My boyfriend is going to be taking a 5 day trip in a few weeks with a bunch of guys (most of which I admit are crude and some of which are full out pigs). They share a cabin in the middle of nowhere and spend the weekend drinking beer, fishing, eating, and playing cards amongst other things. The most pig-like guy in the group always brings porno magazines. And not tasteful ones. He brings Hustler magazines for all the guys to look at. I saw a link to his website with pictures from previous "guys" weekends. Many of the pictures were of guys leafing through the porn and they also took posters out of the book and displayed it on the mantle. I asked my boyfriend about this and asked why they all felt the need to do this. He said it's just part of the fun of being with the guys. I asked him if he says things out loud when looking at those pictures that he would not say when I'm around to which he replied "hell yeah". Am I wrong to be offended by this? For days now I haven't been able to get the picture out of my head of him leafing through these magazines and making super crude comments. It feels really disrespectful to me, yet he sees nothing wrong with it. How should I feel? Should I confront him about this?

I personally wouldn't worry about him looking through a magazine with naked women in it, after all you see with your eyes not hands. If he were out having an affair with someone else then that's a different story. But lets face it, men are going to look at other women regardless. If you are secure in your relationship and TRUST him then really you shouldn't worry too much about it.

Let your guy be a pig, and hoot and holler with his buddies as that's how young guys blow off steam. Its guy stress relief. I remember my youth well and yes enjoyed it. The trick is to not take it PERSONALLY!

Most fellows out grow this behavior on their own, so not making it a big deal will help you a lot.

This guy is going on 33 though. Does that still count at "young guy blowing off steam"?

This guy is going on 33 though. Does that still count at "young guy blowing off steam"?

Boys will be boys. It's not like he's going camping with other girls. It's just pictures and he's with a bunch of guys.

At least he's honest with you when he says that he says things that he wouldn't say in front of you.

Try not to make a big deal out of nothing.

If it really bothers you that much, you can let him know how you feel, but I don't think you should control his actions. You should trust that he will know how to handle himself.

I don't find a single thing wrong with his plans (and I am a woman).

Guys like to get together act like high school boys and just be goofy and inappropriate once in awhile.

It's not a disrespect to your relationship and it isn't something he does all the time.

I say ease up and let him have his time. Or come the next bachelorette party invite that comes through the door, do you want him throwing a hissy fit about you going out to be silly/goofy and probably inappropriate with the girls?

This guy is going on 33 though. Does that still count at "young guy blowing off steam"?
Of course it does!! :eek:

Thanks everyone for the answers. I've been struggling hard with some self esteem issues the past few months, and I think that could have something to do with why I'm taking this all so personally.

Hi Blingaru,

I understand how you feel as I have self esteem issues myself. Porn does bother me too, but I am learning to deal with it, and I know that my man isn't doing anything wrong at all by looking at it. Even if he makes comments, I know they are only in jest. Your boyfriend is with you, and not with those girls in a magazine or movie. I know self esteem gets the best of us, and has us thinking the worst, but not to worry. These thoughts are in your head, they are not reality. You have nothing to feel threatened about regarding porn.

What has yourself esteem so low??

Thanks everyone for the answers. I've been struggling hard with some self esteem issues the past few months, and I think that could have something to do with why i'm taking this all so personally.

Well now that he's going to be away. You will have some alone time to reflect on why you feel like you have low self esteem and to start working on it.

Oh the wonderful male bonding ritual of demeaning women as sex objects! Isn't that special?

Is it normal,probably,is it decent,NO,as a woman I find it offensive and finding it so has nothing to do with my lack of self esteem!

Every time a woman says they don't like their men looking at porn,the famous comeback is something about HER lack of self esteem.I say hogwash!

Also, I find the whole image of guys sitting around with erections together looking at porn creepy to say the least.What do they do after,make a mad dash to the bathroom?

There is something wrong with the whole picture.

Wow, Artlady I take it I can't invite you to my Bachelorette Party...

I don't mind drooling and demeaning men in the same fashion, especially after a few drinks. ;)

Self esteem is low (I think) because of scars from the past. This is my first seriously relationship since being hurt very badly nearly 3 years ago. Thought I was over it, but I can feel insecurities creeping in. As if I'm just expecting something bad to happen again... so in the last several months I've started to take things really personally and become hyper-sensitive to what is around me. Luckily the guy understands and is supportive. Doesn't really make it go away though.

However, that being said, Artlady, you do make some very good points. I don't demean men. I wouldn't say things behind my boyfriends back that he would find hurtful. It's difficult sometimes to understand why men feel compelled to demean. Perhaps it's the culture we live in.

The answer is no.

To continue the answer..

