My girlfriend and I have been dating for close to 6 months and have fallen completely in love. Both her and I have had other relationships back in high school but neither of us have felt the way we do now. We are both sophomores in college, which is where we met.

Anyway, her ex-boyfriend of about 2 years from high school (who is also a year younger than her) won't stop contacting her. When her and I first started dating he had a really tough time with it because he thought they were going to get back together. I understand his frustration but he needed to move on. She broke up with him about 4 months prior to us meeting because he treated her terrible and the only reason he called her was because he wanted to know what she was doing. She heard from several other people that he had cheated on her as well.

Needless to say, her and I fell in love and have been happy with each other. About a month ago he texted her saying "Hey, just wanted to know how you were doing." and she didn't reply. She wants nothing to do with him and would like to never speak to or see him again. He sent her the same message the next day to which she didn't respond. Two days after that he sent her a message saying "Ok well I hope you're doing good." and again, she didn't respond.

Today at her work (she works as a window teller in a bank) he filled out a deposit slip and sent it through the vacuum tube. As a bank policy, they have to send something back asking them to sign to verify everything. When she said "Sign the slip" he said "hey, how are you doing?" she said "good, sign it and send it back please, you're holding up traffic" he said "okay, I'll call you later."

After she got off work she went tanning and noticed a voicemail from him. He asked her if she wanted to grab lunch sometime. She called me right after and asked what she should do since she didn't want to talk to him or have any kind of contact with him. So, she asked me to send him a message on Facebook. This is what it said:


Hi,

You probably know who am I by now. I heard about what happened at the bank today and your run in with *****. I don't care that you go to her bank but I want to let you know that I do have a problem with you wanting to grab a bite to eat. ***** does not want to talk to you, see you, or have any other type of contact with you. Do not text her, do not call her, do not ask to hang out. She does not want anything to do with you. She asked me to write you this because she doesn't want to talk to you at all.

Please respect that and move on.

I'm not trying to be mean or rude, I'm just conveying the message to you. She tried to get the point across by not responding to your previous text messages.

Thanks.

What should I/she do to get the message through that she wants nothing to do with him anymore? Help?

She should change her cell phone number

Well the dude is obviously a stalker. Changing her cell phone number would only solve the texting and calling part of the problem. If she is really annoyed or even scared, she should get a restraining order against him that says, "No Contact" what's so ever. But if you don't want to go the legal route could always enlist the help of some bikers or some local gangs.

I would have your girlfriend keep doing what she's doing, ignoring him.

As for you, maybe ignoring this as well will help a little. If he constantly gets nothing back from her, he won't be doing it much longer.

I think you sending the message would just make him think that only you didn't want her to have anything to do with him.

She needs to tell him.

This could work both ways. I had a friend who talked on behalf of a girlfriend before and then the guy back off completely.

I think your message is very respectable, but it's better if it come from her.

If she really doesn't want to communicate with him, then she should just keep doing what she's doing. Eventually the guy will give up trying. Sending the message is the hope that he will give up sooner.

I think you sending the message would just make him think that only you didn't want her to have anything to do with him.

She needs to tell him.


That's why I said in there that she didn't want to talk to him and that's why I was messaging him.

Hopefully it will stop at this and we can move on from it.

You shouldn't be getting involved You're girlfriend is a big girl, she can handle it all on her own, if he gets nasty, then you step in. Simply have her text him saying "I'm not interested in being in contact with you, please respect my wishes and move on"

It's very simple, getting involved at these early stages is only going to create conflict between you two.

Don't write him a message it will let him think that you are afraid to talk to him however
If I were you what I would do is call him from your girlfriends phone because no doubt he will pick up, be firm with him tell him you are her boyfriend and you want the harassment to stop and that its really upsetting your girlfriend, if he still keeps it up threaten by getting the cops involved.

In the meantime get the number changed.

Just ignore him.

Do not play his game.

End this thing by ignoring him.

Like the others have said Ignore him , its really that simple because eventually he will get sick of putting the effort in for no return.

I would have your girlfriend keep doing what she's doing, ignoring him.

As for you, maybe ignoring this as well will help a little. If he constantly gets nothing back from her, he won't be doing it much longer.

Gambino is getting gooooood... I agree with him AGAIN.. lol

You BOTH need to ignore him and he should go away... writing to him on Facebook just gave him a thrill... do "NO CONTACT"!. if he still persists, or interferes with her job, then I would seek legal help... there ARE stalkers in this world... you never know... have her be careful too, coming and going from where ever...

