I don't know if "Family Law" is the right forum, if not please direct me to the approirate area.

I am a single mother in Florida. My only child is a 20 year old young man who lives with me. I love him more than anything on the planet but his bipolar disorder and refusal to seek help, along with the way he treats me (bullying, verbally abusive, breaking/throwing/smashing my possessions when the bipolar rage gets the best of him) is taking its toll on me mentally, emotionally and even physically. I don't feel that I am helping him by allowing him to live with me under those conditions. But it seems like my hands are tied.

Here's what I have found so far as to why it is next to impossible to get him out of my home:

Police told me that I can't just tell him to "get out" or have him escorted out because it's "his home too." The fact that he contributes absolutely nothing to this household is beside the point apparently.

Police told me I would need to give him a written eviction notice but I can't for the following reasons:

I don't own my home, I rent. According to our local Clerk of Court I would need to get my landlord to do the eviction; a written eviction notice from me would have no legal standing in court.
Even if an eviction notice from were legal and binding, my son has threatened to demolish everything I own in retaliation.

My son's name is not on the lease therefore I'm not even sure that my landlord could legally evict him.
Even if the landlord has the right to evict him I would be fined $100 for every month that he has been living in my home without his name on the lease. I've been here over a year so we're looking over $1000, which I don't have right now!


A police officer had told me that my son could be arrested and/or Baker Acted (involuntary confined psychaitric evaluation) if he were hurting himself, or me, or damaging my property.

Last night he broke a floor lamp by hurling it across the room in a rage. I have had to replace 3 lamps, 1 ceiling light fixture, and a stereo in the last year. Other things have been damaged as well but I haven't replaced them because they weren't essential items and money is tight. And some things can't be replaced, like my mother's china...

At any rate I finally called the police; my son had left by the time they arrived and they said there was really nothing they could do unless he was physically abusing me. I was shocked. When I stated that he destroyed MY lamp, stereo, etc. they informed me that those things were HIS as well since he lives here and it's not against the law to destroy your own possessions. My son returned while the officer was still here and the officer told him that he should contact a mental health agency to see if he can get assistance with getting back on his medications and getting treatment (he has no insurance and currently no income) He agreed to make the calls but as soon as the officer was out of earshot told me he has no intention of calling anyone. He can't see where he has a problem and that I'm the one who probably needs psyciatric help.

So like I said it seems to me that I am stuck and my hands are tied unless my son moves out voluntarily, which he won't do as that would mean he'd have to go out and find (and KEEP) a job. If what the police and Clerk of Court have told me then my son pretty much has free reign to live in my home, eat my food, use (and destroy) my possessions and there is little or nothing I can do about it. Yet at the same time I a living in a powder keg and never know from minute to minute or day to day when I will be verbally attacked, threatened, bullied, etc IN THE HOME THAT I PAY FOR AND MAINTAIN. I fail to see how that is right and fair to me as the head of this household and the sole provider.

Would an attorney possibly be able to find some way to help me out of this mess? And if so what are the chances that I might be able to find one who would take me on Pro Bono? I have very little money and will be unemployed due to layoffs within the next two months.

I just really need an advocate... I've heard everything I could ever want to know about my son's rights as a resident in my home but where do MY rights come into it?? And who will help me to assert and stand up for my rights??

I do need to state that my son is savvy enough and "smart" enough to only use his bullying and verbal abuse tactics when there are no witnessess therefore it's basically his word against mine that these things actually do happen. I might be able to get more help from law enforcement if it was somehow documented...

Thanks for hearing me vent and any advice on whom I should contact is greatly appreciated.

In this area, we have a pro bono/sliding scale law group that would listen to your plea and assign you a legal representative. Also, Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services would assign you a social worker as advocate and counselor.

Where generally do you live? I'm a librarian and a counselor and would be willing to do some research for you.

I live in Daytona Beach, FL. In the searching/researching I've done I've seen everything from "It's your house, your rules, if he doesn't like it then tell him to get out" to "It's his house too and he has rights". But I tend more to believe what I've been told by law enforcement and court officials.

But any concrete information you could find, from who I can turn to for help, guidance, advice and advocacy, to what exactly MY rights are as the sole provider of this home would be greatly appreciated.

I gave my son an ultimatum this morning to get up and clean the mess he made with his rage last night, go with me to get a replacement lamp, and call the mental health facility or I will be calling Legal Aid come Monday morning. He refused so my next stpe is to do just what I said I would do. I'll also contact Catholic Charities to see if they can assist me at all. Thanks for that, I never would have thought of them. I always associate them with adoption and foster parenting issues.

Just a suggestion, but why don't you just move since you are renting? It may be less time consuming and less expensive than going through the courts and dealing with attorneys. Find another place to rent and you have a built in eviction notice from the landlord and don't give him the keys to your new place. He'll be forced to move out legally by the landlord (not you kicking him out) and he'll have to get help for his mental issues or a job on his own! It removes you from the whole process and seems like a lot less hassle overall.

