I have been divorce for a little over 2 years now and my daughter and me seemed to be doing just fine. Her Dad used to come around on a regular basis but she never wanted to stay with him more than a few hours at the time. Then he left for 1 year to Korea and now he is back remarried to a nice Asian woman that is pregnant about to have a boy. My daughter at first was heartbroken that he remarried she apparently harbored the thought we would get back together which neither one of us ever indicated. Now all of a sudden she wants to spents as much time as possible over her Dads house which I don't have a problem with. But I am afraid that it is for all the wrong reasons... she always wanted a brother or sister and now she will get one. So she been pretty much staying there. But I am afraid this Happy time for her will not last due to the inconsistency of her Dad. We have joint custody with me having Physical Custody. I am not sure on the fact could she choose where she wanted to stay. My daughter is 9 years old and seems to keep all her feelings about this situation bottled up and I don't know how to get to her . I don't want to alienate her or make her feel like she has to choose so I tried to see the positive Aspect of this situation that she gets some Quality time with her Dad. But I am afraid that once this Baby is born, a boy he always wanted she will take second seat and she will be hurt. But the thing that bothers me a little is that all of a sudden she treats me like I only exist when she wants something that her Dad won't provide for her or they get into an argument she will call crying and trying to put me in the middle of it. I tried to talk to her to let her now while she is at her Dads she has to follow by his rules and that I cannot interfere ,but if I don't back her up she seems to close up and doesn't want to talk anymore.
I want what's best for her and I don't want her to think she has to choose but I also feel I shouldn't be blackmailed by her trying to play us against each other. I miss her and she tries to play on that and of course I want my baby to come home but I also don't want to force her.
Due to the unstable emotional state of her Dad I am afraid she will be left heartbroken along the way. My question is how should I act or not act and should I try to talk to her or just wait and see what happens and be there to catch her when she is broken hearted which as much as I hate to see it I am certain will happen. I am certain because he has another daughter from a previous relationship which pretty took the last seat after my daughter was born other than a few calls between holidays and birthdays.

Your concerns could be raised and discussed with her father. It is also important that there is consistency between parenting styles.

Thank you for the response but I already discussed it with her father there seems to be no talking to him. I told him she needs rules and a regular schedule but I seem to come on deaf ears. He expects her a 9 year old to decide where she wants to be today or tomorrow. I think a schedule we both can agree on would be the more healthy approach .