Well my problem? I've been dumped--again. The first time I was dumped was about a month ago by a boyfriend of a year and a half who left me for "my inability to be sexual", and in an attempt to get over him I started to get to know another guy. I hit it off with the new guy, who was shy and kept to himself all the time. Once I started to break that shell, I realized he was funny, kind, understanding and above all intelligent--we were both on the Honor Roll of our schools and I found that to be so attractive about him. However, because of the size of our school I never had the chance to talk to him face to face, I added him on Facebook and after a while told him I liked him and he asked me to coffee. This "date" was a little awkward because we didn't have much to say to another, being the first time we had met face to face. We talked the whole time, but most of the time I would initiate it and he would respond. He asked me out again, after I told him I liked him, and told his tennis friends to come as well so it wouldn't be as awkward as the first time. He said.. "I'm a little surprised as to why you invited other people, but it's fine because we can just hang out alone on another day."

Anyway, we went out a second time, laughed and had a good time without it being as awkward, he made some kind of an attempt this time and he was flirtier so I was sure he liked me.. but I didn't hear from him for days. His friends notified me that he was "confused" between I and another girl who he plays tennis with.. (She was one of the people I had cluelessly invited to our movie date because I had no idea he had liked her). Let's call her Shelly. Anyway, this shocked me immensely because I know Shelly quite well. She is not very intelligent, has an unstable personality, (this is going to sound extremely shallow but) not even decent looking.. (I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but honestly... ). She is just extremely happy/jumpy 90% of the time, and 10% she is so sad that it becomes a hassle to talk to her (hence the unstable nature). I walked up to him (mind you, I had to build the courage for hours) and asked him to tell me the truth. He didn't look me in the eye and fumbled around with his stuff, he then proceeded to confirm that yes he WAS confused before... but not anymore. He then told me he had class and left. Anyway, he ended up telling me that we didn't "click" after I accused him of running away from his problems and not having the guts to tell me the truth... his exact words? "This is going to sound so cliche, but it's not you, it's me. You're great; you're nice, you're funny, you're smart you're cute....but something just isn't clicking for me, I just don't feel it..I'm really sorry if I led you on. And I know what you're thinking, this has nothing to do with Shelly coming to our date, regardless of her WE wouldn't have worked out..she could be a factor in that I like her, but she wasn't the reason." This guy has never been in a relationship before hence the "movie quotes".. I guess he just didn't what else to tell me.

Sigh. I'm pretty devastated. I cry all the time, maybe because I never fully healed from my first relationship. I just don't understand... it's not even that the other girl had more of a connection with him, she is just not someone you can have a "connection" with so-to-say because she's so one dimensional and unstable! Anyway... I'm just looking for some guidance, anything you guys can give me... I said no to us being friends because I really have strong feelings for him and that would kill me. Why do these things happen to me? How can I be so "perfect and great" but we still can't CLICK? He never even made an attempt to click with me, it was always ME who initiated it.. I told him I liked him, said hello, made an attempt for us to get along... did he just expect us to CLICK so to say, automatically? I feel extremely depressed, how can this girl be the one for him and not me? I wish you all could talk to his girl and see that even besides looks, she really has no substance to her ever-changing personality and mood changes... Why me?

There are 3 possibilities I could think of.. (to keep me sane). One was that he wasn't looking for a commitment because he is graduating and going to another city in a few months and the other girl was a better option for this. Two, he was intimidated by me? I don't even know... he's the guy that no girl approaches because he's a little awkward and shy, I thought he'd be ecstatic (even more than I with him) to go out with me, but instead he did exactly the opposite. Or 3.. maybe he really had more of a "connection" with her? I just don't get it... why can't I just forget about him? I don't even know what to say...

