Comments to the thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-510425.html

Yeah man I'm with you. I'm fighting so hard to not contact her. I know it would prob only get me hurt. But it's so very hard. So hard to not reach out for someone you cared and spent so much time with.

Remember. The less you do, the more power you have over the situation!

It's what I keep telling myself, anyway :)

Its so hard isn't it. Especially when you still feel so much love. But maybe when you get the urge you could just sit down and write it out. Write down whatever it is that you would say and sit back and read it. Maybe that in black and white will help paint the picture more clear to move on and stick with NC. Because sometimes our thoughts when we are down are kind of crazy and reading it back might help us think whoa slow down!

Here is a NC story... look at my first threads as I came on here. I was a freaking BABY! A mess, seriously. Anf I will be the first one to tell you, I usually don't get like that.

Now, look at how I handle myself. I had reached a fairly new low, and I am happier than I have ever been now. So the story goes for everyone who goes through this and makes it. You have to know that we have all been here before and we are only telling you what to do because we have experienced it before.

The path to reformation is a long one, but believe me (and I am not the only example on this board) it is well worth it... WELL WORTH IT.

No contact definitely gave me the light at the end of the tunnel, just read my story, KC and ISneezeFunny and you will see how far NC can actually take you.

Kc, I remember when you first came on here. I thought you just like the punishment of her kicking you in the balls

She had my balls for a long time indeed. I forgot what it was like to be a man... those days have come and gone.

Yep, exactly! You have come a very very long way

Rome, I'm interested in hearing about your NC story. Link, perhaps?

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=4314639)

On those pages you can see the questions I asked, from the very beginning. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also gave me the greatest reward

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=4314639)

On those pages you can see the questions I asked, from the very beginning. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also gave me the greatest reward

It's always hard to ask for help, and it's even harder to be honest enough to admit the mistakes that we've made. I am very thankful for the help I've gotten in just the few days that I've been here.

Isn't it kinda funny though...reading other people's questions and applying my own opinions and advice has actually helped me get through all this faster. It's a really good thing to have a supportive community, even if we never see each other face to face!

K enough mooshy gooshy talk!

~ Tee

I'm really determined to get over this by going no contact but I unfortunately have to live with the fact that I will have to see him on a regular basis and it's making it so much harder. There is no way to cut him out of my life completely and I'm not sure how I can get him out of my head if I have to keep seeing him. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to see him...

It would be easier, but the harder the task, the bigger the reward. I actually worked with my ex, saw her every day and she went out of her to make sure I noticed when she was around. Then had to see her with her new boyfriend, which stung at first. But I completely recovered and stayed NC during it all. Now I am engaged, living with my beautiful fiancé and 2 kids, it worked out way better than I ever expected

It would be easier, but the harder the task, the bigger the reward. I actually worked with my ex, saw her every day and she went out of her to make sure I noticed when she was around. Then had to see her with her new boyfriend, which stung at first. But I completely recovered and stayed NC during it all. Now I am engaged, living with my beautiful fiance and 2 kids, it worked out way better than I ever expected

This is exactly what I'm wondering, if I have to see him on a regular basis will I still get over him with time or does it make it practically impossible. It gets discouraging to think that I'm doing all this but that ultimately it's useless unless I move to another country :)... or at least town. I should go and read your story Rome, might encourage me on the seeing him all the time thing...

Think about how horrible you have been treated and how you so did not deserve it. =P that might work for some people

Another thing that I notice is that it takes people a few trial runs of no contact before actually implimenting it. I guess that's just the way it goes. We can't just cut all ties overnight. It takes a few rejections to actually want to go into no contact.

By the time we've reached no contact, it's because we already started accepting that we're losing feelings for the other person.

It's really difficult to go into no contact while still having really deep feelings for the other person.

Another thing that I notice is that it takes people a few trial runs of no contact before actually implimenting it. I guess that's just the way it goes. We can't just cut all ties overnight. It takes a few rejections to actually want to go into no contact.

By the time we've reached no contact, it's because we already started accepting that we're loosing feelings for the other person.

It's really difficult to go into no contact while still having really deep feelings for the other person.

I think you get better and quicker at going into NC.

My first real true love we where together for 3.5 years and it was a really really messy break up. Best friend backstabbing etc. But I would torture myself looking at her IM away messages looking for any tidbit of info. And I got hurt a lot by the dumbest crap. I'd drive through town and see her car At peoples houses that she said she would never go to etc. I really put myself though the ringer.