It's a magazine. It is not like he is going to be farking a real women. If there were real women there and he said yes I am going to have sex with her. Then okay worry about it.

I do not know why women get so uptight about guys looking at a magazine.

He is with you, and no one else. So You need to chill.

Joe

Just out of curiosity - how would the men on here react if they were in the same situation? If the girls got together and got REALLY raunchy magazines with naked and demeaning pictures of men, and they were celebrating that, laughing, making comments about how they wish they could enjoy a body like the one in the photo and what they'd do to it, etc... would you care at all? I know it's difficult to put into context and I've never met any women that did this, but it's an interesting question to ask regardless.

As I have been trying to say the whole thread.

Plenty of women do this in the form of Bachelorette Parties. It's all in good fun, you go out make fun of boys, maybe even check out a male strip club.

It isn't as common but it happens. Sex toy parties can do the same thing. Women just find fun in a different experience. It's not about the porno magazine but maybe about other things.

The women who are posing for Hustler and Playboy, they know why they are posing and what it will do for men. They agree to pose and are compensated for it. I don't view it as demeaning behavior.

I wouldn't care, and hope she had fun. I trust my female immensely, and don't take her blowing off steam with the girls,personally at all, why should I? She comes home to me with her lustiness. Matter of fact she is more prone to shop, till she drops, before ogling guys.

Your fear though is understandable, and its time to unpack that baggage from the past.

Just out of curiosity - how would the men on here react if they were in the same situation? If the girls got together and got REALLY raunchy magazines with naked and demeaning pictures of men, and they were celebrating that, laughing, making comments about how they wish they could enjoy a body like the one in the photo and what they'd do to it, etc.... would you care at all? I know it's difficult to put into context and i've never met any women that did this, but it's an interesting question to ask regardless.

It's doesn't even have to be the same situation. How about a male strip club? That's probably even worse right? I would just laugh and say, "Have fun!"

I would want my girlfriend to enjoy life and I would trust her. If I don't trust her, then I can't be with her.

Talaniman is right, you shouldn't let your past affect your current boyfriend. It's not fair to him because he's a different person than the ones you've dated in the past.

If I were to look at naked men weather in a magazine or strip club as long as I were with other women I doubt my boyfriend would mind. He is kind of insecure but its all about who I'm with. Your boyfriend is going to be with other guys, seriously do you think they wouldn't be gawking at other women while there? Sure they will, "boys will be boys". One time I went over to my man's house and he was starring really hard at my Victoria Secret catalog claiming how he was looking for something to buy me, I tossed that magazine out his hands and tossed my clothes off with a sexy strip tease that he really, REALLY appreciated, and the VS magazine? What magazine?

I think your boyfriend needs to grow up personally. The porn isn't good, because it can lead to addictions. He also needs to get some new friends. Your boyfriends needs to grow from being a 'boy' to becoming a 'man'. When you are around guys like that, and they are a 'pack' it almost starts to seem 'normal'. It's not and they need to grow up.

I am saying this from a male point of view. You can choose your friends and you don't have to have that kind of 'material' around to have a good time.

Most men do watch porn, and of course he makes comments around the guys, he's with the lads. I don't think there is anything wrong with it and if it upsets you that he won't say the comments around you, its because you make a big deal of it and feel strongly about it. If you didn't care he would tell you. Personally I think there is nothing to worry about

I don't see anything wrong with porn or dirty magazines. I watch porn and it hasn't made me a porn addicted.

I think your reading too much into this and you can't change this.

Be happy that your boyfriend isn't cheating on you and don't worry about something like this because it isn't worth it.

I am the same way and have been for years. People can tell you to let him do it, it's a guy thing. But they are not you and they don't know how you are feeling. If it really bothers you, then he should respect that and not do it. Some women are okay with it and some are not. You have the right to your feelings and beliefs.

You have the right to your feelings and beliefs.

Doesn't a guy have that same right to his feelings, and beliefs??

Look, the one thing that life teaches you (bloody obvious I know), is that guys and girls are different - especially when it comes to sex.

Ideologically I don't agree with prostitution, porn movies and 'stick' magazines. In my view, they reduce women to sexual objects for men's pleasure. In an ideal world this wouldn't happen. But, life is complex and the world is not ideal. Fact is, these things do exist. Always have and probably always will.

In your case OP, it's about seeing it for what it is. A diversion, a boys escape, a 'blow out'. In some ways it's also male bonding. Yes, at face value it's immature, but so what?

I think that he'll respect you more if you treat the whole thing with humour and with the understanding that his sexuality is different to yours. (boys will be boys) As long as when he's with you he acts with maturity and respects your sexual needs, I wouldn't worry.

Worry about the important things, and as someone else suggested, enjoy your sexual relationship.