OK me and this we've been dating for two months then we decided on making it an open relationship with no commitment and after our last date three days later I asked him out and he said he was busy and the next day I asked him out and again he turned me down so three days later I text him:i really like you and I don't know if you are mad at me or if you simply don't want want to see me anymore but I thought we were friends and you should tell me which one is it and ill never bother you again.
And he replied:there's nothing wrong and we are friends and I would like to see you but these days I can't just this,have a nice day:).
And he I not the type that plays games and the last time I saw him he told me that he started two new jobs and he goes to school in the morning and that he's really busy
So how long do you thin I should give him before calling and ask him what's going on?and what can I do to not look needy?please answer me and give me your opinions

In my opinon open relationships never works. The guy would have to either want to be with me or not. Not I would someone that would because there are plenty of guys out there for me to go fishing.

This guy already expressed to you that he is busy but believe me if he wanted to spend time with you he would find time for you.

You want time with him but at this time he doesn't have or simply don't want to make the time.

However, life goes on and I wouldn't be too into a guy that isn't that much into me.

If you going remain friends with this guy then be just that without the expections of anything more.

Sounds like he's really busy and doesn't want a relationship right now.

If he wants to see you he'll call. Seeing as he is busy just wait for him to make the next move and go on with your life as if he's not in it, because really, he isn't.

You've already appeared needy, so stop it, go out and have fun.

If he calls then you can either go out with him or tell him you're busy.

Good luck.

I do want to be frinds but I want to call him and at the same time I'm afraid that he will think I want more and might run away!I mean he said we can be friends but why can't I treat him as one.

Well, you say you want to be friends but this thread kind of leads me to believe you want him back. You can be friends but don't put him at the top of your priorities as he hasn't put you on top of his. I'd busy myself if I were you with fun things like friends and family and just have fun. Friends don't make one friend the center of their attention.. At least... I don't know anyone who does.

i do want to be frinds but i wanna call him and at the same time im afraid that he will think i want more and might run away!i mean he said we can be friends but why can't i treat him as one.

He's busy, he's told you that. If you keep calling, texting, asking what's wrong, why he won't see you, honey, he's going to block your calls and delete your texts, that's what I'd do.

You're being needy even though you want to avoid that.

You can treat him like a friend, but you seem to want him to be at your beck and call and that simply isn't going to happen at this point.

Next time you feel the urge to text or call, try just saying "hi, thinking of you, hope all is well" and see if he responds.

Stop asking for more then he's willing to give.

That's the problem I already feel like I called him too much that I don't know how long I should wait before I text him again

thats the problem i already feel like i called him too much that i dont know how long i should wait before i text him again

Then don't call, wait until he makes contact.

This isn't a game, if you have to play a game then he's not the guy for you.

When I was dating, before I got married, if I wanted to call I'd call and if he said he was too busy then fine, you can call me, maybe I'll be available.

It sounds like he just isn't that in to you so live your life, have fun and see what happens.

Really. It will work out in the end. Promise. :)

I have always lived by if a boy wants an "open relationship" it means that he doesn't respect you for an individual he wants all the girls he can get at the same time which I don't think would be fair on you at all

Based on my own personal experience, this is what I think about your situation:
1. You dated for two months- That's a normal timeframe to get to know each other and see if you are compatible.
2. You agreed to an "open relationship"- That means the two of you are free to date other people. Perhaps there is someone more compatible out there.
3. He says he's really busy. - That means he's really busy. He's either working, going to school, or dating someone else. (see #2)
4. You don't want to sound needy- Uh, you do sound needy. You agreed to an "open relationship" with no commitment, yet you call him frequently and want to know what's going on.

I would suggest that you take advantage of your open relationship to find out what it is that you are really looking for.

Right now, it sounds like you want a guy that doesn't have time for you.

So at this point you think I should just stop texting?I mean not even after a week I shouldn't like text him a sweet or funny good night or how are you message?

If you just want to be friends, then you let him know that you want to hang out when he's free. And he will come and find you when he has time. No strings attached.

But I think that you are just fooling yourself. You're just hanging on to him in hopes that one day he will agree to a closed relationship. Normal friends would not want to see the other person so badly. You obviously still have feelings for him. Do yourself a favor and tell him that you still have feelings for him and you don't actually want an open relationship.

If he doesn't want a closed relationship, then you're better off finding new friends and finding someone else to be with. There's no point waiting around by the phone for him to call you.

