Hey,

Here's the situation. My friend has this huge crush on her cousin's boyfriend. She is very close with her cousin and her boyfriend. She really wishes to have him as her boyfriend and still lamented that her cousin is still in love with him. I told her that she can't do that because it is wrong to steal him away from her cousin. I told her that she needs to let it go and be happy for her cousin and her boyfriend. Additionally, I told her that one day someone will come in her life and sweep her feet away. But, she still keeps talking about him. I wanted to set her up with someone, one of my guy friends, who really likes her, but the problem is she knows this guy and doesn't really like him too much. But, I really want to set her up with him... Can I do that or not? If not, then how can I give my friend advices about boyfriend and letting the issue about her cousin and the boyfriend go? Any advices are appreciated.

Sometimes we can't protect our loved ones from themselves and they may have to learn the lessons of life on their own, the hard way. I hope you don't set her up, because with her attitude as it is, its not fair to the guy.

I actually think you should protect your guy friend from her and not set her up. He doesn't deserve to be put in this awkward situation.

I think she's got a thing for the cousin's boyfriend because he's unattainable. People want what they can't have, it gives the brain something to latch onto and fantasize about, which is what she's doing. Even if they broke up, she's got no business dating her cousin's ex.

I have some feelings for my cousin's boyfriend. Here is a little bit of background. My cousin and her boyfriend grew up together since they were 7 and 8 years old respectively. Her boyfriend is in love with her for few years and until recently, about three months ago, my cousin return the feelings to him. I like her boyfriend for a while, like before they became the couple. But, her boyfriend did not return same feelings as I do, because he loves my cousin. I told my cousin how I felt about her boyfriend, and she told me that I need to move on and find someone who will likes me back. Do you think she is right and do you think you agree with my cousin about that? But, I can't move on, and I still like her boyfriend. I don't know, but I think I will stay single forever because obviously, the person I really like do not love me in a way I do. I know that it is wrong to break up my cousin and her boyfriend, because they do really love each other. But, somehow, I can't stop feeling upset because he really loves my cousin and want me to stay as his friend. How can I move on? Do you think that I will able to find someone else? I don't know if I can able to find someone that I would really love because there isn't any other guy that would be like my cousin's boyfriend. What should I do?!Also, I have another dilemma. My childhood friend, who I grew up with since we were eight years old really likes me but I do not like him more than friends. He repeatedly asked me out few times and each time I turned him down because I think it is wrong to say yes to him since I only love him as a friend. He is one of my best friends and I will always still needs him as my best friend, no matter what. But, his asking me out is getting tiring for me, and I do not know how to make him to understand how I feel. Any advices? Thanks for listening!

It doesn't seem like you have much of a choice. You need to move on. He doesn't want you, he wants your cousin. If someone doesn't like you as much as you like them, then it will never happen.
Just like your other friend that likes you. You don't like him the same way, so what chance does he have. Think about that.

I agree. But add, you are obsessed with your cousins boyfriend (guy A) and you are compairing all other men including your friend (guy B) to guy A. It really isn't fair to him to be compaired to another guy that you will never have a chance with. Even if he is the perfect boyfriend guy A will never be yours because he does not want to be. Also we have a tendency to want what we can't have, its always like that. But here is the thing, your cousin has her flag up on his body and heart, he is hers for the time being and it would be very wrong of you to take her boyfriend or try to. Go out with someone else and maybe you'll find the love you're looking for, but you have to look for a love that is possible. You can't complain about always being single if you are not actively looking at possibilities instead of the impossible.

First of all how old are you?

Move on, he is off limits, he's dating a member of your family. She is right, go find someone else

You have to move on and find your own fellow. Family is important and you just don't step into any family member's territory.
He is totally off limits!

As for your friend asking you out. All you can do is to keep reminding him how important your friendship is with him and that you have no romantic interest at all in him. If he doesn't take the blunt truth from you, you may need to find another best friend.

First it was your friend, now its you, Hmmmmm!
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/friend-has-huge-crush-her-cousins-boyfriend-349012.html
You must be really young, or think the responses will be different with another post.

