OK I'm going to tell you my story so that maybe you can understand in problems a little better, and I would like to thank you now for helping.


I had my son when I was 18 and I didn't know anything about how to take care of him, well I really didn't know anything about anything. And then a few months later I got married to the father of my son. Well it didn't work out and while all this was going on my mother swooped in and convinced me that it would be in my sons best interest if I let him come there and stay with her while I was trying to get every thing straight with my ex. I get him out of my house with in hours and call her to get her to bring me my son back. She tells me that I'm upset and that right then I didn't need a nine month old screaming at me all the time and to let her take care of him for a while. I didn't really want to do this, but I didn't have a car and she refused to bring him back to me. So I said fine, and then a few weeks later she comes to me and says, that my ex has said that he wants to take custody of my son away from me, so she tells me that she has gotten a lawyer for both of us. We went and talked to the lawyer, and to be honest I don't remember any of it, I was young, and I thought that I was doing the right thing for my son. And within days we where in court, the father never showed up, so it was just me and my mother, and still I don't remember a lot from that either. But I know that it was said that we had joint legal custody with my mother having primary physical (Now I thank it is important to let you know that the father is in and out of the pic). And that me and my mother could figure out how to work out the visitation and things that goes along with all this.

So over the last 10 years she has been holding this fact over my head, I have just dealt with this, but now my son is wanting to come live with me, and I would love for him 2 but she's not having that, and well the thing is that she just don't want him with me at all.

And I'm telling you this, so that I can now tell you the other problem. My ex's mother is going out of town for 2 weeks this summer, I have made it very clear that I am not happy about this, I don't trust her, and my gut is saying not to let him go. And when I told my mother this she has again told me that I have no say so in this matter.

So here are my question.

1. Can she let them take my son out of state with out my permission?

You need to take her back to court and tell the Judge she has been refusing to follow the custody order by not allowing you your court ordered visitations. That would be a proactive start. If you keep letting her deny you your visits she can use it to her advantage.

You say the father is in and out of the picture,
Does that mean getting back with you on and off or seeing his son here and there?
If it is seeing you on and off that could possibly be translated into 'unstable environment'.

To answer your question, if you have joint legal custody, you are as entitled to make the decisions as she is. If it violates your visitation you have cause for additional action against her because violating your visitation is contempt of court and can work against her in court.

So your mother is wrong - you do have a say in the matter.

As for the future, if you want your child to come live with you, you will need to go back to court and get a change of custody.

Y
You say the father is in and out of the picture,
does that mean getting back with you on and off or seeing his son here and there?
If it is seeing you on and off that could possibly be translated into 'unstable environment'.


No I haven't seen the father in 8 or 9 years. He doesn't come see my son but once or so a year, and sometimes not even that much. He seen my son on his first birthday, then left and didn't come back around until after he was 4. And when this happened I was so very up set that my mother let him back into my sons life. She didn't tell me anything about it until after it had happened.

As for me, I have been married to someone else almost 6 years and have 2 other kids with my husband.

I am working on getting a lawyer so that I can take her back to court. But in the mean time my mother is talking about letting him go out of the state with my ex's mother, my son really doesn't know them that well, because of the fact that they only come around a few times a year. They do see him more than his father does but still not that much more. She is the type that if you tell them that you need them to bring my son back at 6 she will show up at midnight and then give an attitude. And then there is the ball in the pit of my stomach that is screaming out that this is such a bad idea.

So my next question here is, If I tell my mother no I do not agree with letting him go out of town, and she lets him go out of town with the other woman then is there anything I can do?

So my next question here is, If i tell my mother no i do not agree with letting him go out of town, and she lets him go out of town with the other woman then is there anything i can do?

Probably not, but it will help you down the road when you file for a change of custody since she is not honoring your current joint legal custody agreement.

You can go to court and request that they enforce your rights, but ultimately it will come down to you and how far you push the issue.

I am working on getting a lawyer so that i can take her back to court. But in the mean time my mother is talking about letting him go out of the state with my ex's mother, my son really doesn't know them that well, because of the fact that they only come around a few times a year. they do see him more than his father does but still not that much more. She is the type that if you tell them that you need them to bring my son back at 6 she will show up at midnight and then give an attitude. And then there is the ball in the pit of my stomach that is screaming out that this is such a bad idea.

So my next question here is, If i tell my mother no i do not agree with letting him go out of town, and she lets him go out of town with the other woman then is there anything i can do?



You posted that your "ex" gave up all rights to your son and the Judge approved his request. Same child, same father?

If so - I'm confused.

OK here is what happened. When my son turned one my ex came to the birthday and told me and my mother that he didn't think that my son was his and that he wanted to give up his rights to my son. My mother took him to the lawyer and he signed over his rights in front of a judge. And then somewhere around my sons 4th birthday called my mother and said that he wanted to see my son, and she let him.

ok here is what happened. When my son turned one my ex came to the birthday and told me and my mother that he didn't think that my son was his and that he wanted to give up his rights to my son. My mother took him to the lawyer and he signed over his rights in front of a judge. And then somewhere around my sons 4th birthday called my mother and said that he wanted to see my son, and she let him.

Yeah - no way that is actually how it went down, particularly based on your comments on the other thread.

