Hi, I've been along with my girlfriend for roughly 4 years since she's 14. She's rather shy, but turned to someone cheerful and fun these years. Around 2 yrs since our relaionships our feelings started to decrease due to that she suspect I had a crush on another girl, she broke up with me without thinking much and I got her back by showing that I ain't no interest with other girls at all. These few weeks she has been busy taking care of her studies in high school, taking care of her sick mother and mostly doing house chores while I just stay at home looking for a part time job while waiting for my university intake. We only get to mee each other once or twice a week at church. Last week, her mother wanted to go to another church so I couldn't see her after a week. We were texting and she took slightly longer to reply and comes down with short replies which seems like a problem coming. UNEXPECTEDLY, our relationship has been nice until on the next day( monday) she sent me a message saying that we're very suitable as friends, we can be very very good friends and if I like her I would wait for her and give her some personal space... I was so shock! I couldn't accept that coming when my love towards her is deeper and deeper on that month. She was still calling me, showing her love towards me the week ago... I wasn't satisfied with her reason to break up, so I tried to call her up, it took lots of way to get her to reply her my message and pick up my call. She said she couldn't like 2 guys at the same time. She's starting to have feeling towards a guy through texting for just ONE WEEK! She admit that the guy was sweet and caring. I told her that it is just a temporary switching of targets in between relationships that she must not fall into the sweet phrases or words the guy use! HELP ME, she asked me to wait, today is Wednesday, I'm trying to ask her out on Friday but in just 1 day she changed her attitude towards me.. she said she still likes me. Should I just give her space and maybe end up falling in love with the other guy she mentioned or should I do something...

Well it sounds like she has a lot on her plate plus you are still young.So you shoud give her space and if it's meant trust it will be.Just pray and continue on wth life and take time to get to know yourself!

Well, I think that she's being really honest with you.

She wants to be friends.
She wants space.
She likes another guy.

She's 14 (I have no idea how old you are, but if you're going to Univ you must be older), you've been together since she was 10 - isn't it about time she spread her wings a little?

You can't hold on to someone or something that wants to be free - let her go so that you can both meet some other people and experience some new things.

You need to hear and accept what she is telling you. Let her go.

Sorry for the unclear infos. My GF is now 18 yrs old, I am now 19 years old.. It was all in a sudden! It is just like comparing to mom and son, one day your mom tells you that she wouldn't want to be your mother anymore.. She asked me to wait, but what am I waiting for?

Sorry for the unclear infos. My GF is now 18 yrs old, i am now 19 years old.. It was all in a sudden! It is just like comparing to mom and son, one day your mom tells u that she wouldn't want to be your mother anymore.. She asked me to wait, but what am i waiting for??

Well, I don't think it's quite like mother and son, but I understand what you're trying to say. I'm glad to hear that you're older. I still repeat what I said before, you can't hold on to something that wants to be free. Be brave, be a man, let her go.

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with."

Dude... this is not a good situation to be in and I sympathize with you, but what advice people are giving on here are right. You need to let her decide for herself who she wants to be with.

If you give her space, and she does fall for the other guy, then you know her feelings for you weren't as strong as yours are for her. It wouldn't have been right for you to date someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.

It seems like you have very strong feelings towards her, but you need to calm down and spend some time with yourself, and with God. He has a plan for your life, and if this girl is meant to be with you, God will speak to her and show her you are the right choice, but if you crowd her and not give her space, she will not have time to think and pray, she will just act, and she may not choose to be with you that way.

So in my opinion, give her space, let her make her choice, and with whatever she decides, respect her decision, understand that it is her decision to make and trust that God has His plan for both of you.

God bless. Peace

Thank you lord, thanks for your advices. We've been planning our futures together, growing up at the same church, same school, just different years. We're planning to move in to the culinary field together, I'm searching for a UNI or college to attend through her support, but now I'm stuck in the middle of no where... Thinking of all the support that I had, all the reason I wanted culinary ( both me and her)...

You need to find yourself again...

I fell into the trap of basing my whole life around 1 girl, 1 relationship that I thought was perfect, a girl I thought was the 1 God wanted me to be with.

That was a mistake. Instead, base your life on God. He never changes, He never leaves, He never needs space and He never leaves you hanging.

Talk to God, ask Him what He wants you to do, where He wants you to go. He will support you all the way and He will never let you get lost.

Your shy 14 year old, has grown up and wants to spread her wings. That means you better find other things to do with your time. Let her explore the world, since you can't stop her without being foolish.

