I thought about writing a bunch of things in a notebook to see all the bad things he/she did to make the breakup, positive in a way. I want to hear everyone's reasons you getting dumped turned out better for you. I beileve this will be positive for me and the others that are going through the rough time.

Give me stuff he/she'd keep you from, wouldn't let you do, etc.

I'll start:

1: She would always get mad at me and make me feel bad for not going to sleep the time she did. What do you expect, she works at 8:30am and my shift starts at 12pm. Well, don't have to put up with that anymore.


Please, continue.

There are so many ,it is hard to begin.
I am free of judgment,abuse,harassment,anger,tension,confusion.
I have not even been in that kind of junk for years but I remember it felt like crap.
I did not answer specifically but I know that when you free yourself of something that is painful ,the only place you can go is up!

Oh man, she was always abusive to me (verbally). Telling me that my life is going nowhere, I need to start doing this and that to not be a loser, etc.

She was even abusive to my things. Whenever she was mad and said hurtful things, I showed that I wouldn't be out of control like she was, so that made her even more angry. She's destroyed my XBOX360 cords, punctured my door, really bad scratches (that scarred) she gave to me.

Man... what the freak is wrong with me? -_-'

It's good that you're trying to move on... what makes it BETTER is if you think about the pros of being dumped in the way of looking forward, not backwards.

So instead of looking back and thinking, "I'm glad I'm not with her because...she did this and that..." it's better if you think, "Well, I'm glad I'm single because now, I can do this!"

For example:

While I was in a relationship, I had gotten a bit complacent about my body... went out to eat a lot with her, spent a lot of time with her, which meant my life consisted of school, work, and her. No gym time. Once I was single, I went to the gym CONSTANTLY, cooked healthy meals for myself, etc.

This leads to my number 2... more money! Whoo! No more taking her out to dinner, no more gifts, no more paying for her, etc. MONEY!

#3: more time for myself. To read books, to work out, to listen to music, to watch movies, etc.

#4: more time for friends.

#5: let's face it... more time for other women.

#6: more time to focus on what's really important... such as school, work, etc.

So basically, it comes down to... more time, money, and virtually no drama.

I miss my ex even though it's been 3 years almost now...

Though I admite there was a lot of frustrating things she did, I'm sure I was no better. She is only human as am I.

I agree with Isneezefunny. Look to what you can do, now here, not what you disliked back then, and not to things that are too far off for you to gain any real gratification any time soon. In other words, live in the moment. Enjoy life, and learn to Forgive yourself, love yourself, know yourself, and be yourself.

I like to look at the sky and take in the breath taking sights it reveals to me.

I enjoy looking at various things like a tree top and imagining what I look like from that spot, or what the sight would be like from there, or how it would feel to be on a building side in a/on a corner, kind of like spiderman.

I also wonder what other critters think/feel.

I try to relate myself to all things around me.

I especially like looking at the stars at night and just wonderting what was happening while the light from those stars that is just hitting my eyes, was traveling. It's like looking into the past millions of years into the past.

I also like to play my guitar, and such.

Peace be with you.

I miss my ex even though it's been 3 years almost now...


I hope to God I do not take that long.

- My gym time increased
- Didn't have to watch how much I lift at the gym because she didn't like how much I would lift.
- I can now watch UFC when I want to, and now I can do it with my fiancé because she enjoys it.
- Can play my xbox without being flipped out on

There are far more

LINK (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/joys-being-single-335663.html)

Here is a link to a post a had awhile back titled, "The Joys of Being Single." It is a fairly decent thread and also some good entertaining responses in there. Similar to what you are doing with this thread.

I learned that you learn something from every relationship. And in the end "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".

Oh Liz, you crack me up, haha. I love to play the drums on rock band, very fun, and fairly realistic too.

I do like the guitar too, but I prefer the real deal to the rock band.

I tried to give you rep, but it wouldn't let me so I'll just add I agree with your quote.

P.S. I do miss that girlish curves, and smooth body. The soothing sounds she can make when she is pleased. Yep, I sure miss playing my guitar. ;)
It's a black Walden, good guitar to start with.

Your free to explore other options, and opportunities.

All good and positive things to consider, I appreciate everyone's input.

- I get to spend more time on my friends and videogames.

More time to spend at AMHD.com!

More time to spend at AMHD.com!