This is such a difficult situation to be in. I think it would help to look at this from the future. Long run he is always going to be your son and no matter how much he hurts you, you are going to still love him and that makes it all the harder.

Sadly there are no laws that force bipolar people to take care of their mental health. You do need a lawyer. A lawyer could help you get him out of your house and into a hospital for treatment. The really sad thing is that your son is more likely than not to reject treatment and end up in jail. You could try legal aid or if you have a university nearby you could try the law department for possible pro bono.

I've actually considered doing just that but it's not practical or feasible at this time because I don't have the several thousand dollars I would need to move and also I'm in the middle of a year lease which I would have to buy out of.

And then the fact that it really sticks in my craw that this person, son or no son, who thinks he is due free room and board at my expense, could have the "power" to drive me out of my little corner of the world which I truly love.

I'm not saying it won't eventually come to that but only want to look at it as a VERY last resort.

This is such a difficult situation to be in. I think it would help to look at this from the future. Long run he is always going to be your son and no matter how much he hurts you, you are going to still love him and that makes it all the harder.

Sadly there are no laws that force bipolar people to take care of their mental health. You do need a lawyer. A lawyer could help you get him out of your house and into a hospital for treatment. The really sad thing is that your son is more likely than not to reject treatment and end up in jail. You could try legal aid or if you have a university nearby you could try the law department for possible pro bono.

It is as you say a very hard situation. My heart breaks that I have to choose between my mental and physical health over the son I love so much. I'm in tears as I'm writing this.

However, there's really not much more I can do to help him. Sure I could try to deal with the abuse he heaps on me and not react to it (which I do try but it always gets to the breaking point eventually), tiptoe on eggshells to try to avoid setting him off and silently be his "maid" to avoid confrontations over his unwillingness to even pick up after himself. And in the long run all that will do is reinforce in his mind that he has no responsibilities whatsoever, which at least for most of us is not the case in the real world.

I know he won't seek out treatment without a court order, and even then he can't be "court ordered" to respond positively to the treatment. You can lead a horse to water...

But at the same time I can't shelter him from the realities of adulthood and this sounds cold on my part but if he refuses to take responsibility for himself and his actions (instead of blaming me for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life) and then taking steps to improve his life not to mention our relationship, then I am spinning my wheels and wasting my money, time, and emotion and all three are right now in very short supply!

You can't make him get help. You might be able to get him temporarily hospitalized, but long term he will most likely reject it. You are doing the right thing. You love him but you have to save yourself!! He can choose to ruin his life, don't let him ruin yours too. Of course it will hurt because you love him but it will hurt a lot more if you let him stay.

You can evict him. Give him a 15 day written notice of eviction (15 days in Brevard, check local laws) and then go to court for eviction.

YOU are his landlord since he is not on the lease. Check out the real estate law board - there are many threads on this issue.

Of course you can evict him, your name is on the lease, so you lease the home, your son is a sub lease or basically a renter from you, even if he does not pay rent, So you can as noted merely give him a notice ( in writing) to move.

Also he should be in jail, and you could have gotten a protective order against him, which would stop him from returning to the home.

The police can not do anything to make him move unless you evice.
** of course they can't do anything if you just lock him out either. Only he could sue you then for a illegal eviction.

So time to stop talking to some police officer that has no idea.

I'm wondering how punitive he will be, breaking and smashing her stuff in retaliation (as he has done before). What could safeguard her stuff and even her person, especially with an eviction?

You can evict him. Give him a 15 day written notice of eviction (15 days in Brevard, check local laws) and then go to court for eviction.

YOU are his landlord since he is not on the lease. Check out the real estate law board - there are many threads on this issue.

That's what I would have thought. Actually I would have thought that since I am footing almost the entire bill to maintain a roof over our heads (not counting the $25 a week he was giving me during the short time he was acutally working) that no formal eviction would be necessary in the first place, but the Volusia County Clerk of Court herself told me that the eviction would have to come from the landlord and that an eviction notice from me would have no legal standing.

That's why at this point I think my best option is to consult an attorney. I don't know what my legal options are but there has to be a way to get him out of my home without a lot of "bloodshed."

Another thing is that the next time he acts up have him committed for 72 hrs. Let them take him. Let them give him an evaluation. He needs it.

I'm wondering how punitive he will be, breaking and smashing her stuff in retaliation (as he has done before). What could safeguard her stuff and even her person, especially with an eviction?


I've wondered the same thing. In fact a while ago when we discussed the possibility of my evicting him he stated point blank that he would do everything in his power to wreak as much hell on my life as he could from the time the eviction was served until it was executed. I'm not totally worried about my physical safety, he's very cunning and knows just how far he can go without doing something he could be jailed for. He did specifically mention that he would make as much noise when I'm trying to sleep at night as humanly possible, that sort of thing. There's also the off chance that a stray flying object could strike me but beyond that I doubt seriously that he would harm me physically although I do feel he is capable of doing just that. He's a master at the passive-aggressive thing.