In case she contacted me, what should I do? I understand the NO CONTACT move.. but what next when she asked me to wait?

In case she contacted me, what should i do? I understand the NO CONTACT move.. but what next when she asked me to wait?

My guess is you just wait...

Its your choice... but you have to do what's best for you too in this case... you can't just wait around for her forever, you will eventually have to move on and find someone else, but only when you are comfortable.

Don't go after any girl just to get over this one...

I'm confused..
1. She asked for a break up
2. She wants us to be friends.
3. She said we may be good friends
4. She said she feel me as a very very good friends and 1 week before its still in "I love you" situation.
5. She asked me to wait
6. She doesn't wan to contact me since she needs space.
7. What's a very good friend that she mean if she doesn't even treat me like one?
8. She made me an option with another stranger, what's the spacing I give her for?

Maybe she wanted time to sort herself out...

Maybe she wanted space so you could get over her a little.. maybe she thought the less contact with u she had, the more you'd be able to move on, or think about her less.

Maybe she didn't want to crush you right away by saying "forget it, its over, there is no chance" so she said to wait.

Maybe she asked you to wait because she does wan to be with you, but she needs to sort herself out and get her feelings in order.


Lots of possibilities, but we can't be sure of anything right now. At the moment, just give her the time she needs and her reason for asking for a break and space and wanting you to wait, will all be revealed. Patience my friend... give it time... and concentrate on other things now. Don't dwell on this as it does not help the situation and doesn't help you.

I'm confused..
1. She asked for a break up
Give it to her and have a good time with your friends
2. She wants us to be friends.
Is that what you want? Of course not.
3. She said we may be good friends
Of course you can, and she is free to enjoy her new found freedom..........without worrying about how it makes you feel.
4. She said she feel me as a very very good friends and 1 week b4 its still in "I love you" situation.
Whatever it was, has changed her mind real quick, hasn't it?? Must be pretty good to dump you for it.
5. She asked me to wait
And your so well trained you will wait, huh? Puppies do the wait on command, Real Men, don't. Which are you?
6. She doesn't wan to contact me since she needs space.
Good, dissapear from her life, and get your own. Thats really simple, and the best part is, you keep your dignity and self respect.
7. What's a very good friend that she mean if she doesn't even treat me like one?
Thats another good reason to vanish in thin air, and build your own life without her in it.
8. She made me an option with another stranger, what's the spacing i give her for?
Thats just in case she gets her heart broken, she will have her very best friend to comfort her so she can feel better and go back and explore her life.


Get real guy, the only confusion is when you do, as she tells you to do.

I've just got a text from her : Hi fren, how are you?
I didn't reply, but I wanted to know what's on her mind...

She called me, I didn't answer up, but I read the threat about NC and unless she contacted u, don't do so. I called her, and she called back. She said she's happy that I picked up her call. She thought I wouldn't want to pick up her call, be her friend. She asked me what I did these days, I told her I went shopping, talk walks alone, listen to songs. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!

Start over from the beginning. No more contact with her.

There are still chances of us getting back together, but I'm afraid NC might screw it up. Its ridiculous since she called me friend after one week. She spoke in the same tone of voice when we were in love, soft and with little shyness. Just the voice. She feels for me I know, should I make it clear with her that I wanted her back but I couldn't contact her unless she changes her mind or just leave it so and most probably end up with her feelings fading after time...

I understand your confusion, I really do. Let me clear up one point for you. No Contact is not a tool to get the ex back. Its for you to heal your wounds from a break up.

As long as you are unable to make a decision for yourself, you will be confused. Your waiting for her to make a decision, and in the meantime your in limbo.

That's the sad part as I see it, waiting for some one who is confused to make a decision about your happiness. No one deserves that burden. And no one deserves the games, drama, and false hope that comes with a break up.

So it really comes down to what you do about your situation, and I can only advise you cope with your feelings and see the facts and not just your feelings and make a good decision for yourself.

Do you want to be happy, or be with her and be confused? I doubt you can get both, so make a choice and get the blessings for it, or pay the consequences. Its up to you, not her.

Updates.

I know my Ex still has feelings towards me. She said she feels like I'm a family member, a best friend of her but just missing out the feeling of couple. That's *In Love excitement* I think.

Now, I want to get her back before her feeling fades or

Should I?
a) stop being even friends and start all over next time or maybe there's no next time( which I don't prefer)
b) being friends with her and gradually seeing someone who loved you slowly fade away in feelings? Because I don't see a chance where we can get back together through being friends.

Or C) leave her alone, and disappear from her life, as your in friend zone, and your not getting back together.

