Hell its all I think about anymore. I just want to get it over with. Just to be another dead body laying on the floor. I've thought it over and over in my head about my families reaction, all my friends... I could only picture a handfull really caring about the fact that I'm gone.
It feels like I'm not good enough. Like everyone's got something more important things on their mind then to listen to me babble on awkwardly (thats just how I am) about what went on in my day or my latest stresses. And I've resumed to cutting but it seems not good enough anymore. I've been this way since 6th grade and its only gotten worse up until now. I'm in 10th grade and I really couldn't give a if tomorrow starts without me.

Getting to the point, which kills faster, benadryl or imodium?

Benadryl or imodium??

It's all I've got in the house right now...

You'll make yourself really sick but not dead. Why do you want to look like a coward?

Even like if I took 8? Or 10?

And whatever does the job is fine by me

Not worth the trouble. Get yourself some courage and live. I'd give anything to be your age again. Want to trade?

Honestly with what I've got going for me, it wouldn't matter what I did in the next 30 years. Everything would be the same. So might as well save people the trouble. Its not worth it.

You're only 15. You haven't lived long enough to have anything going!

Wow man ,life is good if you pay attention,
Listen to this song.
YouTube - Ziggy Marley: True to Myself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikzQmC3S-mE)

Life is only what you make of it. You need to seek out counseling. For the cutting for all these thoughts that make you feel and think it is better not to be around.

Like asking here which kills faster. Neither.

What has happened in your life that makes you feel this way? What kind of family situation are you in?

I'm 16 but w/e. and I'm sure all I have to look forward to is be a house wife with a middle class job and annoying kids running around and my husband maybe having a job I don't know with this economy... and probably end up fat, knowing the american diet. Its so typical. Its so boring.
Sure you fall in love but once your in heaven you don't need anything you learn on earth. Otherwise where would the abortion babies go? Heaven is this wonderful place that you'll be happy there for eturnity. No more human attachments like paying the bills and making up that fight with your friend. You don't have to worry anymore and you can see all the people you knew that died and for once be happy. All the time.. .

Isn't life just the prolog anyway?

I know it's really hard to think about going on when you feel so down. Been there, done that.

I can only tell you that it does get better, even though I know you don't think it will.

If I had given up when I wanted to I wouldn't have my husband, my kids, my life, and I like my life, a lot.

Have you ever seen a doctor about this? It could be a chemical imbalance, something easily corrected by medication.

Talk to your parents, get to the doctor, let him/her know how you're feeling. See if meds will help, go to counselling, come here and talk to us. We're all here to help.

The important thing is, don't give up. Trust me on this one. The world is a better place because you're in it, so stay in it.

i'm 16 but w/e. and im sure all i have to look forward to is be a house wife with a middle class job and annoying kids running around and my husband maybe having a job idk with this economy....and prolly end up fat, knowing the american diet. its so typical. its so boring.
sure you fall in love but once your in heaven you dont need anything you learn on earth. otherwise where would the abortion babies go? heaven is this wonderful place that you'll be happy there for eturnity. no more human attachments like paying the bills and making up that fight with your friend. you dont have to worry anymore and you can see all the people you knew that died and for once be happy. all the time. ...

isnt life just the prolog anyway?

If you believe in heaven and God, you do realize that people who commit suicide don't go to heaven. Right?

So much for that happy ending.

I don't want counseling. I want to be free. I want to not worry about the fact that somehow I ed up every relationship I had and I don't give a anymore because I feel like if I've got nobody then I'm not making anybody worry. My dad drinks and is the creepiest you've ever seen and unemployed. All my brothers are in college, besides one in the army. My mom is basically holding this family together, working two jobs and everyone is trying too hard to get into my life, in which I know that they don't care, they probably are more concerned that they're making an effort. No pets (my mom hates them) and I'm not into anything related to sports. I'm becoming totally anti social because all I can think about is how prolog this life seems. Like if heavens so amazing, then why arnt we all in the boat to get there. I just want to be happy. I just want to get out of here. Not like I'm leaving much behind.

You're a pretty good poet though, aren't you.

Poetry isn't my thing...

Then you don't know yourself very well after all.

Like I said before, suicides don't go to heaven, they go to purgatory. That's if you believe in God.

If you don't believe in God then you're just a corpse in a box being eaten by worms and that's it.

You were put on this earth for a reason, for a purpose, so find that purpose.

If you're not willing to put in the effort then you'll just continue feeling the way you do. Why not try counselling, why not go to the doctor, get some anti-depressants. What are you afraid of?

Suicide is a cowards way out, are you a coward?

Definitely a writer.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the emo poetry writing type

I didn't say anything about emo. You phrase ideas well.

OD's are not "nice"

They are often extremely painful, and often ineffective. The body fights like hell to ward off death. Many survive the attempt but live with major system failure.

It is a complete fallicy to think one can take enough drugs and peacefully nod off to eternal sleep. Your body has a fight to live, even when your mind is tired.

Anybody who spells "awkwardly" correctly has my respect.

I agree with Wondergirl, you write very well for a 16 year old.

Why not write all your feelings down? Share your thoughts with others.

Instead of thinking of all the stuff you can't change, why not think of the stuff you can.

You mentioned animals in one of your posts. Do you like animals? If so, why not volunteer at a shelter? They need people all the time, to walk the dogs, spend time with the cats and bunny's. Being around animals really helps with depression, and you'd be helping these animals too.

Why not tell us what you like and we can go from there.

My dear please please please talk to an adult, or go to the emergency room right away!! There IS help and there IS a light at the end of the dark dark tunnel!

I tried to overdose when I was 16. Really I only made myself look foolish cause I tried to overdose on dimatap. Didn't kill me. Just made me VERY VERY sleepy for a while and then I woke up still in the same place I was before.

Killing yourself, or even TRYING to kill yourself is NOT going to solve anything. You can have a happy and loving life I promise.

Remember you are loved and people would miss you. I don't even know you and I know for a fact that I would be SO SO SO SO sad and upset if I were to log on to these boards and hear that you took your life. I love you my dear sister in life, and I don't want to lose you. Too many young ladies have been lost already.

*hugs* if you EVER need to talk, feel free to send me a private message. And remmeber your always welcome to post on the boards about anythign you are feeling.

But please go see someone you trust, or go to the emergency room right away

We haven't heard from you or seen you post in a long time... please let us know if you are all right or not?

I feel the same way the only difference is that I'm 41yrs old. I've been thinking on ways to go but I love my family too much to even try. Do me a favor, just take it one day at a time and maybe things will turn around for you. I know it's contradicting of me to tell u this when I'm going through the same emotions but you're still very young. You have time to turn it around!! I wish I was 15 again, then I would change a lot of things I did in my life. You still have that opportunity.