My ex husband has bought a new home, and is planning on buying another one. He is arrears with spousal support, child support and medical reimbursement. I have been down-sized from my job, and am at a place where I NEED the money now. Never acted on this before.

I have been told that it is a relatively simple process, that I can handle myself, to put a lien on the home he currently owns... and when a title search is done for him to buy another home, he will have to make pay me back before he can sell.

Is this true? Does anyone know if this process is as simple as it sounds, or do I need to retain an attorney, for which I do not have the funds?

Child support would have to file the lien; you cannot. Have you filed for contempt with the courts because he hasn't been paying? How far behind is he?

No, I have not filed with the courts for anything yet. He pays once in a while. Not a total dead beat. Skips a month here and there - with a promise to catch up. I am a 'non-conflict' person to a fault. I figured as long as I was able to get by, it was not worth the hassle. Now, I'm having trouble getting by, and he's upgrading to a larger home. Not bitter, just want what's due, or over-due. I'm so hoping I do not have to gain counsel for this. It is so expensive... retainer, etc... I'm just getting by.

If you haven't filed with the courts yet, you made a big mistake. This is why your ex is playing games with you. There is nothing to force him to pay so the child support is a low priority. And there are NO arrears since there is no order to pay anything. Apparently just an agreement between the two of you.

So you need to file for a support order immediately. And get this formalized.

As to placing a lien on the house, whoever told you that either didn't know the full story or doesn't know what theu were talking about. To place a lien on the house would require a court order. Such an order would only be issued if he is in arrears of court ordered support. Since that's not the case, you won't get one.

Thanks Scott. I'm on it. I thought it sounded too simple to file a paper with the town clerk with regard to a lien.

You saved me research and time. It's off to the courts I go. It seems, pardon the expression, but so Jerry Springer trashy to me. I guess I need to do what I have to do. If I could afford counsel, and remove myself from the family courts equation, I would. Ah, such is life.

Thanks Again -
Dawn

Good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks Scott. I'm on it. I thought it sounded too simple to file a paper with the town clerk with regard to a lien.

You saved me research and time. It's off to the courts I go. It seems, pardon the expression, but so Jerry Springer trashy to me. I guess I need to do what I have to do. If I could afford counsel, and remove myself from the family courts equation, I would. Ah, such is life.

Thanks Again -
Dawn

Lawyers really aren't necessary for this. Tons of people go into court pro se and come out successful. You just need to file for contempt, a hearing will be set up, he'll have to come into court with a darn good reason why he hasn't been paying regularly. Make sure you show up for this hearing - if he tries to say he doesn't have money, bring up his new home. The mediator/judge won't look upon that with too much pleasure!

Also, I don't think it's trashy whatsoever - what is trashy is that your ex is walking all over you because he knows he can. Any man who prioritizes a new house before his own flesh and blood should not be allowed to have kids.

You just need to file for contempt, a hearing will be set up, he'll have to come into court with a darn good reason why he hasn't been paying regularly. Make sure you show up for this hearing - if he tries to say he doesn't have money, bring up his new home. The mediator/judge won't look upon that with too much pleasure!


I'm not sure what you want is to file for contempt. That would be the case ONLY if there was an existing child support order from the court. My understanding is there wasn't.

I took this:

He is arrears with spousal support, child support and medical reimbursement.
To mean the OP had been through a divorce.. How else could she get spousal support?

Don't know how versed you are in regard to pensions. He just got out on what is called 3/4's with FDNY. We are legally separated since 2004. He maintains my medical coverage through his job, which is why I never filed for official divorce (I had cancer). According to my 'agreement', I am entitled to 25% of his pension. I had to obtain an outside Pension Administrator, which I did, but they are now telling me I need to be divorced in order to get a QDRO. (qualified domestic relations order). I'm 41, he's 43. I think I'm going to have to tap on some family backing for an attorney. He's also defaulted on both life insurance policies for myself and the children. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

If you're legally separated, you should be able to get child support - at least that's how it works in my state, Wisconsin. I know a couple who has been separated since 2005 - she gets child support every month but they've never filed for divorce.

I took this:

to mean the OP had been through a divorce...? How else could she get spousal support?

And I toook this:

No, I have not filed with the courts for anything yet.

To indicate it was all by mutual agreement.

To the OP, yes to get your share of the pension you need to file for divorce,