I spend more time on this site then any other since the breakup. Lot's of helpful information can be read here. This site keeps me from contacting her, I'm not going to lie. I think about it, force myself to stop thinking about it and hop on this site.

I spend more time on this site then any other since the breakup. Lot's of helpful information can be read here. This site keeps me from contacting her, I'm not going to lie. I think about it, force myself to stop thinking about it and hop on this site.

Trust me, coming here will make you stronger and give you a pathway to being better, and not just in relationships but in life. You just have to stay focused and positive.

Trust me, coming here will make you stronger and give you a pathway to being better, and not just in relationships but in life. You just have to stay focused and positive.


I am trying my hardest, I really am. I hate feeling like this so breaking NC will start me right at the beginning. I know it isn't long since, but what seems like forever is going to be too much for me to go through this twice.

I am trying my hardest, I really am. I hate feeling like this so breaking NC will start me right at the beginning. I know it isn't long since, but what seems like forever is going to be too much for me to go through this twice.

Ask yourself what's more important. Yourself respect forever or one fleeting moment to speak with that she'll know you need to speak with her and it will turn out bad anyway.

Ask yourself what would the you from one year from now tell you about your inner strength and how great it feels that you held strong.

It's funny because at times you think it will never end, and then at some point you notice, "hey I haven't thought about her for awhile, and I didn't even notice."

Ask yourself what's more important. Your self respect forever or one fleeting moment to speak with that she'll know you need to speak with her and it will turn out bad anyway.

Ask yourself what would the you from one year from now tell you about your inner strength and how great it feels that you held strong.

It's funny because at times you think it will never end, and then at some point you notice, "hey I haven't thought about her for awhile, and I didn't even notice."


You're right man, you're absolutely right. I need to stand my ground and keep rebuilding myself. Chuff, you're a huge lift man, I can't thank you enough for constantly helping me. Thank everybody, this site is great.

You're right man, you're absolutely right. I need to stand my ground and keep rebuilding myself. Chuff, you're a huge lift man, I can't thank you enough for constantly helping me.

Not a problem, I've been there myself and I know it sucks, so never think this is something nobody can relate to or your by yourself in this.


Thank everybody, this site is great.

Follow everything you learn on this site in the future and I can't promise a lifetime relationship, but you will know "the rules" of a relationship, you'll be stronger, and you'll be in control. You can learn so much here that in the end you'll actually be saying the pain was worth it because you got a life lesson that you never would have got before.

Yeah, this is definitely the longest life lesson I've ever had to learn and still learning with a long way to go. This site has opened up a lot of positive things of being dumped. When I was down, I typed in "how to deal with a breakup."

I didn't know I was going to find people who had been there, all supportive to help me out. This is by far the best thing to run into during my breakup, you guys are awesome. I've never viewed life like this before, what it actually was to be happy. I'm looking forward to seeing that one day.

Aj, love is comparable to that of an episode of mania (extream happyness, euphoria, and large over load of energy), and Cocaine.

Love is a drug, quite literally, and is just as addicting as one too. Be aware that your desire for contact with her is out of a need to get a "fix". It is hard, but you would be wisest to continue NC.

Find things you like to do, to keep your mind off her. Keep busy, and do things that will grip your focus so it will stay with you, and not her. Do not tell yourself you won't think of her, because you are thinking of her. Just think on other things, like a game you like, or people you enjoy hanging with, or talking on here, but stop talking about "her". I'm not saying we are annoied, we are not I assure you, but the point is to forget about her for now. When you are stronger and ready pick up the pieces look at them and let them go. That requires time my friend. It may be wise for you to try joining a group or something. Also, it maybe best to aviod relationship threads until you're past her, to sort of speak.

Peace be with you brother.

Also, it maybe best to aviod relationship threads untill you're past her, to sort of speak.


You think I should stay off the relationship forums? I found it helpful in ways and to be honest, I haven't been away from this site since the breakup. So you think it's good to quit for a while?

You think I should stay off the relationship forums? I found it helpful in ways and to be honest, I haven't been away from this site since the breakup. So you think it's good to quit for a while?

I think participating in the relationship forums whilst being in the midst of a break-up is a good thing.

Not only does it occupy some time but you get to learn a lot of the lessons that are so important for your next relationship.

That's just my view :cool:

You think I should stay off the relationship forums? I found it helpful in ways and to be honest, I haven't been away from this site since the breakup. So you think it's good to quit for a while?

