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jacobsmdj
Apr 29, 2009, 01:06 PM
Here is my situation

My boyfriend and I have been datingfor 8 months. The first 5 were amazing. In January, he proposed, and we decided in a year when we both graduate from college we will get married. Since then, he was evicted and moved in with me temporarily. Video Games are a large part of his life and he didn't play them as much when he moved in with me. 3 weeks ago, I went on a trip. When I came back, I found out that he had taken a video of himself masturbating and e-mailed it to someone. I confronted him, and he said that it was because I was gone and he was just in a chat room, he'd not talked to her since... but he never apologized. But, in the same breath, he asks why I'm not wearing my engagement ring.
The next day, he tells me he's going to move back in with his mom for a while because he needs space, but he still loves me and doesn't want to break up.

I'm very hurt by his actions, and am not sure how to handle this.

I wish
Apr 29, 2009, 01:09 PM
If he needs space, then you're going to have to give it to him. It sounds like there was a breach of trust in your relationship. So it sounds like you could also use the space to sort out this confusion.

You don't need to find all the answers in 1 day. Give yourself time to see how you feel a few days or weeks from today.

none12345
Apr 29, 2009, 02:45 PM
I believe what he did was a form of cheating in its own way. Take some time to think things through and give him the space he wants.

talaniman
Apr 30, 2009, 08:17 AM
Let this fruitcake go home to mama. Are you kidding, no telling what he will do when you go anywhere, and that's some excuse...

"he said that it was because I was gone and he was just in a chat room"

Fact is, your finding out some stuff about him, and its freaky enough for you to re-evaluate this relationship.

Take this as a preview of what life will be like with him.

Make sure he takes everything he came with so he doesn't have a reason to come back, and disappear from his life.

Delete his emails, as you never know what he is sending you given his history.

pathisfer
Apr 30, 2009, 08:33 AM
Guys are on 'good behavior' in the first few months of a relationship and he is already starting to show his true colors so there's more where that came from. The fact he didn't even apologize or act like it was a big deal indicates he knows he has 100% hold over you and that you won't be leaving him. Now he wants space as if YOU did something wrong, wow. You really want to be with this guy? He has shown you he cheats and isn't even accountable! I would cut bait on this.
Let him go to his mother's, help him pack, and send him on his way. Don't call him, spend time with your friends and move on with your life. There are better guys out there.

Romefalls19
Apr 30, 2009, 09:06 AM
Path, please tell me why guys are on "good behavior" for the first few months? I am sick of this generalization of one sex stuff. What makes it only the guy that's on good behavior? Last time I checked, girls are just as likely to cheat.

To the OP, drop this freak and run for the hills, who knows what he had planned for his next peep show

pathisfer
Apr 30, 2009, 09:12 AM
Romefalls, I was just referring to this specific situation. Generally, "people" are on their best behavior when you first are in a relationship- it's easy to be because you have all the endorphines going and you see everything with rose colored glasses but eventually, reality surfaces. This applies to BOTH men and women.

Gemini54
Apr 30, 2009, 07:11 PM
I think that this may be one of those 'too much too soon' situations. It's only been 8 months and your relationship is still in its infancy.

I'm not surprised you're feeling confused, but I think that it's partly because you don't know each other very well. I suspect that first flush of love and lust were behind the marriage proposal in your first few 'amazing' months. You've only lived together briefly, and haven't really got a sense of each others' personalities and lives.

Having said all that, his behaviour is unacceptable, in terms of it being firstly a breach of trust and secondly a totally inappropriate thing to do in a supposedly committed relationship.

I would be strongly re-evaluating whether you want to stay in this relationship. I agree with the other posters that his behaviour could be a sign of difficulties to come, but it could also be a weird response, on his part, to the prospect of marriage and being tied down.

Let him have his space, but I would suggest that you do need to talk, just so that you can get a real sense of why he has behaved this way. If you're going to terminate the relationship, then I think you confusion would be lessened by a sense of understanding and closure.

Mary99
Apr 30, 2009, 08:26 PM
You guys have only been dating for 8months! You 2 barely even know each other yet! But the true colours are starting to show now. . You have to ask yourself are you willing to deal with this for the rest of your life or not.