OK so here's what I think I'm going to do
Ill send him a sweet message and ask how he been if he responds ill ask him out and tell him how I feel about this relationship
If he doesn't respond then its his lost and I won't have to wonder anymore! so what do you think?

I think you have already sent him too many messages and he has already not responded to those. You should leave him alone before you become the annoying ex-gf.

Here is my story. My current boyfriend was in an "open relationship" when I met him. I knew his ex-gf so I didn't really want to start dating him. My boyfriend convinced me that he didn't love her, but she kept calling to ask him out. As I dated him more, her calls became annoying. I think the main reason why they broke up was because she always wanted to know what he was doing when they weren't together. She still calls him, but not as much. She might be thinking that they still have an "open relationship", but they don't. It closed when he gave me a diamond promise ring.

Thank u,u just gave me the answer that I needed,I don't want to be annoying to anyone

He just may not be that into you if he were he would make the time.. period... man I wouldn't want to hear we are friends from a guy I was in a relationship with open or not... he should at least make time to call you even if it is for 5 or 10 min

Threads merged to get the whole story

We are friends but a little more like we just play around in a sweet way like just make out but nothing more and we don't have sex and he knows I'm not going to anytime soon with anyone and he's fine with it,and the last time I saw him,I told him that this guy told me he wants to be friends with benefits with me and he said:so have sex with him?and we both laughed and it was kind of joke.also I had a new haircut that night and he said nothing about it and when I tried his glasses he said:u still look like the last time you wore them and nothing has changed in your looks ,and after we were done playing he turned off the lights and hold me closely and started cuddling in a sweet way like holding my arm and massaging my back and neck and running his fingers through my hair and my face and he said he was comfortable that way but then it was dark and I had to go but when we reached the middle of the road like a little before the bus station where I was supposed to cach my bus,he asked if I can go from there and I said yes you can leave ill be fine and he just lef.
p.s.he was really tired and told me that so I don't know.but what you think is going on?does he like me or not?

I think this guy just wants to get you into bed

Without knowing more about this guy, it's hard to tell.

But you have to remember as a high school boy, there usually one thing on their minds and that is bedding you (regardless of if he says otherwise).

Maybe his actions were motivated by that. I would never let a friend (girl or not) wait by themselves in the dark at a bus station.

Actually he's 26 years old and im19

Why don't you just be direct and ask him?

I think all the making out sessions and cuddling is confusing things and the two of you crossed the friend line.
So the question is where does it goes from here? Back to just being friends or more? Talk about it.

Also, I think you tried to make him jealous a little when you told him about the other guy and probably thought that would spark the beginning of something.

Just my two cents.

I can't ask him cause he uses the word friends a lot to me lol but I told him that I was going away to school and he kept going back to the subject asking:oh so are you going?when are you going?have you made up your mind?who are you going to live with?and stuff like that?

Don't say you can't ask him because if is your friend and this issue is on your mind--you should be able to have an open discussion with him.

What you need to do is stop making out and cuddling with him. No more crossing the lines then maybe the confusion would stop, maybe.

Again, my two cents.

He's obviously interested in you, but he might not be doing any of the sensitive things that you want.

But at the same time, it sounds like the two of you don't know each other too well.

The best thing to do is to talk more. Get to know each other more.

Like Liz said; I too think you should have a talk with him... I honestly can't say whether he is interested from the OP. so you should have a talk about the cuddling and the making out.. and try to define what the two of you are doing. B/c you have def. crossed a line.

And I agree with I wish: I to get the impression that the two of you might not know each other that well.

OK,we aalso can go for weeks without talking really or hang out and when I asked him about it he said that we are friends and we don't have to spend all the time together!
See that's what I meant when I said he confuses me lol

ok,we aalso can go for weeks without talking really or hang out and when i asked him about it he said that we are friends and we dont have to spend all the time together!!
see thats what i ment when i said he confuses me lol

It's not really that confusing, he's not as interested in you as you think.

I wish: had to spread the rep... but yeah, I think you're spot on.

OK so should I just move on?what do you think?

That just answers your question, he's only interested in you as a friend, so the cuddling and everything is just so he can get you into bed, friends with benefits never works, someone always gets hurt in the end.

ok so should i just move on?what do you think?

Yeah, move on and stop wasting your time with this guy.

