kdomi002
May 14, 2009, 03:58 PM
My exboyfriend and I broke up two nights ago after a 4 year relationship. We were about to move in together. We are both 23 and in transitions in our lives where he is really getting into his career and I am on my way there. He wanted to prevent a more horrible break up in the future.
We were really great together the first two years, but for the past two, I have fallen deeply for him to the point where I really made him my whole world, fantasizing that we would get married someday. He did make remarks on it, but never really seriously. We have been there for each other through many ups and downs and now he feels that he doesn't really know who I am anymore. I don't blame him because he was my everything and that was my mistake. He has been telling me for a while that I need to be more independent and go out with friends and discover myself, and I haven't been able to give him that. He has decided that if we move in together then we can hold on to a mediocre relationship for a while, but it could end badly and he does not want to hurt me. I agree that he is being very mature but its been difficult for me to accept. I also think that I pressured him too much about marriage. Why? I do not know, because I don't even think that I am ready myself. I think that I was afraid to lose him since we have been together for a while. That, and I come from a traditional mexican household and he is american.
We had a productive talk today but ended things in that we need to be apart to concentrate on reaching our goals in life. He said that he cares about me, he is not currently looking for a relationship he just wants to focus on accomplishing his dreams. But he did say that if he meets "the one" in that path, then he will take the opportunity, and so should I. Basically he said that he doesn't know if I will end up being "the one" but in the mean time he wants to be on his own. I love him so much that I have decided that for both our sakes, to let him go without putting up a fight because I do not want to push him away. When we said good bye he hugged me really hard and didn't seem like he wanted to let go of me. That was really hard for me. I want to know if anyone thinks that over time, he can return to me and once I have become the person I have missed out on for these years then he can decide that I am "the one"?
Another reason that he has not decided to get married is because his parents got divorced when he was very young and he had a very difficult upbringing and he says that he doesn't want a failed marriage, and wants to be really sure when he does decide to do something so important. He did, but not trying to lead me on or hurt me, kind of hint that if I make changes in my life, like be more independent self motivated and the person that he fell in love with, then we might possibly get back together. But I stress this, he does not want to lead me on, because he is firm on his decision for the time being.
I know that I have messed things up by not listening to his feelings in the past, but I would like to know if it's too late for me, or if he sounds like he could come back to me?
Someone with experience, please give me any advice. I plan on working on being happy alone before I can present myself to him and hopefully he realizes that I am the person that he fell in love with. I want to learn to make friends, I have very few, and come into my own. But is there hope? I won't hold on to it for dear life, his suggestion, and I agree, but my love is so strong that I cannot let it go for now.
Thanks for reading this long question and your guys' advice.
We were really great together the first two years, but for the past two, I have fallen deeply for him to the point where I really made him my whole world, fantasizing that we would get married someday. He did make remarks on it, but never really seriously. We have been there for each other through many ups and downs and now he feels that he doesn't really know who I am anymore. I don't blame him because he was my everything and that was my mistake. He has been telling me for a while that I need to be more independent and go out with friends and discover myself, and I haven't been able to give him that. He has decided that if we move in together then we can hold on to a mediocre relationship for a while, but it could end badly and he does not want to hurt me. I agree that he is being very mature but its been difficult for me to accept. I also think that I pressured him too much about marriage. Why? I do not know, because I don't even think that I am ready myself. I think that I was afraid to lose him since we have been together for a while. That, and I come from a traditional mexican household and he is american.
We had a productive talk today but ended things in that we need to be apart to concentrate on reaching our goals in life. He said that he cares about me, he is not currently looking for a relationship he just wants to focus on accomplishing his dreams. But he did say that if he meets "the one" in that path, then he will take the opportunity, and so should I. Basically he said that he doesn't know if I will end up being "the one" but in the mean time he wants to be on his own. I love him so much that I have decided that for both our sakes, to let him go without putting up a fight because I do not want to push him away. When we said good bye he hugged me really hard and didn't seem like he wanted to let go of me. That was really hard for me. I want to know if anyone thinks that over time, he can return to me and once I have become the person I have missed out on for these years then he can decide that I am "the one"?
Another reason that he has not decided to get married is because his parents got divorced when he was very young and he had a very difficult upbringing and he says that he doesn't want a failed marriage, and wants to be really sure when he does decide to do something so important. He did, but not trying to lead me on or hurt me, kind of hint that if I make changes in my life, like be more independent self motivated and the person that he fell in love with, then we might possibly get back together. But I stress this, he does not want to lead me on, because he is firm on his decision for the time being.
I know that I have messed things up by not listening to his feelings in the past, but I would like to know if it's too late for me, or if he sounds like he could come back to me?
Someone with experience, please give me any advice. I plan on working on being happy alone before I can present myself to him and hopefully he realizes that I am the person that he fell in love with. I want to learn to make friends, I have very few, and come into my own. But is there hope? I won't hold on to it for dear life, his suggestion, and I agree, but my love is so strong that I cannot let it go for now.
Thanks for reading this long question and your guys' advice.