He also is slick and smart enough to not make any kind of threats like that in someone else's hearing. So it could end up being a matter of his word against mine.

I'm more worried about the wear and tear on my mental state and how that would affect my performance at work.

Assuming the worst that 15 day notice would be a nightmare to say the least.

That's what I would have thought. Actually I would have thought that since I am footing almost the entire bill to maintain a roof over our heads (not counting the $25 a week he was giving me during the short time he was acutally working) that no formal eviction would be necessary in the first place, but the Volusia County Clerk of Court herself told me that the eviction would have to come from the landlord and that an eviction notice from me would have no legal standing.

That's why at this point I think my best option is to consult an attorney. I don't know what my legal options are but there has to be a way to get him out of my home without a lot of "bloodshed."

You are the landlord.

Another thing is that the next time he acts up have him commited for 72 hrs. Let them take him. Let them give him an evaluation. He needs it.

That's what I asked the officer to do last night. In Florida it's called the Baker Act... any officer of the law or the court has the power to have someone committed for a minimum of 72 hours if they are posing a threat to themselves or others.

The officer told me that in order for him to Baker Act my son he would have had to witness his behavior first hand; and of course my son was long gone by the time the police got to my door. And when he did come home he seemed subdued and calm and therefore not a threat. Hence, no Baker Act.

Oh and the police officer told me that I could take him to the hospital to Baker Act him myself but only if he went willingly. My understanding is that only an officer of the court or law enforcement has the authority to commit an adult against their will.

You can evict him. Give him a 15 day written notice of eviction (15 days in Brevard, check local laws) and then go to court for eviction.

YOU are his landlord since he is not on the lease. Check out the real estate law board - there are many threads on this issue.

Steve I don't know if you are in Volusia County or not but would you happen to know if Community Legal Services of Mid-Florida (basically Legal Aid) handles these kinds of cases?

First evictions are easy, normally the clerk has a fill in the blank form for you to file.

And you are his landlord, and the property owner is your landlord.

Each legal aid does different levels of service often depending on the amount of work load and their staffing, you have to contact them.

Steve I don't know if you are in Volusia County or not but would you happen to know if Community Legal Services of Mid-Florida (basically Legal Aid) handles these kinds of cases?

According to their web site, they do this:

Family Law
Estate & Probate
Landlord/Tenant Consumer Law
Tort Defense Real Property
Wills
Pro Se Divorce Clinics
Legal Clinics Bankruptcy
Employment Guardianships
Courthouse Assistance Projects
Community Education Presentations
Social Security
Personal Injury
Collections
Family/Civil Mediation

I think you could get an order of protection anywhere in the U.S. as clearly ,you are being subjected to abuse.

If you go to the court and petition the court for an order of protection they must act on it.

I am giving you a link for social network to assist in elder abuse,abuse by children is included in this link.

Please also link to the domestic violence hot line they will help you.They will also give you resources to help your son. I am so sorry for your pain.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.ndvh.org/)
Elder Abuse Resources : The Zero 5.0laf - The Official Website of Andrew Vachss (http://vachss.com/help_text/elder_abuse.html)

According to their web site, they do this:

Family Law
Estate & Probate
Landlord/Tenant Consumer Law
Tort Defense Real Property
Wills
Pro Se Divorce Clinics
Legal Clinics Bankruptcy
Employment Guardianships
Courthouse Assistance Projects
Community Education Presentations
Social Security
Personal Injury
Collections
Family/Civil Mediation

If she could get these people on her case it would be great. Sounds like they could help with all the problems she has. Including possibly getting the adult son into hosp/treatment and application for Social Security. If she could get him on Social Security he'd also qualify for affordable housing even if he was too irresponsible to be able to work.

I will be calling them as well as Catholic Charities this week. If not Monday then Tuesday because I am off on Tuesdays so can devote the entire day if need be.

I also saw when looking at the local Catholic Charities website they apparently have some mental health resources. I will find out what I can but whether my son pursues it is his decision and out of my hands.

My situation still isn't good but it is sure seems a lot less hopeless tonight than it did last night. Thanks everyone for your informative and supportive messages! I will keep you posted on any progress or changes.

And I'm sure I'll be back venting as well because I seem to get more support from forums like these than from my IRL friends.

I'm locking up and going to try and get some sleep so you have a great night. Talk to you soon!

I will be calling them as well as Catholic Charities this week. If not Monday then Tuesday because I am off on Tuesdays so can devote the entire day if need be.

I also saw when looking at the local Catholic Charities website they apparently have some mental health resources. I will find out what I can but whether my son pursues it is his decision and out of my hands.

My situation still isn't good but it is sure seems a lot less hopeless tonight than it did last night. Thanks everyone for your informative and supportive messages! I will keep you posted on any progress or changes.

And I'm sure I'll be back venting as well because I seem to get more support from forums like these than from my IRL friends.

