I lost all my emails the other day and have been furiously trying to get them back. Well, the good news is that I think I succeeded. The bad news is a bunch of previously deleted emails from my than girlfriend showed up in the retrieval process. There's a lot of emails when you've been together for almost 10 years.

I've done my best to have no contact since the breakup 9 months ago - and succeed. I've done everything possible to move that part of my life behind me even to the point of recently dating a beautiful new girl.

And than I see all the old emails from my 'past' life and it comes crashing down around me.

The heart does funny things. It makes you just want to pick up the phone and forget the whole disaster. It's like passing by an old home and instantly feeling a sense of comfort,calm and warmth. There were many rough patches - even her not loving me any longer. But still, my mind and heavy heart, for a brief second took a huge sigh of relief. At least I know I can still feel pain.

And now I need to go through the task of sorting through the emails and deleting them. Perhaps I should read all of them to remember the good and the bad.

The part that gets me, even still, is the thought that I can still feel this discomfort for someone who feels nothing towards me. What a waste of time and effort on my part.

It's going to be a long, long night.

There's two ways of looking at this. If by reading the emails it reminds you of the reasons you broke up, then you'll be fine, but if it makes you start having feelings for her again, you should STOP and just delete them all.

10 years is a long time. Even if it wasn't these emails resurfacing, I'm sure there will be other things that will get you to think about her.

The important part is how you deal with resurfaced feelings.

Oh man, I'm so sorry. My girlfriend left me after 9 years into our relationship and I've been in NC since April 21. I don't know what you went through the NC but I'm going through it now. I hope to get over this ASAP. Good luck with you.

Sorry to hear this, it is a huge set back but one you can fix by continuing NC!

Good luck man, you've been doing good.

Well I ate a burrito - now I feel a little better.

I think I'll pour myself a drink, put on some Black Sabbath and clean my place. Or maybe I'll go for a swim when this burrito settles.

The lows don't stay around as long - but they still sting.

To I Wish: who knows what would happen if I read the emails. It would probably be a lie if I said I didn't start to get feelings again. I'm just going to delete the f**kers.

To I Wish: who knows what would happen if i read the emails. It would probably be a lie if i said i didn't start to get feelings again. I'm just going to delete the f**kers.

Good job! No need to test your tolerance level. :cool:

Well I ate a burrito - now i feel a little better.

I think i'll pour myself a drink, put on some Black Sabbath and clean my place. Or maybe i'll go for a swim when this burrito settles.

The lows don't stay around as long - but they still sting.

To I Wish: who knows what would happen if i read the emails. It would probably be a lie if i said i didn't start to get feelings again. I'm just going to delete the f**kers.

As long as you don't allow the wounds to be opened again (by breaking NC) the lows will get smaller and smaller, and eventually vanish ;)

~ Tee

Your doing the right things for yourself. Especially knowing that the emails are stirring up old feelings. The burrito was probably what you really needed, LOL.

Great job, of coping with your feelings, in a positive way.