I believe you were tragically misinformed and would do well to find out the actual situation. Get a lawyer.

ok here is what happened. When my son turned one my ex came to the birthday and told me and my mother that he didn't think that my son was his and that he wanted to give up his rights to my son. My mother took him to the lawyer and he signed over his rights in front of a judge. And then somewhere around my sons 4th birthday called my mother and said that he wanted to see my son, and she let him.

Were you there when he allegedly signed over his rights? Have you ever read the court papers that were issued?

As I showed in the other thread, VA law is very different from what you say happened here. If you were not there when this allegedl relinquishmnent of rights happened and are going by what your mother said, I say it probably never happened because the law wouldn't allow it.

I also don't believe you and your mother have joint legal custody. Custody is ususually invested in the legal parent. What I suspect is your mother has guardianship which is similar but different from custody. I think your mother has taken advantage of your naïveté in these matters.

So what you need to do is consult an attorney who can get the transcripts of the hearings and determine EXACTLY what happened and what rights you have. If my suspicions are correct. You can go to court to terminate your mother's guardianship and take your son home.

P.S. And please don't give advice to others based on your siutuation where you admittedly don't know exactly what happened.

Virginia Family Law Appeals: PARENTAL RIGHTS TERMINATION – VOLUNTARY RELINQUISHMENT UNAUTHORIZED. (http://familylaw.typepad.com/virginiafamilylawappeals/2007/04/parental_rights_2.html)
April 05, 2007

PARENTAL RIGHTS TERMINATION – VOLUNTARY RELINQUISHMENT UNAUTHORIZED.

In Cartwright v. Cartwright, 49 Va. App. 25, 635 S.E.2d 691 (10/24/06), a father's petition to the circuit court to be allowed to voluntarily relinquish his parental rights to his children was denied because he can't do that. The circuit court has no common law power nor general equity power to terminate parental rights: it's all in the statute, the Court of Appeals explained. The statute provides for a custodial parent, but not a non-custodial parent, to voluntarily relinquish (§§16.1-277.02 and 278.3), and he can't escape his financial obligations (which of course we presume is all he is trying to do) that easily.




Since VA law is clear on this issue, you will forgive us of we don't believe you are telling the whole story. Nor do I believe a court would terminate rights without a paternity test, especially if the petitioner was claiming they believed they weren't the father. If you read the statutes cited, its clear that a father cannot just walk into a court asking that his rights be terminate and have the court affirm this. Even if the court does allow termination of rights, that doesn't terminate responsibility.

This is a copy of what I posted in the other thread.

First of all I have a copy of the paper work stating that my ex gave up his rights. And 2nd I know for a fact that me and my mother share joint legal custody (with her have primary physical) I have the paper work on that too.

First of all I have a copy of the paper work stating that my ex gave up his rights. and 2nd I know for a fact that me and my mother share joint legal custody (with her have primary physical) I have the paper work on that too.

What EXACTLY does that paperwork say? Who signed the TPR? Is there a court/docket number on it?

I'm sorry for being skeptical here, but if someone where to tell you the sky is green and you look up and see its blue, wouldn't you be skeptical about what they are saying? I have to believe the evidence of my own eyes. You are telling us things that do not conform to legal statutes.

Im with Scott on this one. I don't doubt that you are telling us the truth, but something just doesn't add up here.

My first inclination is to believe that the paperwork is bogus and just looks official. A court and docket number would reveal that.

Im with Scott on this one. I dont doubt that you are telling us the truth, but something just doesnt add up here.

My first inclination is to believe that the paperwork is bogus and just looks official. A court and docket number would reveal that.

Is it possible to do that?

is it possible to do that?

Sure - its totally illegal, but it wouldn't be the first time in history someone was fooled into believing something totally not true.

I can make a document LOOK official. It would fool most anyone without legal experience. Might even fool someone WITH legal experience if I had a similar document to copy.

What EXACTLY does that paperwork say? Who signed the TPR? Is there a court/docket number on it?

I'm sorry for being skeptical here, but if someone where to tell you the sky is green and you look up and see its blue, wouldn't you be skeptical about what they are saying? I have to believe the evidence of my own eyes. You are telling us things that do not conform to legal statutes.

No I understand, I am trying to find out the truth, and well I wouldn't put anything passed my mother, she is one of those people that does what she has to, to get what she wants.

I know that the custody paper is real because I went to the court house a week ago and got a copy of it, because of the fact that I am looking for a lawyer, and I figured that this was the first thing they where going to ask for. So now it looks like I need to do the same for the other one.

Is there a possibility that maybe they told the judge that there was going to be an adoption? But wouldn't that mean that I would have had to be there to sign papers too?

Steve is right here. Mom hands you a piece of paper signed by the ex and some stranger. She tells you the signature is from a judge and that your ex gave up his rights. You, having never seen a real legal document take this at face value. But since having such a document flies in the face of established law, we, who are familiar with the law, find it very hard to believe.

That's why we urge you to take that paperwork to an attorney. They can look it up to see if its for real.

That was a good thing to get a copy of the custody order, but I would still like to know what it actually says. A real judge would have had to see the adoption papers and signed off on everything together. Compare the custody order with the other papers. You know the custody order is official because you got that from the court. Look for court info and seals, etc.