False hope has your mind playing tricks on you, and you should just back up, until you can see reality.

Then at least you can keep your dignity, and self respect.

Do I need to tell her that I can't contact her? What will continuous contact brings to in the end?

Like talaniman said... it will give you false hope and you will read too much into anything she says or does and you may think its time to make your move, and it will result in massive disappointment...

Its not worth it... cut clean and disappear from her life. Its hard, but it's the right thing to do for both of you

I see. Well, regarding the matter of letting her to call me up, does this mean that I actually pick up the calls or replying the text? If it is yes, what am I going to say when she ask about my life? I'm clear of the path now, just want to know how to walk it.

I see. Well, regarding the matter of letting her to call me up, does this mean that i actually pick up the calls or replying the text? If it is yes, what am i gonna say when she ask about my life? I'm clear of the path now, just want to know how to walk it.

Until you can learn to pick up the phone and answer her requests as your own person, don't do it. You are so confused that you don't even know what to say to her, that is jumbled emotions that need to be rectified before having any sort of contact with her. So, the answer to your question is simple. Don't talk to her until you no longer need to ask us what you should say. Once you aren't mixed up with false hope and confusion, you will be prepared to talk to her, and that is IF you even want to talk to her.

Thanks, I'll give it a try since I'm healing fast ( I think ) :)

I think you still have false hope with this girl. You are too worried about the what if's to live your own life without worrying about if she's going to call. I still think you will drop what you are doing and talk to her if she does call.

Its to hard to be true if I'm changing myself so fast that I feel like I'm inhuman. I'm her every first. First to go for breakfast, lunch, dinner together alone, first kiss, first hug, first one to hold hands, first to drive her out, first to explore her, first to be at her house, first guy that she wanted to marry, talked about birth ( although I didn't want to), closest ever... every first, but not last ( sad part, all I can do is to laugh at myself and get up at where she tripped me) It has been a relief since I'm not reacting like some of the other guys who got in a complicated relationship where they couldn't get themselves out of it.

Well it is normal for a guy who just break to wish to had all the pain just to love her. I didn't get to say I love you or even have a nice hug.. a break up when my feelings towards her are burning hot. Cool.. thanks guys. Time... time... time.. Lord jesus bless us all!

Threads merged

Hi, I've been NC for 1 month. I went out for a talk with my ex about our relationship. She said she was shocked when I appear so cold after the breakup.

Her reasons from breakup:
Could not handle pressure from family probs, pressure from studies, pressure from relationship, pressure from finance, and also that I didn't GRAB her tight enough that she knew she could have feelings towards another guy.

My point of view
She broke up with me for another guy

After I talked to her I felt like she's immature for saying relationships is a pressure for her. She said she could have feelings towards other people if I do not cherish her during the relationships. We talked a lot on our relationships. She says putting down all the feelings towards me is not what she wants but she just can't be in a relationship now. She also mentioned that if she wants to be in a relationship she would like to give in 100% which she can't now. She was shocked when I mentioned that I will not be with her in the future( kind of wrong answer I gave her )
She asked whether we could be friends. I told her that for the mean time I can't do that and shall see how things go so she ended up saying that after her exam ( 6 months later) that I could start to befriend her. Of course I feel that something's wrong since she's the breaker and now she's asking me to make friends with her. She says she don't like to be active( as in not passive) and she want's a guy who is active to chase her.
I said no, if you would wan to be friend me find me. I just don't want her to have the power.

What situation am I in? I just want to know whether its right for a girl to think in such a way.

My take on this is that she wants to keep you in the picture in case she gets bored with single life. Don't fall for it. Also when you said "She said she could have feelings towards other people if i do not cherish her during the relationships." That sounds like a cop-out. She might have had a change of heart. A relationship should not feel like pressure though.

It sounds like you're on the right track and better off without her! Good luck!

Ok, for some reason you felt it was needed to break NC, so you are not in NC since you had a talk with them.

You appear not to be over her, since you seem to have a need to talk with her.

So you go back to NC and keep it no contact, 1 month, 2 month, 6 months forever if you have to, and just move on, you find someone else, date and have a wonderful life

Next step? Start NC again and this time don't break it. Let her sort things out on her own. If she decides she wants back in, let her contact you and you can decide what you want to do if it ever happens.

Your situation is a common one In my opinion. She's stressed and feels the timing is bad. She also is having second thoughts about if you are the one. Let it go and let her sort it out. She may or may not come back to you. But don't wait around for her. In my case the girl never came back. But I'm glad I eventually decided not to wait around for her and be miserable.

