I am 29 years old I have been married of over eight years to a wonderful women who is 38. So if you do the math she is 9 years older then I am. We have three wonderful children 16 year old (my stepson) and 7 & 5 year old. Anyway about three weeks ago we took a trip to the caribbean, had a very wonderful time until the last night. We meet some people at the resort and on the last night a small group of guys were going to a strip club. My wife being somewhat of a party girl and has in the past attend strip clubs with me. Said she was feeling tired and just told me to go and have a good time. Now, go and have a good time is not code for anything like go find a stripper that you like and have some fun. NO, NO, NO, NO. So thinking nothing of it I leave with two of the other gentlemen that I had meet at the resort. I was gone for about an hour and twenty minutes. Another man who both my wife and I meet at the resort were still at the bar talking as I was waving goodbye. I had even given the man who happened to be from the UK a football shirt from the university that I had attended as a sign of please keep in touch it was nice to meet you. You know that sort of thing. Well when I get back to my room my wife is sitting on the couch and tells me with just the straightest face I have ever seen that her and this man had sex while I was away. Thinking that is was some kind of joke at that point in time. I quickly realized she was not kidding a million thoughts entered my head, very angry with myself for leaving the resort and leaving the door just wide open for another man to take advantage of my wife, pissed at my wife for playing me like a fool. Along with a bunch of others. It hasn't quit been three weeks since it actually happened. Like I said it was our last night there, when we returned home needless to say I had been giving her the cold shoulder. She won't keep her hands off me and all she is trying to do is tell me how sorry she is and that it was just a slip. I can't believe I am one of those people who is saying this but I love her, I love her very much she is the mother of my children and I don't even want to imagine life without her. That being said I don't want her to feel so calm about it around me. We have had sex since then but it was started by her and like I said in the opening I am 28 and I do still find her very attractive. All she says is that it was not planned it just happened, she told the people at the bar she was going to take a shower and after she had finished this man was knocking on our door. She opened it and he said something along the lines of do you need so help (help with what was my question what a stupid line, sorry sidetracked) anyway she says from there they went into the bedroom and had sex. I just don't know how to feel or what to do. Her family and my family think the world of her and I don't want to involve anybody else in our problems. It is just no matter what she says to me from telling me how much she loves me and how she only wants me, I can't help but feel I don't even know this person, and maybe I should have paid more attention to the signals if there even were any. The last thing that is just so crushing to me is that my wife was the first and only person I have ever been with sexual. It meant so much to her when I told her that, I did not hold anything in her past against her she is 9 years older of course she has been with some other men. I just feel like I have given her everything and received nothing in return.

Sorry so long any advice would be appreciated

Counseling would be a good place to start to find out why she did what she did and to help you forgive her and save your marriage.

She told you it happened, but, WOW, what a slap in the face.

It's going to take time and work. You're probably still in shock.

Cheating is hard to forgive, if you can't do that, I suggest you leaving her because if you don't there will be a lot of problems down the road and you won't want your childrent to experience it.

Cheating is hard to forgive but I don't understand how she was capable of doing so easy. I was in the shower and heard a knock at the door and who stands before me? The guy from the bar and he asked if I needed help? So I led him to the bathroom and we had sex. Sounds like something straight from a book I read the other day.

Counseling is in order to put this marriage back on track. Forgiving her is going be hard but you shouldn't beat yourself up for this because he would've known this was going happen.

I'm with Liz - why DID it happen so easy? Hell, why didn't she just tell him to p**s off?

Admittedly, she told you about it - immediately, in fact. Again, I have to ask why?

My bull-s**t radar is on high alert at the moment.

I'm really hearing your pain and confusion, but I suspect there may be something else much more serious behind this. And, clearly the fact that she behaved in this way has very serious implications for your marriage and the trust you have for her.

I'd back off from sex for a while and get to counselling - you need to talk about this with a trained mediator who can assist you to explore your relationship and the reasons behind her infidelity.

I'm with Liz - why DID it happen so easy? Hell, why didn't she just tell him to p**s off??

Admittedly, she told you about it - immediately, in fact. Again, I have to ask why?

My bull-s**t radar is on high alert at the moment.

I'm really hearing your pain and confusion, but I suspect there may be something else much more serious behind this. And, clearly the fact that she behaved in this way has very serious implications for your marriage and the trust you have for her.

I'd back off from sex for a while and get to counselling - you need to talk about this with a trained mediator who can assist you to explore your relationship and the reasons behind her infidelity.