Both of you should just completely ignore him... any attention at all keeps him going, whether it be positive or negative attention. If he still just refuses to give up, I guess you'll have to go with the restraining order.

Thanks everyone for your input. He has not responded to the message I sent him nor has he attempted to contact her in any way. I think this might be a good indication that he's gone, but you never know..

I will take your advice about ignoring him unless he starts to physically show up and harass her at work (other than required transactions). If that happens I will call him and talk to him personally. If that doesn't work then the law will become involved which should solve everything.

I'd rather not make her go through the trouble of changing her cell phone number just for 1 person. But that may be a possibility should he persist.

You guys were really helpful, thank you.

No problem , keep us updated :)

Wouldn't a restraining order be a little over the top though? I mean, the guy is just asking her how she's doing, but it's annoying. He's not threatening anyone and I think a restraining order might be a little over dramatic.

What should be the limit before she gets a restraining order?

I'd cross that bridge if you come to it.

No point worrying about something that may not happen.

Wouldn't a restraining order be a little over the top though? I mean, the guy is just asking her how she's doing, but it's annoying. He's not threatening anyone and I think a restraining order might be a little over dramatic.

What should be the limit before she gets a restraining order?


If he keeps harassing her at work it could put her job at risk... I'd say that's grounds for a restraining order, I'm sure she wants to stay employed lol.

All right well... the guy finally responded with:

"come and stop me"

It just shows how immature he is. What now?

Now is when you just simply ignore him, or you could stoop to his level and respond with

"nanana boo boo, I got your girlfriend so stick your head in doo doo"

But please use my first advice

Yeah, I think I'll just ignore him. He sent her a text this morning as well saying


I was just trying to be nice. No good deed goes unpunished I guess

I was thinking about responding with: "No, when I come down there I usually like to enjoy quality time with my wonderful girlfriend"



He'll go away... I hope.

Be the bigger man. He has nothing to lose in this situation. You on the other hand might lose your cool if you start this back and forth with him. Your girlfriend asked you to message him but what if it gets to a point where you lose your temper in front of your GF and she doesn't like it. Just ignore him he will go away.

Don't feed into it my man. When I first started dating my fiancé, we met at my part time job. There were two different guys who would do everything they could to get her to go out on a date with them, they would try to make me angry by talking to her and smile at me. Then the one backed off, the other started talking crap behind my back saying how I stole his girl(they never dated or even exchanged phone numbers), I was a pu*** and he could kick my arse all over the store. I sat back and found it amusing because I knew who she came home with. I could have throttled this kid, I mean throttled, he was wickedly overweight and never saw a gym before, myself, regional hockey player that could have gone pro(if not for concussions), worked out every day and took boxing and MMA classes. I just chose to enjoy the fact that I was with her, and still am. The kid eventually stopped talking because it didn't bother me.

It's not you who can solve this but instead your girl. All you can give right now is your trust and love for her.

Your girl should be the one to talk to her ex from stop communicating with her. Better ask her to change her number. Tell her to keep ignoring her ex. Anyway it's the ex who is wasting his time he'll be tired after all.

Don't feed into it my man. When I first started dating my fiance, we met at my part time job. There were two different guys who would do everything they could to get her to go out on a date with them, they would try to make me angry by talking to her and smile at me. Then the one backed off, the other started talking crap behind my back saying how I stole his girl(they never dated or even exchanged phone numbers), I was a pu*** and he could kick my arse all over the store. I sat back and found it amusing because I knew who she came home with. I could have throttled this kid, I mean throttled, he was wickedly overweight and never saw a gym before, myself, regional hockey player that could have gone pro(if not for concussions), worked out every day and took boxing and MMA classes. I just chose to enjoy the fact that I was with her, and still am. The kid eventually stopped talking because it didn't bother me.

I agree with you completely. He's a scrawny but just a little taller than me. I'm 5' 11 and about 200lbs. The guy is skinnier than she is and could easily be taken down. I am also a hockey player raised in southern California. I work out regularly and I know I could easily take him, but I'm not really a fighter unless he's the one starting it.

I do have to smile though when I know that I trust her and love her, so there's really no issue. I don't think I stated it before but her and I live an hour apart and they live 15 min from each other. I trust her enough though and she's going to continue to ignore him.