The fact that you are still confused means that you broke NC prematurely. After breaking the rules and talking to you, you are probably more confused than before.

You're going to have to go back into NC. During the NC, you will be able to figure out whether you still want a friendship with her, because you won't have her confusing your thought process. Don't put a timeline on NC. Every situation is different.

Her reasons from breakup:
Could not handle pressure from family problems, pressure from studies, pressure from relationship, pressure from finance, and also that I didn't GRAB her tight enough that she knew she could have feelings toward another guy.

I think she is feeding you excuses for dumping you. That's not a bad thing as now your free to find someone who can deal with you better.

My point of view
She broke up with me for another guy

That's probably true, but at least you know its over for sure now.

after I talked to her I felt like she's immature for saying relationships is a pressure for her.
She just didn't want one with you, that's the fact.

She said she could have feelings towards other people if I do not cherish her during the relationships.
You don't want a female that you have to kiss her booty all the time. Her feelings changed, but her reasons are excuses, to relieve her own guilt.

We talked a lot on our relationships. She says putting down all the feelings towards me is not what she wants but she just can't be in a relationship now.
With you she means. I guess she was sparing your feelings or softening the blow.

She also mentioned that if she wants to be in a relationship she would like to give in 100% which she can't now.
Not with you, are we seeing a pattern yet?

She was shocked when I mentioned that I will not be with her in the future( kind of wrong answer I gave her )

Her shock was that you didn't beg, plead, or give her what she wanted.

She asked whether we could be friends. I told her that for the mean time I can't do that and shall see how things go so she ended up saying that after her exam ( 6 months later) that I could start to befriend her.
She dumped you and is making the rules?

Of course I feel that something's wrong since she's the breaker and now she's asking me to make friends with her. She says she don't like to be active( as in not passive) and she want's a guy who is active to chase her.

Her true motives finally come out.

I said no, if you would wan to be friend me find me. I just don't want her to have the power.

Way to stand up for your dignity and self respect, and not give in to false hope.

What situation am I in? I just want to know whether its right for a girl to think in such a way.
She is, who she is, and that's the way she thinks.

What matters more is how you deal with it. Go back to NC, and get your life back.

I see... I'm just disappointed that a girl that we met up in church is not aware that she's confused. I've seen her one day from far and my friend said that he saw her embarrassed to look at me. I'm feeling good but sometimes when I'm alone or driving or walking my mind just act in a way that its blank but somehow I feel like the blank is related to her. Like an element on blank. I used to be blank sometimes when I walk or just sit quietly enjoying the views around. Having her blur image stuck around a tiny corner of my mind constantly... Thanks people for the support. I'll keep you people updated...

Updates:

She said she has an important thing to say regarding us that she needs to talk face to face. She asked me to go over her house since her parents are not around and she does not have access to any transport. What's this about? Is she IN towards something about talking our relationship out?

When is this meeting supposed to take place?

It is this Sunday, I've asked her twice about what is going to be in the talk, the first time she said, erm.. "dont know how to say", then I stopped asking. While we try discussing the time and place for this, I asked the 2nd time and she said its something about us. When she first brought this up she mentioned "important things to tell me face to face". Remember she said she'll finish her studies bla bla and try to contact me later on, FISH... where is this all going? I'm starting to imagine all the romantic things and I go POOF! Stop dreaming, better be prepared for some confusing drama. Well, I asked her about the details of the talk again. For some sense of logic it is more like she is trying to work on our broken relationship.

Mistake, its next Sunday, the coming Sunday, 3 days later. Parents not at home, alone, asking for ex Bf to come over for an important talk... That's the situation.

Well I have to say you have had some great advice on here. Glad you took it and ran with it.

I don't know for sure what she is wanting to talk about but it kind of sounds like "If you love her let her go" which you did, and now she is coming back to you, maybe it is love after all. Good luck, but stay strong it could be just a talk to boggle your mind again.

She said she couldn't like 2 guys at the same time. She's starting to have feeling towards a guy thru texting for just ONE WEEK! She admit that the guy was sweet and caring. I told her that it is just a temporary switching of targets in between relationships that she must not fall into the sweet phrases or words the guy use! HELP ME, she asked me to wait,


To me, this is unacceptable. Its one thing to get dumped for another guy, but quite another to go back to a person who dumps you for that reason.

There is nothing she could say to make me want her back, and no way do I even set myself up for more rejection.

That makes her talk, IRRELEVANT, and I wouldn't even entertain it. You will learn one day about dignity, and self respect one day and reject this BS!!!!