I'd figured it never does happen so easily. It usually has been going on for a while now, no matter how simple it might be, from a flirt to a kiss and so on. Its just you didn't know till afterwards. He didn't even know until she told him. What else doesn't he know, that she hasn't told him yet?

That whole thing reads like she sent you to the strip club to get rid of you so she could have sex with him.

If she said she was going to take a shower at the bar, how exactly would he know the room number?

When you came back she just told you, coldly. She could have never said a word. She could have broke it gently. She was just cold. To me that says more then the act itself. I honestly get the impression she was out to hurt you.

I guess you have to determine what you want, but I see her behavior, not the cheating, just her behavior as a major problem. If she's going to cheat on you with a complete stranger, what's to stop her from doing it with someone she knows? I know it sucks to break up a marriage, but I have to wonder if punishing yourself with this emotional torture is worth staying with her. It will always be in the back of your mind.

Wow, this sounds like something straight out of a 80's porn movie. There are a few things that alarm me about this issue here.

- She broadcast that she was getting a shower at a bar
- She was feeling tired, but stayed at the bar with a stranger
- She answered the door, right after a shower. No reason for her to answer the door(sorry women you may disagree with me on it)
- How did HE get YOUR room number?
- She told you like it wasn't a big deal
- Does she think she with you, makes up for sex with him?

Just a few problems I see with this. If you want to stay with her, counseling is your only option as letting something like this go, isn't going to work

Wow, this sounds like something straight out of a 80's porn movie. There are a few things that alarm me about this issue here.

- She broadcast that she was getting a shower at a bar
- She was feeling tired, but stayed at the bar with a stranger
- She answered the door, right after a shower. No reason for her to answer the door(sorry women you may disagree with me on it)
- How did HE get YOUR room number?
- She told you like it wasn't a big deal
- Does she think she with you, makes up for sex with him?

Just a few problems I see with this. If you want to stay with her, counseling is your only option as letting something like this go, isn't going to work

Just for some clarification, the reason he knew or figured out our room is because, now keep in mind this is what she told me. You could see our balcony from the bar and she claims that she pointed over in the direction of our room and said my legs are very muddy I am going to take a shower to clean up, and that she would be back down and then this man figured out our room from where she had pointed at the bar. Does this sound crazy of course it does. However I have asked the same questions over and over again in a different ways. Also she says she was out of the shower and already dressed when he came to the door. I like I said I just don't know what to believe. She swears it was not planned which is I think the hardest part to believe since I was gone for such a short period and had never given her a specific time when I would be back. She claims that she was just very drunk and had been doing some smoking (which I was aware of) she claims that it was like a dream and that it was nothing great. To which I say to myself what else would she say, he was the best I have ever had and I will be thinking of him when I am with you, but I still enjoy being married to you. She just keeps saying to me it was only this one time and she has never done this to me in the past. She has even offered to take a polygraph test and told me that I can ask any question that I want. I don't know if that is a road that I can go down or even should can you tell me what you think.

Man I thought this was a thread about the fight. But yeah you didn't see this coming just like Hatton. My opinion and not knowing you or your wife I think this was planned. I don't know why I do but I think it was. I would never be able to get passed it and I love my wife. But cheating is a deal breaker drunk or not she didn't need to let someone in the room.

Threads merged and edited. Please do not start another question, just confine your comments to this one

Thanks to all of you who have responded it is really very helpful I just wanted to answer some of the questions that people had from the last post. The one thing she keeps saying to me is I am the same person that you have always been married too, I just put myself in a horrible situation and made a bad & devastating mistake. I really don't have any clue what to say to that.

She swears it was not planned which is I think the hardest part to believe since I was gone for such a short period and had never given her a specific time when I would be back. She claims that she was just very drunk and had been doing some smoking (which I was aware of) she claims that it was like a dream and that it was nothing great. To which I say to myself what else would she say, he was the best I have ever had and I will be thinking of him when I am with you, but I still enjoy being married to you.

She just keeps saying to me it was only this one time and she has never done this to me in the past. Also I did bring up counseling and she was not super happy with the idea saying to me that I will not find out any major revaluations as to why she did it, basically she is saying to me the story I have told you is the truth and I don't have anything more to say or I am not going to tell you anymore then I already have. I don't know if that is a road that I can go down or even should can you tell me what you think.

