Ive been with a lovely man for over a year now, and last year I found out I was pregnant, it was too soon in our relationship and things were very complicated, we discussed it and decided that it would be best for both of us, if we terminated. Which we did.
Our relationship blossemed, and then Dec last year everything started to fall apart. Items of my past came out to haunt me and my Man and I have been fighting to keep us together since then. Times have been extremely tough, and on numerous occasions we have ended it but have always stayed together, because neither one of us, really wants to end the relationship. He is trying to deal with my past, and have the relationship we wanted. But it has been very difficult. Just recently, things had started settling down, where we were not fighting anymore, and were starting to re-build the trust and relationship we had. Well I fell pregnant again, and I have been wanting to keep it, I have been wanting this child more than anything. I told him this, we discussed it and he told me that we aren't settled enough to bring a child into our relationship, that he doesn't want to be trapped. That we will have a child together, just not now. One that has been planned for. My abortion was scheduled for today, and Ive been changing my mind continuously as to what the right decision is. I decided last night that I wanted to keep the baby.
We went to the clinic today, and I had the scan, I couldn't believe I was going through with this. I received my pills and have taken the first pill, but Im regretting it now. I don't want to terminate this pregnancy. I want this child. I can't stop crying. I hate myself for doing this. Please help me deal with what Ive done

You and your man are on totally different wave lengths, you want to take it to the next level, he doesn't. You have to make a choice on what you want to do, if you are constantly fighting to keep the relationship together, what fun is that relationship then?


I might get SLAMMED for this comment but here it goes..

Abortion is not a type of birth control, please use a condom or the pill.

Abortion is not a type of birth control, please use a condom or the pill.


You right - you will get slammed, I am on the pill!

The pill isn't always effective, which is why when taking it they still advise you to use another type of birth control. I've been to the clinics and heard it all before. Certain medications or forgetting the pill one day can cause it to be ineffective. I won't divulge into moral issues because it's your choice but everyone else on here knows my stance on abortion.

Hello Unhappy,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. But, even though abortion isn't a method of birth control, I think you are doing what you need to do right now. Because your relationship has too many ups and downs, it really isn't fair to bring a child into it to hope things will get better because a new baby is now in the picture. Work on yourselves and the relationship, and then work on having a baby if the time is right.

You right - you will get slammed, I am on the pill!

You are on the birth control pill? Still taking it while pregnant?

You need to talk to a counselor asap. Most abortions clinic have one. If you don't want to have an abortion there are other options which is adoption.

It's your body so if you decide to keep the baby know that you might be a single mother but you can collect child support from him but you can't make him be part of the child life.

It time for you to start thinking and weighting out all the pro and cons of the choices you have and you need to do it now because the clock is ticking.

Please don't take no more birth control pills while your pregnant. They won't help now because your pregnant and it might can harm the baby.

This guy your dating isn't a man at all. I am sure the two of you wasn't using a condom every time the two of you had sex because you was on the pill. Well sex=babies and if he doesn't want any kids he shouldn't be having sex and he shouldn't be trying to force you to get an abortion.

I just hope you see a counselor to weight out all your options.

Keep the baby, lose the boyfriend.

God desires not the death of a sinner but rather that he or she may have a change of heart and turn from his or her sins, turn to Him and He'll direct you in all things. Keep the child, many are the couples out there who would give anything to have a child of their own. It's a treasure you've got in your hands , don't ever let it go

You are on the birth control pill? Still taking it while pregnant?

Im not taking it now, I was taking it up until I found out I was pregnant.

Im not taking it now, I was taking it up until I found out I was pregnant.

Thank you for clearing that up. I did not quite understand.

Now, can you live with killing another fetus for the selfishness of this so-called boyfriend?

Keep the baby, lose the boyfriend.

As I said in my original post, I have already taken the first of the pills to start the process. So I think its too late to keep the baby.

As I said in my original post, I have already taken the first of the pills to start the process. So I think its too late to keep the baby.

That's what I was asking... what pills? How far along are you?

You do realize that taking these "pills" is not always 100% effective and can even result in birth defects don't you?

Why in the world would you want to kill a SECOND innocent child for such a selfish man?

Are you taking about plan b?

You really need to be more clearer?

Are you taking about plan b?

You really need to be more clearer?

Mifepristone and misoprostol - Abortion pills
Taken the first one the others to be taken on Friday

Are you taking about plan b?

You really need to be more clearer?

As we know, Plan B only works within 72 hours of intercourse. If she already saw the baby on a scan it's too late for plan b.

Personally I'm a HUGE supporter of Plan A. Which is, if you think your ready for sex, then you are ready for the consequences. Someone mentioned it earlier, there is always adoption and that doesn't involve killing anything.