Updates, She finally tell me about the reason for a talk. That is after the last talk we had that I thought I could put things on a good end, she went back home and thought about a lot of stuffs. In the end she thought that things might be different. She said she has feelings towards me, she said all the nasty stuff during the break up is because that she knew I would not accept the break up and will not improve myself. Well I agree that in some part I'm not that good towards her, perhaps a little drop in passion in between our relationship, not enough care, but definitely increasing before the break up.

She said we could try, so well, its quite acceptable since it's a different point of view on the break up. There's one thing, she still don get it that I'm the one who's suppose to improve. On the phone she emphasizes on how we could get together still in the future by improving this that, of course this pisses me and I remind her of some of her red flag attitudes e.g. very sensitive and getting mad easily over something she failed to get from me. Well the prob is she WANTS something from me rather than RECEIVE it from me. She's just too passive and she said that calling me and talking about all these makes her feel like she had lower her dignity. Isn't begging you with all I can after the break up something I did that I lost all my dignity in a moment? Is doing something to get what you really want through begging a real BIG DEAL? That's what I said to her. Decided to be friends and see how it goes. I have a bad feeling about this girl since she hasn't change. Before trying to start a friendship or whatever, she once said that its not the time yet. Guess what, the answer is she wants to see more change in me. Just a deep grin inside of me, this girl is nuts... unless she changes, things will work. If no we'll just be friends for some moment and wala! Byebye.. I will update soon. The Sunday night talk is still on, we'll see what I can dish out from her.

It will never work unless you BOTH make adjustments. What about the sweet guy she was texting at work? Hmmm, a lot of things seem to have gone unsaid, and unquestioned.

You both are not going to work out because you expect too much from each other. There is a line from a hit song in the 90's

"Don't expect too much from and you might not be let down"

The sweet guy is just to try to make me accept the breakup she said. She didn't contact the guy anymore soon after the break up. Yes, the problem is she is asking things from me which I don't like. So I think I'll just stay as "friends". Sunday's talk turned into sushi making session... Agh.. Sick!

Update, we talked things out. She said she love me she can't be with me because she's afraid when we quarrel she couldn't focus on her studies anymore and her mom said that she should enjoy some time being single now. She sees us together in the future but its hard to wait when its not 100% confirmed. Sigh... Is a girlfriend that cannot promise her boyfriend that she will get attracted to other guys a no no or its logic?

Yes, that is a huge no-no. While it is human nature to find others attractive, it is not human nature to act upon those feelings.

Read at least 150 pages, I will bet my house that you will see this line at least 95% of the time "I see us together in the future but not right now"

"I see us together in the future but not right now"

Translation- I'm trying to let you down gently, so take the hint, please, and bug the freak off!!

Sigh... Is a girlfriend that cannot promise her boyfriend that she will get attracted to other guys a no no or its logic?
Its unrealistic to think a partner will only have attraction just to you. Forget that! But its reasonable to expect they will stay within the boundaries of good behavior. Feelings may change but good behavior doesn't and dumping someone because of the attractions to someone else is within those boundaries. Much better than cheating. Let her go.

Agh, we love each other.. . She has problems with insecurity where I didn't call her up like we discussed on the days during my college time. I'm so confused, can we be friends? As in maintaining feelings towards each other in a long run? Or getting busy with our own lives till some day might be even better for the "love between"? Thanks for the advise, NC took all the pain out for the past 2 months..

No it is not possible for you two to be friends right now, there is too much emotional dust for that to occur

I see... Being friends have to be the day till we both have no feelings toward each other and so on right. So the point is to erase each other from our lives and if there really is chance we might get go know each other in the future.

You'll have to wait and see what the future brings.

Even more painful than breaking up... Thanks guys. I'll continue to post what I feel daily or weekly. I'm going for my further studies on 15 July. God shall lead me..

I see... Being friends have to be the day till we both have no feelings toward each other and so on right. So the point is to erase each other from our lives and if there really is chance we might get go know each other in the future.

That's absolutely right. Make a clean break for now and if you cross each other's paths in the future that's another story. You two are both young and a lot changes when you're young.

She said she feels like i'm a family member, a best friend of her but just missing out the feeling of couple. That's *In Love excitement* i think. .

This is basically saying she loves you like a brother. She's not in love with you. Does that make sense?

I met her up at her house, we hugged and was close together.. I left and said sorry. Painful, but worth all as a closer.

