Hello

My ex girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. In the first month after the break up I did all the mistakes: begging, calling thousand times, zillion text messages... There was no fights or rude words. I was polite and sweet in all the communications. She replyed me in the first two weeks after the break up, but she began no contact in the third one. I continued to sending text messages with no reply.

I started to read some eBooks and this great forum, where everyone suggest no contact. I suddenly stop to contact her one month ago. I didn't tell her my NC intentions. I was sending one "How was your day?" sms one day and the next I was in strict NC.

After two weeks of NC she send me a text messages. She told me "Did you call me right now?" I didn't call her. Maybe she was trying to initiate contact. I wait two days to reply. I replyed with a brief message "No I didn't call you, evarything's fine? Regards". She reply me three minutes after with a long messages told everything about her college projects and arguing she's very busy. I replyed her with a short "Your projects sounds great. Good luck. Take care". She didn't reply.

She sent me this two messages two weeks ago. She broke my 30 days NC. I am in strict NC. But I really want to get back. She left me with the typical "I need space". She was fired from work, her dog dies, she started college with lots of projects, and she get pregnant. She decided to abort and during the decission days she told the "I need space" stuff.

I'm thinking to break NC this week or next week. This week is the last week of the college projects and she'll go to London next weekend with her classmates to some design exhibitions (she's studying design). Next week she'll have some free time, but I'm afraid that it will be late. I want to initiate contact but I don't know how... sms? Calling?. I'm afraid that she ignore me, but I'm decided to break NC.

Please, tell me what do you think.

Sorry about the length of the post. I really appreciate your time and your herlp.

Best regards,
Bernard

Not sure what your intentions are of breaking NC. You got some e-books, which I assume were to get your ex back... they give the standard, NC for 30 days step, and then after that invite her to lunch or something. Are you using NC to get her back? My suggestion would be to NOT BREAK NC.

Thanks kctiger. Yes, the books are the get back stuuf. I don't believe that NC is a tool to get back your ex, but NC was effective because she initiated contact. Before I started NC she never replyed my messages.

I feel that if all the "space" stuff is true and she's not with a new boyfriend maybe I have some chances.

Thanks for your help.

I guess I would suggest continuing NC and let her come to you... she is a big girl and if she wants you back, she will let you know. I fear you will only cause yourself more harm if you try and use this as a game (I know you aren't trying to, but that is how you are treating it).

I would advise against breaking NC. Just because she contacted you doesn't mean she wants to get back together. Nothing in your post says she is ready, or willing to do that.

Until you have a lot more clear cut facts than you have now, don't let false hope stop your healing.

Exes are always capable of luring you back into their lives without making their intentions clear, and that's not what she is doing.

Her intentions are not clear, nor is your reason to stop what your doing. Don't let her confusion be yours also.

My suggestion is be prepared for disappointment as she has given you no indication she wants to be anything but friends.

Don't try to read into something that is not there and know that any work you have done toward healing is going to be negated.

First of all, big thanks for all your responses. You really made very good points about my situation.


I know that the text messages are (probably) a false hope, but I really get back with this girl. And I'm afraid to lose any chance if I don't act. Although I know for sure that I can suffer a second heart break.


Ok, she doesn't want to be with me. But I know how is she. She's a person with some problems to communicate her feelings. Even if she wants to get back with me I'm sure that she wouldn't contact me. She's very strong to do that.

I'm moving on, guys. I'm happy with lots aspects in my life. I go to the gym, hanging out with friends, making new friends, I'm back to my hobbies (film photography, playing guitar), I'll go to Holland next month to spend some fun time and I know some girls who are very receptive for a date with me. But I think it's early for dating. So, I think I'm accepted my relationship is over.

I don't know if I'm going to call her. Breaking NC is not a good option, but I feel that I should do something if I want to get back, beacuase she's not the kind of girl who is going to call telling me she miss me. She's shy (in the neurotic way) to express her feelings.

Thank you again. Thanks for your time and your words. I keep you informed.

She is a big girl, she knows where you live, if she wanted to get back she has two perfectly able limbs to walk her little arse over to your house and tell you that.

You will break you NC and then be worse than before because she just wants to be "friends"

So you initiated NC to get over her...

... she makes ONE attempt at trying to talk to you, and you play it cool...

... then you break.

Technically, she got to you.

Keep on trucking with NC, and she'll make many more attempts at trying to get in touch with you, and later on, you can decide if you want to be friends with her.

So you initiated NC to get over her...


Actually he initiated NC, to win her back. I think most people did that in the beginning.

Dude, NC is not a strategy to win her back although it did for some cases but that is not the mindset you should have. The mindset to have while you are in NC is you don't need her anymore and you don't care if she never comes back. Those ebooks, they worked in some cases but in most, they never do. It's a waste of money, trust me I know.

My advice, Don't BREAK NC. If you do, you are just showing her your desperation to get her back. Instead continuing on NC and you will find yourself thinking that you want someone better than her, someone who actually loves you and won't leave you just like that. It takes time but breaking NC is not the way.

- none12345