I think it was, as you provide more details I think these two had it planned from the start that night. A short time gone, and this deed happens? I wouldn't go down the lie detector path man, honestly. You have to take some time and clear your head. Think about 2 things.

1. Can you forgive her for this
2. Can you ever trust her again?

Those are the two biggest questions you have to think about

Also I did bring up counseling and she was not super happy with the idea saying to me that I will not find out any major revaluations as to why she did it, basically she is saying to me the story I have told you is the truth and I don't have anything more to say or I am not going to tell you anymore then I already have. I don't know if that is a road that I can go down or even should can you tell me what you think.

Total and complete 100% disrespect. You are the one she cheated on, You are the one she hurt, and you are the one she claims she's willing to make it to, and worst of all after having all this done, you are the one trying to keep this together and she won't go to counseling when she's the cause of all this.

My honest opinion is after reading that and what she's done she is for some reason that I can't tell you, trying to hurt you and perhaps trying to end the marriage herself but make you be the one to call it off so she does't have to take the "blame" for being the one to end the marriage.

Man I thought this was a thread about the fight. But yeah you didn't see this coming just like Hatton. My personal opinion and not knowing you or your wife I think this was planned. I don't know why I do but I think it was. I would never be able to get passed it and I love my wife. But cheating is a deal breaker drunk or not she didn't need to let someone in the room.

Sorry about that man, speaking of which. What an kicking that was what a great weekend my wife cheats on me then I pay $60.00 to see manny beat the tar out the hitman.

I have been married for more than 30 years, and if my wife did what yours did, she would be by herself until all my questions were properly answered, and she made me understand her very bad behavior.

Only then would I have enough facts to make a good decision.


The story I have told you is the truth and I don't have anything more to say or I am not going to tell you anymore then I already have

Thats all she has to say about it doesn't cut it, not with me any way. So I'm out of there.


I don't know if that is a road that I can go down or even should can.

No my friend, that's not a road you should want to go down, and if she can't understand your hurt, how can you understand her cheating?

I have been married for more than 30 years, and if my wife did what yours did, she would be by herself until all my questions were properly answered, and she made me understand her very bad behavior.

Only then would I have enough facts to make a good decision.



We could right another 20 pages of advice but nothing is going to top this.

It is difficult to forgive someone who is not being honest and who has an attitude about the entire situation.

She needs to make amends in the worse possible way and instead of doing that she is getting defensive and critical of you.

A slip is falling on a banana peel and breaking you foot.It is not an accident to strip off your clothes and have sex with another man.

The scenario she has painted sounds very false to these ears that have heard quite a lot of B.S. in their time.

I think you need to reevaluate your relationship and keep a close eye on your wife.
Do not confuse her confession with her sense of honesty.

Many times people confess because they can't handle the guilt.They are doing it to assuage their own bad feelings,not out of a sense of honor to their partner.

I agree with Tal, no surprise there. Seriously, who the hell does she think she is to dictate what can and cannot be discussed! I know you are hurting but she continues to push at you(and me now) She is trying to make it seem like it was just a mistake. A mistake, leaving the toilet seat up(bad idea), not doing the laundry, spilling coffee on the floor and not telling her(another BAD idea) screwing another guy, well I think that is disrespectful, no class, and heartless. Alcohol involved or not, no reason to spread for another. Ah she has really pushed my buttons. Then to say no to counseling, sorry but this is where an ultimatum would come in, and as everyone knows I AM COMPLETELY against. But this type of betrayal, calls for it. I'd tell her, either we go to counseling or I'm moving out.

Your wife is doing what Jamie Foxx song says "blame it on alcohol". I have drunk liquor all the time (bar, restaurants, home, etc) where their was guys present (cute ones too) and I never cheated.

Your wife is making this affair all about her and doesn't seem resmoreful. You can't have an affair and just think a "I'm sorry" is going flush what she did down the toilet.

Since her actions doesn't surprise me her not wanting to go to counseling doesn't either. She doesn't care about what your going through she only cares about herself and wants you to sweep this affair under the carpet--don't.

She just wants you to forgive and forget but you can't do this for something like this. She isn't being completely honest and doesn't want to counseling but she is willing to use sex as a weapon because she knows you won't turn that down. Do as Tal said and leave until she is ready to be honest and for counseling. This would show you what type of person she is but don't be surprise if she turns the table on you and flip the script.

Your wife is doing what Jamie Foxx song says "blame it on alcohol". I have drunk liquor all the time (bar, resturants, home, etc) where their was guys present (cute ones too) and I never cheated.

