Hello all - I have to admit I feel a little bit silly posting this on a random forum at 4am Saturday morning, but I have no one else to talk to about this. Hopefully there are some wise and experienced sages on this forum! Some backstory:

I'm 24, and my "girlfriend" (also 24) have been dating for about 6 years. We spent 3 years in college together, and over the last 3 years we have been at separate graduate schools doing a long-distance relationship. The first two years of our LD relationship were tough, but we made it work. We'd see each other about every other weekend, and for me, one of the things that kept me going was knowing I'd get to see her on weekends.

This year has been much tougher. 3 months ago, my girlfriend asked me to take a break. She said she needed space, missed me too much, and wanted to be "sure" that we were meant for each other. She said she wanted "freedom", but at the same time said she just wasn't interested in dating anyone at all. She wanted to "grow up" (she is pretty sheltered and immature, I'll admit, but don't tell her!) With no choice left in the matter, I agreed to the break.

In the meantime, it's been absolute hell for me trying to figure out what's going on in her head, and my girlfriend doesn't make it any easier. She calls and texts me every day, and she calls me up on video IM every day or two. She tells me that she misses me and that she loves me almost every day. She asks me to drive to see her on the weekends, and she drove down once to see me. Each of these times it's been extremely tough for me, but my girlfriend acts as if nothing is wrong. It's like she always saw me as a friend, and never had to "break up" with me emotionally the way I've had to do with her. I tell her I can't see her any more and that she needs to stop telling me that she loves me, but she for the most part ignores my requests.

I still love this girl very much, and want nothing more than to be with her. I'm still holding out hope that we'll move somewhere together after we graduate next year, and my girlfriend affirms that she hopes we do too (? Why does she want a break then? ) I want nothing more than to simply have no contact with her completely, but then I feel torn up and guilty about abandoning her. Plus, I feel that by doing that, I'll eliminate all chances of possibly being with her again.

My thoughts and questions, and please chime in with any advice:

1) this girl loves me, but she doesn't really LOVE me any more. She sees me like a really close friend/family member, which is why she has no problems emotionally seeing me on weekends, calling me up, and telling me that she loves me.
2) I feel she honestly does want to be with me after we graduate, and that it would hit home a lot harder for her if we ended up on opposite sides of the country. Every time I bring up the possibility, she shrugs it off and says "yeah that would suck, but I still want you in my life. I'm still going to call you every day".? It's like it wouldn't matter to her if we started a life together or not, as long as she "has me in her life".
3) am I just weak-willed for caring too much about how she feels? Why can't I just completely cut her off and move on with my life? Why is she playing around with me like this, saying she doesn't know what she wants, and that she wants a break but still loves me?

Thanks in advance for any advice that you have!

Hi
U seem a really nice guy :)
I have an answer for your problem because me and my boyfriend have to same problemm! So from my side "the girl ;)" I will tell you what's going on
Me and my boyfriend had been together for 4 years and only the first year we were actually together but the last three years it has been like hell for me! So it's not going well with me
Anyway
What makes your girlfriend acting like this.. u guys don't see each other every day! But you talk every day on the phone or the web but that is not enough
She needs to be touched
To be told that she is beautiful
She needs to be worried at not always the one who has to worry at you or u worry at her "by words" she needs to be attached to someone
Like for ex. If you were suppose to meet at 1 at the mall and she got late a bit she likes it if you called her on her cell and ask he where she is or what happened
These kind of things you two don't have it
It's long distance relation
And it's like hell for both of u
Because she misses you like hell and can't find you every night or every time she needs to see your eyes or kiss you or get a kiss from u
So what she is doing is that she is trying to make it through her life on her own "she needs to grow up" she is sick or needing you and not finding you their and maybe she is sick of telling you that she needs you but you always answer the same answer! "that it is hard for both of u that u r seperated"
She doesn't and not going to cheat on you that's for sureee unless she found a guy friend who really is trying to sudice her and be "the friend" that she used to get when you were together.. and be "the lover" that every minute she will see you in him!
It's sad
It's!
U have to make up your mind
Stop making it hard for her
Girls specially a good girl doesn't deserve to go through all of that
And guys have soooo much ego! Even the good ones! So what do you expect from her to do..!
Of course she is going to tell you that she needs a time out or her freedom
She needs it to prove to her self that she can live and survive with out u
I am sure she has a very low self esteem at the moment because she remembers how happy she was when you two were together.. and she now not happy! So she thinks you were the one that makes her days happy and great! And at the same time she can't have u.. She can't be with you every day or touch you or just look at u! So she convinced her self that she has to make it on her own
And she is just unlucky and have to be strong
I donno!
That's at least how I feel about my boyfriend
In fact I hate it when I see him happy and living his live happy and all cool without me being in it every day or at least every two days!
Good luck

Sorry mistake: "infact i hate it when i see him happy and living his live happy and all cool WITHOUT ME being in it every day or at least every two days!"