I'm locking up and going to try and get some sleep so ya'll have a great night. Talk to you soon!
Please know we will help you as much as we can and your son as well.

I will be calling them as well as Catholic Charities this week. If not Monday then Tuesday because I am off on Tuesdays so can devote the entire day if need be.

I also saw when looking at the local Catholic Charities website they apparently have some mental health resources. I will find out what I can but whether my son pursues it is his decision and out of my hands.

My situation still isn't good but it is sure seems a lot less hopeless tonight than it did last night. Thanks everyone for your informative and supportive messages! I will keep you posted on any progress or changes.

And I'm sure I'll be back venting as well because I seem to get more support from forums like these than from my IRL friends.

I'm locking up and going to try and get some sleep so ya'll have a great night. Talk to you soon!


Please keep us posted when you can. We appreciate the feedback.
Good Luck !

i've wondered the same thing. In fact a while ago when we discussed the possibility of my evicting him he stated point blank that he would do everything in his power to wreak as much hell on my life as he could from the time the eviction was served until it was executed. I'm not totally worried about my physical safety, he's very cunning and knows just how far he can go without doing something he could be jailed for. He did specifically mention that he would make as much noise when I'm trying to sleep at night as humanly possible, that sort of thing. There's also the off chance that a stray flying object could strike me but beyond that I doubt seriously that he would harm me physically although I do feel he is capable of doing just that. He's a master at the passive-aggressive thing.

He also is slick and smart enough to not make any kind of threats like that in someone else's hearing. So it could end up being a matter of his word against mine.

I'm more worried about the wear and tear on my mental state and how that would affect my performance at work.

Assuming the worst that 15 day notice would be a nightmare to say the least.Is there any record of his bi-polar and destrutive tendencies... if so the police and such are possobly more liable to believe you over him

It's not so much a matter of if they believe him or me but the officer said unless he witnessed it firsthand he couldn't take any action. I think maybe if there were a 3rd party witness maybe he cuold have but I'm not certain.

It's not so much a matter of if they believe him or me but the officer said unless he witnessed it firsthand he couldn't take any action. I think maybe if there were a 3rd party witness maybe he cuold have but I'm not certain.
Wow that bites

Domestic violence, if there is any sign, hole in a wall, item broken in the home, the police officer has a legal obligation to act. To arrest the suspected person.

Don't you have any immediate neighbors who have witnessed his performances before? Would any of those folks be willing to help you out with this eyewitness testimony?

Living with a bipolar is worse than living with a volcano set ontop of a huge propane tank waiting to explode. I lived with one and I can very well comiserate with your perdicament.

Right now he has no money with which to support himself. I am very surprised if he is cycling as quickly as he seems to be cycling that you have not applied for Social Security Disability for him a LONG time ago. He just didn't get like this overnight. It will take months to get approved, but if you have taken pictures of his "performances" of the broken items and present them at his administrative law judge hearing about his disability he would get a monthly disability check. It won't be a whole heck of a lot, but it will be his money he can use to live on.

It also sounds like he's been doing illegal drugs as most bipolars who really perform like to take illegal drugs or alcohol to enhance their performances.

You can't live your life continually walking on egg shells waiting for the next time he "blows up" and physically beats you to a pulp. You are very correct when you say that he is extremely smart and manipulative. They are.

When you are laid off and have no income to keep replacing items that he trashes of yours, if he decides to trash out the apartment the landlord may just evict you regardless of what you say. Landlords don't like their apts trashed.

If you are friendly with one or two of your neighbors talk to them about having them call the police when they hear him "perform" in your apt the next time he does and have them either come over to the apt and look in the windows or meet the police and have them tell the police about his trashing things. I am sure the police have your name and his name and address already in their system as him being a bipolar and know exactly what to expect when they show up.

When you are laid off and have no income to keep replacing items that he trashes of yours, if he decides to trash out the apartment the landlord may just evict you regardless of what you say. Landlords don't like their apts trashed.

If you are friendly with one or two of your neighbors talk to them about having them call the police when they hear him "perform" in your apt the next time he does and have them either come over to the apt and look in the windows or meet the police and have them tell the police about his trashing things. I am sure the police have your name and his name and address already in their system as him being a bipolar and know exactly what to expect when they show up.

Actually I won't be totally without income as I am eligible for unemployment but still...

But actually I'm not so worried about him doing physical damage to the apartment. That's not to say it can't or won't ever happen but he seems to be at least in enough control to limit his "trashing" to my personal belongings.

As for witnesses there were none. Being the slick manipulator that he is he always manages to "lose control" when no one is around or within earshot.

And I'm not completely sure if his frequent rages are real bipolar cycling or just extreme anger towards me that is just under the surface waiting to erupt at the least provocation. Maybe some of both?