Your wife is making this affair all about her and doesn't seem resmoreful. You can't have an affair and just think a "I'm sorry" is going flush what she did down the toilet.

Since her actions doesn't suprise me her not wanting to go to counseling doesn't either. She doesn't care about what your going through she only cares about herself and wants you to sweep this affair under the carpet--don't.

She just wants you to forgive and forget but you can't do this for something like this. She isn't being completely honest and doesn't want to counseling but she is willing to use sex as a weapon because she knows you won't turn that down. Do as Tal said and leave until she is ready to be honest and for counseling. This would show you what type of person she is but don't be suprise if she turns the table on you and flip the script.

Can't rep you Liz,had to spread the love but I totally agree.

That *I was wasted* thing is so lame in my book.

Some people think it is a get out of cheating free card and I just don't buy it.Clearly ,she wasn't so wasted that she was in a blackout as she was able to even remember the conversation.
This was so planned and to play it off like it is no big deal is just adding salt to the wound.

Totally agree Artlady but lets not forget she was smoking too. I guess the weed made her forget that she was married.

It is odd that she remember most of the details but she still have some holes in her story.

However I find it odd that she tells everyone at the bar she is going to take a shower. I wouldn't have annonced that everyone. I would have if anything said my good-byes and left. If I returned I did but if I didn't I didn't.

The only thing that she says she is willing to do is a polygraph test, she says I can ask any questions that I want. I feel so conflicted about this, part of me wants her to do it. Then there is a part that is totally against the idea because I am scared of what I might find out, it feels like a double edge sword, she does not want to do counseling for what reason I really can't find out. But she keeps bringing up the polygraph test. Sorry to keep going on about this I have not told anybody in my family mainly because I think some of them will blame me for leaving her alone. It sounds stupid I know. She swears up and down that it was not planned and that part right there is the part that I keep coming back to in my mind that is really bothering me, I just don't know how it could have happened so fast. That is the only reason I am even toying with this idea of a polygraph because her story is just so hard to believe and I want to believe her but I just have this little voice in the back of my head telling me they both played me and I know I should be listening to it but all I do is tell him to shut up. Please just a little more help and then I will stop posting.

Thank you

Don't stop posting, this place is amazing for comfort and advice. I say don't do the lie detector test, just an all around bad idea. I still stand behind the counselor idea or you walk. She was wrong her, nothing on your end at all, so she has to make it up to you and if she cares and values the relationship, then counseling shouldn't be an issue

A polygraph test isn't going bring much comfort because you know she cheated but counseling will.

Even if she doesn't agree to counseling do it for yourself because it can help you.

She doesn't care about your feelings only hers because she is a selfish woman that cheats and is turning around on you.

Do you have some where to stay even if it for a few days?

Don't worry about venting or ranting on because we are here to listen.

Thank you all very much I guess your right whether it was planned or not the outcome was still the same, I am going to go to counseling for myself I have always been a pretty confident young man and I keep going back in my head (maybe I have felt to confident with myself, maybe I have been neglecting her in a way that I just did not see) It is so weird I just can't believe that I am asking myself these questions, on another note. Sorry I keep adding to this its just so much has been said I keep remembering things. She has told me that she did not mean it to be a slam against me or that she did not do it because she was upset with me, basically she has told me that it was not due to anything that I have or have not done.
I still can't help asking myself it was.

There has got to be more to this story, as an incident clear out the blue?? No warning, or missed signals?

Help me understand about this relationship. Have you ever cheated on her?

I want to believe her

I don't. I want the truth and the truth is she's hurting you on purpose. I join Rome in really starting to get pretty PO'd over her continued emtional torture and games.


but I just have this little voice in the back of my head telling me they both played me and I know I should be listening to it but all I do is tell him to shut up.

That little voice is not so little, it's screaming at you. It is come from deep in you sub-consious and it's trying to guide you because your brain always looks out for number 1 even when the emotions cloud your judgment.

I'm a guy. I can't even begin to think of a situation where I'm sitting at a bar and the husband leaves. Then the wife annouces she's going to take a shower so I'll watch from below and then in 20 minutes when the shower is done I'll just go to her room and ask her if she wants to have sex. I know your emotional so you don't see this... or want to see this but that story is so full of holes that it's just to stupid to believe. Follow that up with her behavior after the fact and the story has nothing to stand on.