With the most recent I knew what I had to do. And I started good. Then I had one incident cut ties and have been forcing myself to continue NC. It sucks it's a roller coaster and sometimes I even feel guilty if I have a decent day.

I would like to offer my technique for maintaining N/C. For me, my circle of friends give me strength. I tell them everything, they are with me during the good and bad of my love life. When I tell them why I have decided to break up with a guy, they have no trouble reminding me of every detail when I get weak and want to crawl back.

If I turn my back on my true friends because of some desperate urge to be with a no-good jerk, then I'm am disrespecting my friends and myself. It's really not worth it.

I would like to offer my technique for maintaining N/C. For me, my circle of friends give me strength. I tell them everything, they are with me during the good and bad of my love life. When I tell them why I have decided to break up with a guy, they have no trouble reminding me of every detail when I get weak and want to crawl back.

If I turn my back on my true friends because of some desperate urge to be with a no-good jerk, then I'm am disrespecting my friends and myself. It's really not worth it.

I agree friends do help on the healing process a lot!

i agree friends do help on the healing process alot!

I want to second this. Friends and close family members can really help with the no contact. They help us channel our energy towards something else. Helps us with distractions.

I've been on an off NC for the past few months, but as you know, every time you contact them again, the healing resets.

Tell me about it.. I didn't know about NC, really, and managed to drag my break-up out over a period of four months. Maybe it's that trial run thing. I think the worst part is, maybe we could have been friends, in time, but now there's so much pain there, I'm not sure I wouldn't just flat-out drop to the ground and curl up in a ball if I ever saw her again.

Oh, and the torturing ourselves. Tell me about it... What's up with that..

Tell me about it.. I didn't know about NC, really, and managed to drag my break-up out over a period of four months. Maybe it's that trial run thing. I think the worst part is, maybe we could have been friends, in time, but now there's so much pain there, I'm not sure I wouldn't just flat-out drop to the ground and curl up in a ball if I ever saw her again.

Oh, and the torturing ourselves. Tell me about it... What's up with that..?

We all learn somewhere. The toughest part is accepting the fact that we need to go in to NC. It gets tougher and tougher at the beginning and middle of NC, but once it starts getting easier, it show that we've made progress.

Another thing is, there's a chance that we might never be friends with that person again. So it's tough to accept that part, which is why some of us might fear to go into NC.

Continuining on what I Wish has stated, most often, after a long period of NC and moving on, we DON'T want to be friends with our ex. I know I don't. I have enough friends, and I certainly don't need her drama in my life.

I agree with KC, I believe Sneezy and I became "friends" with our exes simply because it was less stressful than hearing people talk about how we should talk to them and be friends. SO after I became "friends" with her, it all went away and my ex and I hardly ever talk.

The best thing about NC is that one day, far far away, you will look back and realize how much better off you are. At first, when you go through this break up stuff, it just sucks. No appetite, not motivation to do anything, and of course, no forseeing a better future. But, rest assured, one day, you will wake up, be a better person, and be truly happy knowing that your happiness isn't built upon a dependence for someone else. One day...

I want to second this. Friends and close family members can really help with the no contact. They help us channel our energy towards something else. Helps us with distractions.

So true! Often they also have a wish to protect you and keep you happy...

I'm not sure this is the right thread, but I just saw a great quote that felt very true to me.

Attributed to the movie Cocktail: "Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end."

I'm not sure this is the right thread, but I just saw a great quote that felt very true to me.

Attributed to the movie Cocktail: "Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end."

Yes nothing lasts forever

It just takes time. Period. Your list has a lot of good ideas, and you will be adding to that list as time goes on. Use your friends, family, pets, hobbies, work, gym, etc all to your advantage. When you are alone & bored- SNAP yourself out of it and DO something- laundry, clean your car, make some food, etc.

Try not to be alone as much as possible. Surround yourself by friends that understand- not ones that think your dumb for feeling the way you feel. My friends knew I could go from being in an awesome mood to ZERO within seconds for quite awhile.. and still can to this day and it's been 8 months. But they are there for me, even if there is no more advice to give. Build up your confidence somehow. A lot of times we become so depressed because we don't think we can find someone else.

Make yourself desirable again, and lift your head up. Girls/Guys FEED off others confidence/happiness and attraction is built from this. For months I had people tell me "Dude.. I can see your miserable from all the way across the bar". And I was.. and I had to accept that I was in no way ready to move on, BUT had to continue getting out there and "Fake it till you make it". Eventually your mind/body will accept what has happened, and you will heal.