You need to lose the boyfriend as Tal said.

Abortion is a very personal (and difficult) decision and this has been a long road for you.

It's time to leave this guy in the past as he's been a great source of pain for you.

EDIT: I also think from this point on you need to focus more on making better decisions for yourself not trying to please a man. Also, as Liz pointed out, take advantage of the counseling at the clinic where you got the pills.

The unfortunate circumstance of the OP is that she said she DID take half of the abortion pill dosage. It's already a fact.

As much as I am in agreement with Rome that there are alternate ways to deal with an "oops", and that the OP shouldn't terminate another baby simply because of a selfish boyfriend... she has already done something that is irreversible. Either with the termination of a baby, or permanent birth defects in the baby.

The thing we should be addressing is the relationship.

This man is toxic. He's convinced you that you are not fit to take care of a child... no... two children.

He is NOT a good person. He is being selfish with YOUR body.

No matter how this turns out - you need to get rid of this person. He should have been supportive of YOUR decision and backed you up in your desire to have this child.

Exactly right Historian, they simply aren't on the same page. She needs to leave this guy as he isn't a man at all. She deserves someone who wants the same things as she does.

As we know, Plan B only works within 72 hours of intercourse. If she already saw the baby on a scan it's too late for plan b.

I know that but I was just trying to figure out what pills she was talking about because at first I thought she was talking about her birth control pills.

However, the OP came back and inform us what pills she were talking about.

That's what I was asking....what pills? How far along are you?

You do realize that taking these "pills" is not always 100% effective and can even result in birth defects don't you?

Why in the world would you want to kill a SECOND innocent child for such a selfish man?

I am 6 weeks. I know the facts about the pills.

I didn't want to kill my baby, but I didn't see any alternative. I know all about adoptions etc. But would never be able to give my child up if I had carried it to term, and especially since Ive been wanting a child for a long time. I know that abortion is not a form of contraceptive. Just so you know I am not a teenager that doesn't know the consequences of her actions. Im an Adult, that was in a huge uncertain state of keeping the baby and doing what seemed like the right decision for us and the baby.

At this point, you can only control your own actions and emotions right now. If you want the kid, keep the kid. But don't think that your man is going to feel a certain way or the other. He may end up loving the kid, but that doesn't mean he'll still love you.

Not trying to sound mean, just throwing out the facts here.

~ Tee

That's what I was asking....what pills? How far along are you?

You do realize that taking these "pills" is not always 100% effective and can even result in birth defects don't you?

Why in the world would you want to kill a SECOND innocent child for such a selfish man?

Sorry have I missed something? Where in the OP's question does it says he's selfish?

I'm not trying to be rude, but the OP states that she loves him and that they have had a troubled relationship. He's said, according to her, that he believes "we aren't settled enough to bring a child into our relationship, that he doesnt want to be trapped".

I think that this seems a reasonable response from him given the troubled circumstances and the fact that they have only been together for a year.

I can understand her concern and pain, particularly if she's wanted a child for a while, but I'm unclear how his response makes him selfish.

I think people consider him selfish because he was willing to have sex with this girl, but not accept the responsibility of taking care of a child if she got pregnant.

I know that there are so many contraceptives out there that people feel completely safe having sex, but even when my ex was on the patch I still used condoms. Maybe it didn't feel as good, but it was a lot less risky.

Even then, you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you plan on making a relationship work with them (unless you're still in the "one-night stand" phase). It's one thing to have fun, but all it takes is TWO little cells to start a pregnancy.

~ Tee

One mistake can be rectified, twice is a disaster. To not learn from these episodes, is inexcusable. Its clear he doesn't WANT to add to his responsibilities, but you're the one suffering the consequences.

Naw, you should not be taking all the consequence for what your both doing. Where is his burden in this? Is he a better man for it??

Well, even if you can't have the baby you can always put it up for adoption. If you want the baby and you can give it love and support that it needs, why are you letting him tell you what you can't do.

Abortion can affect your body and make it harder to conceive babies later as well as cause complications to your body during pregnancies and during non pregnancies.

It's your choice- not his

Here is an idea... You should be using some form of birth control then you wouldn't end up pregnant. Rather than keep having abortions and taking a life away from this world use some birth control! Also, the decision to keep the baby should be mostly up to you. You're the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months and suffer through the pain of child birth. Just because your man isn't on bored doesn't mean you can't keep it. Because if you say that you want to keep it and he is totally against your wishes, he doesn't sound like much of a man anyway!


If you don't like my answers, tough deal with it!