No no, not the whole site, just refrain from any thread that may pertain to your ex relationship. Just till you sort yourself out, then again that all depends upon whether you've told your story and feel reasured that we are here shuold you find yourself..? :rolleyes: (not rolling my eyes, thinking.)..? Quarelling with yourself. Then feel free to ask for help, we are here. However, you will need to eventually need to let go, when you are ready.

Just trying to give you advice about how to let go of her. If you find that you can not stop thinking about your relationship when you read these threads then try to read other threads, Teen (if they are about other things than Relationships BF/GF.), religion, science, math, etc. IF there are realtionships that are not BF/GF jump in on those too.

All in good time brother, if you are still pretty fresh from the break up, say what you need eh. You'll know when it's time better than I.

Peace and kindness be with you brother.

You could also try popping over to the lounge area The Lounge - Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge/) , some crazy goings on over there . But Fun :)

Thanks, all good suggestions. I'll check out the Lounge, see what's going on in there. Maybe it is a good idea to get away from all these heartache threads.

Aj, I try not to read too much of the heartache stories because they kind of bring me back. I understand what they're saying. It's not a bad idea.

But take it from me, someone who finally understands the NC rule, after months. Do whatever you can to not speak to her. It makes you feel great for those few moments you hear the softness in her voice and brings you back to every late phone call, and makes you feel great. But after it all it's going to end with you in the same position. It's not worth it. I've broken multiple attempts at NC about 5 times all with the same result. We met up three times within that and all left it with the same stuff! Everyone on here wanted to kill me. chuff literally said he was going to bang his head on the wall about 2 months ago, and I still continued it and didn't understand. Stay strong, a month from now you will be so happy you made it that much farther.

But the people on here don't lie. They're people just like you and me, just way beyond this stage. Seriously pick up new hobbies, go new places, find out things about yourself. I joined a new basketball league with kids from towns I never have met. I'm going on the AIDS walk in NYC this Sunday with the one girl my girlfriend hated but I always wanted to talk to because she's nice. You really got to try new stuff and maybe you won't be happy every second of everyday but look forward to certain things and make plans to do fun things and feel good, and live dude don't feel bad for yourself. Just in live.

chuff literally said he was going to bang his head on the wall about 2 months ago, and i still continued it and didn't understand.


I actually remember that post, because not only did I see what was going to happen to you, I felt like I couldn't break through your wall that you had against us trying to help vs her who didn't care. It sucks when you see someone making every mistake imaginable and you can't stop them, but AJ, take it from Jman he was in a world of hurt and here he is with a renewed sense of self, happiness, and I dare say confidence. Nobody here has gone through this and not been in the same place you are, you are not talking to a bunch of people who are clueless. Sometimes you just have to trust to follow the advice and believe that it will take you out of where you at, because it has before and as Jman can attest to, it has for him.

Jman, Chuff, thanks a lot. I will try to cut back on the heartache stories. Since April 21st, I've learned a lot from you guys, even though it hasn't been that long.

Some positive things are starting to come up though. I almost have my full appetite back, I'm going back to school in the summer and in the fall, watching a lot of movies at the moment. Videogames are my thing, but I can't bring myself to play yet... I'm not too sure why, I just don't have the urge to play.


Here's something interesting:

Last night I was getting ready for bed (around 3:30AM) because I had work at 8. Instead of leaving the TV on, I forced myself to turn everything off and try to sleep. The noise from my head was so distracting, I started getting a really bad headache. So, for about 2 hours I was all over the place with my thoughts and doubts and 'what ifs' and 'chances'. I couldn't stop, I just screamed "STOP!" Well, it didn't stop.

Then I tried to force myself to think about something else, nothing worked... until I thought of the Zelda series. Those had so many puzzles and brain teaser dungeons in there, I started walking myself through the Ocarina of Time (N64) and I found myself relaxed and tired, finally falling to sleep.

It's not a huge breakthrough, but it seems like it was for me last night. Just ranting, sorry.

P.S. I do miss that girlish curves, and smooth body. The soothing sounds she can make when she is pleased. Yep, i sure miss playing my guitar. ;)
It's a black Walden, good guitar to start with.

When I first read this I thought you meant your ex and I was like O_O lol

- No more being around someone who told me to be more realistic and don't follow my dreams. Said I wanted to be a musician, travel to space one day, explore the rainforest but as told I was a dreamer not a realist.

