I've been lurking on here for a while and I've decided to seek out some help from you guys. I've seen the great advice you've given others and I could really use some help and support right now.

Here's my story, been with a guy on and off for about 4 years. He has his good sides, he has his flaws. Ultimately, the relationship doesn't work. We love each other but we want to live our lives different ways, we don't have the same priorities and it's just not healthy to keep the relationship going. We don't always communicate well, he often lies to me about things, he hurts with his actions and I'm tired of going back and forth with him. Sometimes he's invested, sometimes he's not. Sometimes I'm invested, sometimes I'm not. It's exhausting emotionally and I just want to let go of this relationship.

Now here's the thing, I need help to get through the No Contact and the moving on. The problem is I've tried this so many times before and each time I've failed. So I thought that maybe if I seek out some support, I could make it through my weaker periods this time.

What's really hard is that we have the same group of friends. And they are just as much his friends are they are mine. Not seeing him ever is nearly impossible. Not calling him or texting him is possible but we will always run into each other and from past experience, that's how we end up starting to talk again and back to our old ways and then back to wanting to move on from him.

Today is day 2 of No Contact and I hope to God I can stick it out. He called me yesterday and I didn't answer. IT WAS REALLY HARD. He didn't call or text today. When does this thing get easier again?

Thank you to those who take the time to read and/or comment.

To be honest keeping NC would be a challenge since the two of you run in the same circle but since your do I think your friends should be kind of sensitive to that. At the same time this experience might make your skin tougher.

It sort of like breaking up with someone but you see them everyday at work. You try your hardest to deal with it but inside you might hurting but you face that hurt everyday.

So even though you might see him you can still be kind but doesn't mean you have to talk to him over the phone after the two of you see each other in passing.

Thanks Liz.

You're right, it can be hard to see him occasionally while trying to move on. Last time, I tried to miss most of the events we were both invited to and he missed some as well. When we do see each other it's a little awkward but friendly. Although we get mad with each other sometimes, we've never been on bad terms... so far.

Seeing him can be hard but it's nothing compared to not being able to call him or take his calls. After a couple of weeks, I honestly forget why I wanted to end things in the first place. We start contacting each other again and I do a complete 180, every time!

Stop being in contact with him and just be friendly towards him when you see him out in the streets. Communication stops there!

For the first week or two, be selective about going out. Only go places where you know you will not run into him. NC is very difficult, but it works better than anything. Thing of it as breaking a habit - or sometimes even an addiction.

Find a new hobby to make you change your routine a little. Join a new gym, take a class, look up an old friend. This will allow you to focus on something new and possibly meet a few new people. Even something as simple as spending time on this website and helping others with advice might distract you.

If you keep your life and your routine exactly the same, you will probably be more likely to notice his absence.

Often we just get used to someone, the evil we know is often considered better than the unknown.

This is a one day at a time issue. Make a list of all the bad things, keep them on the fridge and read them every morning to help you remember why you don't want him.

Thank you guys this exactly what I need.

I feel so silly having to do this at day 2, it seems like I should be struggling with this after it's been a couple of weeks at least.

He called about an hour ago, I didn't answer. And now I just seen that he wrote me a "I saw that someone on Kijiji eas selling a ...., I know your were looking for that". It feels heartless to have to ignore someone who's trying to be nice...

Don't feel bad for finding it difficult. It is difficult. Just continue to check in here when you feel tempted. You have to do what is best for yourself so that you can move on to a healthy relationship.

I know how you feel. I hate to ignore my ex cause I still love him. But then I would think of all the other stuff he does and I decided to keep my distance. He needs a wake up call if this is ever going to stop. I miss my man... ex man now. Sigh

I had to change gyms so I would not run into him. I have had to skip events. It is all about me now. I am not dealing with him until I can take whatever he dish out and it don't break me down. I need the healing for me.

Well day 3. I thought about replying 'thanks' to his text from yesterday, but then I remembered all the times he ignored me just for the hell of it, because he was too busy, or out with friends, or out with someoene else (yes, I'm sure that's happened). At least I'm being cold for a very good reason.

Hopefully his gigantic ego kicks in soon and he stops contacting me...

So proud of your progress! You are thinking now with your head, also! You are remembering the things that made the relationship hurtful, the neglect! Keep yourself busy and find something fun to do for yourself today!

Oh yeah, also tried finding that add he was texting me about, and what do you know it's nowhere to be found... nice try :)...

If you read my first posts here, along with KCtiger and Isneezefunny, you will see our NC struggles. We have all overcome the challenge of NC, but I will tell you it is the hardest thing I have ever done. It takes a lot of will power, you will relapse a few times but you reach a point where you are tired of the pain it causes and go strict about it. Keep any communication you must have short and sweet, busy but not rude.