Here is an idea....You should be using some form of birth control then you wouldn't end up pregnant. Rather than keep having abortions and taking a life away from this world use some birth control! Also, the decision to keep the baby should be mostly up to you. Your the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months and suffer through the pain of child birth. Just because your man isn't on bored doesn't mean you can't keep it. because if you say that you wanna keep it and he is totally against your wishes, he doesn't sound like much of a man anyway!


If you don't like my answers, tough deal with it!

She was on the pill, be sure to read the entire thread before jumping to conclusions ;)

~ Tee

I agree, I know she was on the pill but that any doctor you talk to will tell you that you should use another form of birth control as well, most recommend a condom.

She was on the pill, be sure to read the entire thread before jumping to conclusions

That may be, but I'm sorry unless you are neglecting to take the pill it like you should, it is 99.9% effective. And they should be using some other form of birth control as well!

Thank you all for your comments.

For all the people, going on about birth control and abortion not being a form of birth control. I didn't come on here to get the advice on this as I already know all of the effects and effectiveness of birth control and abortion.
I came here, because I'm needing advice as to what to do from here.
Yes I didn't want to go through with the abortion, but it was a decision that was made and I have to live with it, the guilt and regret as well as deal with the pain of the process itself.

Thank you all for your comments.

For all the people, going on about birth control and abortion not being a form of birth control. I didnt come on here to get the advice on this as I already know all of the effects and effectiveness of birth control and abortion.
I came here, because I'm needing advice as to what to do from here.
Yes I didnt want to go through with the abortion, but it was a decision that was made and I have to live with it, the guilt and regret as well as deal with the pain of the process itself.

For many women the emotional trauma of abortion is overlooked.
I have known women to have a child they were not prepared for simply because of the guilt of a previous abortion.
As my friends here have mentioned,I think some counseling would be in your best interest.

I believe planned parenthood can help you to resolve some of the issues you are facing.

If you are continuing to get pregnant on the pill,perhaps you need a different type or a higher dosage.I would speak to your GYN. About this.
Good luck!

I think what she is saying is that she took part of the abortion pill...

Please let me know how your doing.. my heart goes out to you...

I think what she is saying is that she took part of the abortion pill...

Please let me know how your doing..my heart goes out to you...

Physically I am fine, but emotionally I'm a mess.
As for the relationship, he is wanting to take some thinking space.
To figure out where we headed. And what our future holds.

I received my pills and have taken the first pill, but I'm regretting it now. I don't want to terminate this pregnancy. I want this child. I can't stop crying. I hate myself for doing this. Please help me deal with what Ive done

Its got to be tough, wanting something so bad, and not being able to have it, and its made so much worse, because he is not as supportive, or understanding, as he should be, seeing your really doing it for him. Thats so sad.

Give him plenty of space, and seek, or build, your own support system.

You need time for your soul to heal, to re evaluate this fellow, to see if he is really worth the pain he puts you thru, and for sure, don't ever do anything to get pregnant by him ever again.

He wants "thinking space" when you are in a mess and need all support he can give?

Sorry, this man doesn't look right to me.

And about birth control, after the pill failed for the first time, it never came to his mind that maybe he should wear a condom for more protection? Why did he take no responsibility for contraception? Does it not concern him? I don't think this man is too considerate.

I know it's a tough time for you now but I think you need to dump this man. He's not offering you much support or bringing you any real happiness anyway, is he?

Its got to be tough, wanting something so bad, and not being able to have it, and its made so much worse, because he is not as supportive, or understanding, as he should be, seeing your really doing it for him. Thats so sad.

Give him plenty of space, and seek, or build, your own support system.

You need time for your soul to heal, to re evaluate this fellow, to see if he is really worth the pain he puts you thru, and for sure, don't ever do anything to get pregnant by him ever again.

Its extremely difficult, to just give him plenty of space, as we work together very closely.
Our daily lives are spent in close working conditions. We constantly have to talk for work purposes, so the standard ideals of giving space are impossible.
My heart breaks walking into my office, I crave to hear his voice on the phone, and wait for him to come into the office. Im dying inside emotionally. I know what I want, and where I want to be, and who I want to be with. I'm having to do this, for him, to see that our future is together.

I'm having to do this, for him, to see that our future is together.

His actions say he doesn't want what you want. Considering what you have endured, seems you have proved to him your own commitment, but his reaction is not one of appreciating it. Let alone acknowledging it.

This isn't healthy, as your hardly happy with the way things are going and have gone. So whether you work together, or not, you must evaluate the facts of this situation, that your willing to put yourself thru hell, for someone who is not willing to do the same.

Sorry dear that's not love. That's you wanting, and him having. You doing the work, and him enjoying the fruits. That's not healthy, and it will only continue to cause you misery and pain, and having to deal with it without him.

Put yourself, and your own needs before his, for a change, bet you will be much happier.