I have been married for 2 years and together for 5. and all of a sudden he isn't wanting to be intimate with me anymore, and are always fighting. What could be up with him?

My crystal ball says "the answers lie with him"

Which means, sit him down and talk to him about it.

Rome we must have the same crystal ball.. Since when did people expect to get answers without asking questions.

I mean honestly... SOO many factors could cause your husband to not be attracted to you OR just not want to be physical with you atm. Did his dog die? Get what we're throwing at you here..?

Thumper

When something does happen there's def no prob there! And when I try to sit down and speak to him about how I'm feeling it always blows up in my face and end in an argument. Sometimes I feel like there's something he's hidding and not telln me

When something does happen theres def no prob there!! and when i try to sit down and speak to him about how im feeling it always blows up in my face and end in an argument. Sometimes i feel like theres something hes hidding and not telln me

It takes two people to argue. I know that you are hurt and confused about his change of emotions, but is it really that sudden? Has he been distancing himself lately, and have you responded with more questions and pressuring him to figure out what was wrong? It sounds like you are wanting him to sort out his emotions and deal with problems head on, and maybe he's not sure what he wants right now. If you're married, giving him space might be a bit more difficult, but I think if you stop focusing on your own confusion and try putting yourself in his shoes, it might help the situation.

Also, if you are already jumping to conclusions about him keeping secrets, then you've already demonstrated your lack of trust in him. He's probably picked up on that, and instead of showing him that you care about his feelings you are trying to resolve the situation by forcing your own ideas on to him.

I suggest you go out and spend some time with your friends (NOT talking about the relationship, just going out and having fun), and suggest that he do the same. Maybe some time apart will help you clear things up, and it will give you an opportunity to build up some more trust between each other.

~ Tee

Relationships can flounder without physical intimacy and now you are caught in a catch 22 you need to break.

Physical intimacy - less fighting
Fighting - no desire for intimacy.

Break the cycle by talking to your partner and planning something new and spontanious.

There could be many issues on why he isn't intimate anymore, stress is a huge factor for everyone. My fiancé is under a lot of stress, I actually posted about it on a vent if you care to check it out and our physical intimacy did lack because of it.

This same thing happened to me and my ex, but unfortunately it was due to my being unattractive... :cool:

No telling what is up with him, but as Rome stated, stress can play a HUGE factor in things. Perhaps work is getting to him, he is worried about other things, etc. It is hard to get to if he isn't open about things.

Thanks room I read that Vent! And I am in the same situation as you were! Other than the homework my husband stays on the computer until he goes to bed! And we have 2 children together and I do everything for them. Its like as soon as he gets off work he eats supper and gets on computer and then sleep. No time for kids or us! And also on weekends when he gets up he leaves the house and goes to work on his demolition derby cars until midnite or later! I do have trust issues with him because he has hurt that bond before! And I am trying my best to get past that.

Rome** Sorry

Without assuming the worst, guys act like that if their "stuff" isn't working the way they expect it to.

Well when talking about that, he does get off very fast. And he isn't happy about that. But I have told him several times that doesn't bother me we have worked around that and I thought we had solved that problem but maybe it is still bothering him

Thanks room i read that Vent!! And i am in the same situation as you were! Other than the homework my husband stays on the computer until he goes to bed! And we have 2 children together and i do everything for them. its like as soon as he gets off work he eats supper and gets on computer and then sleep. no time for kids or us! and also on weekends when he gets up he leaves the house and goes to work on his demolition derby cars until midnite or later!! i do have trust issues with him bc he has hurt that bond before! And i am trying my best to get past that.


Why is he on the computer? Is it work-related or entertainment?

Working on his derby cars... well, we all should have an outside interest from our relationships, like hobbies. Nothing wrong with that, but there should be a balance.

Now, the trust issues you have with him. That may be the root of the problem. If you're not feeling emotionally intimate... the physical part is just going through the motions. Maybe start here, with the trust issues. What happened, if I may ask?

Yes I agree everyone needs a hobby and that is what he enjoys doing! I do support him with that decision and I go to our shop with him while he's down there. And the computer he just gets on there and surfs the net! With the trust issue. We had a little get together one night at our house with a few of our friends and I guess I drank a little too much and I was out on the couch and when I woke up he was in the bed with my best friend with her panties hanging from my bed post! I really thought I got over that and forgave. But I am still working on him gaining my trust back!