I really think she wants a divorce and is trying to find a way to put the blame of the marriage on you. Something more is going on then an affair, and you need to take some action to protect yourself now, because she sure doesn't have your best interest in mind.


Please just a little more help and then I will stop posting.

Thank you

Whatever you please don't stop posting. I guarantee you, everyone here has your back and wants the best for you, right now we are the ones you should be listening to. Even if you don't follow what we say (and you should) you are least finally getting perspective that you need from people looking out for you and not out to get you like the one your living with.

If you have read the start of this post you will read that she is the first and only women I have been with. I have not cheated on her however in the time that we have been married she has made little slams is what I will call them about me not being able to pull the trigger with my girlfriend in high school or with another one that I told her about. Long story short I was close but it did not feel right and I backed out on the two other occasions that I had. It never really felt right until I was with her. She has said to me in the past that she would be willing to have a threesome with me so that I could experience being with another women, I can't lie and say that idea did not interest me a little but she always said that I was her husband and she was not afraid of me being with another women and leaving her, also I can't believe I left this out. I had planned on going to this strip club with the two other guys that I meet at the resort the night before we actually did. She did say something along the lines of if something happens with a girl there I am okay with it, please don't quote me and this was the day before I went) she did not say this to me as I was leaving! But it was something along those lines. She has even said that to me when we are at home before this trip happened. By the way I did not go back in the vip room so nothing happened. I don't know if she thought I would do something and then she thought that she had the green light since she said that to me. When I have asked her why she would or could be okay with that she always says it is because she knows that I am her husband and that it is just sex and she knows how much I love her. WOW when I read this it sounds pretty messed up! I guess I am having a hard time with coming to terms with the fact the even after being with her for over nine years and married eight I really don't know her.

WOW when I read this it sounds pretty messed up! I guess I am having a hard time with coming to terms with the fact the even after being with her for over nine years and married eight I really don't know her.


I think this is a case of you made her to be something she wasn't rather then you not knowing who she is.

I just can't get over the fact of how fast it happened and can it or will it happen again, it is like I want her to take the polygraph just to know if she played me or if she has been playing me in the past she keeps saying she will take one. It is almost like she does not think that I will call her bluff. The thing that po's me the most is that before I left to go to the club I did not think I was going to see this so called friend that I met while at the resort, so I went to my room and gave him a university tee-shirt that he had mentioned he really liked, giving it to him thinking this is something to remember me by little did I know he was going to nail my wife and that would be a memory enough. I get so angry thinking about him telling his friends that not only did I nail this guys wife I met he gave me a tee-shirt too. She just can't understand that when a man gets cheated on it is totally different then when a women does from the stand point of what emotions go through my head. When I first met this guy did he size me up and think I was week and would not do anything if he made a move on my wife, does my wife think that I am week because I do want to try to work this out. Sorry just having a shift in my emotions right now, becoming very po'ed.

Now I see why your wife doesn't feel like you shouldn't make a big deal out of her having an affair because she thinks it is just sex. Who thinks like this?

Your wife some how had this planned to do this before the two of you left. She took the chance once you left and didn't care if you would've caught her.

Your wife wants to sleep with other men and that's why she is telling you she doesn't mind if you sleep with other females.

I can't believe she is saying the things she said to you. I think you need to go to someone else house for at least a few days.

Thank you liz I will consider doing that, it is so hard because I don't know what I am going to do yet. I don't want to alarm the kids just yet or at all if I don't have too. I am a pretty good dad I feel.

You married at a very young age and you are younger and much less experienced that she is.That creates some challenges.

Have you always been the person in the relationship that gives in? The one who's needs are often overlooked?
Are you in an equal partnership or does she dominate?

I get the distinct feeling she holds her age and experience over your head to be the dominant person in the relationship.That brings up many issues that need to be answered during counseling.

Your wife some how had this planned to do this before the two of you left. She took the chance once you left and didn't care if you would've caught her.



The more I read this and more I see her actions after the fact... I think she wanted to get caught. I really believe she is out to hurt him for some reason and this would have been about as painful as it gets to walk in on the act. Seriously I really hate this woman, it's not just a man devoted to her it's the kids who are going to suffer and she does't give a sh!t.

I am a pretty good dad I feel.

I'm sorry for the pain your children will go through, I trully am. But do NOT ever feel bad for them because of it. Your wife caused this. Their pain, should you go through with a separation or divorce is solely on her shoulders. This is probably one of the reasons she wants to put the blame on you for this when you pull the trigger to get a divorce. It's really something, how just evil this woman is. Just pure evil.