Breaking NC does set you back.. I'm guilty of doing it all. Whether it was a phone call to her family/friends, checking facebook/myspace/twitter whatever. Driving by places she might be, asking people about her, reading old emails/txts, the list goes on. You just have to try REALLY hard to stop all of it. And THEN things will start to get better. Do NICE things for people who appreciate it, friends/strangers whoever. It will remind you that there ARE good people out there.

And lastly... this may sound horrible but.. you have to remind yourself that HE/SHE is not the person you were in love with anymore as hard as that is to grasp or believe. They have made THEIR decision to not have you in their life, and have moved on. You have to tell yourself "Why in the WORLD would I want to be with someone who does NOT want me or what I have to offer". Who wants to spend their life like that? I don't know about you but I WANT to come home to someone who smiles when they see me, holds me when I go to sleep, and kisses me every morning. I sure as HELL don't EVER want to wonder "Do they really want to be with me? Are they with me because they feel bad? Etc".

Keep on living, it will get better..

Thumper

No contact seems to be such a common topic in our forum that I thought I'd link up my successful no contact story to this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/just-dont-know-what-do-anymore-319894.html

No harm re-wording what I learnt from no contact:

1) The advice that we receive in this forum allows us to view our situation from another perspective and can be very insightful.

2) No contact worked in my situation as my feelings for that person was completely drained out of my system. I feel extremely refreshed, almost like a new person.

3) Reconciliation was in my mind throughout the no contact phase, especially at the beginning. But at the end of no contact, reconciliation has been long forgotten and not even considered anymore.

4) As for the possibility of becoming regular friends; I don't even want to attempt a friendship. There 6 billion other people in this world, no point putting myself through all that drama again.

What exactly is NC mode?

What exactly is NC mode??

All your questions can be answered in this sticky: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

Ohh I understand now. This is funny, because my ex keeps trying to text me and talk to me, when I told him I don't want to speak to him, EVER. He's just not getting the point. I have a boyfriend that I care about very much. And not only do I just not want to talk to my ex, but I don't want to ruin my relationship over it. My ex says heh thinks we could "be honest to god friends" and I "honest to god want nothing to do with him" How can I get him to leave me alone? I don't know how I can be any clearer. And I don't want to change my number. He can't talk to me any other way, because I've BLOCKED him from EVERYTHING. Also, I have tmobile and they don't block numbers. Unless you're on a family plan, which I am not and I can't afford. UGH

This is a great thread, and others can benefit greatly from it. Hope you don't mind it being added to the stickies list.

Thanks I wish for starting this thread.I been trying nc for quite some time and was actually going to break nc today.but reading this thread gives me hope and strength that things will be find and that one day my heart and soul will heal and I will be able to move on.I feel better knowing I'm nt alone and there is support out there!thanks again to everyone!

Ohh I understand now. This is funny, because my ex keeps trying to text me and talk to me, when I told him I don't want to speak to him, EVER. He's just not getting the point. I have a boyfriend that I care about very much. and not only do I just not want to talk to my ex, but I don't want to ruin my relationship over it. My ex says heh thinks we could "be honest to god friends" and I "honest to god want nothing to do with him" How can i get him to leave me alone?! I don't know how i can be any clearer. And I don't want to change my number. he can't talk to me any other way, because i've BLOCKED him from EVERYTHING. Also, I have tmobile and they dont' block numbers. Unless you're on a family plan, which I am not and I can't afford. UGH


At ohsohappy, how long did you find your new boyfriend after you broke up with your ex?

I'm going through the same thing right now... it is very hard and I'm the one the kicked him out... it's hard to remember the bad stuff in the relationship... all I keep thinking about is how I went from being married to separated and it's killing me

You don't need to remember the good or bad stuff. The point is, don't think about your ex whatsoever. Any time of thoughts will just prolong the suffering. The trick is to do anything possible to get your ex out of your mind. You want to pretend as if the person doesn't even exist.

The pain can get worse at first, but it will get easier with time. But every time you have any type of contact or reminder of the ex, then there's a chance you might take a few steps back in the healing process. So you want to avoid all reminders as much as possible.

I am so there. I am not sure why but it hurts so bad this time. I am trying to do things but I have lost interest. I keep telling myself good thoughts good thoughts but... it is so hard I really feel like an addict

i am so there. i am not sure why but it hurts so bad this time. i am trying to do things but i have lost interest. i keep telling myself good thoughts good thoughts but...it is so hard i really feel like an addict


A fix,a phone call,anything!