EDIT: He also said "I would love for us to stay friends because we get along great" And I said "No"... "But as soon as I said that I kind of regret it, so I don't know."
Do you guys think I can handle being friends with him? I really like him, romantically but also as a friend.. he's a great guy, and plus he's graduating in 2 months and I'll probably never see him again.. do you think we should just stay friends? (For those of you who are wondering, I've only known this guy and gotten this attached in 3 weeks.. I think a part of that is from how hurt I was from my first relationship and clung onto the first scapegoat I could find..

I don't think that you should put yourself through anymore pain. It's time to let go and move on.

Take it easy on yourself. I know that relationships can be very depressing. I know that when things are going bad, it can feel really really bad. Many people who first start posting in the forum feel just as horribly as you do. When I first posted here, I've never been more depressed in life, but I got through it and so will you.

You got to keep your head up. Things will get better. Just give yourself time to heal. You will find someone better in the future. Just give yourself the chance to meet that someone special.

If you feel the need to vent more, then go ahead. We're here to listen and help you any way we can.

Look, I think that you're overreacting and need some perspective.

You've recently broken up in a relationship - a month ago - and you're already trying to find someone else. You went out with this guy twice (I'll repeat that twice) the first time was awkward, and it was your suggestion to invite a friend to the second date. He's now a bit hesitant after the second date, because there may be someone else he likes, and you give him the whole 'hysterical, clingy, princess' act.

Now, you're analysing everything he says, and reading into his statements and actions all your own insecurities, fears and complexes. What's more you're acting as if he's the love of your life and he's betraying you.

I think that you need to get a grip on reality. The things that you're describing about the other girl is actually how you're behaving -

....I wish you all could talk to his girl and see that even besides looks, she really has no substance to her ever-changing personality and mood changes....

As you've already said I think that you're still grieving for the first relationship - this poor guy and the girl are just scapegoats for your disappointment and your fear that you won't have another relationship.

Just stop it. You're behaving really obsessively, but you already know this. Leave him alone, leave her alone - they sound decent enough and probably don't know how to react to your hysterics. Who cares about why he did what he did - he's probably wondering the same about you! Stop being a bunny boiler. Let it go. Disappointment won't kill you - take a deep breath, exercise some restraint and get on with your life.

I think that you need to get a grip on reality. The things that you're describing about the other girl is actually how you're behaving -

[b]I'm not hysterical, I don't even understand where you got the "hysterical princess" idea from? I'm not pouring my heart out to him and begging him to stay with me, I just didn't understand, and still don't, why he asked me out twice and is now claiming he likes someone else. Who, by the way, he told ME to invite as opposed to him because he said "I don't want her thinking I'm asking HER out on a date." He always acted like he didn't even like her.


Just stop it. You're behaving really obsessively, but you already know this. Leave him alone, leave her alone - they sound decent enough and probably don't know how to react to your hysterics. Who cares about why he did what he did - he's probably wondering the same about you! Stop being a bunny boiler. Let it go. Disappointment won't kill you - take a deep breath, exercise some restraint and get on with your life.

[b]I honestly think you don't really understand the situation, I was never hysterical, just confused, and I don't even bother him.. so I don't understand where your idea of me being a "clingy princess" fits in at all? Thank you for putting in your time to help me out with a question, but please also consider that labelling me makes me question how much you even understand? :S

What I see is you went from a boyfriend of a year plus to a new boyfriend in less than month and can't understand why they are not serious, because you date dozens of people to find one that has the same intersts as you.

The fact you had the same boyfriend in school for over two months is the real surprise

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Why am I doomed in relationships and feel nearly suicidal after?


Your not actually, its just that after putting so much into that year long relationship you haven't healed enough.

I read through your other questions you had posted before, and I feel like you really let this guy (your ex) break you down, and confuse you by using your feelings, and inexperience to get what he wanted, and really didn't care for you the way you wanted. He wanted sex, you weren't ready. The age old conflict with young adults.

That's probably why you expected so much from this new guy, and fell so fast. You were wanting someone to be with who cared, which is what we all want.