Talaniman, the truth about the first post? It's basically all about me, not my friend because I did not really want to admit the truth, so yeah. And yeah, I think I was expecting different results, but so far, they all are same advices. FYI, I am 20 years old.

That's old enough to know the folly of stealing a relatives partner, especially when that object of your attractions rejects you.

Thanks for your honesty, but give up what can become an obsession, that's unhealthy.

I do not know if I will able to find someone because there won't be any one who would be like my cousin's boyfriend. He's everything that I look for in a guy... It's hard to move on... How can I move on? Oh well...

You move on because you have to-he is off limits.

The world is full of guys that you could date and get to know.

If you give yourself some time, and stop looking for someone like him, I am sure you will find someone better.

Someone that wants to return your feelings with his own, and that's what makes them better. Maybe you should be dealing with more people besides him and your cousin, so you can see this for yourself. Right now, I think your world is to small, as there are billions of other people in the world besides the ones in your own very small circle.

What, you think great guys will just knock at your door? They have to know you exist first, so get a life will you, so you won't be stuck on just one guy.

What, are you scared or something to find out if I am right?

Talaniman, no, I am not afraid to find out if you are right. I do have a life, for your information. But, I have specific requirements for what I need to look in guys. I have a lot of guy friends, but I prefer to date someone who is has same ethic background and same religion and same traditions as mine so it will be more easier. It's hard to find someone with these requirements, you know. And, this is really insulting of you to say that I get a life, will I, because I do have a life. I do not sit all day on the computer or play video games or whatever. I do go out and hang out with friends. Again, for your information, guys know that I do exist, and they know that I love them as friends. So, talaniman, think twice before you said something insulting to me.

Oh please, don't get all haughty with me young lady, that changes nothing, as you're the one who cannot cope with the reality of your situation, and are stuck on someone you cannot have, not me.

Have a care before you insult me with your attitude! I get your particular about having a boyfriend, but you won't find one unless this obsession stops, or you put this idea where it belongs, in fantasy land.

Your crush will fade if you let it, by being happy with your own situation. We all get crushes from time to time, but seldom do we act on them when they are out of bounds. We humans cannot control having feelings, its what we do about them in real life that counts.

Talaniman, how old are you, anyway? I am not getting haughty with you, and I did not mean to insult you with my attitude. I do admit, I am the one who can't cope with the reality. And, to be honest, I believe that being single is better off than going out with someone else since I do not want to hurt my childhood friend's feelings (I can't lose his friendship since it's too important to me considering all of the times we went through together, and if I date someone else, he said that he will not be my friend if I do, just because he still likes me a lot).

I am 56, and have a LOT of life experiences, not all good, but not forgotten.


And, to be honest, I believe that being single is better off than going out with someone else since I do not want to hurt my childhood friend's feelings
Now I am confused because I thought this was about your cousins boyfriend? Same guy or what.

if I date someone else, he said that he will not be my friend if I do, just because he still likes me a lot
So in the name of friendship he holds you hostage to his demands? Now I am really confused. Please explain. I promise to be nice, but honest.

Well that's weird-your friend stops you from dating by using emotional blackmail?
Some 'friend'.

What about the crush-I thought you could never find somebody as good as him-thus not dating.

Talaniman, to make things clear to you... I said that it's better off to be single because I need some time to get over the fact that my cousin is with her boyfriend, the one who I like. It's hard to move on, because much of part of me really want have him, and that her boyfriend is really sweet and nice. I mean, there aren't any guys like him- he made me feel special like that. I think I still love him... Do you think that I would find someone that would make me feel special like no one does? Also, I think that it's better off to be single, and instead of looking for a guy, so I can keep my friendship with my childhood friend, the one who like me but I have no romance feelings for him. If I find a boyfriend, then my childhood friend said that he doesn't want to stay as my friend, since obviously because he still have a romance feelings for me. So yes, I have to sarcifice anything to keep my friendship with him. Trust me, it will be for the best because no matter how he is, he is always there for me when I need him, even though I have no romance feelings for him. He really do understand how I am going through and stuff like that. So, I think it is best for me to stay remain not to date until he moves on to someone else, since he doesn't deserve to be with me. He deserves to be with someone who will really loves him back and he loves her back.

amicon- the crush is my cousin's boyfriend and he doesn't like me the way I do to him. What I meant by "I could never find somebody as good as him" meaning that I will never find anyone that is like a version of his personality And, about my childhood friend, read above.