Keep trying,as each day passes the pain will ease,your in a different phase of your life and the transition hurts,but you will get there..

Baby steps..

Tell yourself,this time is the last time he will hurt me,this time I am free.

Day by day you ll notice it will get better.there are no shortcuts but you will get through this.

I have been in nc for quite some time and some days like today are really hard.this one question keeps popping in my head "why wasnt i good enough or what was so bad about me that he couldnt love me" I just wish I could get an answer

When relationships end all too often we look for blame... of us, of someone else... that is natural but not right. Sometimes things change and we have to cope with that no matter how much we resist that change. Just keep on the NC trail.

I have been in nc for quite some time and some days like today are really hard.this one question keeps popping in my head "why wasnt i good enough or what was so bad about me that he couldnt love me" i just wish i could get an answer

You will come to the point when you realize you just got to keep living and moving on regardless of what you feel. Its part of life. Time does not stop for you.

I am in the same boat of the nc.. just actually started.. and believe me when I say it is hard as hell. I have never been so upset in my life like this, I even broke down to her twice I think just couldn't take it, but I getting there a little bit. Its hard because we both had our discussions about our future. To go from that to her needing space and being left out in the cold. I must admit after a while she did have my balls, I am so crazy in love with her and she knows that believe it. She tells me she loves me too just wants to miss me and needs space, so let your wish come true. I had contact today after several attempts last night. But gave her the word of nc.. and I won't because she will be further away from me. So if she contacts me or texts me what should I do? I hate playing games of this.

Here are the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

It's not about playing games. You have to understand that no contact is a healing procress. So until you've healed, you have to ignore her, otherwise it's going to prolong the pain and suffering. Now tell me, how is that fair to you?

Remember, no contact is a healing tool/mechanism, it's not a mind game. Make sure you have that distinction clear in your mind as you go into no contact.

Really trying to not to break the NC rule again. It's hard because I want to react in anger. I know that won't get me anywhere but I want him to know that I think he sucks. I just get so angry because I think messing with someone's heart is the worst thing you can do. It's funny because I even said that to him at one point referring to someone else! Fill my head with BS when he does not really mean it. Wait until I fall for him and then he is out and runs right back to his ex. He tried to hide that from me but I found out. I found out she was never out of the picture. I don't care but don't fill my head with junk about how we will have a future together. Ugh.

Really trying to not to break the NC rule again. It's hard because I want to react in anger. I know that wont get me anywhere but I want him to know that I think he sucks. I just get so angry because I think messing with someones heart is the worst thing you can do. It's funny because I even said that to him at one point referring to someone else! Fill my head with BS when he does not really mean it. Wait until I fall for him and then he is out and runs right back to his ex. He tried to hide that from me but I found out. I found out she was never out of the picture. I don't care but don't fill my head with junk about how we will have a future together. Ugh.

Be strong! Don't react out of anger, it's not worth it. Block him from anything and everything that you can, delete his phone number, and change yours so that he can't talk to you anymore. It will help, I promise.

Been split up from my ex two month now and have tried the no contact rule a few times but neither of us managed to stick to it. Well we are trying it again now and on day 4. Its hard because there is so much I want to say to her but I think I am able to stick to it.

Been split up from my ex two month now and have tried the no contact rule a few times but neither of us managed to stick to it. Well we are trying it again now and on day 4. Its hard because there is so much i want to say to her but i think i am able to stick to it.

Have you been following the NC rules which some includes, having absolutely no contact with her, delete her number, her IM. If children are involved than it's a different story but if there are none, than following the rules will help you follow through with NC till the end.

I've deleted her number, also deleted her off Facebook etc. I can get her number back easy enough though if I wanted it and can always send her a message on Facebook if I felt the need.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-do-you-think-397148.html

His whole story.

NC is fine but you still fing yourself pining for them, I don't understand how, after being really sh*t on you still pine for them and miss them... im still at the stage of wondering where they are and what they are doing and who with!! Hope it passes soon

NC is fine but you still fing yourself pining for them, i dont understand how, after being really sh*t on you still pine for them and miss them......im still at the stage of wondering where they are and what they are doing and who with!!! Hope it passes soon

So you take more time for yourself. This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.

Some friends tell me the best way to get over one man is to get on another!! Is that true

Some friends tell me the best way to get over one man is to get on another!!! Is that true

That is like covering a scar with another scar... it just doesn't make sense. No, it isn't true.