Regarding the break up reason, it all came clear as I screw up before, took her as granted long time ago ( improved after that ) and her own reason of insecurity + unable to take up a relationship due to pressure from family problems and studies. Its like AGH I'm messed up and I messed my boyfriend too. She can't be in a relationship now, what she thinks is when she finishes her studies I would find her. Well, all I said about that is find me when you think you really want. I will improve myself and leave all her thoughts that stopped our relationship to herself... Its painful when we loved each other but couldn't get together. If only someone can affect her positively rather than making her gone forever. Its all god's will... I shall obey.

I keep having her images over my mind.. Just want to YELL THAT picture out! Hit Hard in the gym but lack of strength just isn't pulling it to satisfactory level :)

Anyone here to give me some advise or any support to relief the ache? I'm leaving my hometown soon..

Be patient, and stay busy, it takes time to refill the whole in your soul, and make new memories to replace the old ones.

How long before you leave?

Leaving my home town in 9 days. I tried to keep it secret from my ex but my sister whom I didn't even contacted somehow talked to her through phone, with all the " he's feeling really sad" and telling her the time of when my course will start. I planned to remind my sister to keep it secret before but I just called it off because I won't be bothered. This left another topic my ex brag about that I don't let her know when I'm going to leave. She even asked me to call her when I'm at the airport. Nonsense, I said no. Acted abit jerky but when she's talking to me she slightly commanded me like I'm still her boyfriend, no thanks.. I just smiled inside.

That's good dude. Its great that you were able to smile inside. :D

Smile with pain like u've all experienced... Thanks for the support. False hopes hit me after I went for a talk with her and end up with little romance..

Threads merged

Hi everyone, I guess that most of the time we've ended our relationship through the way your GF saying she needs space, she feel like you are a good friend, she wants you to be a friend.

I'm wondering How the heck do girls around the world come up with such a pattern when it comes to breaking up with *love. I suggest that you experts out there can give us some reminder, tips or ways to prevent a relationship going down this road. Perhaps post another sticky would be really helpful for everyone here. Its heart breaking when both us are in love and ended pathetically. It's a great loss.. Thanks people!

Basically they are using it as an excuse because many people like a reason or closure.
They don't want to walk away making you feel like you did something wrong so 'need my space, need a break, we can still be friends' is a way of placing the blame on them and not you.

Some people just feel that they got too much too quick into something and realize that they haven't gotten to experience other things in life. Then they picture them still in the relationship 5 -10, 20-30 years down the road in the relationship and wondering if they will be regretting that they never did some things in life because they were tied down in a relationship.

If you don't feel comfortable with 'friends only' tell her that you don't want to be friends.
The one breaking up doesn't have the market on setting the rules.

Nice one, wonder why its mostly in females. So people out there, I'm not saying dating at a young age is not going to work but at a certain point of view it usually Don't. Wonder why women doesn't come up with other reasons..

Because guys either use avoidance and figure she will get the message by them not calling or coming around. Or they just become such a jerk that the girl wants to leave then they don't have to.
So their way of breaking up really isn't a better alternative.

Girls use the excuse because they want to part without the fighting or without hurting the guys feelings.

You have know that relationships comes with no guarantees. It only works if both parties involved wants it to work. If one person isn't on board then there is nothing you can do but accept it. People change their minds and once they do the relationship is over.

Now it is not only girls who use this as an excuse because some of my relationships ended by the guy using the "I need space thing" on me. So don't think nor believe for one minute that only females uses this line. It been used for years by both sexes.

A sticky regarding this issue would be useless in my opinion so the only thing you can do at this point is move on and work on your healing. There are helpful stickies to help + guide you through it.

Thanks, I'd like posts with points and tips in a way to make a relationship better. We've had enough stickies to help in healing already. We can be better through breakups, but there will always still be space for improvement and little bits all around that we might miss during another relationship.

Most time, we can only answer the question that's asked, and as you can see most questions come after a break up. That's why the stickies are about moving on. But there are a lot of questions here about relationship problems, just ask the question.

I don't think anyone has a sure fire formula for making a particular relationship work though. If they did, they would be cashing in big time.

That's real true. 9 more hours before my departure. Its bed time and I've heard nothing from her. Kind of still having that false hope squeeking around the corner... Remembering that she asked me to contact her before I leave, all she knew is my course is 15 July, not knowing my flight is soon... one part is hoping that she called and I can just ignore and hanging on the ******* false hope and another part trying to be a man in pain and sorrow, moving on. AGH PAINFUL HEARTACHE after packing up and saw the photos she printed out for our last anniversary..