Hi,

As many of you may have read my previous question regarding that I like my cousin's boyfriend. Well, I know for sure that I got over him. But, however, one problem still lies- my childhood friend is still in love with me and have asked me out repeatedly. I said no a lot of times. I've told him many times that he has to let it go and move on and find another girl to like. Of course, I am still friends with him and he's still one of my best friends. Well, yes, I do not have a guy to like or to date because like in previous question I stated that he won't be my friend if I started to date someone else. So, I had to sacrifice what I want (to date someone) to stay friends with him. The reason why I turned my childhood friend's request down is because I don't return the same feelings he does for me and that his friendship is way more important to me than him as my boyfriend. He is a great friend anyone could've ask for, despite the fact that he said that if I date someone else and he won't be my friend anymore. His obsessive seems way overboard, and I wanted him to stop being obsessed with me to be his girlfriend. What can I do? Any advices would be appreciated, but PLEASE NOTE, DO NOT say end the friendship with him or stop talking to him. Thanks!

Straight up I see it as you giving him mixed signals or maybe giving him false hope. Leading him on. Word it as you like.

Your not dating because he said he wouldn't be your friend if you took up a boyfriend? Well to me your showing him he is in control and he might have a chance. Go date. Big deal. If he will no longer be a friend to you because you care for another guy and he can't be happy for you then what kind of true friend is this guy? Snap out of it and find someone. Some friend you have. Your on an advice site because he won't let you date.

Yes I say lose the friendship.

Hi Op, I think you should keep your distance from this boy he's not your friend friends don't make ultimatums, tell him straight you're not going out with him you're related, and you just don't look upon him as a boyfriend he's a friend but that's all and you'll go out with anyone you like he doesn't own you, and I think you're right not to want to date him he's trying to control you and you're only friends. So tell him. Soon.

If however you're possibly leading him on in anyway then you can expect him to hang around in hope you'll finally notice him, if you're sure you're not sending out mixed signals then tell him the truth, if he is a friend hell bow out gracefully if not then he's not a friend, so you lose nothing. Good Luck

I went back and re-read your other thread and I am going to be a bit harsh.

Stop playing games with your 'childhood' friend. You are using him as an excuse as much as he is 'emotionally blackmailing' you. As long he is there you have a rationalization not to date or get involved with anyone else. Have you gotten over the 'cousin's boyfriend'? Are there any other men who interest you?

You hang on to him because he is there for you instead of acting like a mature person and making him understand that you aren't there for him the way he wants you to be. You are giving him false hope and leading him on. That is you being obsessed with the friendship.

Leave him alone. Do not contact him. Do not accept contact from him. Make it a clean break and allow him to live his life for himself instead of for you. Stop keeping him around as a barrier or safety net.

If you think walking way now hurts, think about what it will feel like if he gets tired and walks away, he gets frustrated and tries to force something, or you find the person who is available who makes 'cousin's boyfriend' seem like a callow cad.

I know it is scary and the thought of letting someone go hurts like a physical pain, but sometimes we have to think of others and what is best for everyone. He needs someone to love him as much he loves her. Just like you need someone to love and care about as much as that person does you.

Maybe someday when you both have people you care about and lives that don't revolve around each other, you can resume the friendship. However, that is calm after the storm.

The only way to break his obsession is to stop letting him blackmail you. You know it, everyone here knows it, and I suspect so do you. Some friend, that holds friendship over your head to keep you from getting away from him. That's a bit disgusting that you go along with that kind of behavior.

Get a boyfriend or a date and find out what kind of friend he really is. I already know, but you need to find out for yourself, or you will never be happy.

Sorry, your sacrifice is utterly sick!! I think I said that in your other post. You really need to stay away from unhealthy people, so you can get healthy yourself and make more rational decisions.