All I know is whatever the cause our relationship has deteriorated maybe beyond repair. He demonstrates practically no friendliness towards me unless he is "kissing up" because he wants something. He makes it obvious that he has little or no respect for me as a human being, let alone as his mother. It's very hard living in such a negative and hostile environment and the only way I can see to change is is to simply remove him from my home, possibly my life until/unless he a) does something constructive with his own life and b) decides he wants a relationship with me that is based on mutual love, friendship, affection and respect.

As for witnesses there were none. Being the slick manipulator that he is he always manages to "lose control" when no one is around or within earshot.



That is inconsistent with bipolarism. Sounds more to me like he is just abusive towards you and uses excuses that cause you to be more sympathetic than you would if he was just being insolent.

My recommendation would be to file for a restraining/protective order and let the court sort out if he has an actual medical issue or not. Because frankly, a medical issue is no excuse.

Sorry I was unable to answer your questions about legal aid. I am glad some of the other regulars were able to help you find the information you needed.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

The son's behavior is consistent with hypomanic phase of bipolar.

The son's behavior is consistant with hypomanic phase of bipolar.

I too have wondered for years how much of his behavior towards me is based on a mental disorder and how much is just anger and hostility.

Sunflowers are you saying that his ability to somewhat pick when/where he loses it IS characteristic of bipolar disorder?

He does go off sometimes on his friends, and he and his boyfriend fight like cats and dogs but never to the severity that he uses on me. But those episodes don't last and his friends seem better able to tolerate it, for several possible reasons. They don't live with him, they haven't been dealing with this for almost 20 years, and their relationships aren't as strained as his and my relationship. Although he did have a lenthy online friendship with a young man in NYC and last summer this young man was kind enough to fly my son up there for a two week visit, all expenses paid. Julio couldn't take any time off form work so at those times my son would explore the city and ended up meeting two or three other new "friends." Eventually he started blowing Julio off to hang out with his new buddies which of course caused a lot of friction and ultimately Julio told my son 3 days before he was to come home that he would have to stay somewhere else for the rest of his visit. I've talked with Julio and my son's behavior towards him was strikingly similar to what I get from him, and of course my son blames Julio completely (also typical)

Here's another thought/question: can these outbursts be triggered by certain people, places, events, etc which would make sense to me so that he might be more prone to "go off" on me as opposed to someone else because of the anger and resentment towards me where he wouldn't be as prone to lose it in other environments?

BTW I didn't get to call Legal Aid today as their office is closed during my lunch break which is the only time during the work day I can make lenghtly phone calls. I'm off tomorrow however and will be calling them first thing in the morning.

I too have wondered for years how much of his behavior towards me is based on a mental disorder and how much is just anger and hostility.

Sunflowers are you saying that his ability to somewhat pick and choose when/where he loses it IS characteristic of bipolar disorder?
I believe YES because in a hypomanic phase they have the ability to improvise easily, quickly on the spot.

He does go off sometimes on his friends, and he and his boyfriend fight like cats and dogs but never to the severity that he uses on me. But those episodes don't last and his friends seem better able to tolerate it, for several possible reasons. They don't live with him, they haven't been dealing with this for almost 20 years, and their relationships aren't as strained as his and my relationship. Although he did have a lenthy online friendship with a young man in NYC and last summer this young man was kind enough to fly my son up there for a two week visit, all expenses paid. Julio couldn't take any time off form work so at those times my son would explore the city and ended up meeting two or three other new "friends." Eventually he started blowing Julio off to hang out with his new buddies which of course caused alot of friction and ultimately Julio told my son 3 days before he was to come home that he would have to stay somewhere else for the rest of his visit. I've talked with Julio and my son's behavior towards him was strikingly similar to what I get from him, and of course my son blames Julio completely (also typical)

This is also typical hypomanic behavior and response of becoming impatient or hostile when questioned or not getting what he wants.

Here's another thought/question: can these outbursts be triggered by certain people, places, events, etc which would make sense to me so that he might be more prone to "go off" on me as opposed to someone else because of the anger and resentment towards me where he wouldn't be as prone to lose it in other enviroments?

Yes its true, usually the parent or spouse is blamed by the bipolar for ALL or most of their problelms.

BTW I didn't get to call Legal Aid today as their office is closed during my lunch break which is the only time during the work day I can make lenghtly phone calls. I'm off tomorrow however and will be calling them first thing in the morning.

What age was your son diagnosed, just curious? Often times bipolar disorder is worse around the age your son is now.

It is also possible he could be cycling between hypomania and mania.

He goes off on you when nobody else can see or hear it? That is the typical behavior of someone who benefits from being abusive. If his manipulation and abuse were common knowledge, it would be much more difficult for him to exert control over you.

If this were your life partner instead of your son would you react differently? If your next-door-neighbor came to you for help saying that her husband was behaving this way, what advise would you give?

My ex-husband did this to me. He would also break things that he knew were precious to me. Then told me it was my fault because I had made him angry. My family and friends only saw what a nice guy he was in public. They couldn't believe that I was complaining about him or that it was really, really bad and escalating.