Hello all - I have to admit I feel a little bit silly posting this on a random forum at 4am Saturday morning, but I have no one else to talk to about this.

It's how we all start.


3 months ago, my girlfriend asked me to take a break. She said she needed space, missed me too much, and wanted to be "sure" that we were meant for each other.

BS. This is LDR, she has all the space she needs. What she really wants is to date other people, and be free of you if someone should become available.


She said she wanted "freedom",

Then why leave a long distance relationship? She's lying.


but at the same time said she just wasn't interested in dating anyone at all.

She may not have had someone available, but if someone did become available she didn't want to have to let them know about you. For her this is a perfect situation, she has you who wants her, but at a distance, while at the same time she can look for someone else.


In the meantime, it's been absolute hell for me trying to figure out what's going on in her head, and my girlfriend doesn't make it any easier. She calls and texts me every day, and she calls me up on video IM every day or two. She tells me that she misses me and that she loves me almost every day.

She keeps you in check, by telling you those things. It keeps you holding on for hope.


She asks me to drive to see her on the weekends, and she drove down once to see me. Each of these times it's been extremely tough for me, but my girlfriend acts as if nothing is wrong.

For her nothing is wrong.


It's like she always saw me as a friend, and never had to "break up" with me emotionally the way I've had to do with her.

That is because she broke up for you emotionally, long before she did it physically... which in a way she still hasn't. Women let themselves down before they break up and being long distance made that easy for her. The reason she acts like that is because that is exactly how she sees you, as a friend, who she can get what she needs until a guy closer to her comes around.


I tell her I can't see her any more and that she needs to stop telling me that she loves me, but she for the most part ignores my requests.

That should tell you how much she respects you.


I still love this girl very much, and want nothing more than to be with her. I'm still holding out hope that we'll move somewhere together after we graduate next year, and my girlfriend affirms that she hopes we do too (? why does she want a break then??)

If nothing comes along for her in the meantime that is probably a possibility. But the break is her way of being single in case someone does become interested.


I want nothing more than to simply have no contact with her completely,

Then you have to man up and do it. It isn't easy at first, but you might want to consider changing your email and phone number if she isn't going to listen to you.


but then I feel torn up and guilty about abandoning her.

She abandoned you, remember?



Plus, I feel that by doing that, I'll eliminate all chances of possibly being with her again.

Just the opposite. Talking to her everyday isn't working for you, she can have you whenever she wants you.


3) am i just weak-willed for caring too much about how she feels? why can't i just completely cut her off and move on with my life?? why is she playing around with me like this, saying she doesn't know what she wants, and that she wants a break but still loves me??



The first two are wrong. This is the closest. You are not weak willed, and there is nothing wrong with caring, but the problem you have is she doesn't care about how you feel. She's just using you for her own purposes. She is playing with you because you allow her to get away with it. You tell her you don't want to talk but you don't back it up. She keeps you confused so that she can come back to you if nobody else is interested in her on a serious level.

It's up to you now, you have to do NC and you have to stay with it. She's going to lie to you and tell you how selfish you are, but she's the one that brought this upon you and her so it's your turn to take charge and lead yourself out of this situation.

Have to agree with previous posts.

Its obvious to me that she just wants to be single in case any opportunity with someone else comes her way... that way she won't feel that she is cheating on you

At the same time she has to keep you dangling on a string, just in case there are no opportunities, in which case you will always welcome her... being the nice guy that you are, telling her all the things she wants to hear.

Make a clean break.. this will mess with your head.

Either she wants you or she doesn't... she can't have the penny and the bun.

The problem, as I see it, is your holding out false hope that she will change her mind, so you put up with her crap, instead of disappearing from her life, and stopping all contact with her.

Until you do, she will keep you in the friend zone, until something better comes along.