Haha my girlfriend well ex was doing the same thing always running into problems, never time to talk, in the end I told her I can't do it, it turned out that she lost her interest in me as a boyfriend so I dumped her but we are still friends, dude don't get in her way if she's trying to enter university you better move because that is the most important part of her life!

Ladies and gentlemen, I've broke NC. I felt bad, its was like coccaine, I couldn't stop it for a while.. Things goes normally for months of NC, since I left my hometown for studies, I've received several texts from my ex saying:
Hi, How are u?
Hi, where are you now?
I miss you..
Sorry the message wasn't typed by me, it was my fren
Hi How are u.

At the last message I broke NC.

Me: Yes? Do u remember what you said you wan? ( I was referring to her wanting SPACE )
She : Ha?
Me: You said you want space, hope you understand.
She: Yes I want space, but what do you mean by that?

I didn't reply
She: I really wish to know what you mean by that...

Since I replied her text I feel like a total shipwreck. Its horrible, like I got obsessed, it was painful, feeling my nerves all over, drag be back down to the pit of extreme pain. Sooner later, another fren of mine coincidently told me smthing about her saying she's always studying in the library with a guy but not couples yet. *(&(% this hurts even though I tried not to care about it.. but I got me, back to square one...

I hate being emo, its hard to accept that she gave up on the relationship. I'd put 100% of my heart in this relationship, for the future.

I feel the need of comfort, but I'd never had a best fren, a fren to drink with, a fren to hug, a fren to tell all my problems, I'm more to my partner than getting a fren... I prayed hard, but I know this is what god wants me to go through..

We have all messed up, some more than others (like yours truly). You are human, so forgive yourself for being such. Vent to us if it makes you feel better.

I got a text from my ex
"Do u know how pain am i because of ur words"
I think she isn't in the situation.. Normally it would be, I dump u, say byebye. In such a way it would be easier for me to move on ( I am the dumpee). If I would reply her I could make it a clearer situation but on the same way it could have bring some pain to me. If I would ignore her then I'd ignore a chance to make things better both of us. Helping others is my nature.. I need advise..

You need to let this go.stick to N C you should nt allow yourself to remain in this mess anylonger.you need to heal.for you no one else.

Helping others is in everyone's nature. You, however, can't expect to help others when you are an emotional wreck yourself. Do NOT use the "she needs help" excuse to break NC. She has others to help her through this. It is a break up, it is life, both of you lose all of the friend and relationship privileges...

One day you are going to wake up to reality and see that this needs to end sooner rather than later.

Sometimes our instinct to help others makes things worse, for them, and us. Stand pat, and don't stir up feelings that need to be dealt with by you both as individuals.

Good intentions, don't make good solutions, in this case.

Thanks for the wise advise, I just hope that someone is there to teach her stuff like this. We would make it great if there's a goo counsellor as third party to give guidance sometimes while having communication probs..

That's a painful move.. knowing that sacrificing for the better is not a better, being selfish for myself is the better choice..

I thought I was strong, I took a big step backwards, almost to square one!

Last night I checked on her Facebook and every single detail... I thought I was strong enough to handle it! It didn't kill me, but when I went to bed I just couldn't get to sleep! I feeling the effect, some chemicals rushing in my blood. Doesn't seem as serious to me but the effect can't be neglected!

That's what you get for not deleting her Facebook. I have heard so many cases people checking Facebook and ruined their healing process. Heck it even happened to me but then I learned my lesson and deleted every contact I have with her immediately.

Agh, I feel my stomach growling since then!

Do yourself a favour and delete all contact with her if you know what is good for yah =P

I got news from her saying she regret breaking up with me due to a simple crush with another person. Situation going complicated..

So now she wants a fallback guy as her crush didn't work out?That's not complicated that's a classic and you should avoid falling into that trap.Focus on yourself let her be and get on with your own life-you re not responsible for anyone else's at this moment in time.

So a SIMPLE crush on another, broke up this relationship? That's a big red flag that tells you she was not as happy as she said, or seemed.

Something you need to look at, is if the crush developed as she hoped, would she have regretted her break up, and would the crush still be so simple then?

I don't think so, and you better heed the red flag, and heal, before you get sucked back in.

Her impulsive actions ended this, and your healing will keep it that way, or at least allow you to make a decision based on facts, and not just feelings.

This isn't all that complicated, she thought the grass was greener in the other yard, and found out it wasn't, at least not this time.

Talaniman Rule-When you see someones true colors, believe your eyes, not your hurt heart.