He is interested in you. I also agree ask him if you both make out and cuddle can not see why be shy and ask him a question. Maybe he does not want a relationship with you just mess around.

And how does he leave you alone waiting for the bus? Lol

Move on sweetie! This isn't the guy for you. If he doesn't have the time to devote to you then he's not worth having you. Date around, there is plenty of time to meet your soul mate. Dating is supposed to be fun. I know its hard but wait for the guy your dating to call you, good things come to those who wait. Be patient and good luck

He really did it was after midnight and he said are you OK here?and I told him yeah I'm fine,so he said goodnight and just left lol

he really did it was after midnight and he said r u ok here?and i told him yeah im fine,so he said goodnight and just left lol

I don't think it's funny at all, if he cared for you even just as a friend, he would've waited with you.

Your threads were merged so the whole story can paint a very clear picture.

Now leave this guy alone, as you are wasting your time and not getting nothing but confusion in return.

He isn't friend material, let alone anything else.

I have been thinking about it,and the thing is,he didn't even pick up the phone and see if I arrived home safe and sound,and friends don't do that.also,we would go for days without talking,and that's when I call him.and I'm sure that the next time ill stop calling him he won't even bother to call and that's fine with me now,cause I really deserve someone better than a man who is treating me as a sex toy,plus,I can't live with the fact that I'm hanging out with someone who doesn't want to be around me.
So thank you all,you guys really opened up my eyes,and I know I made the right choice thanks to you.

Its sad when you realize stuff like that, but it really might be for the better in the long run. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and who shows genuine interest!

Threads merged


The breakup was mutual,but I said some mean things that I regret.so,I texted him an apology saying that I know he doesn't want to see me,and it was honest,and he texted me saying:i prefer not to see you now.we agreed on stoping this thing, and the sooner the better,take care.
So I called him to make sure he forgave me and there are no hard feelings.so,he said he did,and how this is not the first time for him to deal with this kind of situation,that we are cool and he is fine and that we are friends,but we shouldn't see each other now.we even laughed a little,and I told him I will give him his space,and that he has my number if he feels ready to see me again,so,he said:yes,I do have your number and we are cool now and no one is mad at the other.
How can I set this thing right and win him back?how long should I wait before calling him?cause I feel like calling him.and I just don't know what to say.help me out please

1. You can't win him back, nobody is a prize therefore you can't win them
2.Never call him, you guys broke up. You said MORE than you had to say, then called him to reaffirm what you just sent in a text.

Just give him space, it's what he asked for, now respect it

Right now you shouldn't be focusing on getting him back, you should be focusing on getting your own life sorted out. You can live without him, and yes, you can be happy without him. It's just figuring out how to do that that can be hard sometimes. Check some of the stickies for some ideas :)

Be glad it was a mutual breakup, and be glad he was able to communicate his desires to you. It sucks that so often we see breakups where one person is left completely hanging and has no idea what to do. He specifically asked for one thing - space. Give it to him, but not because you want him back. Give it because you respect him, and because you want your OWN life to get back on track.

Best wishes,

~ Tee

How can a breakup be mutual if you want him back?

Sounds like a one sided break up to me. You two broke up for a reason, or multiple reasons.

Even if you want him back, you have to give each other some space to recover from this event.

You should only call each other when you feel "ready" (no timeline) and NOT because you "want" to "repair" the damage.

Omg,I do think I pushed it pretty far.like,I texted him to break up,then I asked him out and talked about the whole thing,which didn't go well,he asked if he can get a hug at the end and I yelled at him and asked him to leave,and he was feeling guilty leaving me in the dark,but then again I told him just leave I don't want to see you.then,the next day,I apologized and said I understand how he doesn't want to see me.then I called and made sure everything was all right! oh,god,what was I thinking?

It doesn't matter anymore, you can't change what happened. Just leave each other alone until you have recovered.

It sounds like this guy was trying to be nice to you in saying he forgave you but one thing is for sure he didn't forget.

Maybe you should work on your anger if your saying hateful things to someone you love. This doesn't fly in my book. You can say means things and expect everything to be okay with a "I'm sorry". If you feel upset than walk away and cool down. Then revisit the situation/discussion with a cool head and this will prevent you from saying things you won't regret.

Can you win him back? I doubt it and I can give you an endless list of things to do but in the end your only be wasting time and money.

I think you should learn from the mistakes made here and don't repeat it because at the end of the day this is what is most important.

