yousahoe
Apr 29, 2009, 06:30 PM
Hey guys,
Just ran across this site, and you seem to look very helpful, so I'm going to tell you everything lol. It's kind of a long story so hang in there. Btw, I'm the senior in HS (guy) and she's the frosh at college. I'm 17, she's 18.
We met during my junior year when she was a senior. We had a platonic friendship through a mutual class of ours, and I ended up asking her to my junior prom. I do think we moved verrry fast, but everything turned out fine. Within a month of prom, we were dating, hanging out all the time, talking about our future (college visits, living together after college... it felt so right at the time, but now I realize it was naïve... but doesn't everyone do that?). It was freakin magical, to say the least.
We had a great-and I mean great- time over the summer! We were very open with each other... we talked about everything. We both bonded over the summer, despite the looming distance that was coming in a few months. We overlooked that and thought that our love and connection would transcend that... and it did! First 6 months or so were great... we saw each other over breaks and weekends (1-2 a month), and we talked to each other allll the time, as in 1-2 hours per night.
It first started in March when my girlfriend kissed another guy at a party. She told me a few days after and I just brushed it off. My attitude was like "Hey it happened, you were honest, let's just get over it." I guess she wanted us to talk about it more, and in retrospect, I should have seen it coming. We decided to go on a break (breakup in my head). But I was freaking out.. I didn't want to lose one of the best things of my life. I would constantly worry, call her, text her... essentially to a point of obsession. I felt depressed, anti-social, the whole bit. We had another discussion and "opened" up the relationship (no holes/fingers... that kind of thing). The very next night, I got so drunk at a school dance that I made out with like 10 girls. It being high school, everyone sensationalized it and advertised it to a point where she was disgusted. Disgusted in me, my friends, and the whole concept of high school.
A few weeks ago, we met and talked about breaking things up for good. We said we loved each other, but right now was not the best time. It was more her, than me. It all came out then. She felt like we were too dependent on each other, too consumed in the relationship, she felt like she couldn't "have a good time" in college with such a serious relationship on her mind. I felt none of this... I was having a great time in HS (but then again, college and HS are completely different places). I did meet her friends and they were very promiscuous when it came to sex... so I think that peer pressure definitely had something to do with it. She had hooked up with 4 guys (4 weekends... you get the picture) all the way to third. I just couldn't take it... I had done nothing, waiting for her to come back so we could fix things. After that I decided I don't need her, she's a slut, she's stringing me around, the whole bit... pretty much whatever I needed to make myself feel "right" or good. I made out with a few girls, w/e... didn't really make me feel better. I ed her out one night, telling her I don't need someone like her in my life, etc and we shouldn't talk. I contacted her a few days later and she told me she was sick of this and me. She said I was an emotional rollercoaster... too competitive (superiority?)... too vengeful (get her back for what she did with other guys)... she didn't want someone who would cause this much drama... etc.
Yesterday we talked and she told me she had sex with another guy... sex... SEX.. I was absolutely destroyed... It was a one night stand, but I kept picturing it and it drove me crazy. I mean I had gone to third with another girl at a spring weekend party the same day, but never sex.
What the hell is going on? Is this her way of showing her she doesn't need me any more? She was a very conservative girl in HS... no prior bf's (we were each other's first times), not very flirty/the dating type... Is this her way of breaking loose from that? Of creating her own personal identity? She's changed so much... seems like sex is a casual thing to her, not something special. She just wants to relax, party, and throw aside her responsibilities (altho she is a very good student), whereas I'm a very goal-oriented person. Perhaps I'm fixated on the physical stuff she has done, wrongly equating that with love (stuff with other guys=no love/care for me)? Or is it my HS attitude towards relationships and commitment? Perhaps I am looking for something too serious at a point in my life where freedom and a "I do what I want" attitude prevails? Maybe I can't bear the fact that she isn't mine... I can't imagine her with another guy.
I just need some guidance for the summer... We said we see each other, but I think its only a casual thing with sex (friends w/ benefits). I still love her, but I've distanced myself to a point where I don't need her (YES! On my part haha). Will my feelings resurface if I go into this? What if I expect too much (seeing her often, being together all the time, etc.)? Should I even do this?
I know I'm veeeerrry verbose, but this is such a huge deal to me. Thanks guys.