But like so many, you skipped a step or to in the process, like just having fun getting to know some one to find out if things have a chance of working out. I also think you ignored what he was thinking because you were to busy trying to fill your own heart, and was hurt when he had other ideas.

Too much, to fast, crash and burn. But that's the risk we all take every time we have feelings for someone. It may not work, and if it does, may not last.

What's also something you should pay attention to, is the way you cope with your own feels, specifically the ones of intense attraction, that leads you to build something to fast without the proper investigation.

You must give it more time, just to see people for what they are and if they are worth the risk of giving your heart to. Its easy to think because you feel a certain way toward them, that they feel the same way.

That's usually not the case, and if you take your time and not let your feelings overwhelm your thinking process, you will see that before you dive right in.

Another is your thinking that just because you don't see any value in a person, never assume no one else will, and what not right is comparing yourself to another and putting them down.

That's what you did with this female he likes more than you, and probably where your jealousy and confusion comes from. Assuming how others feel, without facts to bear it out.

Don't be discouraged though as we all GROW and LEARN, and get better with knowing ourselves and dealing with ourselves. You can't rush the process, so be patient with yourself, and never let someone else's motives rule your own good sense.

You just need more time to heal, and love yourself more, by being aware of the things that make you happy, and learning to enjoy exploring your world through people, and activities you like. Have fun, and don't dwell or rush into what looks good at first, but upon closer inspection, ain't worth your time.

Leave this guy alone now, and the girl he likes, and make some real friends, that have good clean fun.

A happy healthy relationship with yourself, is what you need, and good people will want to share it with you, and you them. Love yourself, and eventually you will heal.

Wow, got kind of long winded for so early in the morning, but hope this helps, with your confusion.

It could be that you are taking things too seriously. Plan to have more fun.

I think that you need to get a grip on reality. The things that you're describing about the other girl is actually how you're behaving -

[b]I'm not hysterical, I don't even understand where you got the "hysterical princess" idea from? I'm not pouring my heart out to him and begging him to stay with me, I just didn't understand, and still don't, why he asked me out twice and is now claiming he likes someone else. Who, by the way, he told ME to invite as opposed to him because he said "I don't want her thinking I'm asking HER out on a date." He always acted like he didn't even like her.


Just stop it. You're behaving really obsessively, but you already know this. Leave him alone, leave her alone - they sound decent enough and probably don't know how to react to your hysterics. Who cares about why he did what he did - he's probably wondering the same about you! Stop being a bunny boiler. Let it go. Disappointment won't kill you - take a deep breath, exercise some restraint and get on with your life.

[b]I honestly think you don't really understand the situation, I was never hysterical, just confused, and I don't even bother him..so I don't understand where your idea of me being a "clingy princess" fits in at all? Thank you for putting in your time to help me out with a question, but please also consider that labelling me makes me question how much you even understand? :S

My MOST sincere apologies Lavendar if you found my comments offensive.

They were not meant to be offensive, but they were meant to be strong. Understand that I can only respond to what you've outlined in the post, I'm not you, I'm not living the situation.

I would however, ask you to take a deep breath and think a little about what I said.

He asked you out twice. Now he likes someone else, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me - he changed his mind. Why would you keep thinking about this? Why would you think that it means something is wrong with you? There is nothing wrong with you, other than you keep thinking about him.

Don't put your power into other people's hands and allow your perception of their motives to make yourself feel bad. (I think that T already said that!) It is up to you to change your thinking, and you have the power to do that.

Above all, allow yourself time to grieve over the long-term relationship before you begin a new one.

I wish you every good thing in life.

Thank you so much for your advice, I printed it out and as sad as that sounds, I put it in my purse so I can read it every so often if I feel depressed in class or whenever my thoughts get the better of me... I'm so sorry I took so long to respond, I actually read your post the very day you posted it but I was busy with exams and didn't log in after. Thank you so much, I sent you a quick question, I promise it will be the last time I bother you.