Some friends tell me the best way to get over one man is to get on another!!! Is that true

Sounds like a rebound to me.

If you're not completely over the last person you liked, it's not a good idea to start something with the new person, because it's not fair to the next person.

How would you feel if your new boyfriend was thinking about his last crush while being with you?

No its not a good idea.Work on healing yourself first and get rid of whatever baggage you have until you do you re not ready to meet somebody else.

The baggage I have from my last relationship is shocking... ii don't think I could go into another relationship for a long time... can't picture the hurt stopping yet let alone loving again

You will it ll just take some time.One day you ll be ready again.

The baggage i have from my last relationship is shocking......ii dont think i could go into another relationship for a long time

There's no reason to rush the healing process. Take whatever time you need to recover.

Look on the bright side. You're single. You can do whatever you want. No strings attached.

Go enjoy the single life again!

My relationship has been rocky for the past 2 months... We dated for 13 months. Just ended lastnight with her saying "i like another guy" she says she has only liked him for 2 days... I don't see how she can ditch her boyfriend who she claims to love for another guy.

Anyway NC is so hard for me, I haven't broke it yet, but it's just so tempting. I love her so much and I thought she was different from most girls. I don't feel like I could feel the same way and act the same way with another girl. I'm going to the beach with this other girl today who I used to have a crush on, but we have been just friends for 2 years.

I need help to keep it NC, my friends are saying she will try contacting me within a week.

I need help to keep it NC, my friends are saying she will try contacting me within a week.

The below statement is all the motivation you should need for going NC.



My relationship has been rocky for the past 2 months... We dated for 13 months. Just ended lastnight with her saying "i like another guy" she says she has only liked him for 2 days... I don't see how she can ditch her boyfriend who she claims to love for another guy.

As much as it sucks to hear that, once your GIRLFRIEND says that to you, get the hell out of there. No looking back and no losing your dignity. That is a free pass for you to move on without regard for her anymore. Most people who break up feel they have no closure, well, this is your closure. For her to even say that to you shows how heartless she is. She could have just ended it by saying her feelings have changed, but she chose to actually tell you she likes another guy.

I would do anything to get over the anger I feel. When my ex and I were together he got upset when I went hiking with a male friend and told me he stops talking to female friends when he has a girlfriend. I told him that was silly and he should be able to have female friends as long as they did not have a current relationship past or if she was in love with him. I found out recently that he was lying and he had a ex who he told everything to. She knew everything about me and every time we were together. Plus, he went and had sex with her right after we broke up. He hid her existence from me. I have no idea if he cheated with her when we were together. Probably because he would go away for weekends and have no cell phone reception. I just feel so scammed and angry. He filled my head up with so much BS. What gets me so mad is I meet these men who have such high expectations of me but are not willing to give it back. Argh. He is not the first guy who has said that he fell for me because I was honest and real but why do they fake they are the same? Why don't they expect that sooner or later I will find out who they really are? :(

I would do anything to get over the anger I feel. When my ex and I were together he got upset when I went hiking with a male friend and told me he stops talking to female friends when he has a gf. I told him that was silly and he should be able to have female friends as long as they did not have a current relationship past or if she was in love with him. I found out recently that he was lying and he had a ex who he told everything to. She knew everything about me and every time we were together. Plus, he went and had sex with her right after we broke up. He hid her existence from me. I have no idea if he cheated with her when we were together. Probably because he would go away for weekends and have no cell phone reception. I just feel so scammed and angry. He filled my head up with so much BS. What gets me so mad is I meet these men who have such high expectations of me but are not willing to give it back. Argh. He is not the first guy who has said that he fell for me because I was honest and real but why do they fake they are the same? Why don't they expect that sooner or later I will find out who they really are? :(

Thye probably want to be with you, because you are a representation of what they want to be, and you are safe. They aren't willing to give up their crap, so they keep you around so that they can sory of "live through you" It's like hwen a kid makes an imaginary friend, Say it's a flying cheetah for example, Many kids will pretend that they, themselves are a flying cheetah too. It makes them feel good. It's a game of pretend, and they might not even know they're doing it.

I was sticking to no contact but my ex called me on Thursday from a withheld number. She asked if there was anything else I had to say and just started to talk about general things, we ended up talking for 2 and a half hours. She phoned again yesterday and the conversation started OK but then she started to get moody and kept going on and on about things in the relationship that I did wrong, things we have gone over and over. I had to hang up in the end. I ended up sending her a few texts which she replied to but then suddenly stopped which really annoyed me. Why get back in contact and then just stop dead? This is a game to her and I wish she wouldn't see it like that. I feel angry now and that things have gone backwards.

