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View Full Version : High Libido, but Can't Get Turned On.


everythingmd
Apr 29, 2009, 01:58 PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years (lived together for 1). It's an amazing relationship, we talk all the time and we are both very honest, caring, affectionate, etc. towards each other.

I have always thought that he is an incredible kisser/lover. Currently, we have sex at least 6 times a week (we initiate equally) and it definitely isn't getting old.

Recently, however, I've been having a problem... When I met him two years ago, just thinking about kissing him would get me turned on. But now, even if we're full on making-out, or if he's doing things to me, I don't get "aroused". Not even just a little. If I do, it'll be a lot, but it usually happens 20 minutes AFTER we have sex. So even though I have a high libido, I have a tough time getting "turned on".

Thanks to the artificial stuff, we can have great sex, but afterwards, he always says, "Clearly I don't do it anymore if we have to use lube". I keep assuring him that I enjoy myself (which is true) and I'm probably having this problem because of some random thing (my favorite go-to excuse is, "Oh, it's probably because I'm dehydrated"). So far, it hasn't negatively affected our sex life, but I worry that it soon will... No guy wants to feel like they aren't pleasing their girlfriend.

I'm only 22, so I don't know what's wrong with me... It's very frustrating Is there something physically or mentally wrong with me? How do I get over it? Has this ever happened to any of you? How else do I reassure him that it "isn't him, it's me"?

Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

simoneaugie
Apr 29, 2009, 02:37 PM
Explore the fantasies in your own head. They may simply be different than what is happening with him. That doesn't mean that you don't love him or want to have sex with him. Your own fantasies can be brought to bed. He doesn't have to know they are there.

Get to know yourself, knowing that in ten years you will be different than you are now. You can introduce new things with him, if applicable, at your own pace.

Synnen
Apr 29, 2009, 03:19 PM
Foreplay is MENTAL.

Take longer getting your mind involved BEFORE sex.

bronzebabe
Apr 29, 2009, 03:51 PM
I totally agree with what has been said here. You are not mentally ready, and you are stressing yourself out about it as well. Relax, show him the post you made on this site, and maybe he will actually realize it's NOT uncommon, and it's NOT that you aren't attracted to him.
If this does continue, maybe just have a few tests run, to make sure your hormones are in balance. Just to be on the safe side.
Relax...Have fun!

Xrayman
Apr 29, 2009, 05:04 PM
The type of contraceptive may be an issue, are you on the pill?

This affects the cervical mucous as well as the level of natural lubricant.

Otherwise, if there is no physical issue, than I'd agree with the previous posts-take your (as well as his) time.

sabrewolfe
Apr 29, 2009, 05:17 PM
There is nothing wrong with you. In the beginning of new relationships it's much easier to get aroused, your endorphin levels are much higher at that time. It tends to wane down once you get used to someone. That's not to say you can't get aroused with him again, you may need to try new things and I would definitely have a discussion with him about it. It may even help you feel more comfortable with him in bed knowing that you are not keeping how you feel about this from him.

Gemini54
Apr 29, 2009, 05:56 PM
This is just one of the realities of life.

Our bodies respond differently to our life circumstances, and of course, this affects us sexually. (Certain types of contraception can have this effect as well - but it's all very individual.)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using lube - I've used it for most of my life at one time or another. My partners have never considered it as a reflection of their 'skills' as lovers.

I think firstly, that you should try to stop worrying. Secondly, take it more slowly - see sex as a journey not a destination. Enjoy foreplay - explore each others bodies - use the lube as part of this foreplay. Thirdly, and this should have probably come first - talk to each other about this as well.

Al relationships go through different stages, it's about adjusting and communicating when they happen.

jenniepepsi
May 1, 2009, 09:28 PM
All great advice.

You might also try slowing down a bit. Maybe only having 2 days a week you have sex. Then it will be that much more enjoyable since you waited 'so long' for that one night.

I also agree, foreplay is a huge role in sex. You might try different aproaches to sex. Different positions, introducing a toy. Anything to 'spice' it up and make it different than 'the normal for you'