I got one of those tape recorders that is activated by sound. After I'd recorded several episodes of his behind-closed-doors behavior, I played it for my family. They helped me get out of there immediately. The tape wasn't admissible in court of course but provided evidence that brought emotional support.

Sorry that isn't easy to read

I believe YES because in a hypomanic phase they have the ability to improvise easily, quickly on the spot.

This is also typical hypomanic behavior and response of becoming impatient or hostile when questioned or not getting what he wants.

Yes its true, usually the parent or spouse is blamed by the bipolar for ALL or most of their problelms.

I hope that is easier.

Got some really good info today but he's at home right now so will update this evening or tomorrow.

Just the info alone, without having even acted on it, has lifted a 2 ton weight off my shoulders.

More later!

So here's what I found out today:

First of all Legal Aid does provide free legal advice, but not legal representation. Thankfully I shouldn't need legal representation anyway.

I'm not looking an an eviction because this is not a landlord-tenant situation. The action that suits my situation is called "ejectment" (never heard of that before today) which deals with an entitled person (home owner, renter, etc) vs. someone who is being allowed to live there but is not legally entitled.

It's a legal process where I have to file the ejectment, my son would be served and have 20 days to answer the summons. If he doesn't answer or contest then the motion would be granted pretty much automatically. If he did contest then there would be a court hearing. And my landlord doesn't come into the equation at all. I made a point of asking that since if he became involved could possibly have repurcussions on me either being evicted or having to pay the fine I mentioned in my original post.

Of course that isn't free, it's $275 to file and $20 to have the papers served. I'm taking up a collection, dontations may be sent to my email address and I take all major credit cards LOL.

Dummy me forgot to ask what my recourse would be should my son after being served decide to retaliate by smashing all my belongings. Got to call them back asap for the answer on that one.

Dummy me forgot to ask what my recourse would be should my son after being served decide to retaliate by smashing all my belongings. Gotta call them back asap for the answer on that one.
Yeah, that's the part that especially worries me. Let us know when you find out something.

Great fact-finding work!

Dummy me forgot to ask what my recourse would be should my son after being served decide to retaliate by smashing all my belongings. Gotta call them back asap for the answer on that one.

Have him arrested and don't bail him out.

It's been a while since I've been on here but wanted to update with the latest in my situation.

Legal Aid turned out to be not much help after all. They sent me an Ejectment form after telling me that I could, as the authorized resident of the home, eject my son even though don't own, I rent. The form clearly states "I am the owner of the property located at _____ and a copy of the deed is attached." Clearly that is not the case. Haven't been able to get through to anyone there for clarification but nothing on the form states "aughorized resident" or anything to that effect.

My son's anger issues and mood swings are becoming more frequent and severe, even though he is now finally on medications. Of course I am the one and only target and get the full brunt of his verbal abuse.

A couple of weeks ago I had a complete melt down. Almost as if in an out of body experience I grabbed some scissors and started hacking away at my arm. Fortunately they were only surface wounds and are pracitcally unnoticeable now. However my "concerned son" called the police and I was taken to the psych ward of the hospital for evaluation. The female officer had been here on a prior call so knew my/our story and when my son tried to interject into what I was telling her she gave him a very hard dirty look and told him to sit down and shut up. The male officer for whatever reason went into my son's room and came out with a bong. I don't think there was anything in it, but at any rate other than some choice words from the police nothing happened to him.

I was released from the hospital the next morning and I really think my son was surprised and disappointed that I wasn't admitted to a crisis stabilization facitility. He later said I cut my arm for attention and then gave the police a sob story to make them feel sorry for me and get myself off the hook. I'm pretty sure he only called the police thinking he would have me out of "his house" for a few days at least.

That whole episode scared the hell out of me. What if I have another meltdown, what might I do to myself then?

I did call the local domestic abuse shelter without much result. I was told if I need to I can come stay in the shelter for a short time but then would either have to go somewhere else or return home. It's tempting to go there just to get away from the insanity for a few days but I'd feel like I was abusing the system and that it wasn't designed for a temporary "get away" kind of escape just to regroup. They did tell me of a support group for abused women that meets on Wedsnesdays and I will be going tomorrow.

Beyond that the counselor told me that, fair or not, my only real option is to move out myself. I can't since I'm now unemployed. And not only that but I love my apartment... I'll never find another place this nice, this reasonably priced, with the great amenities and the great 2-blocks-from the-beach location. And if there is ANY other alternative why should I? I'm not the bad guy here, the only thing I'm doing wrong is violating my lease but HE'S the one who is verbally and physically abusing me (and yes the counselor told me that breaking and smashing my belongings IS physical abuse) not to mention I've been the only one paying the rent for the two years that I've lived in this apartment, so why should I be the one to be punished?

Please send prayers and good thoughts that someone somewhere can help me find a loophole to get myself out of this mess. I really feel lik I'm on the brink of insanity here and soon when my son tells me I'm just an insane he will be right!!