If they call you from number withheld simply say I'm sorry Im busy and I can't talk to you.Stop buying in to the mind games and ignore them.They re pushing your buttons because you let them.. No contact and I mean one hundred percent No Contact works but you have to stick to it.

Read the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

If she called you with an unknown number, then you just politely say that you're busy and hang up. Don't allow the conversation to drag on any longer than it has to be. Otherwise, if you talk to her, it will just add to the confusion and drag out the healing process.

Why do we waste time on people who are just not worth it? Why do we pine for someone when we know we deserve much better? There would be no urges to break NC if we were to just think logically instead of reacting on emotions.

Why do we waste time on people who are just not worth it? Why do we pine for someone when we know we deserve much better? There would be no urges to break NC if we were to just think logically instead of reacting on emotions.

Because we had once love them and it takes time to heal.

It's easier to think logically if you're not emotionally attached to the situation. Sometimes feeilngs can get in the way of logic.

It's not a good or bad thing. There's no right or wrong. It's just how it is. That's why we seek advice from others, because people who are not emotionally involved in the situation can able to view
The circumstances more objectively.

Additionally with the NC rule... when you think you should be responding remember that:
Silence is a strong response.
In fact there is an old song by that title from the late 60's great song. You may feel like you need to rub in the fact that your OK and don't need her all that crap. But when she doesn't hear from you, she wonders. I love that quote about relationships are like rubberbands. Keep the tension... and they always come back... good luck!!

I Wish, these ideas are very smart and useful!
I haven't read the thread yet, so sorry if I'm repeating.

Essentially, this process allows a person to go from being upset over a breakup or a rejection -- to having an added dimension to their personality.

Example: guy breaks up with girl, in the time he used to spend with the girl, he now works out, coaches little league, reads 2 books a week, and has keyboard lessons 3x a week. This not only distracts him from the pain of his breakup, but it makes him a better person because he is gaining experience, skills and knowledge etc.

Example: guy breaks up with girl, in the time he used to spend with the girl, he now works out, coaches little league, reads 2 books a week, and has keyboard lessons 3x a week. This not only distracts him from the pain of his breakup, but it makes him a better person because he is gaining experience, skills and knowledge etc.

Exactly, when we break up, we're in a very depressed mood. So the best thing to do is get busy so that we're distracted from feeling so down. It's also a great opportunity to do the things that we didn't have time to do while we were in a relationship. Furthermore, when we are single, it's a good time to improve yourselves. What better way than to combine personal growth along with the healing process of a relationship.

I kant get my ex out of my head I love her so much . I've tried doing things but it just reminds me of her

i kant get my ex out of my head i love her so much . iv tryed doing things but it just reminds me of her

It's definitely tough in the beginning of NC, but it will get easier with him. Be patient with yourself. Keep on doing things for yourself. Try to do as many things on the list as possible.

A tip is that whenever you feel like you want to send her a message or something, write it down and wait it out for 1-2 days. Then you'll realize the mistake you'll make if you send that message to her. You'll know that it was just a moment in desperation.

Urges tonight are strong been out in town when I see couples all I do is think of her. Its my fault our relationship ended me being nightmare to live with for the last year but I have asked about a week ago you want to meet she says maybe now I have an urge to text saying can I take you to dinner to talk its hard.

urges tonight are strong been out in town when i see couples all i do is think of her. its my fault our relationship ended me being nightmare to live with for the last year but i have asked about a week ago you wanna meet she says maybe now i have an urge to text saying can i take you to dinner to talk its hard.

Find something else to do so that you're not available for dinner. Make plans with other friends. Otherwise, you're going to reset all your progress.

Fight the urges buddy, we're with you on this.

Thanks can I ask the NC rule is for those wanting to get over there ex I using it to give her space and time to make her choice does it work on bringing her back for other guys.

You are in pain. NC is to heal, regardless of the situation that you are in.

Once you've healed, you will be in a better position to approach your situation, because you will feel more objective because the emotional dust will have settled down.

NC is also to help you gain some perspective, without the influence of the other person.

Conversely, if you continue to keep in touch, you will over-analyze all the details and generate false hope. Both of which are very unhealthy behaviors.