I agree you need to separate yourself from her to clear your mind and seek counseling. Go yourself.

No reason you need to leave your home and your kids. She should leave.

Tell her to stay with a friend.

Is that workable?

You and the kids should not have to be disrupted even more by moving. She should leave. Seems to be what she wants.

I believe she most definitely had this planned. For sure. I think she wanted you to walk in on the act.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't take this behavior or any of her excuses.

I don't know if she wants a divorce, wants to hurt you or what. Sounds to me like she wants an open marriage, where you both sleep around.

Telling you that she doesn't mind if you hook up with another woman is NOT a green light for her to sleep around with strange men. What about STDs, a pregnancy? What about marriage vows? This is ludicrous.

This situation just gets stranger and stranger.

... I won't go to counselling, but I'll take a polygraph test?.

... phhht... phhht... that's the sound of me being rendered virtually speechless (an extremely unusual occurrence, I can assure you!).

I think that you need to stop talking and asking her for explanations. Be very clear with her that you're not prepared to be her husband any more until she can act like a wife. Withdraw your presence from the house if you can, and let your family and hers know why you've left. Let her begin to deal with the repercussions from her actions.

Go to counselling, for yourself, and get some insight so that you can be clear about what you want from the marriage and whether she measures up.

Above all, don't let it affect your sense of self or your confidence.

Get away from her, to see how you WANT to deal with this. So many feelings, so many questions. Don't bring anyone, but the most trusted into this twisted circle.

I'm stunned, so I imagine your way out in let field now. While I understand your feelings for your kids, look after yourself.

Thank you all very much, It is really hard for me to find someone to talk to because I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, and I do not associate myself with them anymore and if you know anything about them once you tell them you want no part of them they will have no part with you. So my relationship with my mother & father is already behind the behind and please believe me when I say this in some way shape or form they would find a way to spin some blame on to me for this because I am choosing not to be a Jehovah's witness anymore and that if I had not left this probably would not have happened. I know it is jacked up but so are some religions and there members. Anyway I will be in the windy city this weekend with a very close friend and I have planned on talking with him about what happened and get some personal insight on which direction I need to go in. I am strong believer in weighing all the options and then making a decision and moving forward I am still weighing my options at this point. I know this might sound silly but please just do post that you hate my wife if you do that is fine please just don't post it. I am still her husband and even though she did what she did, I can't really explain how or why I feel this way. I still feel like I need to defend her. I guess it was just the way I was raised I have lost a lot of friends since I left the JW'S my own brother has not talked with me for over six months and the only reason he did was because my father was in the hospital. Thank you all for your help and support I have felt much better being able to let this out. I am starting counseling next week and I will not see my wife until Monday I know I will be telling her that I am going to consoling and if she is even remotely serious about salvaging let alone saving at this point she will go to a couples counseling with me. Thank you all & Godspeed!

When we say we hate your wife we mean we hate what she's doing to you.

I understand what your saying about your family not talking to you, but ultimately this is not there problem so it really doesn't matter what they think. The blame lies with one person and it has nothing to do with religion.

Also, when your in Chicago you and your friend must go to D!ck's Last Resort. It's the greatest restaurant/bar concept ever. The people who work there treat you like crap. There tag line is "The shame of Chicago." No lie, if you can take a joke this place is awsome, and it might take your mind off things for awhile.

Dude,

I truly feel for you. You sound like a nice guy and good father( to her child too). This has to be devastating to you. How do you ever trust a person after something like this happens. Whenever she's late, or somewhere you don't know about , you're going to wonder if she's up to something else. She basically told this guy" hey I'm drunk and high and I'll be right over there naked and squeeky clean in just a little while"... It's hard to blame him too much, you live on different CONTINENTS.Does counseling help at times like this? It can't hurt, even if you go by yourself.Do you use the "get laid free card" she's handed you? Maybe. Children are involved, that's the killer. If it were just the two of you, it would an easy answer. RUN. But this is something that's going to be eating at you like a cancer. I hope it works out for you. She didn't get caught, she TOLD you. Maybe she was feeling you out for a swinging/open relationship. Otherwise she would have told the guy to go to hell with his "helping" hand. Good luck and GOD bless you.

It really doesn't matter what she did. It matters what you do about it.

Counseling for yourself is a wise choice.

Coming here was to!!!!!!!!!

Much Luck!