You need to grow some spine yourself and just move out. Your possessions can be replaced and whatever loss you encounter in a move will be trivial compared to what you are undergoing right now. Otherwise you'll have yourself to blame if this escalates any further.

Hi blue mood, hope things are better for you by now? I see this is almost a year old, but I have to tell you that I am in a circumstance almost exactly the same as yours... the build up to all this poor behavior and hatefullness on my sons part is a story too long and sad to share, but suffice to say he is 25 and acts out, attacks my possessions and I have tried for two years to help him but you know its not my fault (I had some guilt issues for sometime but finally I realize that his poor behavior is not my fault) he will not do as I request, he does not pay me anything to help out, and even though I have told him he has to move he does nothing (he does have a part time job and a girlfriend and two small children) I am in the process of preparing to have him removed from the property (it hurts my heart to even hear myself think of doing this, but even in preparation for this I am starting to feel some self respect returning)it is he who needs to leave... I will not leave this property and the homes my father built... if and when he grows up maybe then he can return, everyone tells me the same... he needs to leave home and grow up... he has set his sister against me but she is a smart girl and I dearly hope that in time she will understand my actions and forgive me... anyway sorry for venting this with really no answer for you, but I hope that you are happy now, and maybe you have some suggestions for me? Thank you

Hello theend and thank you for your reply. I made a new post today (apparently they do not post immediately as it is not yet showing up) but in essence I can tell you that nothing has been resolved and the situation is much worse than it was when I originally wrote this post.

I think you are doing the right thing and I envy you. There are no legal avenues for me to evict my son as I am not the property owner (I rent my apartment).

The other night he got physical with me but when I called the police for help he told them that I was threatening him with a butcher knife (completely false allegtion!) and I was arrested and charged with aggravated battery. Now I am playing a waiting game until I can meet with my public defender next month. It's a nightmare! I have never been in any kind of trouble with the law before.

As for giving you advice you are doing just what I would advise. Let your child go as hard as that may be... you don't deserve the disrespect any more than I or anyone else does and if he isnot willing to make any changes then you can choose to live with it and make yourself crazy in the process, or remove yourself from the situation.

As I said, I envy you... if I owned the property I would have filed an eviction months if not years ago but that is not an option for me. Imay end up having to move out of my apartment which I love, and either moving in with my boyfriend in his cramped one br apartment until I canwork something else out, or moving out of state to stay with friends (which would cost me my boyfriend). There are no easy answers and putting your son out has to be breaking your heart but you have to take care of yourself and your mental and physical safety.

I know you are praying that over time you can rebuild your relationship with your son, as I am praying for that with mine... but until that time comes then it sounds to me like you are better off not having him in your home.

Good luck andGod bless!

BMNJ, Just had to write in and provide you with the little support that those of us dealing with this illness have which is to let you know that there is yet another family living the same nightmare as you and that through the collective sharing of our experiences maybe we can get the lawmakers and medical community to take a more concerted interest in this illness and to fix what is clearly a broken system when it comes dealing with mental disorder. It shouldn't be as hard as it is to get hospital care for these people.

The symptoms of the disease are obvious but they leave the decision for treatment to the patient. If I have cancer, of course I'm going to ask for treatment because the disease does not affect my thinking but if you are suffering from a MENTAL disorder, how can you be expected to make a rational decision about treatment. THE DISEASE IS IN YOUR BRAIN. So because they are free to refuse treatment, they end up wandering the streets because what else is there to do when your family runs out of resources to help you and you are un-employable. It gives you a new perspective on why there are so many homeless people, because MENTAL illness carries such a social stigma that it is literally the bastard child of the disease world, or worse yet, just the outcome of bad parenting and until this thinking changes, those of us left to deal with it are just stuck.

Just last night my wife and I had our third 911 response to our home which ended with her leaving and my wife and I wondering what the final outcome is going to be. I've already determined that I am not letting her back in the house if she decides to return but as you touched on above, I'm not really sure that I can legally do it. The story behind this latest incident is too long to recant for this post but as you know, unless she threatens to hurt us (like a MENTAL person would ever admit to that), there's nothing they can do and she is free to do whatever she wants.

As for the similarities in our experiences, the one point that really struck a chord with me was you description of how "savvy" you son is with his illness. My daughter is the same way. She is very well spoken and very cagey when it comes to behaving calmly in front of the police and the hospital workers but fortunately she has slipped up on at least a few occasions which landed her a couple of week long stays at the psych hospital which in turn granted us some temporary relief but it is just that, temporary, as can be seen above.

Obviously the help that we need is probably not going to arrive in time for our loved ones but hopefully through further advocacy, which I am in the process of looking into, the current health laws can be changed to better server the families of mental heath victims and through greater visibility (celebrity advocacy) and discussion, there will be continued neuro research which hopefully will better improve the outcome of these cases.


My Deepest and most Heartfelt Best Wishes.