Yes i agree everyone needs a hobby and that is what he enjoys doing!! I do support him with that decision and i go to our shop with him while hes down there. and the computer he just gets on there and surfs the net! with the trust issue. We had a little get together one night at our house with a few of our friends and i guess i drank a little too much and i was out on the couch and when i woke up he was in the bed with my best friend with her panties hanging from my bed post!! I really thought i got over that and forgave. but i am still working on him gaining my trust back!

This sheds a whole new light on the situation. I would have been gone, if I were you. Find a new friend and a new boyfriend. Just no excuse for this stuff!

Wow, this certainly does shed some light.

This is your husband. Were you married when you found him in bed with your not so best friend?

How in the world did you get over something like that? When did this happen?

I think avoiding you and the kids to surf the net is wrong. I mean an hour or two... we all do it, but all evening every evening until he goes to bed? That's not fair to his family.

I'm wondering if he is having an affair.

If he can sleep with your best friend in your home while you are home... then I would have trust issues, too. I don't care how drunk anyone was.

I honestly don't know how I have been able to get over it. I can't say that I am over it completely though, yes we were married we had only been married for a few months. I always think about it and wonder if he is still cheating! But I hope and pray that he's not! And the computer thing. He gets home from work between 7 and 730 and he will eat supper and then get on the computer as soon as he is done eating and stay on until about 1130 or 12 at night! I really don't know what to think about ne of this

Can you go to marriage counseling?

You really should have sorted this all out before exchanging rings. How old are you?

I am 22 and everything was great until after we were married

So in the last couple of months, since you got married he has cheated and you have been trying to get over the cheating?

We have been married for 2 years. A few months after we got married he did that!

Is marriage counseling an option?

Yes I have considered it. And we have talked about it before, but haven't gone through with it yet

That would be the best avenue at this point, if you aren't recovering from the affair, it maybe your last option to salvage your marriage.

Yea that is true. Thanks everyone for the advice you have given

Sit down and tell him how you feel. Try not to show anger or resentment, just genuine concern for your marriage.

Start with I feel this way... when you're on the computer all evening... And I feel this way... when you don't want to make love AND I feel I can't get past the fact you slept with my best friend a little over a year ago in our own home. I feel I can't trust you and I need help, your help, in getting through this.

IF he doesn't agree to counseling, then go yourself.

I sure will! That's the least I can do really.. Thank you so much

There's a lot of good advice here... but one thing I know is that a lot of guys don't like to talk about their problems... they will retreat inwards... depending on how you decide to approach your husband, consider this as an option too, if you like... I took a management course and one of the things were we taught was how to listen to what was NOT being said... for example... one manager to another... "I have an employee that always comes in late and never gets her work done....I have talked and talked to her yet she still continues to come in late"... what was NOT being said?. The manager who has this employee feels out of control... feels like this person dis-respects them, feels like this employee could damage HIS reputation by not getting her work done... we didn't solve his problem but we understood why he was frustrated... we were then asked to resolve the manager's problem NOT by suggesting ways to control this employee but by asking him questions like such: "Why do you think she does this?" "What do you think you could do to help her with her situation?" " When will you tell her what you have come up with?"... etc... by asking questions that allows the manager with the problem to resolve his own problem, he is now under control, has more confidence, and has a game plan... men are problem solvers... they are the bread winners... they don't ask for directions and they don't ask for help... during the next few conversations try listening to what your husband is NOT saying... then do not suggest ways to resolve the problem... instead ask questions to help HIM resolve your problems... do not push... wait for him to speak... smile... be loving... do what needs to be done... but watch... wait... and listen... the problem will point itself out... I am not an expert... I just see a lot going on here and I think that if you ask yourself what is NOT being said, and maybe you and he will discover the problem... just my opinion...

IWHO is right about there is a lot going on here.

And there's a lot not being said in this marriage. That's the problem.

Generally speaking, men may be better problem solvers than communicators, but when they're a husband and a father, they need to be both.

That's what marriage counselors are for... to help the troubled couple communicate and try to solve their problems--together.

I think maybe just spice things up a bit! Buy something sexy and well you know the rest!
It's worth a try...