Thanks Rome. The rules of no contact are hard to wrap your head around when you're in the middle of it. For example, "can we meet up for coffee?" (he just sent me that today), do I say I can't I'm busy or do I just ignore completely. The guy is not being a jerk, I want to end it with him because of a number of reasons but there was no closure for him, I know that. I'm not prepared to have any more 'talks' with him even around the subject of please don't contact me because the concept to him is absurd and he refuses to accept that as a possibility and explaining things to him will only feel like a set back to me.

So given that, how much to I ignore and how much to I reply "short, sweet, busy but not rude" responses?

You ignore EVERYTHING for now. He isn't your problem. NC means NO CONTACT, period. You do what you have to do to heal, regardless of the situation. If you aren't ready or prepared to talk to him, then don't pick up. Change your number if you have to, but do what you have to do to get through this. He can handle himself.

Rome said it, it was by FAR the hardest thing I have ever done, but, at the same time, it was by far the biggest payoff in the end.

Ignore his texts, it's the best thing for you. You have to do what's best for YOU right now, it may seem selfish but always worry about your well being first.

I've taken up a new (old) hobby: smoking. Ok, I know, that's not exacly what you meant but it was either that or reply a really nasty email to his "I just thought you should know I'm bringing a date to Saturday's dinner, I didn't want things to be awkward"... A dinner he damn well knows I said I wasn't going to!

So after the nausea passed, I decided to go outside and read this new book I bought to keep my mind busy.

The book is brilliant, it's "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert, I'm sure some of you have read it or heard of it. For those who haven't, I'm going to write the Introduction to you later on tonight, it's hilarious and might give someone looking to keep busy the incentive to read it.

Also one more thing, can someone tell me if this is normal. I read on here how everyone joins a gym after a break up and starts taking better care of themselves, well, I have no desire to do that whatsoever, quite the opposite. I usually work out a couple of time a week and eat healthy etc. and this week I haven't had the will to do any kind of workout and I've eat terribly. It's as if I wanted to be the best I could be for him (not a good reason I know, just how I felt) and now there's no point. I'm not too worried, I know this is temporary but it just adds to my feeling depressed that I can't motivate myself to do anything...

I know it's really tough to get through NC. It's so much easier for us to give you advice because we are neutral third parties.

One suggestion I have for you is to hang out with more friends. Friends that know you really well and will support you all the way. Friends that can help motivate you. Friends who will stick by you nor matter what.

We, in this forum can offer sympathy, but we can't offer empathy as easier, since we're not there in person.

One thing I did was tell a few of my friends the rules about no contact that I laid out for myself and they helped me enforce it. They helped me get my mind off the other person, etc. It won't cure the problem, but it will get your mind off it.

Lots of luck and remember stay tough

He called today, he called twice tonight, he wrote me an email. Is this normal? He was never like this before.

Finally I wrote him back. Broke nc I know but I couldn't help it. I told him I wanted him to stop calling and writiing. We'll see...

He's contacting you more than usual because he senses that you are pulling away. Stay strong. Block his emails if you have to.

He called today, he called twice tonight, he wrote me an email. Is this normal? He was never like this before.

Finally I wrote him back. Broke nc I know but i couldn't help it. I told him I wanted him to stop calling and writiing. We'll see...

I'm not super familiar with the rules of NC, but I'm assuming that you usually let the person you're having NC with know that you don't want contact with them and why. You've now let him know, so take it from there. Good luck.

Long story short, boyfriend and I have broke up for a couple of weeks ago. Not a messy break up but we've been through this before, type of thing where we know it will never work out but just can't let go.

Been doing the NC thing and it's hard to say the least. He calls and texts me and doesn't understand why we can't be friends, we said we would. He doesn't want to be with me, but won't let me go.

We never really had the conversation where I tell him 'I need to get over you and I can't do that if we're still in contact. I'm having a hard time with this and I don't think I can be your friend right now'. I feel bad because he seems confused and hurt by how cold I am and I don't think he understands why I'm doing this. I should also mention that I do see him from time to time, it's inevitable given our circle of friends.

Do you think that type of conversation can help in getting closure? Will it benefit me in any way? I think at the very least he would stop contacting me as much. And then I could finally start dealing with the phase of him not contacting me. I'm dreading the day he stops contacting me but at the same time, I know I need to go through it at some point and would rather it was sooner rather than later. I also think I would feel good after getting a few things off my chest. But I can't be sure that it's not just an excuse to communicate with him.

What do you guys think, closure or an excuse to contact him?

Setting boundaries is a good thing. I would text him, or leave a message on his answering service. I suggest that having a conversation may not be the way to go, given that you're in NC. However, setting the parameters for NC and stating the reasons may assist you both. Hope it goes OK.