Hello people,

I am really freaked out as I feel that I don't get sexually excited at all. I am 29 year old and I am virgin. I am quite active physically go to gym regularly, my body weight and bmi are perfect as well but still I think there is something wrong with me.

I come from a very conservative country now I am living abroad in a much more liberal society. Before when I was 23 or 24 I can recall that any sexual thought would arouse me easily and case an erection but now It doesn't seem to happen.

Until now I didn't notice that there was some problem with me. I just had suspicion cause I went to strip clubs with my friends and they got really aroused and excited while I didn't get hard or anything even after couple of private lap dances. I went to see the doctor but he told me that until I am in a real situation he can not say anything. He did a blood test and also checked testosterone level. I got a report saying that I have deficieny of vitamin D and that is it.

That was like 3 months ago. I went to a prostitute last week and basically wanted to loose my virginity but I didn't get aroused at all. She tried for half an hour to get me aroused but I didn't feel anything at all, though the night before I masturbated while watching porn.

Its true that I had no emotional connection with the prostitute but I have noticed that even when my female friend sat in my lap, whom I used to fancy, I didn't get hard. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am really depressed now. Can anyone tell me what could be wrong. I have taken an appointment with the doctor.

It sounds like you're stressing yourself out to the point that you can't get hard.

A lot of men don't get turned on when at the strippers, that's not that unusual, it may just not be your cup of tea.

As for the prostitute, well, that's also common. A prostitute isn't going to do it for every guy out there, especially if it's your first time.

You said that you masturbate, so obviously you can get an erection.

I think this has more to do with your mind then your penis, but I'm not a doctor or psychologist.

Rule out anything medical and stop obsessing about this.

Good luck.

It sounds as if you're self conscious about your virginity and so when you're with women you shut down. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, but you should, I would suggest, be feeling something when you're around women.

Clearly you're able to get an erection because you masturbate when you watch porn. Try not to watch as much porn because I think it provides an unrealistic expectation of what real sex is like - porn is sort of like sexual science fiction for some people.

Rather than a doctor, perhaps speak to a counsellor? Keep being fit, go out with friends and try not to think about it too much. Worrying will not make it better and only make you feel worse.

Well I went to see the doctor. My blood test shows that everything is fine. In fact the testosterone level is a bit on the higher side. I guess giving up on porn and masturbation might help. The doctor has referred me to psychosexual clinic.

Good luck with the counselor. Older guys like moi have learned that if you relax and let it happen it works better than tensing up.

I am worried about one fact though, since I am not in any relationship how on earth am I going to try what the therapist says.

What does the therapist say?

They likely won't ask you to have sex as therapy.

I am worried about one fact though, since I am not in any relationship how on earth am I going to try what the therapist says.

Well, you don't know what the therapist will suggest do you?

They are experienced in helping people and will only suggest things that are appropriate for your situation and your personality.

Don't worry too much! In a year's time you'll probably look back and laugh at yourself.