I am writing because I really love my husband and I may be losing him. To make a long story short we got married in 2002, I was 24 and he was 28. My husband has cheated on me and hurt my feelings a lot. I in turn I have verbally abused him because of the pain I was feeling. A year ago he cheated on me again and he says that he did it because I made him feel so bad. I cheated on him in return because I just got that fed up and wanted him to understand my pain. When I cheated he just couldn't take it and everything turned really bad. My husband and I had a spiritual friendship that made us love one another and we turned away from GOD and everything went to hell I think he is a good man and I really want to work it out, but he feels like I said it is over to many times so he wants to be free at the moment, but doesn't want a divorce. He is willing to do counseling, but it also seeing someone. We have two children together and I have two step children and he has one. He is a good father and has a lot of potential I really want it to work, our kids are suffering. Why do you think he can't committ at this time to making it work? I am looking to GOD to see where I went wrong and except my wrongs. I want to make it up to my husband and be the wife GOD says for me to be, he says he is scared. Is there hope for us?

Well I believe as long as there is life there's hope. Now I can see that you and your husband have turned to God in the past to help you with your problems? It also seems that right now you are seeking an intervention from god, to make all the problems go away and everything will be OK again? Well this is how I see it you need to go to couples counseling and perhaps individual counseling, because your husband has a pattern of infidelity. Perhaps there are issues in his past that are causing him to have affairs! Have you every really asked him and found out the reason as to why he cheats repeatedly.
To make a bad situation worse you also stepped out of your marriage, have you really admitted truthfully to yourself and him the reason's for your affair? Does your husband want an open marriage? It seem's as thought when he cheats you take him back only for him to do it again, and when the shoe is on the other foot he can't take it I smell a double standard here!
This is it counseling is needed, because of the multiple affairs the trust factor seems to be gone. This needs to be repaired and counseling will help and since the two of you have such a deep spiritual connection finding God within yourselves and together may also help you to weather the storms your marriage is currently facing.

A year ago he cheated on me again and he says that he did it because I made him feel so bad.

This is hardly an excuse.


I cheated on him in return because I just got that fed up and wanted him to understand my pain.

And neither is this.

I would start with counseling, but I would also tell him he needs to stop seeing this other woman or you're out of there. Say it and mean it. You shouldn't have to put up with this crap and he shouldn't be giving it to you. I think it's wrong that you cheated on him to get back at him though. That doesn't make your situation any better.

I think it would take more than a miracle to get this marriage back on track. All vows have been broken, by both parties, and innocent children are stuck in the middle of this mess.

The time to have attended counselling was after the first affair, or the second affair, or your affair. To continually beat the marriage up with infidelity, and be such selfish, self-gratifying people, surely needs a tremendous amount of counselling. Your children are suffering with you and your husband's behaviour, and yet, neither of you has committed to counselling, and the grief created just gets greater and greater.

He wants to go to counselling at the same time he is seeing another women. That means he is not serious, obviously. No counsellor can make him give up the lovers on the side, and make him repair the damage done to his marriage. If he isn't willing to return to his marriage, seriously, then what's the point.

Too often couples wait until the damage is no longer repairable, and expect a miracle to somehow make everything okay. Had he been remorseful and seriously intent on making his marriage work, he would not have had the second, and ongoing affair. He would have been in counselling, if not before the first affair, but certainly right after.

That there are so many children involved here, surely counselling is a must for them and you in order to plan a better future, and work through the damage that has been, and continues to be, done.

I wish you well to provide a safe nurturing environment for your children.

Seems that everyone so far is beating up on you. Did you and he make mistakes? Yes, but and this is very important. If you want to make this relationship work, you BOTH need to sit down have a heart to heart talk. Be willing and commit to counseling and a monogamous relationship where you put God first in your relationship, and your lives. Commit to finding a good church that will love you no matter what and that teaches the whole word of God and start attending.

Counseling is good for the both of you. I think indivual and together.

However, he is contradicting himself. He wants to give the marriage a shot but in the same token wants to be free so he can date other females. Which he is currently doing.

Yes, two wrongs don't make it right and I am sure you know this. You cheated on him for revenage and you verbually abuse him because you never got over his cheating ways. And then he used that as an excuse to cheat again.

Forget about him and focus on yourself and take care of you. You and your kids come first because this marriage is seriously broken into a millions pieces and it takes the both of you to put it back together, not one.

First off, I don't think you should have cheated on him, just to "get back at him." two wrongs don't make a right, but, at the same time, I can see where you're coming from with wanting him to feel your pain. He shouldn't have cheated on you either, obviously, and if you BOTH want to work it out, you have a lonnnng way to recovery because once trust is broken between two people, it takes a while to get it back, and it'll be a while before you will both feel better again. But, I think it would be best if you two at least started with the counseling. Right now, that is definitely your best option.

made us love one another and we turned away from GOD and everything went to hell I think he is a good man and I really want to work it out, but he feels like I said it is over to many times so he wants to be free at the moment, but dosn't want a divorce. He is willing to do counseling, but it also seeing someone. We have two children together and I have two step children and he has one. He is a good father and has a lot of potential I really want it to work, our kids are suffering. Why do you think he can't committ at this time to making it work? I am looking to GOD to see where I went wrong and except my wrongs. I want to make it up to my husband and be the wife GOD says for me to be, he says he is scared. Is there hope for us?


My opinion - you are excusing his very bad behavior. I don't think he's either a good man OR a good father - as you said, "our kids are suffering."

Good fathers don't do this.