Leave this guy alone and stop focusing on him. He said his peace and you can only accept it and not trying to push, force, and beg him into your life.

Had to spread rep. Liz28 is right!

This isn't a game, you don't "win" someone back. You can't force someone to feel a certain way. It has to be mutual.

Furthermore, stop focusing on him, it's time to focus on yourself. You have some recovering to do.

Sorry my bad.its just that I'm going through the same thing

today i went out on my own,and had a long walk,met some new men(yes not one but three lol) who asked me out.so,this is what i have realized:i will go on with my life and try how it feels,however,i will see how it goes for two weeks,by then i will have my head and thoughts together.if i still feel like talking to him,i will call him and get it out of my chest and try one last time.but if i want him back out of lonliness then i would have moved on anyway.
do u think i should do this?cause right now thats what feels right to me

Don't piggyback on someone else's thread. Create your own thread.

Pardon me hotbabe23.but don't u think it's rude of you to say something like that when I'm in pain right now?like I wish said:get your own thread will you?

sorry my bad.its just that im going through the same thing

No problem. Just share what you are going through if you feel that it will contribute to this thread. If you need advice, then create your own and we'll help you there.

OK,I thought about it.and now I realize that he's not coming back.everyday I wait for him to call me,but,it's clear to me that he won't,deep down I am sure he won't even if I tell myself lies.I admit,I can't sleep for more than three hours without waking up and thinking of him,and it's hard .
But I think I'm ready to move on.how do I do it?

ok,i thought about it.and now i realize that he's not coming back.everyday i wait for him to call me,but,it's clear to me that he wont,deep down i am sure he wont even if i tell myself lies.i admit,i can't sleep for more than three hours without waking up and thinking of him,and it's hard .
but i think i'm ready to move on.how do i do it?

There's no magic potion. You just got to give yourself time. With time, it will get easier and easier.

What could help is to implement the no contact rules. Do not contact him. Block him from your email, social networks, IM. Don't pick up his phone calls. Any time of communication will just prolong the recovery process.

If you ever feel the urge to talk to him, then find something else to do. Call a friend, vent on this forum. Whatever you do, avoid him. Avoiding getting updates about his life (this applies if you have common friends).

Here is the rest of the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

omg,i do think i pushed it pretty far.like,i texted him to break up,then i asked him out and talked about the whole thing,which didnt go well,he asked if he can get a hug at the end and i yelled at him and asked him to leave,and he was feeling guilty leaving me in the dark,but then again i told him just leave i dont want to see you.then,the next day,i apologized and said i understand how he doesnt want to see me.then i called and made sure everything was alright!!oh,god,what was i thinking?

Look I understand where you are coming from. First of all did you feel confident in the relationship or did you feel like you were on a roller coaster? A woman can sense when a man is backing off and she reacts out of fear. Yet, that does not excuse us because we should be trying to communicate all along. Sometimes men need their space to sort out their emotions and relationship goals. I didn't realize that until I read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. There should not be a time on this at all but a time for you to reflect (read what you just wrote) and think of how you can communicate better. Maybe you felt very in love with him and it in turn made you feel insecure and you put that all on him. I am a very picky woman and will not date just anyone and lost my true love recently due to my emotions. Part of it was him too, but I can only be accountable for me. Now, when should I write or call him? I don't know, but I love him. I want to be there for him during this hard time in his life, but if he doesn't see me being there as a help then it defeats the purpose.

Ah,I just knew it deep down.we used to go out every couple o days,he always had time for me,we talked everyday.but then all that changed and I thought maybe it's because of his new jobs and school,maybe I'm overreacting.but I wasn't.when I finally told him I can't do this anymore(that I don't fool round with someone I'm not in serious relationship with),he said:when I told you this relationship isn't serious,I thought you will understnd that I didn't feel the same way about you anymore.come on,I wasted months on him and he didn't have the balls to tell me that in my face before!! that's where all the anger and all the mean thing I said to him came from.I do regret saying them,but,won't any other woman feel so used after this?

Now I can understand why you didn't want to give him a hug... it was because you wanted him to be real with you. Definitely don't call him at all. It is not worth it. You are feeling this way because you were hoping that your relationship might change. So, if he doesn't feel the same way about you then why be intimate? It is hard at times when in our hearts we see ourselves with someone and they don't seem to reciprocate. But keep your head up and the best revenge is to look and be at your best! HUGS!

Thank you.I will try to do so.