Here's something interesting:

Last night I was getting ready for bed (around 3:30AM) because I had work at 8. Instead of leaving the TV on, I forced myself to turn everything off and try to sleep. The noise from my head was so distracting, I started getting a really bad headache. So, for about 2 hours I was all over the place with my thoughts and doubts and 'what ifs' and 'chances'. I couldn't stop, I just screamed "STOP!" Well, it didn't stop.

Then I tried to force myself to think about something else, nothing worked...until I thought of the Zelda series. Those had so many puzzles and brain teaser dungeons in there, I started walking myself through the Ocarina of Time (N64) and I found myself relaxed and tired, finally falling to sleep.

It's not a huge breakthrough, but it seems like it was for me last night. Just ranting, sorry.

Get a gym membership. Then get on treadmill, cycle, or ellipitical machine and just push yourself. Go and go and go. When you feel like you can't go no more, keep going. When you get to tired, take a break. About 15 minutes later get back on and do it agaiin. This will do three things. One, it will force you to focus on yourself even for a little bit. Two it will wear you out and should start bringing some sleep into your future. Three, you'll get into better shape. If you can't afford a gym membership go for a long walk daily, but whatever you do start moving and doing it past your comfort zone.

Get a gym membership. Then get on treadmill, cycle, or ellipitical machine and just push yourself. Go and go and go. When you feel like you can't go no more, keep going. When you get to tired, take a break. About 15 minutes later get back on and do it agaiin. This will do three things. One, it will force you to focus on yourself even for a little bit. Two it will wear you out and should start bringing some sleep into your future. Three, you'll get into better shape. If you can't afford a gym membership go for a long walk daily, but whatever you do start moving and doing it past your comfort zone.


Yeah, I've been thinking about exercising. Everyone here seems to get a big lift in working out. I'm rather slim, but I wouldn't mind being a little ripped... kind of like Bruce Lee. Lol

Yeah, I've been thinking about exercising. Everyone here seems to get a big lift in working out. I'm rather slim, but I wouldn't mind being a little ripped...kind of like Bruce Lee. lol

Slim has nothing to do with this. This is about pushing your body so that you release the endorphins in your brain, wear yourself out to bring about sleep, and focus on yourself. Your focus shoudn't be on losing weight, it should be on improving your emotional state and overall health.

It's bizarre. When I first got dumped and came onto this site looking for "answers," there was this one guy who had a long post about his breakup and how hard it was for him, and his immediate advice was "go to the gym!"

And I first thought, "what...what the heck is that going to do?"

But, regardless, I knew I could lose a few pounds, so I started going to the gym... and it was AWESOME. Not only was it a good distraction, it helped me take out the anger/stress... and after a month or so, I started to look better, and feel better about myself.

4 months later, I lost about 30 pounds, bought new clothes, women started checking me out more, just felt good.

Yes dude. Go to the gym. Being an intense football player, I've always been a big lifter and it was helping me along great in the beginning, I stopped for about 3 weeks and that's when it back down hill. I've now gotten so into it I'm training myself with bodybuilder workouts because I have that build. But it's not about being that way. It puts you in better shape, builds confidence, gets you out for a couple hours, makes you more tired to go to bed. And set some goals or something! I set a goal to go do this crazy workout for 4 weeks straight, and I'm going to do it. Be determined. Believe in yourself.

Or, pick up a new hobby. I quit baseball because it's all I ever knew and joined the golf team at my school because I always wanted to do it and I said screw it I'm going to do what I never thought I would. And now that's another thing I have that just makes me feel like nothing matters. Because everyone has those worries all of the time, everyone thinks about death, the future, and what ifs and should have would have coulda's, but you need to find things that make that stuff not matter and puts a void in your head of bad times. Really open up to some new stuff, it will only do some good.

Well personally I am very glad to have been dumped by my last ex because it became a catalyst for what I have today. When we broke up I was so upset and frustrated that I finally just said ENOUGH! I decided I wasn't going to try and concentrate on dating anymore. I just stopped trying and this made me open my eyes to what was right in front of me the whole entire time. I was searching so hard I couldn't see what was under my nose. I am now very happily married to a wonderful man. Had I stayed with my ex I see know he would have only kept bringing me down. That is one break up I can only be thankful for.

Best thing about a break up.

Getting a sassy new hair cut and a new wardrobe.

