My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. We were best friends for a year before we even got together/did anything remotely close to romantic.

About a month ago I lost my job, so all of a sudden I had tons of time to spend with him, which is what he whined about not getting enough of when I was working since we worked opposite schedules. The first week was fine, we spent lots of time together. The second week, well, that's where he changed.

All of a sudden he got into a fight with his friend (who is a girl) and was all torn up about it. This is followed by a text message telling me he isn't trying to distance himself from me, but he needs to focus on himself so he's not going to be spending much time with me. I find out a few days later from his mom that the fight with his friend was about a)me sighing one night at the bar every time she talked to him (which wasn't true, if I had an issue I'd let her know then and there) b)he got a text message from one of HER friends (and she got upset). So I confronted him. It was sorry sorry sorry, I love you, I want to be with you, blah blah blah.

He got moodier, started spending more time with his friends, stopped coming over to my house, stopped saying I love you and I miss you, stopped cuddling.

My gut instinct says cheating. He denies it up and down. His friend denies it up and down.

We went on a road trip this past week thinking things would get better. They got worse. He was distant, kept saying things to make me upset. So when we got back I told him to knock it off and be out with it.

He says he's not happy. Doesn't know why. Doesn't know if its me making him unhappy or what it is. Says he's confused and needs time. So I left it at that, killed a pint of jack, cried myself to sleep and left for my mom's where I have no cell service.

I get back and there are mean texts on my phone saying he just wants to be left alone and its my fault that he's acting like this and that he's just going to disappear. He says he's distancing himself more from me now than ever because his family is concerned since he's acting weird. Apparently that's my fault.

I haven't answered any of his texts today, or his calls. We're not broken up, but obviously we're not getting along.

I want to pack up all his stuff that is at my apartment, write him a letter and take it to his house when he's at work. His mom even thinks that him acting this way is a cop out to get me to break up with him so that he doesn't have to do it.

So I really need some advice. I have no clue what to do right now. I spent the afternoon crying because I really don't need this. I didn't do anything to make him treat me like this.

Thanks in advance,
Rockstar

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-could-missing-243787.html

Is this the same guy we are talking about? If it is, he sounds very insecure, and unsure of himself, and you may not be great company at this time, as being unemployed may have rocked your independence a bit. Could you be expecting too much of him all of a sudden, as the circumstances ot the relationship have changed, and your no longer working together to make the right adjustments.

The first week was fine, we spent lots of time together. The second week, well, thats where he changed.

It always starts fine and things change later. Once its changed things aren't the same anymore as they were before so don't expect it to go back to normal.


This is followed by a text message telling me he isn't trying to distance himself from me, but he needs to focus on himself so he's not going to be spending much time with me.

Basically he is telling you this as an excuse that he doesn't want to be with you anymore but he can't tell you a straight up in your face.


I find out a few days later from his mom that the fight with his friend was about a)me sighing one night at the bar every time she talked to him (which wasn't true, if I had an issue I'd let her know then and there) b)he got a text message from one of HER friends (and she got upset).

He lets his friends gets to him. They are more important to him.


So I confronted him. It was sorry sorry sorry, i love you, i want to be with you, blah blah blah.

By doing that you only push him further because it shows him how clingy and desperate you are.


He got moodier, started spending more time with his friends, stopped coming over to my house, stopped saying i love you and I miss you, stopped cuddling.

Yup, that's part of the process of where a relationship starts going down hill.


My gut instinct says cheating. He denies it up and down. His friend denies it up and down.

If that what is what you believe, it is probably right. You can tell if he is cheating because you've known him for such a long time and you know how he is and he starts to act differently. You won't conclude that he is if he's not acting weird. Although this doesn't mean he is cheating on you.


He says he's not happy. Doesn't know why. Doesn't know if its me making him unhappy or what it is. Says he's confused and needs time. So I left it at that, killed a pint of jack, cried myself to sleep and left for my mom's where I have no cell service.

That's his way of breaking up with you and telling you its over.


I get back and there are mean texts on my phone saying he just wants to be left alone and its my fault that he's acting like this and that he's just going to disappear. He says he's distancing himself more from me now than ever because his family is concerned since he's acting weird. Apparently thats my fault.

It is no one's fault. It takes 2 to work on a relationship and obviously he's not trying or not willing to anymore. He wants to be left alone, leave him alone and do the things you want to make yourself happy.


I want to pack up all his stuff that is at my apartment, write him a letter and take it to his house when he's at work. His mom even thinks that him acting this way is a cop out to get me to break up with him so that he doesn't have to do it.

You do that. The relationship is already broken up so treat it like that. He made it pretty clear to you. Don't even write him a letter, he doesn't deserve an explanation. Bring all of his stuff back to him.


So I really need some advice. I have no clue what to do right now. I spent the afternoon crying because I really don't need this. I didn't do anything to make him treat me like this.

Sorry to say this but the relationship is broken up already and you need to heal now. By healing, don't contact him at all and focus on getting your life in line. I know it is hard I've been through it myself not too long ago but it's the only way. Everything you've just said, is the same thing that happens in every relationship when someone breaks up with someone else. The relationship is over, its hard to accept it but you got to try to move on and let him go. If he really loves you, he ll contact you but don't expect him to because you need to prepare for if he doesn't contact you. Disappear from his life and put yourself as the priority and others who care about you and doesn't hurt you.

Hope you feel better and hope this cleared some things up for you.

- none12345

By doing that you only push him further because it shows him how clingy and desperate you are.

It was him saying the "i'm sorry, I love you." I just wanted to know if I needed to move on. I've ignored him all day,he's called repeatedly, but you are right, it is over. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else instead of my own self. Its really hard to say goodbye, but I have to. I can't live like this.

It was him saying the "i'm sorry, I love you." I just wanted to know if I needed to move on. I've ignored him all day,he's called repeatedly, but you are right, it is over. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else instead of my own self. Its really hard to say goodbye, but I have to. I can't live like this.

Ooops my bad. But yah its clearly over and you need to move on with your life, there's no point in being around him anymore. I think he just feels bad for what he is doing to you and that's why he keeps calling you. He seems unsure, why be with someone that is unsure when you can be with someone that is sure of what they want. It is really hard to say goodbye when you've been so close with someone and known them for so long, I've been there myself but you got to do what's best for you and if there's hurt in a relationship than that relationship isn't a really healthy one.

Try to focus on other things and keep yourself busy. I think you need to make it clear to him that you are not going to play his games and keep getting hurt. Tell him either he wants to work things out and if he doesn't tell him to stop contacting you because you can't do this anymore. I think that's the best thing to do right now.

He seemed so sure a few months ago. Saying that he'd marry me in a second, was looking at engagement rings, saying he loved me so much saying how happy he was with me.

Relationships suck. I knew that going into this one, finally got comfortable and happy with him and then this happens. I give up. Its over between us and I don't ever want to put myself in the position of getting hurt by another person again. Its just not going to happen.

He seemed so sure a few months ago. Saying that he'd marry me in a second, was looking at engagement rings, saying he loved me so much saying how happy he was with me.

Relationships suck. I knew that going into this one, finally got comfortable and happy with him and then this happens. I give up. Its over between us and I don't ever want to put myself in the position of getting hurt by another person again. Its just not going to happen.

Yah... it does suck. Right now you just need to heal and recover from this relationship but one day there will be someone that will walk into your life and never hurt you and that's when you know he is the one for you so don't let this close the doors for a happy relationship down the road.