Well here is the story and I don't know what to do!

First of all my husband is military. We met when he was on a debt, fell in love. We had been doing the long distance relationship from MN to WA. Everything was great we talked frequently and send love emails and letters. Then I got pregnant and he proposed. I had the baby and he went on cruise. When he returned from cruise we got married (not the big family wedding that I always dreamed of, but it worked at the time.) I then picked up and moved to WA to be with him and start our family. When I arrived there everything changed. It was not sunshine and happiness that it was before. (we had never lived together in the same place longer than a couple of a weeks at a time.) I became very depressed and we had poor communication, the intimacy died. Everything seemed to die. Granted there was some good times but the bad times outweighed the good times. (I found out that he was doing things on the internet that should not be mentioned and I confronted him and thought that it ended there.) Eventually it became so bad that he thought it would be better if I returned to MN to finish school with our daughter so that I would have help from my family while he was in military and I was in school. I thought that this was not a great idea, but I did it. I am still trying to complete my degree and now we have been separated for 2 years, in different states.

During this time apart he confessed to me that he had sex with another woman twice and that they have a kid. He claims not to have know that the child was his until recently (except the fact that they worked together practically every day. He said the affair happened before we were married and nothing after. At that point we had been married for almost 3 years. Finding out that the child was born in March of 2006. We were married in May of 2005. The time line does not really line up. But he has not changed his story regarding that it happened weeks prior to our marriage.

Feeling hurt and betrayed I began to withdraw emotionally from him. We argued constantly. I met someone that made me smile. Eventually we started divorce proceedings. Finally then he was wanting to be the man I married. I wanted this so badly, so I attempted to end with the other man that I had been seeing. Whenever the marriage got tough I called the other. I have been flip flopping back and forth between the two. Both say they love me and would do anything for me. Currently I am in reconcillation which ends in June. I really wish that I could save my marriage, but the other man makes me smile and happy and he is in the same zip code as me. I am not sure if I can forgive him for the other child, and I know that I am in the wrong for my affair. The other is that we have our daughter together and I want a family for her.

I know that I need to stop flip flopping but I don't know what to do and wish that I could find some answers. Any suggestions would be great. I am not proud of my actions, but at the time I was doing the best to get by.

You have to choose and put 100 percent into one, I would say your husband is the commitment you made, and any relationship can be saved if both parties will work at it.

It sounds like you went into a commitment that you were not ready for.

There is still a lot of hurt and pain there. Have any of you taken on counseling?

Who makes you happy and smile. Does your husband do this for you?

Do you want to try to make it work if not, then you have to make the decision to leave.

Best wishes to you. This decision alone is your own to make. Do what you think is best for yourself. There are never any guarantees.

We have both tried individual counseling, but not counseling together. Living in 2 separate states makes this impossible. He makes me smile sometimes but then I think of the hurt and pain. I did make a commitment, but is this the way to go? I am so lonely, but do not want to risk the life I have made here to move back to WA to have it blow up in my face like before.