in the process of moving and they told me that letting him visit with her would look good on me in family court. i should have stayed with my instincts because i told them this would happen and they didn't believe me.
So, have you gone back to the social worker who gave you this advice? I would have been back to that person the minute the father refused to return the daughter. I would have said to the worker; "Look where your advice got me! What are you going to do about it?"
I admit though, the worker's advice was partially correct. It would look better to a court that you tried to cooperate in letting him see his child, then blocking him from doing so. That doesn't mean you had to let him have her for 2 weeks. But that's water under the bridge. The fact that he is withholding the child from you is not going to look good in court.
But we come back to the bottomline. And that is getting an emergency hearing to establish temporary custody. Until you do that, you will not have the law on your side to force him to return her to you.
So tomorrow morning you should be in Family Court finding out how you can file for such a hearing. I expect you to be there. Keep us posted on how things go.
tituba68
May 31, 2009, 07:23 AM
I went back to the social worker but she isn't much help. I have gone to family court and working on that. I did finally get a social worker in va to open a case and go check things out but I haven't heard back from her yet. I will keep you posted
tituba68
Jun 24, 2009, 11:35 AM
What are the circumstances surrounding and does anyone know how I can go about pressing charges for custodial interference from one state to another
N0help4u
Jun 24, 2009, 11:38 AM
Can you give some brief examples of the interference and who and why they are doing it?
tituba68
Jun 24, 2009, 11:38 AM
I need to know if I can charge a parent with custodial interference before legal custody has been established and how to go about it from another state
Justwantfair
Jun 24, 2009, 11:40 AM
I think you will need to give more information about your situation.
How long have you been separated?
Are there any court orders in place?
Did he/she move recently?
What states?
tituba68
Jun 24, 2009, 11:43 AM
Can you give some brief examples of the interference and who and why they are doing it?
My estranged husband took our daughter on a supposed visit and has not allowed me any contact with her. Up until I let him visit she had lived with me for 3 years where I was the only one taking care of her. He won't take my calls or emails or im's. This has been going on since early April. I have left messages and he won't return them.
tituba68
Jun 24, 2009, 11:48 AM
I think you will need to give more information about your situation.
How long have you been seperated?
Are there any court orders in place?
Did he/she move recently?
What states?
We separated April 27, 2008, I had physical custody and got no support from him at all. Then in march of 2009 his mother and him asked if they could take her for a visit. They then wouldn't bring her home and refused to let me see her or talk to her.
There are no court orders at this time. He moved to another state. I am in Georgia. He is in virginia
excon
Jun 24, 2009, 11:49 AM
i need to know if i can charge a parent with custodial interference before legal custody has been established and how to go about it from another stateHello ti:
I would say that you answered your own question. Without legal custody having been established, I can't see that anyone could be guilty of interfering.
The first thing you need to establish is custody and visitation. If there's stuff going on that puts the child in danger, then you can seek an emergency custody order. I gather from you question that you haven't even started that procedure. The courts where the child lives is the one where jurisdiction is. If you can't get there physically, you need to have an attorney there to file on your behalf.
If you HAVE started legal proceedings, file in that court.
excon
cdad
Jun 24, 2009, 01:18 PM
What does the custody arrangement from the courts say ?
N0help4u
Jun 24, 2009, 01:20 PM
Did you even have a custody arrangement?
Do you have an address for him or numbers for his friends or family?
I would be driving up there personally or calling the police where he lives.
I don't call that interference I call it kidnapping.
Justwantfair
Jun 24, 2009, 01:36 PM
This is the second time the question has been asked.
excon gave appropriate advice the first time, that the OP apparently doesn't like.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/criminal-law/custodial-interference-368562.html
You will find the answer to your questions to the OP on that thread.
N0help4u
Jun 24, 2009, 01:42 PM
Just as I thought. This is why custody issues should be handled in court.
Justwantfair
Jun 24, 2009, 01:52 PM
I am unclear how if you were so concerned, how on the day she was expected to come home how you didn't wake up on the courthouse steps. Now you have waited so long that the child's jurisdiction has changed and you don't have an original case in your state.
Was there ever a child support order to collect, even though he wasn't paying?
What documentation do you have to support her living with you for three years? School registration forms, doctors visits, applications for assistance. Your interactions with Child Services that began prior to the 'two week' visit?
Grab every shread of evidence you have, say a prayer for yourself, and RETAIN AN ATTORNEY. You will need one, this isn't something you can do by yourself. It will have to be filed where he is.
tituba68
Jun 24, 2009, 04:10 PM
What does the custody arrangement from the courts say ?
There is no custody arrangement at this time
N0help4u
Jun 24, 2009, 04:14 PM
That is the problem, as I thought, parents work out their own arrangement and then when it gets out of hand they have nothing to stand on. You need to sort this all out now asap. You need to contact the police where he lives; do whatever it takes. Sitting back not dealing with this is going to bite you in the end.