I glanced through this and saw this wasn't suggested what you need is a nanny cam. It's a covert surveilance camera ( looks like a clock, radio or smoke detector as some examples) that records video and sound. Its your house (you have a lease to live there), you are allowed to record for "security purposes".

If it catches your son in one of his threatening rages instead of a burgler?

Sorry, I have no sympathy for him because he chooses to refuse treatment. He made his bed now he has to sleep in it. It would provide proof needed for a restraining order against him pending an eviction.

If you have to get a pay as you go cell phone if you have none now... they don't have to be activated to dial 911. Just have a charged battery.

And I would call it if he makes any threats before he is officially evicted.

I send my best wishes and hope for future peace to all of those suffering with abusive and ill loved ones. Just wanted to offer this resource I found. This guy seems to have lots and lots of experience with difficult adult child behavior. It looks like he deals primarily with younger children but he also has lots of information about abusive adult children living at home. If you Google 'Empowering Parents.com-abusive adult child that won't leave home', From the web page you can find the site and from there you can peruse the topics and even do a search for a situation close to yours. I sincerely hope you find a way to resolve your family troubles. My son is 35, been in prison, won't work, lives with his father and is verbally abusive and won't leave. His father just filed an eviction notice and supposedly it takes 30 days before he actually has to be out. If he doesn't leave, then the police will come and escort him off the premises. I live in another state so I don't have to deal with the day to day, but I've been making the mistake of bailing him out financially when the bottom falls out for the last 5 years or so, always thinking he will one day get on his own. It was always the... 'this is the last time... senario'. I've been talking to my ex about what he's doing and giving him support and telling him to be strong and not to back down. I won't go into the details, we all have our stories to tell, but I know all too well about the ease of giving in because following through is so difficult. Don't give up. Check out the site and I believe you can even email him with questions, I bet he will be able to guide you in the right direction. You need to take care of you and that means not giving up. Good luck to you...

Hi I went threw all of the above-this has been going on for twenty years (cost me everything-and almost my life)-this illness is so sad--but as sad and hard as it is for you--you do have to have him move out (not kick-out) for your well being and safety as well as his--he needs to learn how to live his life with out you-if you continue to enable him,he will be lost when you die-and that may be too much for him- and could destroy him-if you push him out now-at least he knows you are there in case of an emergency and that he has some one-and he is loved.There's so much help out there-there really is--you are not alone in this night mare-so take care of you - pray and give it to God-and please reach out and let these people(phone book-mental health-dept or social services-it's in there -you'd be surprised how many people have this illness) help you-they know what they are doing and are not emotionally attached-Look -Up Every thing's going to be all right.

I don't know where u live but in CT where I live, a renter can sue for eviction based on the fact that your son is a nuisance. Or you can go to the court and get a restraining order. Most of the time that will mean he can't come to the house.

I don't know where u live but in CT where I live, a renter can sue for eviction based on the fact that your son is a nuisance. Or you can go to the court and get a restraining order. most of the time that will mean he can't come to the house.

I read through the opening post, noticed that the OP had been given incorrect advice (by the police and clerk of court), considered correcting it, but then, fortunately also noticed that this is an old thread. Chances are good that OP's problem has been solved years ago.

Please don't bring old threads to the fore just so that you can add your two cents worth. No one cares.

Just reading this after doing a Google search for "living with adult bipolar child". We have an almost 19 year old son and I feel so alone. Everyone has bent over backwards to help him--the high school teachers that helped him to get a basic diploma, and now the community college teachers, counsellors, therapists, etc.. He is on meds but keeps melting down mid-semester and after being on the dean's list his first semester, has tanked for three semesters when he hits "bottom." He won't go to class, gets behind, then just lies in bed, etc. Often on the same day, though, his mood will improve and he'll be cheery, joking around, etc.. But by class time the next day, he'll be down again. Some days he'll actually get up and go across town to class but won't be able to make it through and comes home a half hour later. I am seeing no end in sight. When he says to us, "I just don't see any hope. What kind of job or relationship will I ever be able to have if I can't function half the time?" I actually start to wonder too! Is there another forum parents of adult bipolar kids can go to?

Just reading this after doing a google search for "living with adult bipolar child". We have an almost 19 year old son and I feel so alone. Everyone has bent over backwards to help him--the high school teachers that helped him to get a basic diploma, and now the community college teachers, counsellors, therapists, etc.. He is on meds but keeps melting down mid-semester and after being on the dean's list his first semester, has tanked for three semesters when he hits "bottom." He won't go to class, gets behind, then just lies in bed, etc. Often on the same day, though, his mood will improve and he'll be cheery, joking around, etc.. But by class time the next day, he'll be down again. Some days he'll actually get up and go across town to class but won't be able to make it through and comes home a half hour later. I am seeing no end in sight. When he says to us, "I just don't see any hope. What kind of job or relationship will I ever be able to have if I can't function half the time?" I actually start to wonder too! Is there another forum parents of adult bipolar kids can go to?


This forum is one of many we have here. There is also one for mental health.


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotional-wellbeing/