I met this woman 2 years ago. We were both unhappily married with small children. We immediately became friends and flirted with each other almost everyday. We both had a lot in common and eventually we were have an emotional affair. It did't get physical until we both were separated from our spouses. She left her husband with 6 months of us meeting, but I took over a year later to do so. My reasons were different. I was business partners with my ex and there was a lot of money involved. So for me to leave I thought I needed to get my finances and new career inline. Anyway we became extremely close friends, talking everyday about being together. Eventually she gave up on me and tried to move on which is understandable. I eventually left my wife and got my own place and immediately called this woman to meet. We did and began an amazing relationship. For the first 2 months it was wonderful. I never loved someone or was loved by someone the way we felt about each other.
I was having a problem thou which I handle incorrectly. My ex now suspected an affair, and was trying to keep our daughter from me and stole the money from the sale of our house. I was feeling pressure, had to go to court for my daughter and was trying to get some of the money.
The woman I was dating was now making me feel pressure about living together, which was my fault also, because I told her that within 3 months of being together we should move in together. But now things changed because I was trying to get custody and the money. She eventually again was backing away and becoming irritated with me.
I eventually resolved my issues and told her I was ready to show her that she was everything to me. Which I thought I did. 4 weeks ago we started looking for houses together to rent. We were spending time together and communicating our feelings. Then I get a text message saying that I am pressuring her (house was her idea) she wasn't ready and needed time for herself. She was scared everything moving to fast and she was still having problems with me lying to her in the past. I told her I understood and that we could take things slow. Her actual words were, I have waited for this for 2 years, I love you and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you lied to me and I need time to heal myself before I can move forward with you. I don't want to move my son again until I am ready. I know it will be, but needs to be the right time. I made her wait and now that I was ready she needs time.
That was 3 weeks ago, we spoke a few times, I sent her a card letting her know I was thinking about her and also flowers, but was giving her space. After a few days I sent her a text asking her if she wanted to see me that day. 4 hours later she texts me back that she could meet me for dinner that night. We met and at first it was fine, a little weird. Then it turned to her complaining about her parents (who watch her son everyday) not giving her space and getting into her business. She complained about her boss and then it was my turn. She knows that I love her, she knows how I feel, but she is feeling pressure and needs time. I asked her, What do you want me to do, are you telling me to move on? She got mad that I didn't understand.
So I am confused because I don't know if I am being tested, she is playing a game, now that she has what she wants she doesn't want it or is she really scared, which is understandable. It’s now been 11 days, I have not called her or text her. She has not called or text me. I am conflicted by my feelings for her and the hurt and pain that I feel. If she was communicating with me than I might understand more, but there is none.
I have communicated with her parents to say hi and also her sister. I am planning a play date for our children with her ex husband that I am now friends with. She knows I am still here.
I know she is conflicted, because in one sentence she says she needs time that she is scared, but in the next it’s now my fault. Look I know it’s not my fault. But what do I do?
Move on or give her time? Right now I am hurting just like everyone else, but it’s the conflicted reasons from her that are keeping.
Does she really need time? Do I keep my options open and enjoy this time? Or do I force myself to move on and forget her?

it seems to me that the two of you, both together and a part, have been though a lot during these past two years.

At first when I read you post, I thought; she's playing a game, but when you factor in that she went from being dissatisfied in a marriage, to meeting you, to becoming friends with you, separation from x husband, waiting for you... etc etc... no wonder if she needs sometime for her self, to figure her life out. Did she, and you for that matter, have enough time to yourself, to figure out your life... and to resolve your feelings about the x's... and move on properly?

If I were you I would give her space and keep on not contacting her. But I would also go on with my life; hanging out with friends, your kid, work, have fun etc. Also I wouldn't sit on the fence and wait forever. Giving her space is considerate towards her emotions, but you also have a responsibility towards yourself!

Seeing as you are the one who knows both yourself and her, you should follow your gut (at least to some extent); if you feel that she is playing a game... then move on with your life...

Thank you for your thoughts. Her birthday is Monday and my gut tells me that she is scared. Scared to commit and scared to lose me. I think that she will chose the later after her birthday when I don't call.

You two have certainly been through a lot, and its very possible you both should be taking a break from each other, just to let the emotional dust settle.

We all handle the stress of life in different ways, and sometimes it requires us to be on our own, long enough to figure things out. Leave her alone to get her own act together for herself, as its fairly obvious she isn't ready for what you are.

Don't you know it could be years before either of you has unpacked your baggage from the past and are ready for a healthy adult relationship.

To bad you can't both be supportive friends, and just not get carried away by your emotions. That would be asking too much out of two fragile, needy people, who need to get used to being single, and healing.

I think the both of you got started wrong.

Now, maybe she was saying that she wanted to move in with you due to her current living situation. Or maybe she don't want to uproot her child and put him a situation yet that she is unsure about. Or maybe she doesn't want to be tie down right and want some freedom. The list can be endless.

The only thing I can say is sometimes things don't go according as plan because people change and she has in a major way. In the end I hope everything you gave up was worth it.

Wow, you both have been through a lot. You need to let the emotional dust settle, it seemed IMO, that once your ex left you immediately jumped into a relationship to feel whole again. Maybe you are afraid of being alone, I don't know but I do know you need to work on your own issues as she needs to work on hers, without your influence or vice verse