I always seem to head straight to the hairdresser when I break up with someone... makes me feel like a new person and washes away any yukky vibes my now ex boyfriend left on me :D

I've been known to throw out a few clothes too, there was a certain blouse that I wore on our first date, it was always going to remind me of him so I threw it away and went shopping for some new ones :)

Yeah, I've been thinking about exercising. Everyone here seems to get a big lift in working out. I'm rather slim, but I wouldn't mind being a little ripped...kind of like Bruce Lee. lol

More than anything, and I may get ripped for this, going to the gym is about being productive. Life is not about sitting on your a$$ waiting for something to happen, it is about pushing yourself every hour of every day, PERIOD. Working out has a lot of pros that of course need not be mentioned, but, most of all, exercising is a way to be productive rather than to be counter productive. Make things happen! If you aren't doing things to constantly better yourself, then you are wasting the gifts that God has given you.

I would suggest going for LONG walks outside. I would walk for 2-3 hours until I just couldn't stand it anymore. I-Pod on all the way up, just me and my legs doing the thing! Get work done AJ.

Get work done AJ.


I'm planning on it. Come this Sunday, I'm going to seek out a gym membership. There's a gym not too far from where I am, I'll probably go down there. Better yet, I'll walk. Thanks.

When I'm at the gym I'm concentrating on keeping going with the workout and pushing myself to exhastedness (is that a word! Probably not). It's absolutely great. Also just listening to my IPod while I'm there with some pumping music feels good too.

Before my breakup I'd never been to a gym in my life, so I was nervous about starting and wasn't sure it would help, but it really has been one of the positives that has come out of the whole thing. Also a good chance to meet some umm members for the opposite sex who like to look after themselves which is always a good thing :) The comment about it being productive is dead on too.

I went today and going back tomorrow... mainly to work off all the beer I drank tonight :)

The biggest Pro of being dumped (such an oxymoron): Finding someone that you are truly meant to be with.

As my boy Braveheart would say: FREEDOM

I looked at my bank account and I suddenly have so much more, so I just went out and got myself a nice iPod lols

My ex-hubby told me, right after we got married, "now i don't have to try or do anything for you anymore, 'cuz you're stuck with me forever, no matter what". Sure, it lasted forever... to an ant. I thought being married meant I'd never be lonely again, but I was never lonelier than when I was with him. Being single allowed me to be myself, without being tied to someone whom I wasn't important to. Most of all... it allowed me to be happy. I don't regret leaving him for a second.

The ex never really allowed me to drink. Its not like I over drink or anything just occasionally so today I went out got myself a six pack and drank even though I didn't even get through one bottle of light beer cause I had a really bad experience lol

Just remember that not all girls Are Crazy Jank Bags! I would never get mad at someone playing xbox I'd play with them! Yay! Lol! She sounds horrible!!

Just remember that not all girls Are Crazy Jank Bags! I would never get mad at someone playin xbox I'd play with them! yay! Lol!! She sounds horrible!!!

Hope the girl I find doesn't get mad at me for playing xbox and plays with me =P that would be nice XD

Hope the girl i find doesnt get mad at me for playing xbox and plays with me =P that would be nice XD

Bah! I found her! You can't have her. And she doesn't play little girly games either. We usually play Gears of War 2 or Army of Two together. She likes the arcade games too

Bah! I found her! You can't have her. And she doesn't play little girly games either. We usually play Gears of War 2 or Army of Two together. She likes the arcade games too

Awesome!! But at the same time she can't be better than me! I got my pride too!! Lol Jokes!

Man this thread rocks. Guitar talk, rock band, zelda, gears.

Ha ha pride, she took that back when she beat me in Mortal Kombat

::hangs head in shame::

Ha ha pride, she took that back when she beat me in Mortal Kombat

::hangs head in shame::

Are you sure you didn't let her win? Lol

I thought us guys are suppose to own girls in video games!! =P What happened man? XD

I love to play video games man, but sometimes I had to go easy. Smash Bros and Gears, the most multiplayer hours I've spent.

I still play Gears of War online.
This username is my gamertag.

Any one of you dudes want to play a real game, get ahold of me and we can do Madden... IT'S in da GAME!! NFL is the bomb, and so is just knocking the hell out of some poor unexpecting wide receiver going down the middle of the field...

She beat me fair and square. I won't like I got cocky and got caught. I was sad, cried for days and throw a temper tantrum.

Now I am currently addicted to UFC Undisputed 2009. I love knocking people out, it's anger management for me