OK going to cook myself for once a nice meal as I have negleted myself for two weeks try and keep busy how hard is this its crazy thanks

Two different things here between NC, and giving space. NC Is the healing process. Accepting that its over and being ready to move beyond the break up, like closing a door.

Giving space is limiting your contact, not necessarily to heal, but to regroup, and carry on with the relationship.

Whether they come back, or not, is strictly up to your partner, and the danger of waiting in limbo, is more misery and pain if they don't come back.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-left-me-after-five-years-because-have-been-horrible-last-year-419207.html

In your specific case though Hoppy, your long overdue to find your own thing, without her. Your life is way out of balance at this time.

Waiting for her to change her mind does nothing at all for you. Even if she came back right now, you would be unable to share any happiness, because you don't have any. That's what you must change, and be responsible for.

Forget getting her back, and get yourself back first. Remember the guy she was attracted to for years? Where is he now. FIND HIM!! NOW!

Hello fearxfear.welcome to AMHD-you're doing well with the NC. Maybe you'd like to post your own thread?

His post was moved to its own thread here;

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/afraid-she-will-forget-me-419769.html

** Check out the new poll added to the thread.

That was a hard poll, as I went through a combination of choices.

You should probably add a choice: "All of the above."

You should probably add a choice: "All of the above."

Yeah, I wanted that, but it says that we have a maximum of 10 options. I'll look into that.

If I had to take 1 option off, what would you suggest?

It's going to be tough, because I could also add "other," "all of the above" or "non of the above".

Yeah, I wanted that, but it says that we have a maximum of 10 options. I'll look into that.

If I had to take 1 option off, what would you suggest?

I think you can combine "spending quality time with family" and "the spending time to catch up with old friends" into one option. Just my opinion. It is a good poll though.

The poll was hard because there were so many that applied. Personally I think the writing a letter and not giving it to her works or at least it helps. There have been several times where I had an email open and typed up a letter just didn't hit send. Now that can be dangerous because it is electronic and if you accidentally hit that send button... oops! Just broke NC. I recommend writing it on paper and then burning it. Good luck to all you club members and just know that time heals. Peace

The poll IS extremely hard. If the choice was easy, then NC would be easy too.

I'm working on trying to put more options if possible. Writing a letter is definitely another option.

It's interesting that so far all the answers are different from one another.

I voted re-reading stuff here, but the irony is I should have read the poll better, because by far the best move I made was removing all online and phone contact with her. But then after that it would be re-reading stuff here, it gets hard to remember why you are doing this in the first place sometimes, so it's a big help.

I can see the variations in answers as different people have different coping mechanisms that work for the individual. Kind of like different people learn in different ways, seeing, hearing, doing, etc...

I can see the variations in answers as different people have different coping mechanisms that work for the individual. kinda like different people learn in different ways, seing, hearing, doing, etc.....

Exactly! There's an entire list of things that we can try to do during NC, but there's going to be specific thing(s) that click(s) in our minds that will really help us recover. We just need to find it/them.

P.S. It doesn't look like I can add to the list, but feel free to discuss any other ideas that you might have.

I understand that it's difficult to make only one choice out of the entire list. But once you start feeling the progress in the recovery process, you will notice that there is a good chance that there was one factor that helped you more than all the others.

That's a very good point-one major key to unlock the first door so to speak!

Accepting that I got dumped. Then I could figure out what I wanted to do, which was to do my thing like I was doing before we met. (doesn't matter which time I got dumped, hehehe!).

I've been trying to figure out the best analogy for this.


That's a very good point-one major key to unlock the first door so to speak!

That's one way to put it. Or we try multiple keys, but there's one key that is the best fit to unlock the door.

Basically we try multiple methods, but there's one idea that "sparks" or "clicks" in our mind that gets the ball rolling and paves the way for our road to recovery.

Seems the "it" factor in a heart breaking split is figuring out who you are all over again. We transform throughout a relationship, thus when it ends we have to figure out how to transform into a positive, self sustaining person once again.

A big wake up call for me was the fact that I could actually be dumped. I had a pretty large ego and never thought a female would dump yours truly. Clearly I was wrong and that kind of gave me a harsh dose of reality.

For me, it wasn't until I got my heart broken for the first time that I learned who I was, wanted to be and where I wanted to go. It is really interesting how some of the most awful tragedies in our own lives can turn out to be the biggest learning and growth opportunities. Just my two cents. Hope all is well here!

I know this probably falls under the "get a new hobby" section but I thought I would share...