Oh yeah, thanks for the reminders. A classic prob needs to be solved the classic way. Heal and we'll see how it goes after that! Just reming myself to keep calm and cool always.

And busy.

So she's finally done experimenting, now she's going to her backup plan, which is you.
Don't fall for that. Keep moving forward. Don't let her hinder your progress.

By the way, I hope that you've deleted her from Facebook. Don't allow yourself to be tortured by going to her page. It's really unhealthy. You're better off spending your time doing something else. Don't forget, there are 5,999,999,999 other people in this world.

I went far beyond that, gained unrevealed truths about the ex and used it as a nitros to move on. When I look back the pass few months, its shocking. I'm amazed by how this breakup change my life, I'm no more a loser, coward, sissy, clingy guy. Breakup gave me the opportunity to express my feelings more. I used to be a boy of few words to express myself, deep thought but nvr express it, uses my heart to speak. Now I get my brain working. When I look in a mirror I couldn't even remember myself before, inside and outside! Couldn't have done it without you ladies and gentlemen!

Keep that good brain working!:-)

Thanks for all the sharing ladies and gentlemen on the board! This place have got me thinking like a man, be like a man :)

Yeah, love makes your brain really blind xD, I'm blind right now... really I admire your strength. Omg, I love to read the person's developments on this site...

Thank you there, if u know u're blind then u better don't look or imagine stuffs that u can't see for the moment wait till the moment your eyes OPENED :)

I'm back with updates. I've been watching movies lately. Almost everyday and some motivates me, and some reminds me of my life. I've been making progress, but I know there's still a long way to go.

I have a question, if u did become a friend of your ex in the future and he/she ask u about things that happened after the breakup and how did u feel and what did u do. What would u say? I have 2 versions in my head:
1.Lie
2.Painful truth

Update:
After so many months, I've been doing fine. Guess my ex has got partner(s). I don't wan to have any comment on this. It stings I have to admit this. Just trying to accept the fact that I'm growing and learning and I couldn't help her with her part. I don't know why it hurts to say this, perhaps it's the little part that hasn't fully healed + the flashbacks when I got back to my hometown.

Complete healing takes time and those little stabs of pain are normal I'd say. Just acknowledge the emotion and then let it go.
You'll continue growing stronger and your life will go on regardless.

Yes, thank you for your response. I just roughly covered my own post, and I couldn't believe this. My ex killed the old me. It's the new me now,I was so immature. Right now that I have learnt from all you people and experiences from all around the world, I find it hard to live in my place, my "closed" culture.

I don't know where in the world you are-somewhere on the Asian continent? I can only add that we all,here,learn so much from each other and that your own experiences will help others.

I'm from Southeast asia, its(not everyone) not as open minded as europe or america or other continents. Some examples, The generation before me mostly have just 1 partner and then they get married. When their marriage is a mistake, they stick to it. Just a rough idea.

3 yrs of relationship, brought me to another level. Just hope the pain goes away fast enough. My ex is a total confusion that she don't even know, just like I was when I broke up with my ex before her.

The pain will go away-don't dwell on it-keep busy.

Almost 1 year, time passes fast. I have not recovered fullly yet, didn't know it would take so long...

Four years is a long time,but you know,you'll get there in the end.
Patience and time will do it.
Take care.

I'm back guys, I'm back with the scar in my heart. A tragic makes someone grow, and growing at a fast phase really makes me feel I'm not my age. I'm 20 and its hard for me. It has been some time... I felt, strange. Wondering how long it would take to get over this girl.

I broke NC once when I met her, texted and called to have a friendship, but she was acting strangely, strange enough I did not notice it early enoough. We met up, and she's got a new boyfriend that she don't have the guts to tell me about it. We had a short dinner and drove her home. Her respond fluctuates, lying a lot in guilt ( can be sensed ). At last I sent her a text to end the friendship for good. Nobody wants a lier for a friend.

I'm trying hard to get rid of her. There's absolutely no contact for more than half a year, but it doesn't seem to work as I get dreams about her, bad dreams. Can't believe I still got the butterflies in stomach. DO I NEED professional help?

No I don't think you need professional help. You need more time. More time with which you can continue rebuilding your life without her in it. You had a four year relationship, don't expect to be completely healed in a certain amount of time. What works for some doesn't always work for others. Keep up the no contact!

Haven't seen for some time tiger, its hard at this age, because I can't go out dating people because It hurts even to see couple, or felt any romance with anyone. I don't like to carry hatred and the thought of revenge. I actually have nobody to tell my problems to, that's the hard..