Just ran across this site, and you seem to look very helpful, so I'm going to tell you everything lol. It's kind of a long story so hang in there. Btw, I'm the senior in HS (guy) and she's the frosh at college. I'm 17, she's 18.
We met during my junior year when she was a senior. We had a platonic friendship through a mutual class of ours, and I ended up asking her to my junior prom. I do think we moved verrry fast, but everything turned out fine. Within a month of prom, we were dating, hanging out all the time, talking about our future (college visits, living together after college... it felt so right at the time, but now I realize it was naïve... but doesn't everyone do that?). It was freakin magical, to say the least.
We had a great-and I mean great- time over the summer! We were very open with each other... we talked about everything. We both bonded over the summer, despite the looming distance that was coming in a few months. We overlooked that and thought that our love and connection would transcend that... and it did! First 6 months or so were great... we saw each other over breaks and weekends (1-2 a month), and we talked to each other allll the time, as in 1-2 hours per night.
It first started in March when my girlfriend kissed another guy at a party. She told me a few days after and I just brushed it off. My attitude was like "Hey it happened, you were honest, let's just get over it." I guess she wanted us to talk about it more, and in retrospect, I should have seen it coming. We decided to go on a break (breakup in my head). But I was freaking out.. I didn't want to lose one of the best things of my life. I would constantly worry, call her, text her... essentially to a point of obsession. I felt depressed, anti-social, the whole bit. We had another discussion and "opened" up the relationship (no holes/fingers... that kind of thing). The very next night, I got so drunk at a school dance that I made out with like 10 girls. It being high school, everyone sensationalized it and advertised it to a point where she was disgusted. Disgusted in me, my friends, and the whole concept of high school.
A few weeks ago, we met and talked about breaking things up for good. We said we loved each other, but right now was not the best time. It was more her, than me. It all came out then. She felt like we were too dependent on each other, too consumed in the relationship, she felt like she couldn't "have a good time" in college with such a serious relationship on her mind. I felt none of this... I was having a great time in HS (but then again, college and HS are completely different places). I did meet her friends and they were very promiscuous when it came to sex... so I think that peer pressure definitely had something to do with it. She had hooked up with 4 guys (4 weekends... you get the picture) all the way to third. I just couldn't take it... I had done nothing, waiting for her to come back so we could fix things. After that I decided I don't need her, she's a slut, she's stringing me around, the whole bit... pretty much whatever I needed to make myself feel "right" or good. I made out with a few girls, w/e... didn't really make me feel better. I ed her out one night, telling her I don't need someone like her in my life, etc and we shouldn't talk. I contacted her a few days later and she told me she was sick of this and me. She said I was an emotional rollercoaster... too competitive (superiority?)... too vengeful (get her back for what she did with other guys)... she didn't want someone who would cause this much drama... etc.
Yesterday we talked and she told me she had sex with another guy... sex... SEX.. I was absolutely destroyed... It was a one night stand, but I kept picturing it and it drove me crazy. I mean I had gone to third with another girl at a spring weekend party the same day, but never sex.
What the hell is going on? Is this her way of showing her she doesn't need me any more? She was a very conservative girl in HS... no prior bf's (we were each other's first times), not very flirty/the dating type... Is this her way of breaking loose from that? Of creating her own personal identity? She's changed so much... seems like sex is a casual thing to her, not something special. She just wants to relax, party, and throw aside her responsibilities (altho she is a very good student), whereas I'm a very goal-oriented person. Perhaps I'm fixated on the physical stuff she has done, wrongly equating that with love (stuff with other guys=no love/care for me)? Or is it my HS attitude towards relationships and commitment? Perhaps I am looking for something too serious at a point in my life where freedom and a "I do what I want" attitude prevails? Maybe I can't bear the fact that she isn't mine... I can't imagine her with another guy.
I just need some guidance for the summer... We said we see each other, but I think its only a casual thing with sex (friends w/ benefits). I still love her, but I've distanced myself to a point where I don't need her (YES! On my part haha). Will my feelings resurface if I go into this? What if I expect too much (seeing her often, being together all the time, etc.)? Should I even do this?
I know I'm veeeerrry verbose, but this is such a huge deal to me. Thanks guys.