I bought a guitar this weekend and have started writing music again. It's a great way to channel emotions and grow to learn and develop talent. Any type of musical instrument is recommended for those that may have considered it. Just a thought...

I know this probably falls under the "get a new hobby" section but I thought I would share...

I bought a guitar this weekend and have started writing music again. Its a great way to channel emotions and grow to learn and develop talent. Any type of musical instrument is reccomended for those that may have considered it. just a thought...

Thanks for sharing Newguy2009! This is exactly the type of success story we like to hear.

Music is definitely a great hobby.

*Thanks for all the votes so far, the poll is starting to take some shape!

Instead of contacting, writing it down is an excellent solution.
Or you could write it as an email and send it to yourself, or save it as a draft.
Then come back to it in a couple of days or a week later and when you re-read it you won't want to send it.

(but make sure its your name in the send field before you start writing an email. You do NOT want an accidental send!).

At least that is how I have dealt with it before and I found the frequency fades with time.
Though sometimes I still write them but just consider it a kind of diary of my thoughts.

Hope that helps
:o)

I have to say for me, I have to delete all phone number and email addresses etc etc. It just sucks for me if I actually remember them =oS. I also try to block them from contacting me. Not because I think they will, but because then I won't drive myself insane constantly checking to see if they have contacted me!

In my latest instances I am considering deleting and blocking everyone that is affiliated with said people.

I also like to read the advice on these forums. And research other cases like mine so that I can see I am doing the right thing! Often I doubt myself.

when one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend, she actually chewed the phone card and threw it at his house. That had some sort of therapeutic assistance to her!

I've done the writing down thing.. it definitely helps.. just to curb that urge...

The most important part is to find what works for you in order to curb the urges.

It's about will power.

We want to avoid any setbacks in the recovery process.

I am trying the no contact. But I'm not sure where we stand. I'm miserable though. Can't eat... dread falling asleep because then I have to wake up and that feeling of we broke up hits me. I'm having a hard time functioning

Its been two months and I'm still feeling like it was the first day. :(

Its been two months and I'm still feeling like it was the first day. :(

Don't need to put a timeline. It might get worse before it gets better. But once it reaches it worst, then it will only get easier from there.

Check out the other thread about the "meaning of no contact" and check out what stage you're at.

Just focus on moving forward, as opposed to breaking the rules and resetting the progress.

It seems like one of the hardest parts about NC is the small tidbits. I will sometimes think I am doing so well because I haven't talked to her in 2 months, but that doesn't change the fact that I am still doing the little things to get information about her. A lot of times I won't even know I am doing it. I'll sign into Facebook and realize I am looking at people's pages seeing if she replied. I'll talk to a friend of hers and before I know it, I get a urge to ask about her and how she's doing (I always fight that urge but sometimes wonder why I got the urge to talk to her friend in the first place. Was I just hoping there would be information in our conversation). It's all these little things that you need to remove to fully go through with NC.

NC is not just about cutting direct contact with the person. It's removing everything about them from your life. It's the hardest part for me. I know at this time to not contact her but I still have the urge to find out what she's doing and how things are going in her life. You need to remove everything to be completely healed and happy with your life.

I don't think I'm pass the "I want you back phase." Today would have been our 3rd year anniversary... but its not because anniversity is for people seeing each other and we are NOT.

Oh...

I know that I am sick, sadistic and masochistic in some ways but when I'm dating a girl a like, I get excited at the thought of a break up 'cause I always wonder "hey, am I gonna do it right this time or will I crack like before? And what am I gonna learn about myself this time around?"

Going through a break-up suuuuucks but it's one of the most meaningful learning experiences you will have in your life. It always helps me to remind myself of that when I'm in the throes of rejection, and then the sadness goes away and I start feeling lucky, cocky even, and then NC is a cake-walk; everything falls into place.

In short, think of this as a gain instead of a loss; NC will be a lot easier that way.

How would you go about NC if you know for a fact that you want to get back together with your girlfriend, and she wants to get back together with you in time?

RS - After reading your original story, I can see that you are naïve.

You know this for a fact? You have been to the future?

NC is not a method to get back together with someone, it's a tool for healing.

The title of this thread is: What has been the most effective factor in helping you cope during no contact?

Coping with a breakup, not "what if" we get back together in time

If you want the other person back, you let them know. If they are willing to give you a chance, then you work on it together. If they don't want you back, then you can't force them.

NC is about healing, not about winning the other person back.