Maybe I should just send him this link ;)

YouTube - Relient K- My Girl's Ex-Boyfriend (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHUaw1NDrfM)

If you trust your girl, then he isn't even an issue. Let him continue living his fantasy life, he enjoys it there

This "guy" bothers me... something inside of me doesn't like the fact that he won't go away... and when you responded with that note on Facebook, you added fuel to the fire...

1. MAKE SURE your girlfriend IGNORES him and doesn't respond
2. YOU make SURE that YOU do not do anything to add fuel to this fire...
3. If he still persists, I would call my local police dept and just talk to them... that way you have something on record and they may even have a suggestion or two for you...
4. Keep in mind that your girlfriend needs to be sure and keep an eye open when she comes and goes... that's just common sense anyway, but especially now...
5. She lives an hour away from you... make sure her living situation is safe...

This "guy" bothers me....something inside of me doesn't like the fact that he won't go away.....and when you responded with that note on Facebook, you added fuel to the fire.....

1. MAKE SURE your girlfriend IGNORES him and doesn't respond
2. YOU make SURE that YOU do not do anything to add fuel to this fire.....
3. If he still persists, I would call my local police dept and just talk to them....that way you have something on record and they may even have a suggestion or two for you.....
4. Keep in mind that your girlfriend needs to be sure and keep an eye open when she comes and goes.....that's just common sense anyway, but especially now.....
5. She lives an hour away from you.....make sure her living situation is safe....

Yeah, I know I shouldn't have said anything on Facebook but I felt the need to protect her in a non-violent way. She nor I is going to respond to anything he does via text or calling.

I'm 20 and she's 19, so she's still living with both of her parents. Her dad is about 6' 5 and her brother who lives at home is almost 7 feet tall, 300lbs. I have no worries about the safety of her living situation :)


Update. Today she went on a bike ride near her house at the local park. When she was coming back into her neighborhood she was waiting at a 4 way intersection. She had to go straight across and was on the left side of it. As she was looking for traffic she noticed him in his daddy's BMW as he turned right by her. He put up one finger (the index) and gave her a not so pleasant face. She has no idea why he was coming from that direction since his house is in the direction that he was turning and the downtown area with all the shops was in the opposite direction he was coming from.

Coincidence? I don't know, but if he keeps popping up the law is getting involved.

Update. Today she went on a bike ride near her house at the local park. When she was coming back into her neighborhood she was waiting at a 4 way intersection. She had to go straight across and was on the left side of it. As she was looking for traffic she noticed him in his daddy's BMW as he turned right by her. He put up one finger (the index) and gave her a not so pleasant face. She has no idea why he was coming from that direction since his house is in the direction that he was turning and the downtown area with all the shops was in the opposite direction he was coming from.

Coincidence? I dunno, but if he keeps popping up the law is getting involved.


First of all, let me say, that her Dad and brother would be anough to scare ME away... lol...

2nd- Yes, you are right, if he keeps popping up, you need to call the authorities... now, he seems angry (flipping her the bird)... hopefully, he will just go away now...

First of all, let me say, that her Dad and brother would be anough to scare ME away....lol....

2nd- Yes, you are right, if he keeps popping up, you need to call the authorities....now, he seems angry (flipping her the bird)....hopefully, he will just go away now....

It wasn't the bird, it was his index finger just like the "cool kid" way of saying hey. He'll go away just like the plague, hopefully it just doesn't take as long.

Sheesh... I thought my summer was going to be relaxing and enjoyable!

It wasn't the bird, it was his index finger just like the "cool kid" way of saying hey. He'll go away just like the plague, hopefully it just doesn't take as long.

Sheesh...I thought my summer was going to be relaxing and enjoyable!

Oooops, my bad, <looking at my hand>... Ohhhhh the INDEX finger..!. lol... :p

Man, doesn't this guy have any respect for himself? Why would a guy make himself out to look so desperate?. That would CERTAINLY not be the kind of guy I would like...

Oooops, my bad, <looking at my hand>.....Ohhhhh the INDEX finger....!....lol.....:p

Man, doesn't this guy have any respect for himself? Why would a guy make himself out to look so desperate?.....That would CERTAINLY not be the kind of guy I would like.......


He has probably just run out of girls to screw over and is starting back at the top, only this time around she see's what kind of person he really is and knows what she has found with me.

There are endless stories I can tell about this guy that show how insecure he is with himself. It's quite sad, actually.

Little bit of an update.

A few weeks ago she was weeding through some old Facebook photos and deleted some that he was in.

He sent her a text message yesterday saying "OH COME ON, I liked some of those."


Kind of weird how he keeps tabs on old old pictures and stuff lol.